Head, Shoulders, Pee, and Moles: An Eyes-and-Ears-and-Mouth-and-Nose Guide to Self-Diagnosis

( 11 )

Overview

The only see-it-and-believe-it guide to whole-body self-diagnosis!

Worried about that not-so-distinct mole? Has an online search led you to believe that you're suffering from neurodermatitis, nasal polyps, or elephantitis? Do you slather on a bottle of sanitizer daily or avoid others like they have the plague? Don't quarantine yourself just yet—trust your own eyes! Thanks to the help and humor of Paul Kleinman, you can learn and laugh about ...

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Head, Shoulders, Pee, and Moles: An Eyes-and-Ears-and-Mouth-and-Nose Guide to Self-Diagnosis

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Overview

The only see-it-and-believe-it guide to whole-body self-diagnosis!

Worried about that not-so-distinct mole? Has an online search led you to believe that you're suffering from neurodermatitis, nasal polyps, or elephantitis? Do you slather on a bottle of sanitizer daily or avoid others like they have the plague? Don't quarantine yourself just yet—trust your own eyes! Thanks to the help and humor of Paul Kleinman, you can learn and laugh about what you've got and what you're coming down with, all by looking at your body. Prognoses include:

  • Dry, brittle hair is a symptom of hypothyroidism. Looks like you're running low on hormones or moisturizing shampoo. . . .
  • White patches on your feet could mean you have pitted keratolysis. Great, so a colony of bacteria decided to move in or you forgot to use your antiperspirant again. . .
  • A rash from cheek to cheek could be a sign of lupus. Don't fret—your insides might be at war with an inflammatory disease or you may just need a higher SPF . . .
Drawn from real tenets of traditional medicine, modern research, and alternative practices, this tongue-in-cheek health guide will scratch your cyberchondriac's itch for information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781440533631
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation
  • Publication date: 5/18/2012
  • Pages: 224
  • Product dimensions: 5.70 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Paul Kleinman is a freelance writer; author of two books; and a self-described neurotic, self-diagnosing hypochondriac. He lives in New York, NY.

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Table of Contents

Introduction 5

Part 1 The Head 7

Chapter 1 Hair 8

Chapter 2 Scalp 13

Chapter 3 Face 19

Chapter 4 Eyes 28

Chapter 5 Ears 38

Chapter 6 Nose 44

Chapter 7 Mouth 51

Chapter 8 Neck 62

Part 2 The Torso 69

Chapter 9 Skin 70

Chapter 10 Shoulders 90

Chapter 11 Back 96

Chapter 12 Arms 105

Chapter 13 Hands 121

Chapter 14 Fingers 129

Chapter 15 Chest 138

Chapter 16 Breasts 143

Chapter 17 Stomach 152

Chapter 18 Pelvis 160

Chapter 19 Buttocks 180

Part 3 The Legs and Feet 189

Chapter 20 Legs 190

Chapter 21 Feet 206

Chapter 22 Toes 212

Index 219

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 11 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(7)

4 Star

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3 Star

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2 Star

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1 Star

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Sort by: Showing all of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 30, 2013

    Anonymas

    Miley was walking home from school when she felt her bladder try to go. OH-NO! She let out a few drops. She finaly found a home that no person was at.AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! She heard someone come back,so she ran! I still have to pee!
    What happens next? Seqal coming soon.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 8, 2013

    Wowwwww. (A short novel)

    “Hey, Mom! Look! I want this book, Mom! It has a naked guy on the front!” said Hunter loudly to his mother, right in the middle of a bookstore. "Hunter!" cried his mom. "Don't speak that way, especially in public!" Hunter sighed. "Ok, Mom. But still... It has a naked guy on the front!" "Hunter!!" his mom screeched. "No! You absolutely CANNOT get this book!" Hunter was very disappionted. He had a whole collection of books with naked (or nearly naked) people on the cover. This book just might be the ending of his collection. This book might mean he won't have to pester his mom for naked people books anymore! Hunter loved his collection of naked people books. His favorite was the one with the hot lady on the front. She was wearing a TINY bikini. He LOVED it. He kissed it every night. (Hunter was a pretty gross person, anyway.) He needed this book with the naked man!!!
    WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? WILL HUNTER GET THIS BOOK? SEQUEL COMING SOON!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 11, 2012

