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Overview
Featured on The Drew Barrymore Show. The Social’s finance expert gives practical advice on how to spend, budget, invest, and feel good about money.
Can money buy happiness? Maybe, but not like you may think . . .
With Happy Go Money, financial expert Melissa Leong cuts through the noise to show you how to get the most delight for your dollar.
Happy Go Money combines happiness psychology and personal finance and distills it into an indispensable starter guide. Each snappy chapter provides practical, easy-to-understand advice on topics such as spending, budgeting, investing, and mindfulness, while weaving in research, interactive exercises, and relatable anecdotes. Frank, funny, and empowering, this primer challenges everyone to revamp their relationship with their money so they can dial down their worries and supersize their joy.
“Using humor and kindness, Leong shares a lovely starter guide to living a happier life with a better relationship to your money.” —Book Riot
“A book that puts money, life and happiness in perspective. Loved every minute of it.” —Gail Vaz-Oxlade, author of Debt-Free Forever
“Happy Go Money is informative but also accessible, smart and funny, silly and sexy, tough and also kind. It is, perhaps, the way money has always wanted to be represented. Melissa Leong has given her a makeover—and she looks SO good.” —Elaine Lui, LaineyGossip.com, and author of Listen to the Squawking Chicken
“A must-read for anyone who wants to fall in love with their money.” —Shannon Lee Simmons, founder of the New School of Finance
“Leong’s breezy, relatable writing style will appeal to a broad range of readers.” —Booklist
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781773052809 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | ECW Press |
| Publication date: | 08/03/2022 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 301 |
| Sales rank: | 571,727 |
| File size: | 4 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Banking on Happiness
"If I only had a little more money, I'd be happier."
When was the last time that you had this thought? Every day, we make choices based on the idea that joy can be bought and that more money makes everything better. We take the new job with the extra hour in traffic because it pays more. We put a coat on credit because it's designer. We buy the big house because it has a yard for our future kids and a kitchen island that's "an entertainer's dream."
To be fair, scientifically speaking, when we see something we want, a new pair of shoes or a gadget, we do feel joy; it triggers a patch of tissue in the brain, the nucleus accumbens, the so-called sex and money area. It gets activated when humans receive a reward, whether drugs, money or food. Then when we buy something, we get a delicious burst of dopamine in the brain.
That sounds sexy and yummy and all, but the euphoria doesn't last. Then we just need more stuff. All that crap we buy loses its lustre. When the novelty wears off and the shopping high from the endorphin and dopamine dump dissipates, we're left with a void and possibly regret.
"Why did I spend money on this?!?" we ask. Because I need it. Because I deserve it. Because I had a rough day. Because I have no willpower. Because it was on sale. Because it's a habit. Because it was a whim, a knee-jerk reaction. But when you get down to it? Because I want to be happy.
So, what do we actually need to be happy? Let's break down our thoughts on the subject and rebuild. This is me swinging on a wrecking ball (fully clothed) to help.
The magic number
We all need a certain amount of money to be happy. But how much?
For those of us who are on the verge of losing our homes, who fret about feeding our children, who cringe when the phone rings because debt collectors may be calling, without question, more money will make us happier. But for the rest of us, before connecting cash with joy, we need to talk about what we mean by "happy."
Scientists in neuroeconomics (the study of how we make economic decisions) break happiness into two types:
1. Life satisfaction: an evaluation of your well-being as a whole (the kind of happy where you're pleased with life in general).
2. Day-to-day mood: the highs and lows; the joy, stress, sadness, anger and affection that you experience from one moment to the next — how you feel today, how you felt yesterday. (The kind of happy that most of us relate to — the right now happiness.)
With life satisfaction, the richer people got, the more satisfied they were with their lives. In worldwide studies, people in richer countries reported higher life satisfaction than those in poorer countries. (We should also consider that wealthier countries are more politically stable, more peaceful and less oppressive — which affects wellbeing.) But according to a 2018 Purdue University study, there was a limit: $95,000 U.S. (pre-tax, per single-family household). Above that, more money didn't mean that you were more satisfied. With day-to-day happiness, the threshold is $60,000 to $75,000 per household, according to various studies. The 2018 study showed that after these salaries are met, life satisfaction and day-to-day happiness actually slightly decrease with more money.
