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GUY gets GIRL, GIRL gets GUY
Where to go to find romance & what to say when you find it
By Larry GLANZ Robert H. PHILLIPS
SQUARE ONE PUBLISHERS
Copyright © 2004
Larry Glanz and Robert H. Phillips
All right reserved.
Making the Most
of Your Product
Girls, have you ever walked though a shopping mall or gone
out to dinner with friends and spotted a handsome, well-dressed
man with a not-so-attractive woman? Haven't you
wondered what she has that helped her find such a man? You might
have thought, "She must work for him, because he could do so much
better. He could have me!"
Guys, when at a sporting event or dance club, have you ever
noticed an absolute knockout of a woman with a geeky guy? Haven't
you asked yourself, "What does he have that got him such a beauty?
He must be rich because there is no way on earth that she could be
interested in a guy like him-not when I'm available."
Well, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. But if you are perplexed,
questioning why you are not the one with that gorgeous guy or
glamorous girl, then you might want to begin by taking stock of your
own strengths and weaknesses. Ask yourself: What type of appearance
do I make? How do others perceive me? Do I have stylish clothes? Am
I clean and well groomed? Do I have a positive attitude? Do I really
believe Iam capable of meeting someone who wants me and will
accept me, regardless of my faults? Is it worth putting forth a great
effort to improve myself in order to meet someone nice? How badly do
I want someone special in my life? Am I reading this book out of
curiosity, or do I really mean business?
Take stock of who you are. List your strong points (don't be modest,
now) as well as your weak points (be constructive). Identify the
areas you'd like to improve and then start making changes! Update
that wardrobe, start lifting weights again, brush up on your knowledge
of current events-whatever you need to do in order to bolster your confidence
and make yourself more desirable. Some of the most common
areas targeted for self-improvement revolve around appearance, manners,
habits, and attitude. Let's discuss these in more detail.
MAXIMIZE YOUR APPEARANCE
Some people are fortunate enough to be really good-looking. Others
have to work harder at their appearance and maximize their best features.
Take the time to assess your physical appearance. Learn how to
show off your strong points and diminish your weak points.
Making the most of the looks you were born with is a lot like playing
gin rummy. In the card game, you can improve the hand you're dealt
by selecting other cards. If you make the correct selections, you can win
the game. The same principle applies to your appearance. If you put
forth enough effort, you can improve what you look like. This can result
in increased success in finding that someone special and winning at the
age-old game of love.
Think of yourself as a product. A large part of what makes a person
try a product is that product's packaging. Now, how marketable are
you? Do you have attention-getting packaging? Does this packaging
reflect who you really are? Does it present you in the best possible way?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, or you're not sure, then you
have found an area that needs improvement! You, in essence, must make
yourself as desirable as possible to potential prospects.
Okay, so you can't judge a book by its cover. But let's face it, the
cover has to be sufficiently interesting in order for someone to want to
open the book in the first place! If you're single and searching for a mate
but convey a lackluster appearance, then you'll certainly want to start by
concentrating your efforts on whipping your appearance into its most
So take stock. And be brutally honest. Which areas of your physical
appearance could use some improvement? Consider your skin, smile,
teeth, eyes, hair-all the areas that can give either an inviting or discouraging
first impression. You may not always focus on problems in
these areas, but rest assured your prospects will!
Clothing is also important to consider. Dressing for success is a key
factor in practically all facets of life. Do you want to be successful in
your efforts to meet someone? Then clean, well-kept, stylish clothes and
shoes are a must. When was the last time you upgraded your wardrobe?
Check it out now and make the necessary changes.
First impressions are critically important. Your appearance can
make the difference when making contact with someone. No matter
how bright, clever, entertaining, warm, talented, and delightful you are,
few people will bother to notice these attributes if your exterior doesn't
motivate them to stick around and discover it all. The experts agree:
Make the most of your physical features and how you accessorize them.
It should be the first phase of your self-promotion campaign.
POLISH YOUR TABLE MANNERS
Table manners count, too. This is an area in which many people didn't
receive proper guidance as children. Subsequently, they have grown
into adults without a clue as to how to act and eat at the table. Poor manners
can definitely be a turnoff. Which poor table manners are most
offensive? Speaking while you have food in your mouth, smacking your
lips, slurping, belching, neglecting excess food on your face and teeth,
and holding utensils as though they are small shovels are just a few
You may look great, but crummy table manners can kill those good
looks. If you're not sure whether or not your manners are up to snuff,
seek out a book on proper etiquette at the library or ask someone whom
you trust and know will be honest.
Remember, the singles scene often involves dining in restaurants. So
this part of your presentation is crucial to your success.
ELIMINATE BAD HABITS
There are many bad habits that can doom a new relationship. No, we're
not just talking about addictions to drugs and alcohol-which can certainly
doom you, too. There are other addictions or habits that can have
a negative impact on your efforts, as well.
Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or pipes? If the answer is yes, it might
be smart to refrain from smoking in the presence of a nonsmoker. As
many nonsmokers simply refuse to date smokers, exercising control of
this habit could expand your list of dating prospects. Better yet, maybe
your determination to meet someone special will give you the courage
and motivation to quit smoking altogether!
What are the benefits of quitting? You will eliminate the offensive
smell of smoke on your breath, hair, and clothing; add years to your life;
and save a substantial amount of money on tobacco products and possibly
Yawning gives the distinct impression that you are bored, disinterested, or
tired. You don't want to be thought of in that way, do you? No one wants
to date someone who appears emotionally aloof or physically exhausted.
Some people, merely out of habit, yawn even when they are not
tired. If you are one of these people, make a conscious effort to keep
from performing this "act of boredom" when you're out with someone.
Being mentally aware of your tendency to yawn will help you to control
your habit. At the very least, you should try to cover up the yawn or
make it less noticeable.
If you yawn because you are truly in need of sleep, then it is probably
best to call it a night and get to bed. But for any future dates or plans you
might have, be sure you get a good rest the night before. The day of the
date, try to catch some zzz's after work or school to recharge your body.
After all, a well-rested, enthusiastic person is a fun person to go out with.
Making eye contact is always good; it can be sexy, playful, and bold. But
staring is another story. It is a habit that can certainly frighten away
prospects. Staring can be too intense and aggressive, making a person
wary of you. If you tend to stare at people whom you find attractive and
interesting, you are probably asserting yourself too much.
Furthermore, if you are on a date, staring at someone else can be a
supreme insult to the person you are with. When you are in the company
of someone you like or to whom you are attracted, always give 100
percent of your attention to that person. Make eye contact with your
date. Undivided attention will help generate chemistry between the two
The list could go on and on. Do you use foul language, bite your fingernails,
or crack your knuckles? These are not positive attributes, and
they can be detrimental in attracting prospective partners. What can you
do about these and other bad habits? Begin by making a list of your negative
attributes (don't be embarrassed-you're helping yourself achieve
a goal!), then put the list in a prominent place where you can review it
often. Monitor your progress in controlling or eliminating these habits.
All it takes is a dedicated, conscientious effort on your part to get yourself
on the right track. Once you have all or most of these negative habits
under control, not only will you be a better person for your efforts, but
you will increase the likelihood of success in meeting someone special.
IMPROVE YOUR ATTITUDE
You've already started to work on your physical appearance and behavior.
Now it's time to go to work on your mental frame of mind. Getting
your mental attitude synchronized with your physical being is very
important. In fact, a positive attitude can make all the difference.
If you are absolutely serious about your mission, you must always
maintain a positive frame of mind. For your effort and commitment,
hopefully, you will be rewarded with true love. Sure, it can be very
depressing, frustrating, and expensive to pursue opportunities to meet
someone special. Nevertheless, the end result of finding love and ending
your loneliness is well worth whatever effort is required.
First, let's work on motivation and optimism. Keep the following
thoughts in mind:
You really want someone in your life now, not sometime in the next
That special someone is out there waiting to meet you.
That person can become attracted to you.
It is worth putting forth any effort to meet that special person.
Now, how about the attitude you show to others? It may need some
fine-tuning. Are you a happy and even-tempered person, or do you
often act like you woke up and had a bowl of tacks for breakfast? It is a
very important part of your self-promotion program to make a conscious
effort to be the nicest person you can possibly be. Be caring,
polite, respectful, and thoughtful. Most importantly, be sincere. Treat
others the way you want to be treated, without expecting to get something
Rid yourself of any bitterness, anger, or belligerence that may have
resulted from previous bad relationships or marriages. If this is a serious
problem, consider therapy. Professional counseling can help you resolve
hostilities and other mental attitude problems. Remember, the next person
you meet is not responsible for the "tortures" of your past. While
you may have every right to be angry or bitter, do you have the right to
transfer those feelings to a new person? Of course not. And this new person
might be just what you need to be happy again. So why jeopardize
a good opportunity by lugging around and displaying old baggage?
