Greatest Joke Book Ever

Overview

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow!Golf got its name because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Here's the most massive melding of mirth ever minted! Hundreds of jokes, stories, and other tomfoolery on every subject from cars to kids, from sports to business, from politics to the Pearly Gates. Tell'em to your friends or ...

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Overview

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow!Golf got its name because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Here's the most massive melding of mirth ever minted! Hundreds of jokes, stories, and other tomfoolery on every subject from cars to kids, from sports to business, from politics to the Pearly Gates. Tell'em to your friends or keep'em to yourself — this book has more jokes than Lessie has fleas!

How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head!If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

C'mon. You can do it. Take this book to the cash register — and take home enough jokes to meet your minimum daily humor requirement for the whole millennium!

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780380798490
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 11/28/1999
  • Pages: 352
  • Sales rank: 376,789
  • Product dimensions: 5.25 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.79 (d)

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Airplanes

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles up the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes, covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the runway.

The passengers look at one another with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the flight attendants for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and., as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're going to get killed!"

The Greatest Joke Book Ever. Copyright © by Mel Greene. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Table of Contents

Airplanes 1
Bars and Booze 7
The Battle of the Sexes 27
Blondes 67
Business 93
Cars 103
Computers 109
Doctors 121
Kids 133
Lawyers 151
Lightbulb Jokes 175
Miscellaneous 191
The Pearly Gates 243
Pets and Other Animals 257
Politics 271
Rednecks and City Slickers 283
Religion 297
Sports 313
The United States 325
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