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Guys Are Waffles Girls Are Spaghetti
By Chad Eastham Bill Farrel Pam Farrel
Thomas NelsonCopyright © 2009 Chad Eastham, Bill Farrel, and Pam Farrel
All right reserved.
Chapter OneYou Say, "Eww." I Say, "Awesome!"
What's That Smell? Oh ... It's Me.
When I was growing up, I spent a lot of my summers at the beach visiting my dad. I loved the sun; seeing my dad, step-mom, and grandparents; and catching up on some surfing. You could say, in fact, that I love surfing. And in my hometown, surfing is a pretty big deal. I'm not as talented at it as I am passionate about it, but I try. In fact, one summer I spent so much time surfing that I kind of lost track of a few other things that I should have been doing. One of those things was bathing. Every morning I woke up early, grabbed my board, went to the beach all day, and made my way back home in time for dinner. And then one day, before we actually went somewhere nice to eat, my dad came into my room. He always has a cool, calm manner about him, and he kind of looked at me and said, "You should probably take a shower." He said it so plainly that I believed him. He obviously knew something I didn't. Apparently everyone did. It had been twenty-eight days since my last shower. I know because I felt a little proud about it. I also figured I swam in the ocean every day, and that's like nature's bath, right? Most people disagree. I liked the sand and wax and grit in my hair. I liked peeling feet and sunburn. I also liked that I could actually get away with not showering for a month. As I walked to the bathroom, I remember saying to myself with a little grin on my face, "I love being a guy."
Why It's Great to Be a Guy:
A trip anywhere, for any amount of time, requires only one bag.
We can kill our own food without any feelings of guilt for the bunny.
A guy can dismiss almost any problem, annoyance, or confusing situation with the phrase "Whatever!" followed by walking away—a negative quality, according to females everywhere.
We get extra credit for even the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
We can pee standing up anywhere on earth.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
We can sit quietly or play a game with a friend for hours without ever thinking, He must be mad at me.
If someone forgets to tell us something important, he can still be our friend.
If someone else shows up at a party in the same exact outfit we're wearing, we just found our new BFF.
None of our buds ever traps us with statements like, "So, notice anything different?"
No one expects us to know the names of more than five colors.
We don't have to shave anywhere below the neck.
A few loud burps and other "noises" are generally expected and tolerated by most people.
All phone conversations can be done in under thirty seconds.
Our bathroom lines are 97.8 percent shorter.
Weekends Are for Girls
Annie's weekend turned out pretty awesome, thanks to her natural female flair for fun and creativity. Friday afternoon she finished her report on female inventors of the past century, which included some really cool inventions like the fire escape, life raft, rotary engine, circular saw, Kevlar, and the chocolate chip cookie. Later, all of her friends came over for the first segment in a weekend of endless girl-only fun and relaxation. She and her sister cooked a theme meal for her girls'-night-in, which featured only Moroccan food. Then they piled in the basement that night with the amazing amount of pillows that only girls can conjure up, watched movies, talked until late in the night, and finally fell asleep with stomach pains from so much laughing.
The next morning Annie and her friends ate a great breakfast and headed out to a nature party in their favorite city park where they met up with a few more girlfriends. They planted trees and made a very eclectic design out of pinecones, leaves, and trimmings, which they left on display as a tribute to the event. Then the girls headed to a spa where they had pedicures and laughed about how guys never enjoy getting pampered like this. Energized, they went to the Cracked Pot, a pottery painting boutique, where they painted pottery to represent their own unique personalities. After dinner and bowling, they headed back to Annie's house for a girls' dance and karaoke party that went on for hours. Later, when Annie and two of her friends sat laughing on the couch, in a quick but insightful moment, her friend Nicole just looked at her and said, "Isn't it great to be girls?!"
One time I (Chad) was not a girl. In fact, I've always not been a girl. But I know some. And there are definitely some benefits to being a girl.
Why It's Great to Be a Girl:
You can cry without pretending there's something under your contact.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
You actually get extra points for watching sports.
If you're a lousy athlete, you don't necessarily question your worth as a human being.
You don't feel the need to deny going to the tanning bed.
You possibly could live your whole life without having to endure a group shower.
You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose hair clippers.