    Stuf

    I just saw this and was grossed out!Three words

    GROSS dont get

    My friend told me was worse than POOP!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 18, 2014

    To Diane Sokley

    Tu a stupide
    Grammar :(

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2014

    To the READ THIS ater

    Good but culd be better

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 22, 2013

    Pee story

    Ara was going to school when she started to pee and poop. She forced herself to stop. She started to run and ran into a boy. He could see she had to go to. Come into the bathroom. He pulled of her clothes she pulled of his. Ara gasped and he pooped in her mouth.then she drank the pee. He did the same. The end?

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2013

    PEE STORY

    Max had to go bad.He then saw a girl sayinnnnng,"My name is Sally, "Max" follw me " Sally and Max closed the door. Sally took her clothes off. She told Max to open& suck her vagtina.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 9, 2013

    Super pony 98

    Awesome book. Read it. Love it. Comment it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 3, 2013

    READ THIS!

    Amy was walking when she had to go to use the toilet. Then she ran into the cutest boy ever. Sorry but i have to go pee and poo. She said. And my name is amy. I have to too. And my name is jake. said the boy. Follow me. The walked to jakes house and went into the bathroom. Jake locked the door. The took off their clothes. Jack told amy to suck his penis. Amy did. Jake started peeing and amy drank it. Then jake stood up and placed his butt hole over amys mouth and straned till a small bit of poo landed in amys mouth. Amy chewed untill jake stopped pooping. Then jake knelt and amy stood up. Jake grabbed her vagina and sucked it. Amy peed and jake drank it. Then amy turned around and put her butt hole over jakes mouth. Amy pooped right away. After they finished jake and amy started making out and having sex. The next day amy and jake did it over again and the day after that and got married. Amy had 4 kids. THE END!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 1, 2013

    Peeing story by Diana Slokey. Please comment

    Kelly drank too much much water. She walked way back o her friend's house. It was late. She looked clock; 12:00pm. She said,"oh-no!" She felt her bladder began to tickle and she can't let her urine go. She skitted to Pepetio's Cafe. She said,"there must restroom here." Fifty people was waiting. Kelly went back,she thought,"one single drop way back my friend's house." She nodded herself and let one single drop way back. But one boy hitted her belly that made her bladder tickle again. She was in pain and she said,"sorry. I just walking." One boy blushed,"mine is Justin. I was in uncontrollable bladder." Kelly nodded,"Me too." She was in shock. Justin left but accidently peed his big puddle in one place. Justin was blushed with awarked feeling. Kelly kept walking with her mind rushing. She was controlling her bladder. Finally,she was able go to Pepe's cafe. Restroom is full. Kelly groaned. She was uncontrolled now. She found way to her friend's house. She peed behind Holly,her friend, yard. She sighed. And she was looking Justin peeing on Holly's yard. Kelly said,"What are you doing here?" Justin zipped his pants when Kelly was seeing him. He said,"I was out of control and i have to pee." Kelly sighed and went inside and she was sleeping overnight her house. Kelly unzipped his pants and said,"pee." THE END?

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 9, 2013

    Pee Part4

    Mark's bladder wouldn't go. He strained to let out a tiny drop. Nothing. "You've been waiting so long. You deserve to let go and pee. Pee is so wet, and warm. Just let go and pee," he thought. It worked better than he thought. HISS! Mark doubled over as the warm liquid spread over his pants. He forced himself to stop. Luckily, the street was deserted. He kept walking, but it was very hard to do. He walked past dogs reliving themselfs, and rushing streams. But he had 10 minutes to his house, and 3 until Mark peed. But he kept walking. NEXT AT SOAKING UP THE SUN!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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