Have a Nice Guilt Trip

by Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella Narrated by Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella

Overview

Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella are back with another collection of warm and witty stories that will strike a chord with every woman. This four-book series is among the best-reviewed humor books published today and has been compared to the late greats Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Booklist raved of the third book in the series, Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim: "[R]eaders can count on an ab-toning laugh session, a silly giggle, a sympathetic sigh, and a lump in the throat as life's moments are rehashed through the keen eyes and wits of this lovable mother-daughter duo."

This fourth volume, Have a Nice Guilt Trip, maintains the same sterling standard of humor and poignancy as Lisa and Francesca continue on the road of life, acquiring men and puppies. To be honest, Lisa is acquiring the puppies, while Francesca is lucky enough to have dates with actual men. They leave it to the listeners to decide which is more desirable and/or easier to train.

A Macmillan Audio production.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Audio

09/01/2014
This mother-daughter literary team quip their way through life’s ups and downs with witty, wisecracking humor in a series of delightfully random vignettes. Scottoline declares that “someone has to write about the simple things in life,” while reminiscing about vapor rub and radiators and obsessing over furniture arranging. Love, marriages, and divorces provide the predictable zingers of Scottoline’s contributions; her own mother, “Mother Mary,” is lovingly portrayed as feisty and old-school; and their six dogs also inspire a great deal of material. Scottoline covers both the banalities of middle age (gray hair, glasses, vitamins) and the sadness suffered following the loss of a beloved dog: “Life contains the bitter and the sweet.” She sounds sincerely impassioned about politics, women’s self-esteem, and Hurricane Sandy. Serritella’s voice is crisp and pleasant as she likens jury duty to high school—a spot-on, funny analogy. She refers frequently to her boyfriend and her dog Pip. Rollerblading and being a dog’s stage mom call for Seritella’s lightness of tone, while she becomes more intimate about milestones, such as coping with the reality of a newly married ex-boyfriend. Lively, clever, and absolutely relatable, this audio is a winner. A St. Martin’s hardcover. (July)

Publishers Weekly

05/19/2014
Popular mystery writer Scottoline and her Philadelphia Inquirer columnist daughter Serritella team up for the fourth time to offer a lively collection of 80 short essays on everything from raising puppies to the proper way to make eggplant parm. Though Scottoline penned the majority of the essays in this volume, 27-year-old Serritella’s contributions display her own brand of humor and sweetness. Scottoline—prone to comedic one-liners—makes the pages fly by in a flurry of laughs. Serritella’s ode to her 90-year-old grandmother (affectionately referred to as Mother Mary) and her writings about her dog Pip are especially endearing. Scottoline is on-target and hilarious, whether she’s writing about politics (her piece on Anthony Weiner is a standout), ex-husbands (“Thing One and Thing Two”), or what it’s like to sleep with five dogs. While Serritella deals with dating, rollerblading, and Facebook, Scottoline, whose “butt is already on social security,” considers joining AARP. Their close-knit, outspoken Italian family is also the subject of a number of laugh-inducing selections. (July)

From the Publisher

"Lisa and Francesca, mother and daughter, bring you the laughter of their lives once again and better than ever. You will identify with these tales of guilt and fall in love with them and fierce (grand)Mother Mary." --Delia Ephron, bestselling author of Sister Mother Husband Dog

"Whether Lisa and Francesca are contemplating mommy guilt, puppy love, or baby fever, this fabulous book is that rare mix of LOL wit and exquisite real-world wisdom. Perfect for a day at the beach, a night in the bathtub, or anytime life makes you say (in Lisa's words) ouchie!" --Kate White, former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and author of Eyes on You

"Have a Nice Guilt Trip is a hilarious look into the modern woman's mind. This duo's ponderings on contemporary life and sometimes stormy family ties are always entertaining. Fasten your seatbelts for the good times ahead." --Mary Kay Andrews, bestselling author of Ladies' Night

"Lisa and Francesca's writing is so fun, funny, warm, sharp, and emotional that I wish I could both adopt and be adopted by them. Is that legally possible? Good thing Lisa's a lawyer. She'll know." --Megan Amram, author of Science...For Her!

