His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

4.2 123
by Willard F. Jr. Harley
     
 

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How can couples experience a lifetime of passion and fulfillment in marriage? By identifying each other's most important emotional needs and developing habits to meet them. This is the basis for two books from best-selling author Willard Harley.
Now it's easy for couples to learn together from these books—for the first time they can listen to five

Overview

How can couples experience a lifetime of passion and fulfillment in marriage? By identifying each other's most important emotional needs and developing habits to meet them. This is the basis for two books from best-selling author Willard Harley.
Now it's easy for couples to learn together from these books—for the first time they can listen to five unabridged CDs of the widely popular His Needs, Her Needs, or to four unabridged audiotapes of Fall in Love, Stay in Love (read by the author). With these tools, spouses will learn about the Love Bank, how to cultivate passion, and how to resolve marital conflict.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780800744236
Publisher:
Baker Publishing Group
Publication date:
06/01/2002
Edition description:
Unabridged
Pages:
360
Sales rank:
716,215
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 5.00(h) x 0.90(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

Nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., is the author of many books on marriage, including I Cherish You and Love Busters. He lives in White Bear Lake, Minnesota, with Joyce, his wife of thirty-eight years.

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His Needs, Her Needs 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 123 reviews.
SavannahSammySutton More than 1 year ago
My husband and I had to read this book during our premarital counseling. Thanks to this book and a few others, people always comment on how great our marriage is. It's so important that we know what we need. So many times, we don't know what we need or we think we know what our spouse needs but we don't. This book clearly defines our needs. My husband and I read the book together and were able to talk about all the things we thought and felt. It is a must read for any engaged or married couple.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My husband recently admitted to having two-year long affair. After a two month seperation we have decided to reconcile. I just read the book and have passed it onto him. I wish we had read this book years ago and perhaps avoided this whole mess. However, it has already shed some light into what happened, how we can start to heal our marriage, and how we can prevent this from ever happening again. We are about a month into the reconcilliation process and still not sure if we can make it. But, this book provides hope and guidance that is practical and applicable from the very first chapter. A must read BEFORE you even get married, after you've been married a while, if your marriage is in trouble, or if you just want to improve what you have.
LittleWhite13Dove More than 1 year ago
I had no idea of how to be a good sponse. And this book really opened my eyes and turned me completely around after I found out my partner had had an affair. Luckly for me, we were able to apply what I had learned and save our marriage. Our relationship has never been better. An awesome way to make a new chapter for any mid-life crisis.
L>W>D
KarlK More than 1 year ago
This book affers insight into what women and men find important in relationships and the needs they look to have met in those relationships. although I didn't match up 100% with the author's categories, nor did my wife, it provided us plenty of points for discussion. I highly recommend it.
reginawalker More than 1 year ago
I read this book because a friend of mine was reading it as a part of her pre-marital counseling. It was hard to read stories of affairs in each anecdote and made me take the idea of marriage as a fairy-tale off the fantasy pedestal and it demonstrates the true work required of a marriage. I can't imagine using this book after the affair has happened because I think I would be too angry. However, it provided an impetus to truly affair-proof your marriage before the wedding happens. It also makes me realize that pre-marial counseling should be much more than a few hours. It needs to take place early - almost as soon as you are engaged - and that it should probably be completed before a wedding date is set. Because you might change your mind after the counseling. And it should be a resource available for times when you hit a road block in your relationship. I enjoyed it, even though much of it was hard to hear, and I think it is a good resource fort managing a marriage
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book shows how much better loving your spouse can be when you know how they want to receive love. By teaching the reader what the 5 crucial needs are of both men and women, the author helps the reader understand how to love their spouse in a way that is meaningful to the one receiving the love. It is a book that both spouses can read and work on the techniques together. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to show their spouse on a daily basis that they are loved.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a cynic and a PhD psychologist, I was skeptical about its content, but reading it was enjoyable and thought-provoking. Essentially, the jist is that men and women both have needs--we try as we might to meet those needs, but without the right information, we're not meeting our PARTNER's needs, and this book gives guidance in that direction. If you believe that the world revolves around you or that you lazy enough to delude yourself that everything you do is PERFECT (i.e., my partner should just accept me as I am--why should I have to change or even try?), then you won't be interested in this book, and you'll likely protest when asked to read it (after all, why should YOU have to do ANYTHING?). If you really want to work at making your partner happy, and are humble enough to make efforts, you will GREATLY benefit from this book! No talk of plastic surgery to please your husband (I read some review that said that--that's not in there), and nothing negative--just try to figure out what your partner's innate needs are and seek to fulfill them better than you currently are!
Guest More than 1 year ago
It is our typical wedding gift (along with Love For A Lifetime). Although it is far more valuable to those who have been married a few years, we have been thanked more profusely for this wedding gift than we have for any other.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is well written! It is an easy read and has great advice! I will be recommending it to all my friends and family.
Guest More than 1 year ago
My husband had moved in with another woman; I was living alone and our children were being shuffled back and forth. Thank God we came across this book. In one Saturday afternoon we realized that we still loved eachother very deeply, but that we had become incompatible and our love had become stale due to the failure on both our parts to meet the other's needs. Fortunately, this book showed us that the other woman could only meet the one or two needs I was not presently meeting for my husband and that I could easily meet them once he started meeting mine. The book also teaches that the other woman would never be able to meet the three or four needs I was already meeting. My husband left the other woman; I moved back home and our children have a family once again.....From the husband's perspective: I was able to realize why I succumbed so easily to the other woman. Before reading the book, I thought I was in love with her. Man was I wrong! I realized that it was not real love that I felt. Thanks to this book I was able to fulfill the needs of my real love, my wife, and begin rebuilding our life together. Meeting my wife's needs is not as difficult as I thought. The response that I got from her was remarkable and inspiring. Guys, you need this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I absolutely loved this book. My Pastor is having me read this book before getting married and I can say this book is so helpful. It outs so many things into perspective.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My husband and I read this for a marriage group. It was a great base for discussion. All ages, all stages of marriage can find this informative. We all had several moments when we would realize "so that is why they do that!"
nrocpop More than 1 year ago
This book is very thought provoking. It gave me a whole new perspective on the needs of men. I also thought his description of women's needs was very apt. If I could get men to understand that, my relationships really would be better.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Highly recommended
bluemoonnl More than 1 year ago
If you apply the suggestions in this book to your daily life with modifications needed to interact with everyone you come in contact with your life can be transformed.
CCKenagy More than 1 year ago
My now-husband and I read this when we were dating. It was recommended to us by friends and thank goodness! It has been a useful tool for us throughout our short dating time line and our marriage (currently 3 yrs). We referenced this book a lot and it was a great conversation starter and provider for us. It made us think about and discuss things (topics, expectations, our rankings of emotional needs) we might not have come up with on our own. His Needs, Her Needs was an eye opener for both of us and the talks we had because of this book were priceless.
This is a book that is safe to give as a gift. It's not necessarily a fix-all but it gets you talking and thinking about yourself and gives both you and your partner the chance to voice needs and ranking of those needs as well.
It is an easy read and won't take you any time to finish. Take a chance, I dare you.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is excellent! I do not only recommend it for newlyweds but for anyone in a relationship who truly wants to understand their partner and make them happy. It is also important that your significant other is willing to read it as well in order to understand you. It is great and inexpensive advice from a doctor who has learned to, through years of marital counceling, understand the way men and women think and want they need from their spouse in order to keep things hot! It is a quick read so please pick this one up!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This program (The Love Busters, His needs her needs, 5 Steps to Romantic love) is rock solid. It saved my wife and i from continuing the pattern of divorce, fighting and bitterness. We are the 2 most in love and happy people you would ever meet. We have shared this with more couples than you could count. Don't delay. Check out the marriage builders web site for the home study course if you need more direction. For the cost of one (yep only 1) counseling session, you can have Dr. Harley in your home helping through the steps necessary to have the best marriage ever!! (Really, I don't work for them - I just belieive in them!)
Guest More than 1 year ago
How could anyone say this is anything but the best couples self-help book out there?!? I was given this book by a friend who gave it to him, who gave it to her; long line of owners. Once you read this book you will see why its worth passing on! I know the title of this book states building an affair proof marriage, but its for everyone. I am not married and got great tips on relationships in general. He book is very easy to read, the author puts everything in Layman's terms. I like the analogy that the author uses, 'LOVE BANK' Every person you meet adds credits to your love bank. If your married (or in a relationship) the other person adds credits. Obviously in the beginning, that person will acquire a pretty high balance. But once the newness wears off, its a constant withdraw and deposit. He buys you flowers for no reason, add 4 points, he yells at you for leaving your shoes in the middle on the room, withdraw 2 points. So forth and so on. Pretty soon, there are more withdraws than deposits. Then one day you meet the sexy new guy in the office at work. Guess whos making deposits? Yep, the sexy new guy! He listens when your husband won't. He tells you your beautiful when your husband hasn't said that in years. The new guy makes you feel the same way your husband made you feel years ago. And guess what happens; the onset of an affair. The sexy new guy is making huge deposits and lately your husband is only making withdraws. The author obviously explains a little better than I just did, but you get the point. The whole time I was reading this book (which only took 2 days, I couldn't put it down) I kept thinking, wow, he's so right! Some people might think that he's a little gender biased. But things are the way they are and he's upfront about that. Women want a caring, funny, stable man. A man wants a beautiful, non-needy, sex-pot. The author gives you a list of 10 traits that you put in order of importance. He does this to prove that a women's list and a man's list will be totally different in order of importance. No wonder we aren't getting what we need. Chances are whatwe give and what the other wants are different. And of course, that's going to withdraw points out of that love bank. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants insight into building a better relationship. If your in a marriage or not, this is a great book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
My marriage almost succomed to an emotional affair because of the lack of communication in our marriage. This wonderful book told the story of my life and helped us blossom into how we were when we met. A MUST read!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Although I am not married I was given this book by my boyfriend. He has read it and suggested that I do. Okay, whatever. I hate these self help books. They are normally so dry and boring I get through the first few chapters and just can't read anymore. THIS BOOK IS DIFFERENT!! I couldn't put it down. I read it in one day. I had scratch paper handy and a highlighter. Although we are happy, I didn't realize some of the things that I do and don't do would make a huge difference in the relationship! At first I thought, you want me to do what, we don't need that?!? He is a great author who breaks it down in 'Layman's Terms' for all to read and understand!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a woman, this book answers questions I had as to why I have certain feelings. It was a relief to find out that these feelings are a normal part of womanhood. Also, the concept of building love points helps me to be a better wife. Our marriage has been GREATLY enhanced utilizing what we have learned.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I wish I would have read this before I said 'I do!'. It would have helped prevent 8 years of not understanding the woman I loved and why she kept me at arms length. Now we communicate and that has helped us to start healing.
Guest More than 1 year ago
An excellent book. It covered the real reasons why marriages break up, and did so from the perspective of how to keep them together. As a Christian, this is very important to me. He covers 10 basic needs of men and women, what they are, and how to meet them. His claim is that when basic needs are not met, husbands and/or wives look elsewhere. He makes a lot of plain sense.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago