Greetings from Somewhere Else

( 11 )

Overview

Lainey Byrne is a master at controlled chaos, juggling her hectic, demanding job, her chef boyfriend with his crazy hours, and her roiling family with all its daily dramas. But her life truly threatens to spin out of control when her aunt May, who owns a B&B in Ireland, passes away. In order for the Byrnes to collect their inheritance, someone from the family must take over Aunt May’s business for a year. And apparently that someone is Lainey.

Between running a run-down, ...

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Overview

Lainey Byrne is a master at controlled chaos, juggling her hectic, demanding job, her chef boyfriend with his crazy hours, and her roiling family with all its daily dramas. But her life truly threatens to spin out of control when her aunt May, who owns a B&B in Ireland, passes away. In order for the Byrnes to collect their inheritance, someone from the family must take over Aunt May’s business for a year. And apparently that someone is Lainey.

Between running a run-down, virtually guest-free B&B (without the slightest ability to cook or clean), worrying about her family from afar, adjusting to country life, and dealing with the complications of long-distance love, Lainey is in way over her head. But when a reunion with a (gorgeous) childhood friend sparks unexpected complications, Lainey realizes that fate may have another path for her–a direction she never imagined.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
“A heartwarming, romantic and funny story about love, family and relationships.”—Irish Independent

“Disarmingly funny . . . compassionate, clever . . . [Monica] McInerney’ s story and plot resonate with a Maeve Binchy kind of generosity of spirit.”—The Age, Australia

“McInerney uses richly drawn characters, witty dialogue, and the beauty of the Irish countryside to tell the story of a woman-in-control made to let go and let things happen, thus allowing her to rediscover her heritage and her own true passions.” – Booklist

“If you’re looking for a breezy, late-summer addition to your library, pick up a copy of Monica McInerney’s novel, Greetings from Somewhere Else. A combination of an easy to follow main storyline combined with compelling subplots and a likable main character make it a quintessential beach book.” –MostlyFiction Reviews
 

Publishers Weekly
McInerney provides a barely probable story that all too often collides with cliché. Lainey Byrne has the usual problems, what with her success in the corporate world and her mild failures in all things romantic. This quasi-idyllic existence comes to an end when she leaves for rural Ireland to take over a neglected bed and breakfast so her family can collect a rich aunt's inheritance. Though Lainey's inexperience with cooking and cleaning puts her in a precarious position at first, McInerney dodges the potential cliché of having the protagonist fall back on her chef ex-boyfriend, Adam-but only to choose the equally hackneyed route of her finding new love in an old school chum, and an unexpectedly fulfilled life at the bed and breakfast. The tired plot line isn't helped by carelessly developed characters.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780345506382
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 7/7/2009
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 448
  • Sales rank: 652,216
  • Product dimensions: 5.18 (w) x 7.98 (h) x 0.99 (d)

Meet the Author

Monica McInerney is the author of the international bestseller The Alphabet Sisters. She lives in Ireland.
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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Stop the music please!” Lainey Byrne shouted, waving her arms as though she was fighting off a swarm of bees. The background music stopped with a screech. On the stage the ten dancers dressed in giant sausage costumes came to a wobbly halt.

Lainey quickly climbed the steps, looking for the lead dancer. It was hard to tell who was who when the entire troupe was dressed from head to toe in pink foam. “They look more like hot dogs than sausages,” the sound technician had muttered unkindly that morning. Or something ruder, Lainey had thought privately. But it was too late to get new costumes and she could hardly scorch each of them with a cigarette lighter to get authentic grill marks. The fabric was far too flammable.

She spoke loudly, hoping they could all hear her clearly through the foam. “Can I just remind you again how it’s supposed to go? You run on after the barbecue’s been lowered, not before. Otherwise half of you will get squashed, which isn’t exactly the look our client wants for his big event.”

There were a few muffled laughs. Lainey turned and nodded at the sound man, and the opening notes of the Beaut Barbecues jingle filled the East Melbourne venue once more. As she moved off the stage and into the middle of the room, Lainey winced again at the lyrics.

Oh, believe me, mate,

Sausages taste great

On a beaut Beaut Barbecue-oo-oo.