"Readers can count on an ab-toning laugh session, a silly giggle, a sympathetic sigh, and a lump in the throat as life's moments are rehashed through the keen eyes and wits of this lovable mother-daughter duo." --Booklist on Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim

"[A] witty and sweet return to the ins and outs of life in the sometimes kooky, always smart and funny, family." --Publishers Weekly on Best Friends, Occasional Enemies

"The perfect present for moms, grandmas, and aunts." --Cosmopolitan on Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

"Scottoline savors every last bit of her life, and so will you." --People on Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

"Essays that are fun to read, share, and ponder." --Publishers Weekly on Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim

"Feels like one big gabfest with your best girlfriends, whatever their age." --Booklist on Best Friends, Occasional Enemies

"A clever compilation from two generations of women reflecting on family, love, dessert, and everything in between." --Booklist on My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space

"Rueful, uplifting, sweet, kooky--and always amusing." --Publishers Weekly on My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space

former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and author Kate White

Whether Lisa and Francesca are contemplating mommy guilt, puppy love, or baby fever, this fabulous book is that rare mix of LOL wit and exquisite real-world wisdom. Perfect for a day at the beach, a night in the bathtub, or anytime life makes you say (in Lisa's words) ouchie!

Library Journal - Audio

10/01/2014
The mother-daughter duo of Scottoline and Serritella (Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim) are back in their fifth collaboration of humorous autobiographical essays in the tradition of Erma Bombeck. The short chapters, each only a few minutes in length, alternate between observances from fiftysomething Scottoline and twentysomething Serritella. Romantic relationships—or the lack thereof—are a common topic, along with aging, pets, family relationships, and the challenges of being a modern woman. Listening to this book is like catching up with your funniest friend over a long lunch; women of all ages will relate. The authors' narration is unpolished but enhances the gossipy subject matter. VERDICT Short track lengths and an episodic structure make this ideal for commuters looking for a fun, escapist listen.—Julie Judkins, Univ. of North Texas, Denton

JULY 2014 - AudioFile

Mother and daughter authors Scottoline and Serritella give an entertaining, down-to-earth narration as they reflect on various aspects of their lives. Scottoline’s electric performance is worthy of a stand-up comedian, especially with her impersonation of her cantankerous and outspoken mother—aptly named Mother Mary. Scottoline’s spunky voice and perfect pacing make for a hilarious delivery of her tongue-in-cheek views of everything from adult diaper rash to Weiners in Washington. While Scottoline’s act is a hard one to follow, Serritella manages to hold her own with an amusing and heartfelt narration. The interview that follows the book adds to the likability of the narrators/authors and one’s appreciation of the vignettes. M.F. Winner of AudioFile Earphones Award © AudioFile 2014, Portland, Maine

Kirkus Reviews

2014-05-18
The Italian mother-daughter team is back with another series of amusing commentaries on life.Readers familiar with the Scottoline-Serritella (Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim, 2012, etc.) duo are in for another mostly entertaining ride. Ping-ponging back and forth, using mostly one-paragraph sentences, the two writers converse on such diverse topics as the therapeutic benefits of rearranging the furniture on a regular basis, what happens when one forgets to pay bills on time, and why it's best to let your mother buy her own sheets, preferably white—on white sheets, she "can see the bugs better." The authors cover nearly all subjects in 50 narratives, with nothing too personal or taboo receiving scrutiny. Chapter titles include "The Married-Ex Milestone," "Third Month's the Charm," "Rolling Without Homies" and "Call of Jury Duty." Scottoline on gardening: "perennials are supposed to be automatic, in that they come back every summer. Like a yeast infection." On nature: "Let's just say that we're frenemies. Because it turns out that Mother Nature is the ultimate mean girl." Serritella on wish lists: "I love using wish lists, because then the [website] notifies me if the price of my chosen items gets discounted from totally-ridiculously-expensive to get-real-you-still-can't-afford-it." Throughout, the conversations are sarcastic and often snarky, and the short essays revel in the ridiculous and hit the heart of life in a boisterous Italian family. For many singles, Valentine's Day might mean moping, "depression, shame, and chocolate cake," but for Scottoline, it was a day to receive a beautiful engagement ring from herself. A fascination with an electric toothbrush led to the purchase of an electronic face washer. The authors also discuss the pros and cons of twerking and dancing on tabletops.Short and snappy, these comic essays are best read in small doses.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940172126529
Publisher:	Macmillan Audio
Publication date:	07/08/2014
Series:	Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman , #5
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

Homely Remedies

By Lisa

I hate it when Mother Mary is right, which is always.