A hostile attitude can be a real turnoff to a potential prospect. Anyone
with common sense will avoid you like the plague the moment your
negative attitude surfaces. Go with the odds. It is more likely that someone
special will discover and fall in love with a genuinely nice, positive
person than a negatively charged one.
Are you willing to change your behavior patterns? As you get older, you
may become more set in your ways, making you less flexible than you
once were. It is always important to be flexible in your thinking. Be willing
to make compromises. The person you desire may have firm beliefs
in a particular area, and if you have the capacity to "go with the flow,"
it may help make a long-term relationship possible.
The following example illustrates how the ability to be flexible can
enhance an existing relationship. Joe was a classic rock-and-roll junkie,
while Mary enjoyed country music. That was fine when they listened to
their own radios, but when they were together, they compromised on
jazz and soft rock. Every now and then, together they would listen to
rock-and-roll or country music. Guess what? Joe found that he actually
started to like some of the songs Mary liked, and vice versa. Fortunately,
they were both flexible and willing to compromise. That's the key.
The issue of flexibility can encompass many different areas-foods,
movies, sports, hobbies, and so on. It is an important ingredient in a successful
CHANNEL YOUR WILLPOWER
Let's review. Can you honestly say your attitude is good? Your disposition
in control? Your less-attractive habits in check? Your appearance
better than ever? Great. Now it's time to address the next item-willpower.
This is the time to exercise your "stick-to-it-ness." It does
take energy, but if you give up on your goal, the odds of meeting the
right person will be significantly reduced.
This book advocates an active but low-key approach to meeting and
attracting a potential partner. Chance is not enough. You need to
develop the willpower to improve all aspects of your personal being and
to persist at your search.
Remember, your main source of strength is your inner self. How
much do you want to improve your life? Dig down into that inner
strength and make it happen. You have the willpower to find success!
VERBALLY EXPRESS YOURSELF
Human beings are as unique as snowflakes. Each person reacts differently
in social situations, and each person displays or hides her reactions
in her own way. Positive and negative feelings develop all the time. The
tough part is that we cannot always understand the nuances in each
other's emotions. That's why we need to talk to one another in a productive
It is the ability to verbally communicate your innermost thoughts
and feelings that helps you effectively create and advance healthy interpersonal
relationships. What if your thoughts and feelings remain unexplored
and unexpressed? Unfortunately, you won't be doing much to
enhance the future of the relationship. In addition, medical studies have
found that people who hold back their feelings and keep them bottled
up are at an increased risk for many debilitating illnesses.
Strive to be open and honest with the feelings you have in your
heart and mind, and express them through carefully chosen words.
Through this communication, you can create a more solid bond with
your prospect, gain more respect and loyalty for your honesty and
openness, and maintain a healthier physical and emotional state.
Be encouraged, not discouraged. Accept the fact that not every potential
prospect will be attracted to you or respond to you in a positive way.
But by doing your best to be friendly, polite, and sincere, you are certainly
multiplying your chances of meeting someone truly special.
The techniques in this book won't work with every person you
encounter, and some rejection is a natural part of the process. But it is
important to realize that people are not really rejecting you-they don't
even know you! They're rejecting what they think they know. And it's
their loss. It is important for you to accept a rejection gracefully without
becoming hostile or feeling unreasonably hurt.
Any time you encounter a person who is not interested in you, tell
yourself that there are plenty of others who will be interested once they
get to know you. Do not become discouraged and do not let your attitude
sour. Keep working at it-the results are worth it!
A WORD TO THE WISE
How do you know when to continue pursuing a prospect? Look for
signs such as eye contact, a smile, and positive body language-a lean in
your direction or an open-facing stance, for example. Listen carefully for
verbal clues that tell you to continue the conversation. If these signals
stop or don't exist, chances are there may be no current interest on the
prospect's part. If your instincts lead you to believe that the pursuit will
be unproductive, gather your positive energy and move on to someone
Excerpted from GUY gets GIRL, GIRL gets GUY
by Larry GLANZ Robert H. PHILLIPS
Copyright © 2004 by Larry Glanz and Robert H. Phillips.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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