What the what?
Well, apparently, when all of our basic needs are met, we become driven by other desires such as chasing after more material stuff and comparing ourselves to others, which make us unhappy. Also, high incomes can come with high demands (more working hours, more stress and less time with family and for leisure).
This doesn't mean that we should all go out and try to make exactly $75,000 a year — our so-called feel-good financial sweet spot. The studies are averages, and we all need different things to be happy. But all of us find joy in some simple things — kisses, laughter, getting IDed over the age of 25.
Marketing professor Hal Hershfield once told me, "Even if I have an amazing car in my driveway, a huge house and a big fat income, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll be happier on a day-by-day basis, because the types of things that influence happiness are who I interact with, how I spend my time and the things that I do."
Think of some of your happiest times in the past week. Were you spending it with people? Were you taking time to enjoy an activity, going for a run or catching up with a good friend? Would a wad of cash have made those moments that much better?
Probably not. If you answered "yes" to the latter question, how much more do you need to be happy? Read on.
Your magic number is probably wrong
Let's do an exercise together.
How happy are you on a scale of one to ten?
Now think about how much money you have in the bank, your salary. How much more money would you need to be a perfect 10?
Michael Norton, who teaches at Harvard Business School and co-authored Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending, surveyed average-income earners and high-net-worth Britons (with a net worth of more than $1 million), and he asked them those questions. "Everybody said two to three times as much money," Norton told me.
"Why is that a problem?" I asked, estimating the same for myself.
"That's a problem because people at $1 million said, 'If I had $3 million, I'd be a perfect 10. Except that people who had $3 million said, 'If I had $9 million, I'd be a perfect 10.'"
Basically, happiness is on a sliding scale. Think about how much this sucks. No matter what you have, you'll always want more. Even if you have millions. When you find the gold at the end of the rainbow, the pot is just too damn small, and then you're off again, chasing more rainbows.
It's like a curse really. It also takes the fun out of my childhood dream of winning a million-dollar lottery. That was the very first fantasy I ever had: winning a jackpot and marrying one of the New Kids on the Block (anyone but Danny). I'd have fancy clothes and we'd eat at Red Lobster every weekend. (Still my idea of a hot date today.)
But despite what we may think, winning the lottery doesn't buy you a one-way ticket to Euphoria Town. Take this famous study from 1978 where researchers asked two very different groups about their happiness: recent Illinois State Lottery winners who scored $50,000 to $1 million and recent victims of catastrophic accidents who were now paraplegic or quadriplegic. They asked the lottery winners and the accident victims to rate how happy they were at that stage of their lives, how happy they were before the life-altering event and how happy they expected to be in a few years. They asked them to rate how pleasant they found simple activities (talking with a friend, watching TV, eating breakfast, buying clothes, getting a compliment, etc.).
Seriously? Who's happier, the person cruising in the wheelchair or in the Lamborghini?
Yes, the lottery winners were happier in the moment. The winners reported feeling more present happiness. But the people with disabilities rated their future happiness higher. They also enjoyed the simple things in life more: they had more appreciation for the mundane pleasures of things such as hearing a joke or reading a magazine.
Actually, research shows a link between high income and a reduced ability to savour small pleasures. Experts blame it on hedonic adaptation — our tendency to just get used to whatever we have. Even a dramatic life improvement eventually becomes the new normal. You don't smell the roses because they're everywhere, any time of the day. And research has shown that our inner thermostats are set somewhere between happiness and sadness: they can rise and fall depending on circumstance, but they generally return to that baseline. So, if you were a miserable moaner before hitting the jackpot, you'll likely just be a rich miserable moaner.
In another real-life example, Markus Persson, who created Minecraft and sold it to Microsoft for $2.5 billion in 2014, reportedly bought a $70-million mansion, complete with a candy wall, vodka and tequila bars, designer fire extinguishers (because safety first, fashion second) and 15 bathrooms equipped with $5,000 remote-control operated toilets with air deodorizers and heated seats. But in 2015, he tweeted, "Hanging out in Ibiza with a bunch of friends and partying with famous people, able to do whatever I want, and I've never felt more isolated." In another tweet, he said, "The problem with getting everything is you run out of reasons to keep trying, and human interaction becomes impossible due to imbalance."