She’d tried to gently talk the managing director out of the jingle three months ago, when they’d first met to discuss the gala party celebrating his tenth year in the barbecue business. But it turned out his eight-year-old daughter had written the words and he wasn’t budging. Lainey wondered now if his eight-year-old daughter had come up with the idea of the dancing sausages as well. Or perhaps it had been his four-year-old son. Or his dog. Lainey just hoped none of today’s guests would think it had been Complete Event Management’s idea. Still, it was her job to give her clients what they wanted, and if Mr. Barbecue wanted dancing sausages, he was going to get dancing sausages.

Lainey’s mobile phone rang. She took a few steps back, keeping an eye on the stage. “Complete Event Management, Lainey Byrne speaking.”

“Lainey, have I rung at a bad time?”

It was her mother. “Ma, of course not. Is everything okay? Is Dad all right?” As Lainey spoke, the dancers moved to the front of the stage to pick up the first of their props. Lainey held her breath as one of the fatter sausages teetered a little too close to the edge.

“He’s grand. Well, no, not grand, no change there. This is a brand- new problem.”

“What’s happened?”

“It’s to do with his sister’s will.”

“The will? I thought that had all been sorted out. Don’t tell me she left the B&B to the cats’ home after all?” The sausages were now making waltzing movements, each holding a giant plastic bottle marked Tomato Sauce. At the launch later that day the bottles would be filled with red glitter. For now the sausages were just puffing air at each other.

“No, she did leave the B&B to your father. But we’ve just heard from her solicitor in Ireland. There’s a little bit of a hitch.”

Hitches came in sizes? “What do you mean a little bit?”

“It’s too complicated to talk about on the phone. I think it’s better if we discuss it as a family. Can you call over tonight? If you and Adam ?don’t have any plans, that is.”

“No, he’s working seven nights a week at the moment. Of course I’ll come over.”

“Thanks, love. I’m asking the boys to drop by as well.”

The boys? Her younger brothers were hardly that. Brendan was nearly thirty, Declan twenty-five and Hugh nineteen. Lainey mentally ran through her appointments for the day. The barbecue party was from noon until three, then she had two meetings and a client briefing back at the office. “Around eight-ish then—sorry, Ma, can you hold on a sec?” She shouted over the music again as the sausages put down their sauce bottles and picked up giant barbecue tongs. “That’s when the managing director comes in and you form a guard of honor with your tongs, okay? That’s it, great. Sorry about that, Ma.”

“I ?don’t think I’ll ask what you’re up to.”

Lainey laughed. “You ?wouldn’t believe it if I told you. I’ll see you tonight then. Love to Dad.” She put her mobile away and turned her full attention back to the stage. The sausages were now brandishing the barbecue tongs as though they were samurai swords. It was hard to keep a straight face—she’d been picturing this event in her head for weeks now and it had looked nothing like the chaos in front of her. She stopped the music with another wave of her hands. “All right, from the top again please.”

• • •

It was past seven by the time Lainey drove out of the office parking lot and through the Melbourne city center streets. Out of habit, she put on the language CD that she kept in the car. She listened to French language CDs while she jogged, and German CDs while she drove. Adam found it very funny. “You do realize you’ll only ever be able to speak German when you’re sitting in a car?” he’d remarked when he first noticed her system.

She listened for a few moments, repeating the words until the woman’s breathy tones finally got to her. Stopping at the Flinders Street traffic lights, she put in a new CD, a bargain basement KC and the Sunshine Band greatest hits collection. She’d bought it for her brother Declan as a joke and then discovered she liked it too much herself. She wound down the window of the car, the tiny breeze it let in giving her little relief from the muggy late-January heat. The air- conditioning had broken down again and it was like driving around in a portable oven. A portable kettle barbecue, even. She certainly knew enough about barbecues now to understand how being in one would feel. “It was all fabulous, just how I imagined it,” Mr. Beaut Barbecues had gushed as Lainey said goodbye that afternoon. “See you in ten years for our next big anniversary, sweetheart.” Over my dead body, sweetheart, she’d thought as she nodded and smiled and tried to ignore his hand doing its best to grope at her behind. She’d had quite enough of Mr. and Mrs. Barbecue and all the little Barbecues for one lifetime.

