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He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation [NOOK Book]

Overview

When you get married, you expect your relationship to be a partnership in which you make decisions and face the world together, united. But often a husband's perspective and a wife's perspective on the same issue can be very different and unity in decision making can be tough. Should spouses take turns getting their way? Should they compromise? Can they avoid making decisions altogether? Dr. Harley says there's a better way--a way in which both...
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He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation

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Overview

When you get married, you expect your relationship to be a partnership in which you make decisions and face the world together, united. But often a husband's perspective and a wife's perspective on the same issue can be very different and unity in decision making can be tough. Should spouses take turns getting their way? Should they compromise? Can they avoid making decisions altogether? Dr. Harley says there's a better way--a way in which both partners get what they want and believe is best every time.

In He Wins, She Wins, Dr. Harley introduces the revolutionary concept of joint agreement in marriage that keeps both husband and wife on equal footing and equally satisfied. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. Dr. Harley walks couples through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage, (friends and family, career and time management, finances, children, and sex), applying the joint agreement rule in every situation. And he teaches readers how to resolve conflicts the right way, so that not only are those conflicts resolved once and for all but the couple's love for one another actually grows and is sustained for the rest of their lives.

Anyone who has been married long enough to have a disagreement will benefit from this unique new book from everyone's favorite marriage doctor.
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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

There is nothing secret about the secret of happy marriage. Ever since we were teenagers, we've been told that successful marriages were built on compromise. But obviously, the message didn't get through: Approximately thirty percent of couples eventually dissolve their bonds. Clinical psychologist, marriage counselor and author Dr. Willard Harley (His Needs, Her Needs) believes that in marriage, vague good intentions need to be replaced by specific remedies. He first identifies the five most common arenas of marital conflict (friends and family; career and time management; finances; children; sex) and then explains how the concept of joint agreement can be applied to alleviate tensions. Calming, reasonable words about several very touchy subjects.

Library Journal
11/15/2013
Marriage counselor and author Harley (His Needs, Her Needs) here has created a model for marriage that allows both partners to get what they want. Each chapter discusses in detail common sources of marital conflict (friends and family, career and time management, finances, children, sex), applying the policy of joint agreement (the idea that both spouses need to be on the same page) to each situation. Harley sets guidelines for successful negotiations and emphasizes making the process pleasant and safe and identifying the problem from both perspectives. VERDICT This title provides clear strategies for developing and practicing a win/win mind-set; recommended for readers looking for advice on marriage or relationships in general.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781441244918
  • Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 10/1/2013
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 192
  • Sales rank: 504,706
  • File size: 3 MB

Meet the Author

Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Love Busters; and Draw Close. Harley's most-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is now available as a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Love Busters; and Draw Close. Harley's most-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is also now available as a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.
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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 9, 2013

    The thesis of this book is that each conflict or disagreement in

    The thesis of this book is that each conflict or disagreement in marriage should be solved by working together to come to a solution that can be agreed to by both parties....enthusiastically. I think it had many good points and it made me think more critically about how I solve disagreements and problems in our marriage.

    This book would be good if you and your spouse are looking for a complete overhaul in the way you approach conflict in your marriage. He recommends a systematic strategy using a notebook and says that if you can't come to an enthusiastic agreement then you shouldn't do anything and you should just table the discussion until both sides can enthusiastically agree. I appreciate the encouragement to not just reluctantly agree to something in the name of 'serving' your spouse. He details the pitfalls of that attitude in the first few chapters.

    But ultimately I think that the book does not have enough practical advice about how to actually reach enthusiastic agreement when there are two sinful people involved. I found myself disagreeing with many things he suggested. For example, he discusses in one place how if your spouse doesn't like being around your parents because your parents are not kind to him/her then you should just tell your parents that you won't be coming to visit them until they start being nicer to your spouse. I guess I would agree if there is some kind of emotional abuse of your spouse going on, but I think that most conflicts are two sided and that your spouse would be responsible for some part of the issue.

    So unless you and your spouse are both committed to trying out the system then there are probably other marriage books that would be more beneficial. Ironically, both spouses need to be enthusiastic about trying this out for it to work. I was also turned off by the numerous times that he mentioned how he and his wife used these principles to have such a wonderful marriage. I get that he has 50 years of experience, but it came across as prideful instead of encouraging.

    Overall it was worth a read but wouldn't be my new go to marriage book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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