We begin a zillion years ago, when I’m a little kid with a bad cold, and Mother Mary goes instantly for the Vicks VapoRub. As a child, I had more Vicks Vapo rubbed on me than most consumptives. My chest was as shiny as a stripper’s and even more fragrant.

Camphor is still my favorite perfume.

Which could be why I’m single.

Another favorite home remedy of hers was the do-it-yourself humidifier. By this I mean she placed a Pyrex baking dish full of water on every radiator in the house.

I never knew why, and neither did my friends. None of them had radiators, because they had nicer houses. They had something called forced air, which sounded vaguely scary to us. The Flying Scottolines never forced anything, especially something you needed to breathe.

And in the summer, those same people had central air, which was something else we didn’t have. Our air lacked centralization. The only central thing in our house was Mother Mary, and that was how she liked it.

But back to the do-it-yourself humidifiers, which sat like an open-air fishbowl on every radiator. As a child, I understood that this would cure something dreadful called Dry Air, which we had in spades. I didn’t really understand why Uncle Mikey had to move to Arizona for the Dry Air, when he could’ve just moved to our house, but be that as it may, I was grateful that I had an all-knowing mother, who understood that air came in forced, central, and dry, and that everything could be cured by Pyrex.

The only time this was a problem was on Sundays, when Mother Mary actually wanted to bake ziti or eggplant parm, and there were no dishes available except for the ones cooking water on the radiators. She would dispatch me to get a Pyrex dish off the radiator and wash it out, and I would do so happily, if the end result was eggplant parm.

I will still do anything for eggplant parm.

Make a note, should we meet.

But back to the story, cleaning the baking dishes was a yucky job. Often the water in the dishes would have dried up, leaving a scummy residue, and even if there was some water left, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Dog and cat hair would be floating on the surface, or ash from a passing cigarette.

According to Mother Mary, smoking was fine for air quality.

You win some, you lose some.

So fast-forward to when I become a mother myself, and baby Francesca gets sick, and of course Mother Mary advocates Vicks and Pyrex, but I reject these ideas as old-fashioned. I am Modern.

Enter antibiotics.

I had that kid so pumped up with amoxicillin she could’ve grown mold. In fact, I had her on them prophylactically, so she’d never get another ear infection, and if I could have her on them now, I would, so she’d never get pregnant.

I’m kidding.

It’s a joke, okay?

But then recently, I got the worst cold ever, and I called the doctor, who told me that antibiotics weren’t such a hot idea and what I really needed was Vicks VapoRub and a humidifier. I couldn’t believe my ears. I wanted the magic pill to make it all better but he says that it’s a virus and all that, and no.

I didn’t tell this to Mother Mary. Don’t you, either.

I suppose I could just get a Pyrex dish and put it on the radiator, but I am still Modern and I refuse. Also the doctor says I need a cool-mist humidifier, and not a warm-mist humidifier, and once again, I feel lucky to learn more about the mysteries of air, which now comes in mist.

Who knew oxygen could be so complicated?

So I go to the drugstore, buy the requisite cool-mist humidifier, and bring it home. I spend exactly one night with this thing and want to shoot myself. It’s thirty degrees outside, and in my bedroom, it’s twenty. An Arctic chill blasts from the cool-mist humidifier, and I’m up all night.

So I go back to the drugstore and buy a warm-mist humidifier. I take it home, and it frizzes my hair, but you can’t have everything. Also, it comes with a little slot for a stick that’s impregnated with Vicks VapoRub, and you know what I’m thinking.

This is the revenge of Mother Mary.

Copyright © 2014 by Smart Blonde, LLC, and Francesca Scottoline Serritella

Videos