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Changing the dynamics of unsatisfying relationships seems to be an elusive goal at best, but through this comprehensive view of the human psyche, readers will gain knowledge on how to separate their ego and true self and fundamentally restructure their relationships for the better. The ego often promotes the notion that identity stems from opinions, possessions, and other elements outside of the true self—an entity which lives in the present and is free from outward concerns and issues. Through eight chapters and complementary exercises, readers will learn to recognize, respect, and manage the manifestations of the ego in everyday interactions and arguments, thus stopping the ego from destroying the love that the true self is seeking. The final chapter of this helpful book suggests changes to the structure of relationships, with guidelines for resolving disagreements and making calmer choices in times of stress.
Introduction i
Chapter 1 Viewing Your Relationship From a New Perspective 1
Pathways in the Brain
Getting the Brain's Attention
Metaphors
Images and Imagery
Of Course You Can Do Imagery
Universal Symbols
Personal Symbols
Healing Exercise One 15
What Story Do You Tell Others About a Relationship That is Strained or Broken?
Chapter 2 Discovering Who You Are 19
Removing the Mask That Hides Your True Self
A Catalyst for Self-Discovery in the Bottom of a Hole
You Can Only Begin From Where You Are
Be Here Now
Don't Forget Your Camera
Understanding Your Personal Epistemology - and You Didn't Even Know You Had One
The Unconscious Contents of Your Backpack
Conscious Awareness of Who You Are
Your Temperament Rules (More of Less)
Extroverts and Introverts at a Party
Evolving Into a New Person
Healing Exercise Two 40
How Does Your Brain Store Information About Your Self-Identity and Your Relationships?
Chapter 3 Exploring How You Became Who You Are Today 45
Reviewing the Fabric of Your Life
The Limitations of Choice
Family Rituals
Family Rules
Family Myths
When Your Family Isn't Perfect
The Eight Things That Influence How We Become Who We Are
Healing Exercise Three 57
Why Do You Think You Are Who You Are?
Chapter 4 Managing Your Emotions 59
From "Shoulds" to Preferences
Healthy Emotions Lie at the Core of Healthy Relationships
Pulled Off Balance by Our Emotions
Unhooking the Velcro® Syndrome
Refusing to be Jerked Around
It Pays to Practice
Orchestra Leader, CEO, Director of a Play
The Ultimate Velcro® Remover
Breaking Fear's Hold on the Future
Five Ways to Appreciate Your Ability to Manage Emotions
A Special Symbol of Emotional Strength
Acknowledge Your Ability to Change Your Emotional Response
Quotations Worth Considering
Healing Exercise Four 76
How Do Your Emotions Help or Hinder Your Relationships?
Chapter 5 Setting a Goal for Your Relationship 79
Why Have You Not Been Able to Heal Your Relationship Before Now?
Are You Ready to Change?
What is Your Call to Action?
What Goal Can Help You Respond to Your Call to Action?
What Will Your Life Look Like When Your Relationship Has Changed?
What Challenges Are You Likely to Face as You Work Toward Your Goal?
What Are You Willing to Sacrifice Something For Your Relationship?
Are You Willing to Do Everything You Can to Heal Your Relationship?
Who Can Support You As You Heal Your Relationship?
Healing Exercise Five 87
What Are You Willing to Give Up In Order to Improve Your Relationship?
Chapter 6 Letting Go of Guilt and Regrets and Learning to Apologize and Forgive 89
Sorting Through Five Kinds of Guilt
Forgiving Guilt That Hangs on Too Long
Forgiving Yourself
Dealing With Regrets
Expressing Remorse and Asking for Forgiveness
It is Never Too Late to Apologize
Why It Is Hard to Forgive Others
How We Become Able to Forgive Others
Healing Exercise Six 113
How Will You Release Your Regrets?
Chapter 7 Strengthening Your True Self 117
Viewing the Self Unattached to our Disparate Parts
The Story of Bossy Betty and Creative Chris
A Comprehensive View of the Human Psyche
Constellations of Unmet Needs and Misconceptions
What's in a Name?
Chains, Ropes, Strings, and Thread
Recognizing, Respecting and Managing Your False Selves
Striping Away That Which Isn't You
Discovering the True Self
What Lies at the Center of Who You Are?
What I Am Not and What I Am
Being True to the True Self
Take Your Time
Healing Exercise Seven 140
What is the False Self at the Heart of Your Relationship Problems?
Chapter 8 Preventing Ego From Destroying Love 145
Take Charge of Your Own "Well of Happiness"
Myths of the Ego
How Can You Tell If Your Ego or Your True Self Is In Charge?
The Three Most Important Things About Sharing Your Experiences
Explaining a Spiritual Experience
Allowing Love to Open Your Heart
A Flow of Love Into and Out of the Heart
Why is Love So Powerful?
When We Shut the Heart to Love
Quarrelling Egos
Jumping to Conclusions
Words of Wisdom We Should Take to Heart
Healing Exercise Eight 175
Are You Ready to Manage Your Ego and Put Your True Self in Charge?
Chapter 9 Resolving Disagreements 177
Remembering What We Want From a Relationship
Managing Conflicts Requires Managing Egos
A Simple Request Coming from the Center of the Heart
Kind Assertion Works Better Than Aggression or Passivity
Listen With Your Third Ear
Silent Signals Speak Volumes
Ten Guidelines for Resolving Disagreements
Commitment to Fair Fighting
Uncovering the Invisible Contract
Dialects of the Language of Love
Gather the Family for Love and Healing
When You Are Unable to Resolve Your Differences
You Have to Open Your Own Egg
Peace in Your Heart Can Ripple Around the World
Healing Exercise Nine 210
How Has the Story of You and Someone With Whom You Have Conflicts Changed Since You Began This Book?
Appendix
Track the Progress You Have Made in Cleaning Out Your "Backpack" 212
Practice Adding Qualities to Your Life 215
Anonymous
Posted June 2, 2012
Silences house.
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Overview
Changing the dynamics of unsatisfying relationships seems to be an elusive goal at best, but through this comprehensive view of the human psyche, readers will gain knowledge on how to separate their ego and true self and fundamentally restructure their relationships for the better. The ego often promotes the notion that identity stems from opinions, possessions, and other elements outside of the true self—an entity which lives in the present and is free from outward concerns and issues. Through eight chapters and...