If the person you're dating is much better at something than you are, it doesn't kill your ego.
Talking and people watching can be a great time.
Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth.
If you're under six-feet tall, you don't have to lie about it.
You'll never regret piercing your ears.
You don't have to make awkward adjustments to private parts in public.
If you have big ears, no one has to know.
No one can ever say to you, "Stop acting like a girls."
Chapter TwoWaffles and Spaghetti
Teenager (n.) [lat adolescere = (to) grow] 1. is a transitional stage of physical and mental human development that occurs between childhood and adulthood. This transition involves biological, social, and psychological changes. 2. The time in life where people no longer have cooties; boys and girls act in even stranger ways, and the love bug often hits with all of its enormity and mystery. 3. a time period in which declaring one's independence is of utmost importance while they simultaneously depend on parents for almost everything including food; clothing; a bed; toilet paper; laundry services; and access to iTunes, the Internet, and various texting devices. In other words ... a very strange and somewhat delusional time in one's life.
Guys and girls are very different, plain and simple. Sure we have a lot in common; we both like oxygen, food, clothing (girls apparently more than guys), and pictures of baby polar bears. After these similarities, however, you will also find that we are often worlds apart.
If you want to have relationships that add to the quality of your life rather than make you exhausted, sad, frustrated, or hurt, try to understand the opposite sex a little more. Might I suggest thinking about it this way?
Guys are waffles, and girls are spaghetti.
At first this may seem silly, but stay with me. This picture really works, and guys "get it" because it involves food. Even as I write this I have a strange craving for pasta and waffles ...
Guys Are Waffles
Imagine the shape of a waffle. If you look closely at the waffle, you will notice it is basically a collection of boxes that are separated by walls. The boxes make convenient holding places. This way you can fill up some of the boxes with syrup and watch them ooze over into the other compartments. Or maybe I just love doing that. Either way, this might help illustrate how guys generally process life. Our thinking is divided up into boxes, and each of those boxes has room for one issue and one issue only. Family might go into one box, while girlfriend goes into another, while schoolwork is in yet another, and so on. The typical guy tends to live in one box at a time. When he is playing video games, he is simply playing video games. When he is playing sports or burning ants with a magnifying glass, he is playing sports or intensely focused on killing tiny insects in a terrible and fascinating way. Guys concentrate on one thing at a time. This is why he sometimes looks like he is in a trance and can seemingly ignore everything else going on around him. Psychologists call this "compartmentalizing"—that is, putting life and responsibilities into different compartments.
As a result of this compartmentalizing, guys are problem solvers by nature. They enter a box, size up the situation or the problem, and formulate a way to act on it or solve it. In the sports we guys choose to play, we consider what it will take to be successful, decide how good we might be able to be, and then focus on accomplishing some goals. In communication, guys usually are more concerned with the main point and getting there as quickly as possible. They are not as concerned with talking for lengths of time just to feel closer as they discuss something.
For guys social influence is also incredibly powerful, whether we know it or not. Being influential in a social way builds confidence, and it is attractive to girls. This is one reason guys spend time being the class clown, working on their sense of humor, achieving and succeeding in sports, and a thousand other things. This might help explain why guys crack jokes and don't seem to realize that it can hurt someone's feelings. Saying a girl has funny teeth in front of other people will not be funny to the girl, but the guy might be living in the "I'm a funny guy" box and forget about the "girls don't like to be embarrassed in front of everyone in class, you idiot" box. Time in the "apologize" box will be necessary later.
Class clown (n.) 1. The quintessential jokester who is usually a guy and compensating for a lack of stellar looks or ability to diligently do homework; he uses a sense of humor in hopes of scoring big with the ladies. 2. A big, attention-seeking, loud-mouth who will most likely end up in a sales position.
Here is a very important thing to know about guys as far as our waffle boxes go. A guy will strategically organize his life in boxes and then spend most of his time in the boxes where he is successful, where he gets attention, and where he gets affirmed. He will equally ignore the boxes and areas of his life that confuse him, make him feel like a failure, or where he gets little or no reward. Guys will avoid negative boxes like the plague. For instance, a guy named Joe finds out that by being funny, people will look up to him, he gets teased less, and girls seem to giggle and warm up to him more ... guess what? Joe is likely to spend time being the Funny Guy. If he gets bad grades in math class, unlike his buddy Adam, who gets great grades easily, then Joe will more than likely avoid that area as much as possible. Eleven times out of ten (I'm not great at math either), he will choose to spend time in the "ha ha" box.
Even in categories like laziness, guys think they can succeed. If a guy is bad at his job, or at meeting his parents' expectations and the expectations of other people around him, he may find out that he is pretty good at being lazy. I still have a number of friends who think this is a prestigious club. Girls usually disagree. Still, the guy may develop a commitment to being lazy because he knows he can do that today with the same proficiency as yesterday.
Guys also take this "success" approach to the way they communicate. If they talk to girls, their girlfriends, or other people's parents and get a desirable outcome or affirmation, they will be highly motivated to continue talking with these people. If, on the other hand (this will sound familiar to a lot of girls), the conversation seems pointless or he finds trying to understand the girl he is listening to impossible, he will lose motivation to talk and clam up! This might help shed some light on the moments where guys make very profound comments to girls, such as: "Where are you trying to go with this conversation? Can you just please get to the point?" Or the most common ... "What?" This word is usually accompanied by a furrowed brow, squinted eyes, and a wrinkled forehead. This means that the male is confused. A guy makes these statements out of frustration. Either he doesn't understand, or he doesn't know how to make the conversation work. For a guy, it's like being in the middle of a hockey game; you are playing hard and following all the rules, but then suddenly the rules change and the puck is gone and the score is measured in smiley faces. And then miniature horses come out onto the ice and start galloping all miniature horse-like! And suddenly all the other players start singing songs in unison and yelling, "We're winning, we're winning!" (I have had nightmares like that.) This is how lost guys can feel when they are trying to follow along with a talkative girl. There isn't a right or a wrong way; we're just very different. We don't understand what is happening, how to fix it, or what the main point is. We don't know how to succeed. And conversations like this can become a source of confusion and frustration.
On the other hand, because of his drive to succeed, when a guy finds something he is good at, it makes him feel great about himself and about his life. Guys tend to be very good at mechanical and spatial activities. This is why we get emotionally attached to building, fixing, and chasing things. Guys take on the things they do well at as part of their identity. This means that as far-fetched as the shoot-giant-guns-from-speeding-cars video game scenarios are, when guys succeed at them, this success transfers to how they perceive themselves. The bottom line is that guys will usually spend most of their time doing what they are best at while attempting to ignore the things that cause them to feel deficient ... or like losers. While girls may have the same tendency to stick to what they are good at, guys will often live by this habit.
Girls Are Spaghetti
In stark contrast to guys' waffle-like approach, girls tend to deal with life as though it were a plate of pasta. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you will notice that there are a lot of individual noodles and all of the noodles touch one another. If you attempted to follow just one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles, and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly without realizing it. This is how girls face life. Every thought, feeling, and issue is connected to every other thought, feeling, and issue in some way.
This is why girls typically are better at multitasking than guys. A girl can talk on the phone, paint her toenails, shop online, dabble with her algebra homework, and picture what her wedding will look like while simultaneously texting and eating. Because all her thoughts, emotions, and convictions are connected, she processes more information and keeps track of more activities taking place.
As a result of this, most girls pursue a life that is connected. Even as I write, I am witnessing this. I'm in a little coffee shop, and sitting next to me are three girls who are very loud. They are moving from one topic to another so quickly that I am about to get a nosebleed from trying to follow them. I'm not meaning to eavesdrop; they are just loud. I can't understand the point of anything they are saying because they are all talking at the same time. How they understand each other, I have no idea. But, magically using girl power, they do.
Because girls have these incomprehensible conversational skills, when it comes to solving problems they have a very different perspective than guys. Girls don't look to solve all problems with simple and fast solutions. Girls, much more than guys, desire to talk things through. This helps them process the situation. Guys usually try to process in their heads by themselves first. Through conversation girls can link together the logical, emotional, relational, and spiritual aspects of an issue. These links come to girls naturally, so a spaghetti conversation is effortless for them.
Excerpted from Guys Are Waffles Girls Are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham Bill Farrel Pam Farrel Copyright © 2009 by Chad Eastham, Bill Farrel, and Pam Farrel. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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