He's Just Not in the Stars: Wicked Astrology and Uncensored Advice for Getting the (Almost) Perfect Guy [NOOK Book]

Overview

He's Just Not in the Stars is a sinful combination of He's Just Not That into You, Sex and the City, and The Secret Language of Birthdays. If all is fair in love and war, this is the right ammunition. . . .

Hindsight is 20/20. Love is blind. With all that good and bad vision out there, who's gonna give you some serious insight?

Sex columnist and love astrology expert Jenni Kosarin is taking names and kicking astrological butt. . . . Flirt. ...

See more details below
He's Just Not in the Stars: Wicked Astrology and Uncensored Advice for Getting the (Almost) Perfect Guy

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$12.99
BN.com price

Overview

He's Just Not in the Stars is a sinful combination of He's Just Not That into You, Sex and the City, and The Secret Language of Birthdays. If all is fair in love and war, this is the right ammunition. . . .

Hindsight is 20/20. Love is blind. With all that good and bad vision out there, who's gonna give you some serious insight?

Sex columnist and love astrology expert Jenni Kosarin is taking names and kicking astrological butt. . . . Flirt. Crush. Boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. Husband. Whatever. What's his potential? What's he looking for? How do you fix things once you've messed up? Which sign will give you another chance and which won't? Find out his idiosyncrasies before you date him. Find out who's ready for a relationship and who'll still be hanging out in twentysomething bars in fifteen years. (Uh. Creepy.)

Here, get the scoop on how your man stacks up. Decipher. Crack the code. Get stellar advice.

The concept is revolutionary: Combine his Sun Sign with his Venus. That's all. No "rising signs," no tricking his mother into telling you what time he was born. No cookie-cutter generalizations. This book is frighteningly specific. Filled with sixty easy-to-follow combos, it's illustrated with ironic, gossip-filled, shocking real-life examples of famous celebs such as:

  • Colin Firth (Virgo, Venus in Libra): Virgo + Libra = sexy and subtle combo
  • Orlando Bloom (Capricorn, Venus in Pisces): Capricorn is all for security, Pisces is a full-on romantic = good guy
  • Chris Rock (Aquarius, Venus in Capricorn): Aquarius can be about partnership when Capricorn grounds it
  • Ethan Hawke (Scorpio, Venus in Scorpio): Ladykiller double sign combo
  • Antonio Banderas (Leo, Venus in Virgo): Hint: the Virgo makes him stay

. . . plus many, many others. By defining him in a way that's never been done before, He's Just Not in the Stars gives it to you straight. No tiptoeing around. No hugging and sharing. No coddling. Deal with it.

(Cue drum roll.) This is for the woman who wants to take charge of her own destiny. Is he in the stars? Time won't tell. Jenni Kosarin will.

He's Just Not in the Stars is the last hip, irreverent relationship book you'll ever want. Throw away the rest . . .

They're taking up space where your happily married pictures should go.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
In this fun guide to men, psychic Kosarin (The Everything Astrology Book) helps women assess their boyfriends and husbands using astrology and common sense. According to Kosarin, the combination of sun sign and placement of Venus on a person's birth date supplies volumes of information on one's personality in love. She uses celebrity examples to illustrate her point and includes in each of the 12 chapters-one for each sign of the zodiac-a short dictionary of terms describing that sign. For those unacquainted with the intricacies of astrology, she helpfully provides a chart for finding the location of Venus at different points throughout the decades. This entertaining read will be scooped up wherever horoscope books are popular. Recommended for most public libraries. Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061870392
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 10/13/2009
  • Sold by: HARPERCOLLINS
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 625,142
  • File size: 3 MB

Meet the Author

Sex columnist and love astrology expert Jenni Kosarin is a native New Yorker who has also lived in Florence, Cancun, and Mexico City, where she learned from the wisdom passed down from generations of astrologers, the real deal. Her techniques are singular. She has written for USA Networks, is the author of five other nonfiction books, and has contributed to magazines such as First for Women, YM, Reader's Digest, and Glamour. Kosarin is a graduate of Cornell University and currently resides in New York City.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

He's Just Not in the Stars

Wicked Astrology and Uncensored Advice for Getting the (Almost) Perfect Guy
By Jenni Kosarin

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Jenni Kosarin
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060887281

Chapter One

Aries, Ex or Next

(the Ram, March 21-April 19)

Aries Rude-iments

I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you but, when it comes to men--and whether or not they have good relationship potential--you have to look at two things: first, his Venus (love sign). And then his Sun sign (the basis for his personality in general). But with Aries it's different. There are three things you must consider. Lucky you. After you've sorted through the first two--and have thrown out the last of the used tissues--you must ask yourself one necessary, though frightening, question: Is he an Aries with his birthday in March or in April?

