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Clues You Are a Hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
2. You frequently use the term "postmodern" (or its commonly used variation"PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (ElimiDATE, Quiet Riot, and Entertainment Weekly are popular ones) that helps to define you as well-rounded.
5. You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.
6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine.
7. You bought your dishes and a checkered tablecloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties.
8. You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your "one Republican friend."
9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself.
10. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
11. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City.
"The Hipster Handbook is your official guide to the language, culture and style of hipsters young and old…. There's even a dating guide for various hipster combinations." –Los Angeles Times
"Describes everything cool–the slang, the dress code, the career path, greetings and (of course) taste in music kids from the Inner Mission to Williamsburg ascribe to--in pitch-perfect detail…. [T]his guy clearly has some insider information himself. Gently teasing and hilarious." –Philadelphia Weekly
"The Hipster Handbook is The Official Preppy Handbook for people who wear Atari T-shirts." –Esquire
You've seen them all over town with their mop-top haircuts, swinging retro pocketbooks, talking on cell phones, smoking European cigarettes, shading their eyes behind bug-eyed lenses, and strutting in platform shoes with a biography of Che sticking out of their bags. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes, and nationalities. Beck is one. Jack Kerouac was one. Meg from the White Stripes is one. And the girl at work in the Jackie-O dress is one too. You may even be one yourself. From New York to New Zealand, Hipsters are everywhere. Welcome to The Hipster Handbook, the first guide to what it means to be a Hipster.
Since Hipsters are a vital part of the international social fabric, this book is for everyone. If you are a Hipster yourself, carry it in your back pocket or in your purse. Excuse yourself to the bathroom during that important party and brush up on the correct lingo by consulting our glossary. Even Hipsters need a refresher course from time to time, and you wouldn't want to be throwing out dated slang like "grody" or "wicked" when mixing with other Hipsters in the know.
If you are not a Hipster, but want to learn more about this ubiquitous genus, this book is for you too. We will teach you how to spot Hipsters, how to interact with them, and how to better understand their unique culture. If you are a parent with Hipster children, this book will help you understand and maybe even talk to your children. You'll also become just a little more deck in the process. If you are a scientist, we hope you'll use our anthropological studies as a starting point to document the phenomenon of this emerging human archetype. Our research garnered us a nomination for the Margaret Mead Award in 2001.
And finally, this book is for those among you who want to become Hipsters yourselves. Anyone can become one with the proper education. Study this book and complete the questionnaire at the end and you will be on your way.
But perhaps we are being too kind in saying this book is for everyone. Some people are clearly hopeless. If you are a neo-Nazi and accessorize with an automatic weapon, this book is not for you. If you have appeared in the Girls Gone Wild video series, this book is not for you. If you go to tanning salons, this book is not for you. If you listen to Slipknot and have ever been to the Warped Tour, this book is not for you. And perhaps most important, if you are wearing a sweatshirt that has a Disney character on it, this book is not for you.
For everyone else, we present the long-overdue documentation of what it means to be deck-or, depending on your age, groovy, nifty, fresh, chic, savvy, fly, bodacious, jazzy, cool, righteous, hip, and hep. This is the motherfucking Hipster handbook.
|Everything That Once Was Cool Is Now Deck||1|
|11 Clues You Are a Hipster||2|
|11 Clues You Are Not a Hipster||3|
|Who Says "Tubular" Anymore?||4|
|Phrases and Terms Avoided by Hipsters||11|
|Core Elements of Hipsterdom||12|
|Hipster Personality Type: The UTF (Unemployed Trust-Funder)||14|
|Styles Hipsters Avoid||17|
|What About Indie Rockers?||18|
|Hipsters and Non-Hipsters in History: Separating the Deck from the Fin||20|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Clubber||26|
|Dining, Diet, and Dinner Parties||29|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Loner||32|
|The Cosmopolitan Cosmopolitan: Choosing a Bar||35|
|The Perfect Bronson||39|
|Finely Brewed for Greasers: Beers Hipsters Avoid||39|
|Deck Chowder: Hipster Cocktails||40|
|Midtown Happy Hour: Cocktails Hipsters Avoid||41|
|Gotta Light? Hipster Cigarettes||41|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Schmooze||42|
|Hipster Grooming: More Than a Matter of Style||46|
|Follicles, Pores, and Flubber: Grooming, Makeup, and Surgery for the Hipster Female||49|
|Hipster Hairdos for Men||52|
|Hipster Hairdos for Women||54|
|Hipster Personality Types: Maxwells, Carpets, and CK-1s||56|
|Tattoos: They've Gone Suburban||61|
|Metal as Fuck||65|
|Hipster Personality Type: The WASH (Waitstaff and Service Hipster)||66|
|Waddup Bitch?! Hipsters and Their Greetings||69|
|www.thehipsterhandbook.com and Other Deck Sites||77|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Neo-Crunch||79|
|A Day in the Life (Slacker Style)||83|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Teeter||90|
|Indigenous Zones of the Hipster in the United States and Canada||93|
|The Ivy Leagues for Hipsters||93|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Polit||99|
|Working for the Man||102|
|The Job Interview||110|
|Hipster Personality Type: The Bipster||112|
|Hipster Music: I Want My MTV Disconnected||116|
|Hipster Literature: If You Haven't Read These Works, at Least Pretend You Have||126|
|Hipster Cinema: Rolling Out the Red Carpet, or The Oscars Suck Ass||132|
|Matters of the Heart: Dating a Hipster||137|
|Some Common (and Uncommon) Pairings in Dating||140|
|Dating a Non-Hipster||148|
|The Aging Hipster||151|
|The Questionnaire: Are You a Hipster?||160|
|Behind the Scenes: It Takes a Village||167|
Posted April 11, 2004
Posted July 21, 2003
Posted February 20, 2003
Ok, ok.... Do Hipsters really need a Handbook? Aren't they the originators of cool, or should I say "deck." I was a naysayer when I heard the title, but I must confess, this book is hilarious. Written by Lanham almost as an anthropological study The Hipster Handbook merges highbrow and lowbrow comedy with a dead-on eye for the nuances of Hipsters. The glossary of terms is hilarious and the illustrations alone make this a must own for the square and hip alike! I'm still laughing at this very funny read.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 24, 2003
The best birthday present I've received in years! At dinner parties/cocktails/etc open to a random page and everybody cracks up or says, "that's totally me!" How very rare to find social commentary that is both dead-on and drop-dead funny. I predict that this will be *the* coffee table book for years to come.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 30, 2009
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