Now this could be super depressing to you. For me, it's reassuring. It tells me that no single event or any material thing or external factor ultimately defines my happiness. Human beings are adaptable. A million dollars or a misfortune, over time, can become the new normal. Sure, with money, you'll enjoy stylishly fighting fire with your Louis Vuitton extinguisher, but the riches may also make old pleasures seem less enjoyable.
So remember, there's a better use of your money than playing the lottery. The odds of winning the Powerball jackpot prize is 1 in 292 million — and odds are that more money won't guarantee that your days will be happier anyway.
Your Happy Money To-Do List
• If you find yourself thinking, "If I only had [insert anything], I'd be happy," challenge it. Ask your partner or co-worker or friend to poke you (lovingly) if they ever hear you say that phrase. It'll be like that awful baby shower game where you can't say "baby" — but for your life.
• If you're relying on something (or someone) to make you happy, you're wasting your time and energy. If affirmations are your jam, write this down and stick it somewhere: "I control my own happiness."
• Name three big things that make you happy regardless of money (good health or a loving partner). Now name three very specific things (sleeping in on the weekend, your jam on repeat). Repeat the exercise every time you feel crappy about your financial situation — or any situation.
• Stop playing the lottery. Now. Next time you want to play the lottery, buy someone a coffee or put the money into a donation box instead for a guaranteed happiness payoff.
Money Talks
• If you think more money would make you happier, how much more?
• How would your life be better with more money?
• Think of a time when you made less money. Were you unhappier then? How much?
• Think of some of your happiest moments from the last week. Would more money have made those moments better?
CHAPTER 2F*ck the Joneses
Happiness often stems from expectations. And happiness is relative. Three of my husband's closest friends got sporty cars. And he did too. We have a Mercedes OMG something or other hibernating in our garage over the winter. (By the time you read this, I hope he'll have sold it, which he said he would — maybe because he finished reading this book and admits that it doesn't make him as happy as he thought it would.)
If everyone in my group of friends is carrying expensive purses, I might be more apt to splurge on a designer purse. If every post in my Facebook feed is someone's kitchen renovation, I might look upon my tired fridge and wish for one with a wifi-enabled touchscreen.
I'm not immune. When an acquaintance bought a new home, I pulled up in front of her house and, through the front window, I saw a shining chandelier; I stared at the cascade of silver jewels dangling from a massive shade, and a voice in my head whispered, "I must have that." When I looked into the cost of that light fixture, the voice in my head yelled, "Holy mother of crap. That's a lot of money!!!" But I wanted to feel that awe in my house; I wanted others to admire my crap. And if she could afford it, surely I could too.
I bought it. It cost a quarter of my month's pay, which I now realize would've been better spent on other priorities. I also walk by that chandelier every day, and I don't even notice it anymore.
I later found out that the acquaintance had furnished some of her new house on credit — one of those "don't pay for 12 months" deals. That's the thing. Maybe your friend has a new car but zero savings for his family's future. Maybe your neighbours have a brand-new kitchen but paid for it on credit. You just can't know someone's situation from an Instagram post.
But based on our limited information, we compare, we covet and we compete. No wonder we struggle sometimes to be happy.
Beyond comparison
Would you compare yourself to a lottery winner?
No. That's ridiculous, right? But a 2016 study done for the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia found that the neighbours of lottery winners are more likely to declare bankruptcy within a few years of the big win. Whether you live in a high- or low-income area, if you live beside someone who's won some money, you are more apt to ramp up your own spending on visible assets like cars.
Even when it clearly doesn't serve us, we use our peers as a standard for our own happiness. Almost half of respondents in a survey of faculty, students and staff at Harvard preferred to live in a world where the average salary was $25,000 and they earned $50,000 than one where they earned $100,000 but the average was $200,000.
