Steven Carter and Julia Sokol are co-authors of the international best-sellers, WHAT SMART WOMEN KNOW, MEN WHO CAN’T LOVE (How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man), MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO LIKE THEMSELVES, GETTING TO COMMITMENT, and LOVE & SELF-ESTEEM. Since they first coined the term commitmentphobia and painted a comprehensive picture of the symptoms of this complex problem, they have been recognized relationship experts. They have been interviewed by most major newspapers, including The New York Times, the Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, and The Los Angeles Times and have appeared on television and radio talk shows such as Oprah, The Today Show, and Good Morning America.
HELP! I'M IN LOVE WITH A NARCISSISTby Steven Carter
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Have you ever been hurt, sometimes badly, by a romantic partner's over the top level of self-involvement? Have you ever wondered why and how a loved one could be so self-absorbed and oblivious to what you are experiencing? Narcissists are often experts in intensity, passion, and romantic seduction. It's easy to fall in love with them, but they always make sure that their relationships are organized around their priorities, agendas, and emotional ups-and-downs. Their feelings and needs always come first!
In HELP! I'M IN LOVE WITH A NARCISSIST, Carter and Sokol show you how to recogize narcissistic behavior and understand why we are attracted to partners who are self-absorbed. They also help you understand why so many narcissists have commitment issues and how narcissism and commitmentphobia are closely connected. Learn how to realistically appraise your partner's capacity for love and get the tools to help you change yourself and avoid falling for partners who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
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This book is a God-send! My ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost a year. Prior to that, we were separated for 3 years, and married for a total of 12 years. My relationship with my ex-husband evolved in the exact pattern described by the authors as 'narcissistic/commitmentphobic': 1)The beginning: when he made me feel 'intensely special', like I was the woman and life partner he adored and had hoped for all his life, 2)The middle: when we got married and he quickly began to emotionally withdraw little by little, 3)The end: when he kept running away and I spent years trying desperately to figure out why he would do nothing to save our marriage while I did everything known to man to try to reach him, get him to understand and respond to my needs, and get back to the loving commitment I thought we had made, and, 4)The bitter end: when he ended the marriage--leaving me bewildered, heartbroken, feeling totally rejected, devalued & completely meaningless! After years of refusing to address any of our problems but telling me he loved me, my ex-husband ultimately agreed to go to counselling--but never really addressed our marital problems and finally rejected all efforts by our therapist and me to discuss or modify his destructive behaviors. Fortunately, our therapist was a 30-year accredited professional who diagnosed my ex-husband with 4 mental illnesses, including Narcissistic Personality Disorder (toxic narcissism). Even after learning these diagnoses and reading everything I could get my hands on to understand the psychological torture I lived through, I was still reeling from the pain of what our therapist referred to as a form of psychological domestic abuse. My ex-husband NEVER changed in the slightest, no matter what I did, despite his health, his business and our marriage going down the drain. This book describes the characteristics and painful reality of loving a narcissist in the most accurate detail I have ever seen! I felt that my 15-year attempt at relationship with my ex-husband was being described on almost every page. This is an insidious personality disorder--but it is predictable, recognizable and avoidable IF you learn what narcissism is, its behavior patterns, the red flags, and your own personal susceptibilities. Narcissism is a seductive, manipulative destroyer of relationships. Learn how to distinguish between 'normal' selfish issues and true narcissism, and how to protect yourself from narcissism's ravages by reading this eye-opening, supportive book. How I wish I had known how to recognize what was happening to me! How thankful I am that these authors have made it possible to help others avoid and begin to recover from this brutal abuse! A 'must read' for anyone who has experienced being 'swept off your feet' by a potential romantic partner! Katie Holmes--be careful!! If it feels too good to be true--it just might be!! As the authors point out: 'if you think you are being offered the relationship of a lifetime, you'll have a lifetime to enjoy it, so take it slow'. This book was an enormous step in my healing process: in validating and clarifying the overwhelming reality of what I experienced but couldn't understand at the time, and in helping me recognize and avoid narcissists in the future. This valuable information has helped me see that I am not alone in this recovery. It also helped me recognize these characteristics in a man I had started going out with after my divorce, and who I eventually decided to stop dating because I saw the red flags. Now, I'm working on the things about myself which, according to the authors, likely made me a prime target for narcissists! I DO believe that there is life after narcissism, and happy, healthy relationships to look forward to in the future!!!
Such a breakthrough book that simply and conceisely explains this condition that frankly 2 years of therapy failed to do. If you even suspect that someone in your life touches on these issues, read it, you will be grateful for the insight. One of the most memorable 'self-help'/'realtionship' books I think I have ever laid hands on.
It's them. Toxic narcissists are incredibly destructive people, and if you become entangled with one, you may very well be emotionally damaged as a result. Carter and Sokol give the rest of us the tools to recognize and deal with narcissists, as well as offering the strength to leave the relationship. The book also includes information from their previous book, Men Who Can't Love- the combination of toxic narcissism and commitment phobia is deadly for anyone who wants a normal, stable relationship. Overall, the book is easy to read, and, as opposed to some books in this genre, doesn't blame the victim and instead gives readers concrete information that will help them deal with people who have this personality disorder.
Very helpful book for anyone struggling to recover after being devalued and discarded by a narcissistic partner.
This book will educate you about your narcissistic partner, parent, or friend in a very easy to read, detailed way.