She finished singing an enthusiastic, badly out-of-tune version of “Shake Your Booty” just as she came off the freeway. She was the first to admit she had an appalling singing voice. “No offense, Lain,” Declan had said once, “but your singing sounds like a mating cat. Like a cat being slaughtered when it’s mating, in fact.” On the spur-of-the-moment, she made a detour to the local shopping center to pick up a few treats to save her mother having to cook. A proper daughter would bring homemade casseroles, she knew, but her cooking skills were basic and her cooking time nonexistent. She also knew her parents loved these ready-made meals in packs, even

if the food inside never looked anything like the picture on the box— restaurant meal on the front, gray splodge on the inside, from what Lainey had seen.

The clock on the dashboard clicked over to 8:00 p.m. as she parked in front of the house. Mr. and Mrs. Byrne’s red brick bungalow in Box Hill was the sixth house the family had lived in since they’d arrived from Ireland seventeen years ago. Of the four children, only her youngest brother Hugh had a bedroom in this house these days and even he was barely there, spending most nights at friends’ houses. She took care not to stop under the jacaranda tree that had burst into bloom just before Christmas and was now showering blue flowers all over the street. There was no sign of her brothers’ cars—she was first, as usual. She walked through the open front door, down the hallway to the kitchen and put the meals away in the fridge.

“Hello, Lainey. Oh, thanks a million, your father loves those. Shut the fridge door, would you? I ?don’t want the flies getting in there.” Mrs. Byrne specialized in greeting-and-command combinations. “I like your haircut, by the way. I ?wouldn’t have thought hair that short would work with a biggish nose like yours, but it looks very well.”

Lainey ?didn’t blink at the mixture of compliment and insult—her mother had long specialized in them too. “Thanks, Ma.” She gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek. With the same tall, very slim build, the same dark-brown hair, they were sometimes mistaken for sisters. “Where’s Dad?”

“Playing water polo. Where do you think he is? In bed, of course.”

Lainey ignored the sharp tone. “Has he been up today at all?”

“No, for a few minutes yesterday. But the way he carried on about it you’d think he wanted me to hang banners and streamers around the house in celebration. He said he’d get up tonight to see you all, but there’s been no movement yet.”

“I’ll go and say hello.” She walked through the living room to her parents’ bedroom. No, not her parents’ bedroom, she corrected herself. Her father’s bedroom. He had moved into one of the spare bedrooms several months previously, as a trial to see if he could sleep better without her mother beside him. The trial continued, still waiting on positive results, perhaps.

As she walked down the hall, she imagined what she’d like to see in her father’s room.

She knocked softly on the door. “Hi, Dad.”

“Lainey! How are you?” Her father was sitting up on his fully made bed, a book in his hands, newspapers spread all around him. She was delighted to see him taking such an interest in the outside world again.

He smiled at her. “How are you, pet? I love the haircut. Sit down now and tell me, what havoc have you been wreaking out in the world today?”

She knocked softly on the door. “Hi, Dad.”

No answer.

“It’s me, Lainey, your favorite daughter.”

“My only daughter.” His Irish accent was loud in the dark room.

She came in and sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dim light. The curtains were drawn. She could just make out his face, the bedcovers drawn up to his neck. “Just checking you remembered me. How are you?”

“In bits, still. Why, have you been praying for a miracle cure?”

“Burning candles for you every night, you know that.” She kept up a jovial tone. “Can I bring you anything? A cup of tea? A cold drink?”

“A new life would be nice.”

Her mother had been right, he was in very bad form. She changed the subject. “Ma said there’s a bit of a problem with May’s will?”

“Of course there is. How long is it since anything ran smoothly in this family?”

Lainey tried to stay cheerful. “Nothing we ?can’t sort out, I bet. What about I get you a cup of tea while we’re waiting for the others to arrive?”

There was a long sigh. “Thanks, love, that’d be great. Tell Peg I’ll be out as soon as I can.”

Back in the kitchen, Lainey filled the kettle and tried to shake off her sudden gloom. “Honestly, the sooner he gets his own chat show the better, ?don’t you think?”

Mrs. Byrne ?didn’t smile. Lainey looked closer at her. “Are you all right? Have you been crying?”

“No, of course I haven’t. It’s hayfever.”

“In the middle of the city? Imported hay, is it?”

“No, we’ve had a rough day, that’s all. Here, look.”

Lainey took the letter, immediately noting the insurance company logo. Since her father’s accident on the building site there had been piles of correspondence bearing this logo. She scanned the latest.

re: Gerald Patrick Byrne

In regard to your claim for compensation following your recent workplace accident, please be advised we require additional proof of your injuries and incapacitation. However, please note this evidence may or may not have any bearing on your claim, which is still under consideration . . .

Lainey gave up reading midway. She’d seen enough of these sorts of letters already. She felt like inviting one of the insurance people to come and look at the mark that slab of concrete had left on her father’s back. “Ma, why ?won’t you let me take over? I’d get in there and sort them out so quickly—”

“Because your father wants to handle it his way, for some reason. And you know what he’s like with people in authority. He’s never been able to stand up to them. I’ll tell you who else wrote to us today— the physiotherapist. She says your father’s been cancelling too many appointments at the last minute, she’s going to have to start charging us soon. What am I supposed to do? I ?can’t make him go. He’s a grown man, isn’t he? Though I ?don’t know any more, half the time he’s like a bold child, sulking and skulking in there . . .”

Quick, Lainey thought, ?don’t let her get upset. Make her think of something else. “Is there something I can do in the meantime? Before the money comes through from the B&B sale? Handcuff myself to the railing in front of the insurance company, perhaps?”

That brought a faint smile. “No, it’s far too hot at the moment. In the autumn perhaps.”

“I could go on a hunger strike.”

“You’re skinny enough as it is.”

“Seriously, there must be something I can do.”

“Perhaps there is.”

Lainey waited.

Mrs. Byrne shook her head. “Wait till the other three get here.”

“You’ve collected the whole set? Well done.”

“Well, Declan said yes. And Bren said yes. But Hugh . . .”

The back door opened to admit a tall, brown-haired man with a bag slung over his shoulder. “Saintly mother figure, greetings. Laineyovich, glorious being, ahoy to you too. Hideous haircut, by the way, you look like a boy. No offense, of course.”

Lainey smiled serenely at her middle brother. “None taken, of course. How are you, Declanski? Still tunneling your way through the education system?”

“The work is hard, but yes, the rewards are endless. And how is your world of frivolous product launches and rampant commercialism? Shallow as ever?”

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Foreword

1. Lainey assumes the position as caretaker in her family–with three distracted brothers, a hapless father, and a mother at her wit’s end, she thinks of herself as the one who holds them all together. Have you found that in large families there is always someone in this role? Do you think she should feel as accountable as she does for her family’s ability to function?

 2. How do you feel about Lainey’s decision regarding Adam when she moves to Ireland? Do you think she made the right choice? In your opinion, do long-distance relationships ever work? 

3. Why do you suppose Lainey has such a type A personality and needs to control everything? How does she change in terms of her rigidity over the course of the novel, and what accounts for her transformation? 

4. Lainey and Eva are best friends, yet have such different personalities. What are the defining dynamics of their relationship, and how does their friendship work so well? In your own experience, are you more drawn to people who are similar to or different from you? 

5. What is your perception of Aunt May and the decision she makes in her will? Is she selfish or eccentric, or does she have the best intentions at heart? 

6. Lainey trades her office job for a vastly different one when she runs the B&B . . . and comes to enjoy the experience. When have you been pleasantly surprised after entering an experience you dreaded? 

7. Lainey has the unsettling experience of questioning hermother’s loyalty to her father, making a discovery that changes her childhood perceptions about her parents. Can you remember the first time you realized your parents were complicated adults with lives of their own? 

8. Discuss the theme of risk in this novel. Does it generally pay off for McInerney’s characters? How do you think Lainey’s life would have turned out if one of her brothers had gone to Ireland instead? 

9. Eva is very candid about Lainey’s faults, providing a wake-up call for her friend. Have you ever had anyone do the same for you? How did your reaction compare to Lainey’s? 

10. There is a rich sense of setting and Irish history in this novel, and as a result the reader is immersed in a dif- ferent culture. What other books have you read that have had a similar “armchair travel” effect? 

11. On page 188, Lainey states, “Evie, things happen as a result of your actions, by putting your mind to it, not through fate or some preordained life plan.” Do you agree with her or Evie, who earnestly asks, “But don’t you ever think things happen for a reason?” 

12. There are many thematic messages–about family, friends, romance, and living life in general–to come away with after reading Greetings from Somewhere Else. Which resonates with you most?  

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Reading Group Guide

1. Lainey assumes the position as caretaker in her family–with three distracted brothers, a hapless father, and a mother at her wit’s end, she thinks of herself as the one who holds them all together. Have you found that in large families there is always someone in this role? Do you think she should feel as accountable as she does for her family’s ability to function?

 2. How do you feel about Lainey’s decision regarding Adam when she moves to Ireland? Do you think she made the right choice? In your opinion, do long-distance relationships ever work? 

3. Why do you suppose Lainey has such a type A personality and needs to control everything? How does she change in terms of her rigidity over the course of the novel, and what accounts for her transformation? 

4. Lainey and Eva are best friends, yet have such different personalities. What are the defining dynamics of their relationship, and how does their friendship work so well? In your own experience, are you more drawn to people who are similar to or different from you? 

5. What is your perception of Aunt May and the decision she makes in her will? Is she selfish or eccentric, or does she have the best intentions at heart? 

6. Lainey trades her office job for a vastly different one when she runs the B&B . . . and comes to enjoy the experience. When have you been pleasantly surprised after entering an experience you dreaded? 

7. Lainey has the unsettling experience of questioning her mother’s loyalty to her father, making a discovery that changes her childhood perceptions about her parents. Can you remember the first time you realized your parents were complicated adults with lives of their own? 

8. Discuss the theme of risk in this novel. Does it generally pay off for McInerney’s characters? How do you think Lainey’s life would have turned out if one of her brothers had gone to Ireland instead? 

9. Eva is very candid about Lainey’s faults, providing a wake-up call for her friend. Have you ever had anyone do the same for you? How did your reaction compare to Lainey’s? 

10. There is a rich sense of setting and Irish history in this novel, and as a result the reader is immersed in a dif- ferent culture. What other books have you read that have had a similar “armchair travel” effect? 

11. On page 188, Lainey states, “Evie, things happen as a result of your actions, by putting your mind to it, not through fate or some preordained life plan.” Do you agree with her or Evie, who earnestly asks, “But don’t you ever think things happen for a reason?” 

12. There are many thematic messages–about family, friends, romance, and living life in general–to come away with after reading Greetings from Somewhere Else. Which resonates with you most?  

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 11 )
Rating Distribution

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Sort by: Showing 1 – 10 of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 4, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    This is an engaging complex chick lit tale

    In Melbourne, Complete Events Management Lainey Byrne is used to wacky chaos when she sponsors an event, but always brings it together to the satisfaction of the client. Her personal life is also somewhat out of control as her boyfriend Adam the chef seems never around and her parents and three brothers leap from one end of the world crisis to another always expecting her to fix it, which she does quite nicely. Handling people chaos is her expertise.

    Her agitated mom informs Lainey they need her help (what else is new). In Ireland, her paternal Aunt May left her B&B to her brother with the stipulation that the family must take over running the place for a year; if they fail to meet her condition, her cats become the owner. The family selects Lainey to run the place over her objection that she is busy, can't cook and never cleans; important aspects of running a B&B. Instead Lainey loses the argument and heads to Ireland worried about leaving her loved ones to fend for themselves while struggling with an adjustment to life in the country and running the B&B. She feels fortunate to connect with her childhood friend Evie and begins to learn to pick and choose her charge up the hill moments while mostly let it be.

    This is an engaging complex chick lit tale of an alpha female who has by default and overall personality trait become the prime caretaker of her extended family until she leaves them behind. While Lainey learns that she cannot care for everyone and handle everything; her parents and three brothers also learn responsibly to take care of their so called end of the world crisis. Read will enjoy GREETINGS FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE as life lessons comes to the Byrne brood.

    Harriet Klausner

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 3, 2013

    I came

    Me here

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 30, 2013

    Bella

    Hey tarah!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2013

    Link

    "Sorry i could not either!"

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2011

    amazing

    hard to put down !

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 8, 2010

    Light reading good for reading at the beach

    I found this book pleasant and enjoyable but nowhere as thrilling as her Faraday Girls. I could not put that book down. It was realistic and kept you guessing. Greetings from Somewhere else was fast reading but not always believable. It was more romantic than exciting. I would have liked to have more information about the aunt and her background than what was provided.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted June 17, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 16, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted July 29, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted December 29, 2009

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