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When MÖtley CrÜe was at the height of its fame, there wasn't any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn't do. He spent days -- sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers -- in a coke and heroin-fueled daze. The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.
Here, Nikki shares those diary entries -- some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre -- and reflects on that time. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more.
Brutally honest, utterly riveting, and shockingly moving, The Heroin Diaries follows Nikki during the year he plunged to rock bottom -- and his courageous decision to pick himself up and start living again.
Merry Christmas.
Well, that's what people say at Christmas, right? Except normally they have somebody to say it to. They have their friends and family all around them. They haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.
They're not out of their minds and writing in a diary and they're not watching their holiday spirit coagulating in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today...I thought of calling Bob Timmons, but why should I ruin his Christmas?
I guess I've decided to start another diary this time for a few different reasons...
1. I have no friends left.
2. So I can read back and remember what I did the day before.
3. So if I die, at least I leave a paper trail of my life (nice lil suicide note).
Merry Christmas...it's just you and me, diary. Welcome to my life.
BOB TIMMONS: By Christmas 1986, Nikki had been addicted to heroin and cocaine for at least a year, possibly longer. As a drug counselor, I first met Nikki when MÖtley CrÜe's manager, Doc McGhee, called me in to work with the band's singer, Vince Neil. Nikki was initially very hostile to me; he tried to get me barred from going backstage or being around them.
Nikki and I slowly formed a relationship, and early in 1986 he asked me for help with his own addictions. I advised him to go into a rehab center but he refused and said he didn't need to. He was very stubborn on that issue.
Over the years I have worked with platinum-selling artists from the Rolling Stones to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and all points in between, and let me make one thing clear from the start-MÖtley CrÜe, more than anybody, wrote the book for decadence and partying. In that area they were the most extreme people I ever met, and Nikki was the most extreme of all. For many years, Nikki had one motto: I'm going to do exactly what I want to do, and fuck everybody else.
Van Nuys, 2:10 a.m.
Jason came over again today. I was touched...so there is a Santa Claus, after all. He came mooching in, with his greasy James Dean hair and his junkie eyes that are sunk so deep in his elongated face that he looks like he's wearing makeup, and he stood by the tree and asked me how my Christmas had been. Like he cares...like he doesn't know already that it was exactly the same as his. Sometimes Jason pisses me off when he tries to make small talk. He asked me how much gear I wanted, and I asked, how much have you got? And he gave me this contemptuous, sneering look and said, that must be nice...
His Betty Page-wannabe Goth girlfriend Anastasia isn't much better. Oh, she's nice enuff, but I know on the inside I'm just her meal ticket to an easier, softer life. I know she tells Jason to jump when I call because she, more than he, wants the money. Not just for the junk, they make enuff off me to maintain their cheap little habits, but she likes to decorate their little one-room rat's nest with the extra money they have left over. That's the real reason she demands he comes at my beck and call...she likes that extra cash for thrift shops and secondhand stores.
I see her as a sorta Suzie Homemaker from Hell, but it's all just a fantasy-she's stuck with a habit too...
NIKKI: My dealer Jason and I had a real love-hate relationship. I loved him because I could pick up the phone and he'd be over in twenty minutes with everything I needed. I hated him because it was killing me. He loved me because I gave him hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars on a daily basis. He hated me because I was a spoiled millionaire rock star who could have anything I wanted whenever I wanted it, and usually did.
I used to ride a Honda Shadow motorcycle around the Valleys with my shirt off, totally out of my mind. One time Jason started talking about Harleys and how much he loved them. Tommy had one, so the next day I just went out and bought one and rode it to Jason's house to score. He was furious: it was his dream bike, he'd shown me a picture of it and I'd bought it. He thought I was such a spoiled brat.
Jason was as fucked on heroin as me. He was a tall, skinny guy who in another life could have been a model, or something, but he really just came off looking like a corpse. That was the real reason he hated me: we were both living for drugs, but I could afford as many as I wanted.
Van Nuys, 4:15 a.m.
The best part of freebase is before the first hit. I love that moment, right before I put the glass pipe to my lips...that moment when everything is sane, and the craving, the salivating, the excitement all feel fresh and innocent. It's like foreplay...the ache that's always better than the orgasm.
Yet as soon as I hit the pipe, within 30 seconds all hell breaks lose in my brain...and I keep on doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and I can't stop. Every day that I sit here and write, it's always the same. So-why? Why do I do this? I hate it...I hate it so much, but I love it even more.
The worst part of freebase is running out. But I have a new jones-speedballs of any kind. The junk just isn't enough anymore...I feel like I'm only halfway there...
TOMMY LEE: Back around Girls Girls Girls, we were starting to make shitloads of money. With money came success, power, overindulgence and experimentation. Sixx and I, in particular, took a lot of narcotics, and he would always want to push things: "Hey, how about taking these two drugs together? How about heroin and cocaine at the same time?" That period led us to this really dark fucking place. We all went to that place at various times-but Nikki seemed to like it there more than any of us.
Van Nuys, 9:40 p.m.
After I binged last night-or was it tonight-I was convinced yet again that there were people coming to get me. It was more than just shadows and voices, more than just fantasies...it was real, and I was scared to my core.
My bones were shaking...my heart was pounding...I thought I was going to explode. I'm glad I have you to talk to, to write this down...I tried to keep it all together, but then I gave in to the madness and became one with my insanity...
I always end up in the closet in my bedroom. Let me tell you about that place, my closet. It's more than a closet-it's a haven for me. It's where I keep my dope and where I keep my gun. I know when I'm in there I'm safe, at least until I get too high. I can't be out in the house-there are too many windows and I know I'm being watched. Right now it seems impossible that cops are peering in from the trees outside or people are looking at me thru the peeohole at the front door. But when the drugs kick in I can't control my mind...
Today, last night feels like a lifetime ago. But the sick thing is I could do it again tonight.
NIKKI: This was the crazy routine I had at the time. I would start out freebasing or mainlining anywhere in the house: the front room, the kitchen, the bathroom. But as soon as the coke-induced psychosis kicked in, as soon as the insanity began, I would make a beeline for my bedroom closet. That was my refuge. I would huddle in there, surrounded by my drug paraphernalia and guns, convinced that people were in the house trying to get me, or a SWAT team was outside preparing to bust me. I would be too scared to move until I came down. The only way to bring myself down quicker was heroin. Heroin would make the madness go away: it was the easy solution. It seemed to make sense at the time.
Van Nuys, 4:30 p.m.
I've been thinking about last Christmas Eve when I picked up that girl in a strip club, brought her back here on my bike, took her home the next day, then had Christmas dinner all by myself in McDonald's. I haven't made much progress I see.
Today I'm listening to Exile on Main Street, reading, laying around...tanning in the backyard, naked...today I feel like my old self. Sometimes I feel like I have two personalities. One is Nikki and one is...Sikki.
ROSS HALFIN: As a photographer I've shot MÖtley CrÜe many times over the years for magazines and got particularly close to Nikki. I remember the first time I ever met him in LA we got on pretty well and decided to go for a drink that night. We sat talking in a booth. Vince Neil was in another booth with a girl, arguing, and Vince suddenly stood up and punched her in the face. I asked Nikki, "Should we sort it out?" And Nikki just laughed and said, "Let them sort it out themselves."
Copyright 2007 © Nikki Sixx
Sierra_0001
Posted July 15, 2010
I Also Recommend:
Before reading this book, I hadn't had the slightest idea who Nikki Sixx was, or Motley Crue. The only person I had heard of in this book was Tommy Lee, and that was only because he married Pamala Anderson. Now that I know how everyday life was in Nikki Sixx's, Tommy Lee's, Mick Mars and Vince Neil's life everyday, I really do respect all of them a lot more. Everyday life for them was drugs, sex and rock n' roll. Nikki was even board with his own life. He hated his life. He hated his fame. Twice in the book he wrote-- "You want fame? Take mine. Because I hate it." When he said that, it made me really realize that what he was going through was real; nothing in this book is fake. I mean... how many times would YOU lie in a diary?
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted October 9, 2008
I have always loved Motley Crue. To me they have been the ageless group. I'm 21 and listen to their music as if it just came out yesterday. I had always heard about Nikki's drug problem, but never really understood it until I read the book. It was truly amazing. He's very vivid in his details. I could not take my eyes off this book. It's given in the best perspective as he did the drugs. No doubt, the best book. A very REAL book/
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted September 28, 2008
For anyone who has been touched by addiction, this book is truly inspirational. It is a well written portrait of a man who visited hell almost daily and survived to tell his story. One of the best books I have ever read, I have read it three times now and will most likely read it again
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Demert
Posted March 6, 2012
One of the best rock star bios on the shelf. Nicki Sixx tells an amazing story of his life. This book is an inspiration to all those battling their own kind of demons. Excellent read.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 15, 2012
This book takes me back, and reminds me why I am living day by day....be it a good day or bad, it is better than before.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted July 13, 2011
This book was awesome, once you pick it up you can't put it down
1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.RazBxViper
Posted July 12, 2011
As a recovering addict as well, I felt that Nikki couldn't have told the story better. He brings wit and humor to what some would say is a very dark and morbid subject. I received this book as a present and couldn't have been more happier. I recommend it to anyone who loves to read.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted July 7, 2010
I met nikki sixx when I lived in hollywood and worked at the tropicana, we both were into our addictions and now to read and see him come out and in the open about the hell of it all. People read this book as an inspiration and for those of you still lost this book can be your light at the end of the tunnel. That's why he let you in his private life what a man.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.As a fan of Mötley Crüe I was absolutely thrilled to see this on the shelf. The secret past life of Nikki Sixx is exposed in every waking detail through his daily diary entries.