Also, we're happy to do well, but we don't like to see others doing better than us. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky did a study where she evaluated an unhappy group of people on a task and then told them how they fared against peers. They either heard A or B:
A. "You got a crappy evaluation, but a peer did even crappier."
B. "You got an awesome evaluation, but a peer did better."
Who was happier? Those who heard A. Yeah. Those who were told they did crappy.
Pretend you're an Olympic runner for a second. That means that you'd be happier if you missed your best time and your competitor went face first into the dirt than if you had won silver.
Put away the yardstick. You will always lose in a game of comparisons. Even if you're Miss America, there will always be a Miss Universe. And Miss Universe isn't Miss Universe forever.
Know that your brain naturally makes comparisons. Psychologists have long studied the good and bad of our innate tendency to compare. It's how we cope, build resilience and establish our identities, but it can also lead us to feel envy, guilt, regret. It can make you terribly unhappy and distract you from what matters, which is you focusing on you. And be aware of what you're putting out into the world. You might be the Joneses, in which case, if people are looking at you, what do you want to inspire in them?
F*ck the Joneses (with love)
Whenever I feel any kind of negativity toward someone, I try to kill the feeling with kindness. This isn't about being the nicest person in the country; this is about self-preservation. It's been said that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. That person who I'm jealous of or angry at could give two butts about me; she's probably never going to get diarrhea while giving a presentation at the office or develop a permanent crotch itch — no matter how many times I've mentally wished it upon her.
I'm basically stewing in my fury, flogging myself with every evil thought about her. Think of the grudges you've held (or are holding). Who really suffers? Researchers at the National University of Singapore asked people to recall incidents where they were wronged and then asked them to jump five times, as high as possible, on a yoga mat. Those who had forgiven their perpetrators jumped higher than those who still held their grudges. It's like me after an all-you-can-eat Brazilian steakhouse meal — literally weighed down by beef.
There's a saying that goes, "Living well is the best revenge." No. No, it isn't. Moving on is the best revenge. Being successful just to spite someone is stupid. I remember all of these people who would go on daytime talk shows to confront an old flame or someone who was mean to them in high school; the victim would have gone from "geek to chic" or would now be rich and sexy and want to rub it in the other person's face. I always thought, uhh, maybe that other person doesn't give a crap about you. Maybe if you were really "chic," you'd have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.
So instead of adding fuel to my grievances, I imagine that my nemeses too have a story of ups and downs and that they only want to be happy. Then I drink an antidote — I'll write an encouraging note on their Facebook wall, I'll invite them for coffee, I'll offer them help. For me. Not for them.
Whenever you feel the itch of jealousy, the sting of inadequacy, give yourself a shake. Quickly name three things that you've got going for you in your life. Anytime you feel envy, think of it as a prompt to ask yourself, "Why do I envy this person?" It might inspire some changes in your life.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Happy Go Money"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Melissa Leong.
Excerpted by permission of ECW PRESS.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- BUYING HAPPINESS
- 1: Banking on Happiness
- 2: F*ck the Joneses
- 3: More Stuff? Stuff It
- 4: Buying Happiness (For Real)
- CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOUR WEALTH
- 5: Watch Your Friggin’ Language
- 6: Worries B-Gone
- 7: Your Default Settings
- 8: Sorry Not Sorry
- FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS (FOR FREE)
- 9: Train Your Happy Ninja
- 10: Invoke the Dollar Lama
- 11: Invest in Bonds
- 12: Eat Play Snooze
- TAKE STOCK, MAKE GAINS
- 13: Balance the Bills and the Thrills
- 14: Check Your Worth
- 15: Goal Digger
- HAPPINESS FOR LATER
- 16: Save Right
- 17: Make That Money Work
- 18: Make the Silver Fox Happy
- 19: Hooking Up with a Financial Advisor
- MAKE IT RAIN
- 20: Show Me the Money
- 21: Happy Hustling
- 22: Couch Cushion Cash
- HAPPINESS ASSASSINS
- 23: Debt: The Big Killjoy
- 24: Bulletproof Your Happiness
- THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF GIVING A BUCK
- 25: Give to Get
- Happy Ending
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