Listen to me. Astrologers don't give you this one big piece of information. Maybe they're protecting you. Maybe they just don't want you to throw the baby out with the bathwater (ha!--actually a fitting reference, considering who we're dealing with here). But you're gotta know. You simply must:

If he's an April Aries, okay. Maybe you'll be okay. If he's a March Aries (especially one near the Pisces cusp), run! Get out of town! Hop on the bus. Make a new plan, Fran. Be coy, Joy. And set yourself free.

You should know that it's gonna take your March Aries a little more time to grow up thanyou'd hoped (like 120 to 130 years longer . . . you'll be dead by then), and in the meantime he might even just be a little psychotic and an insensitive bastard (oh, but he may also be good at convincing you, at first, that he's not). That's right. He's Chucky and Chucky Returns. Combined.

I'm not playing around here. There may be a difference between your March guy and your April Aries guy: a straitjacket, designed especially for you.

So I just thought you'd want to know this now, going in. Consider yourself forewarned. Read on, knowing that there's some hope to make him a decent boyfriend, and I'll tell you how. Go. Go in peace.

Just remember that Luke resisted the Dark Side. And so can you.

Aries Tongue Lashing

"You want me. You know you do."

"No I don't!" you insist, lips pursed. It kills you that this man's got you. You hate it. You hate him. You're beginning to hate yourself.

Aries man licks his lips, penetrates you with his eyes, and smiles so cockily you'd like to smack him. But you don't.

Damn, he's good.

"I'm going to kiss you. Now."

"No you're not!" you hear yourself whimper, impressed. Damn, he's sexy. Your head whips around to check if others are listening in on the unfolding scene. You almost wish they were. You giggle, feeling ridiculous for imitating a fourteen-year-old virgin. (Get real. You know he's gonna do it anyway, but it's--let's face it--fun to let him charm the pants off you. Literally.)

"I'm going to caress you with my tongue and make your loins ache for me."

"Not in front of all these people!" you assert, louder now, with conviction. But you're smiling. Unabashedly. Swooning. Pretending that you don't like the public displays of affection when, in fact, your knees are jelly under the table. You wish he'd just do it already and shut up.

You love it. You love this man. You see yourself walking down the aisle to him. You see him as the father of your children. You imagine him in the future as the romantic, spontaneous, charismatic fool for you he is now. The love of your life. The one. Showering you with love and affection. Rocking your world in bed and in life.

Wait! (Record scratches. Violins abate.)

Not so fast. Are you sitting down? Really? Good. Take a deep breath and listen. About your Aries man: Six months of erotic, sexy quicksand. A sinking ship made of lead. Seriously. In the beginning, he's soooo charming. Then something changes. All of a sudden . . .

He wants to be pampered. He wants you to think like he thinks. He wants you to be perfect. Always. He wants his mommy. He wants you to be his mommy and to put him in his place. He wants to see you as his lover, his confidante (his webcam partner--he's so big . . . on political issues). The absolute love of his life. He wants. He wants. He wants.

Are you noticing a pattern?

Aries are the children of the zodiac. Make no mistake. That "grounded," "super-smart," "sensitive," "moralistic," "self-assured" "man" you've just nabbed (or are dying to) will cry, whine, and stamp his feet if you take his ducky from the tub.

Aries: Is He into You?

Out of nowhere (and you're privy to the inane consequences of your actions) you start flipping coins, wondering if it's going to last. You feel it won't. You absolutely do. But there's that little voice inside you saying, "Shut up, Goddamn it! I'm doing the best I can here!"

Because you just can't help yourself. Because Aries men are like those little boys who are so cuuute, you just can't stop staring at them: You know the ones. They make you want to have kids and dress them up in snappy little overalls with preppy starch-collared shirts and parade them all around the park in front of the other jealous mothers.

"Look at him!" you screech gleefully, unable to contain yourself. "Don't you just wanna pinch his cheeks and take him home?" And they do want to. Because he's got something. He's special. And he knows it.

And so do you. Damn it.

Aries guys can make awful boyfriends because they're just so easy to fall in love with. They have their good points. The power thing is sexy. The righteousness thing they've got going on gives you a sense of security. And it may just be a false sense. He seems like he's a take-control guy. All roads point to the fact that he can take care of you. This is, alas, perhaps an illusion. Financially, he can. Emotionally, he may just have problems--serious ones. And you need to know this, friend, right now. Listen up: You need to take control.



Continues...

Excerpted from He's Just Not in the Stars by Jenni Kosarin Copyright © 2006 by Jenni Kosarin. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 5, 2011

    Lame

    I've read many astrology books and hers is lame. It's mostly a negative of the signs. If you are looking for a book to help you with dating and selections this is not it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 14, 2006

    hilarious page-turner that is amazingly accurate

    Prior to reading this book I didn¿t know much about astrology, but it was one of the BEST BOOKS I¿VE READ. Like most guys, I went to the section that described me based on my sign, and I felt like I was reading my autobiography! Kosarin a great writer and her pop culture references are hilarious, but ultimately, what makes this book so great is that it¿s accurate. I can¿t see how anyone interested in love, astrology, dating, or human nature, could go without reading this book.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 28, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 6, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)