Readers get a scoop on the real life experiences Sixx has encountered with his struggle to give up his love for narcotic usage. As Nikki's world collapses he finds himself at the lowest point of his life; his addiction and mental instability keep him from happiness and his will to live.
Each captivating chapter you think "this is as bad as it gets" but no, it gets worse. Sixx survives insane tours, gallons of alcohol, countless doses of narcotics, death and yet he lives to tell the tale.
As harrowing life can get, Sixx shows how you can always turn your life around and start again. He demonstrates how you can always pick yourself up and see that "life is beautiful."
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 16, 2009
can't believe this guy is still alive. an absolutely fascinating read!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 23, 2008
Nikki Sixx¿s dark and twisted memoir ¿The Heroin Diaries¿ is a collection of diary entries from a time in the life of shattered rock star Nikki Sixx, telling his thoughts, troubles, and very abusive use of every drug he could get his hands on.
The book starts with the first page in his diary on December 25, 1986 Nikki describes in his first entry ¿why?¿, and from there the story grows deeper, taking the reader through the dark times and the good times, and shining light on everything in between.
The diary is written from Nikki Sixx¿s point of view in 1986 and follows his life through that entire year. If the twisted and awkward entries aren¿t enough, with the help of Ian Gitting, Sixx added commentary from people who played major parts in the ¿adventures¿, including his band mates, managers, girlfriends, and himself.
The book revolves around Sixx. Since it is his diary there are main players in the entries as well. Most noted would be Vince Neil the arrogant vocalist of his band, and Tommy Lee Sixx¿s ¿Toxic Twin¿, good friend, and drummer. Vanity, Nikki¿s girlfriend and fellow drug addict also plays a major role in this time in his life.
Throughout the entries the setting changes dramatically, although it seems Sixx only writes in it at his home in Van Nuys. His drug induced state makes it difficult to tell what he is describing, and often he is drunk or high when writing in his journal, making it difficult to tell what he is seeing or where he is, although readers will be amazed at descriptions that sound so up surd it doesn¿t sound like a drug induced rock star would think to write them.
This book was meant mainly to inform about drug use, and as a druggie when the entries were written Sixx writes his unclear thoughts about drugs and how the take the pain away only to make it come back tenfold. This was written for young adults to be informed about drugs and how they destroy your life. It contains many scenes of violence, very immature behavior, and many obscene acts that some may find inappropriate.
Throughout the entire book readers will find the dark and tantalizing world that Sixx lived in to be fascinating and repulsive at the same time, drawing them deeper and deeper into his world, and all the pain he felt and the stupid things that he has done.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted September 16, 2008
I have read all the books about Motley Crue and knew from those and from the media about Nikki Sixx's drug use. This book gave me an insight on what a struggle he really had. It was an easy read. I loved it and finished it in one day!
1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted May 8, 2012
I coyld read it over and over agin
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 1, 2012
I love it....its an awsome book and some sad
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 4, 2012
Brutally honest
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.BPro11
Posted March 29, 2012
Couldn't put this one down. I loved it from the beginning to the end, as sick as that is to say because its pretty unreal how dark his life was. It really gives you a clear picture of what it actually means when you hear the phrase "Sex, Drugs & Rock & Roll". I don't think anyone else could have told a better story if they were trying.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.austinhukle
Posted February 28, 2012
This is a great book. It is so addicting and you can't stop reading it. I am a big fan of Motley Crue and Nikki Sixx and after reading this it is just insane how much he went through and to know what was really going on in his life during the era. Im not a big reader but this is definatley one of my favorite if not my favorite book. it's simply fantastic. YOU MUST READ IT
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Posted January 25, 2012
Nikki's diary leads you into a life of addiction fueled by anger, self loathing and sadness. It's a miracle he came out the other
side, a lot of people don't. An interesting read for all motley crue and hard rock fans out there.
Anonymous
Posted January 21, 2012
I never really listened to motley crue that much growing up but have a great appreciation for glam metal. I knew motley was known for their partying ways simply because u cant step into a strip club without hearing a hand full of theur songs. However, never did i expect such a heartwrenching and difficult journey their bassist and lead songwriter endured on his road to recovery from heroin addiction. He is open and very honest about his pain and depression yet still finds a way to mask it with arrogance and alcohol. As a recovering alcoholic myself this book waa a pleasant read to know even those who seem to have it all can fall victim to addiction and overcome it.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 18, 2012
Great book. Nikki was very open and honest with his life. Definetaly story worth reading.
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Overview
In one of the most unique memoirs of addiction ever published, MÖtley CrÜe's Nikki Sixx shares mesmerizing diary entries from the year he spiraled out of control in a haze of heroin and cocaine, presented alongside riveting commentary from people who were there at the time, and from Nikki himself.
When MÖtley CrÜe was at the height of its fame, there wasn't any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn't do. He spent days -- sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers -- in a coke and heroin-fueled daze. The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ...