From the Publisher
Praise for His Rules
His Rules is de rigeur for any single with a sincere desire to find the “special sauce” mate God has for them.
--Ronn Elmore, Psy.d, Author, Transforming Your Relationships: An Action Plan for Love that Lasts (with T.D. Jakes)
His Rules is an amazingly Biblical guidebook with practical and relevant encouragement for all singles. Our single sons will all get a copy!
--Pam and Bill Farrel, Authors of Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti and Why Men and Women Act the Way They Do!
Instead of telling singles how–or not–to date, Burge and Toussaint tell singles how to prepare themselves for the spouse God intends them to have and what to do once they think that person has been found. Their insightful questions and activities help singles delve deep into their own expectations and misconceptions about marriage and lead them toward healthy relationships with the Lord and with their future partner. Christian singles who find their methods are ineffective, as they often are, will be relieved to read this book and find a roadmap to guide them to and through one of the most important decisions of their lives.
--Alison Strobel, author of Worlds Collide
Christopher and Pamela have written a must-read book for Christian singles longing for a soul mate. Each chapter systematically dismantles the fantasies, untruths, and faulty thinking that undermine a successful search for a mate and a successful marriage. His Rules equips readers with insights and skills that force them to dig deep within their own souls to prepare themselves for a God honoring marriage–long before anyone is even in the picture.
--Cheryl Green, author of World Wide Search: The Savvy Christian's Guide to Online Dating
Read an Excerpt
From Rule 6: Put the Kingdom Above the Booty, page 83:
Like Samson, many of us ignore the truth about someone we find attractive. We dig in our heels, fold our arms, and boldly declare that bad is good when it comes to our relationship choices. Despite advice to the contrary, we still insist, “She/he pleases me well.” If you find yourself thinking any of the following about people you are going out with, you need a dose of God’s truth, or you are headed for a fall:
· I just know I can fix him/her. We cannot even fix ourselves, that’s why we needed a Savior! So how can we fix other folks, especially when they may resist being fixed? God would not give you an unsaved or unhealthy marriage partner to sap all of your energy and render you useless in the kingdom.
If your love interest needs work, it’s likely to be work he or she should be doing with the Holy Spirit–alone. Your presence will only hinder the process. Don’t date anyone until God fixes the major issues in that person first!
· I’ve invested too much time and energy to quit now. We see the Doppler radar screen flashing: severe tornado warning: vacate premises immediately, but we decide to sit tight and see if it will pass. What happens if it doesn’t? You may survive–though just barely–to find that your roof is blown off and it will take years to rebuild.
· I’m scared of what he/she might do if I leave him/her. You should be more scared of what might happen to your self-esteem, self-respect, and peace of mind if you stay. Your choices are the only ones God holds you responsible for–only you can choose what’s best for yourself.seeDeut30:19 Lamentations 1:9 warns, She did not consider her destiny; therefore her collapse was awesome. Do what you should do (break up nicely), and trust God to do what He does best (comfort and restore both of you–separately).
· Well, it’s better than being alone. You think a bad relationship is worse than no relationship? Wrong. The danger of spending time with the wrong person is that it can cause soul ties to form: They start out as threads, become wires, and before long there’s a cable tied around your neck, choking you. You are never alone if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And you have so much to work on to get yourself ready for the special-sauce mate He has for you, you don’t have time to give in to loneliness!
· But I luuuv him/her! Ah, yes. Love can do many things, but it cannot conquer another person’s weak character or usurp someone’s will and force him or her to change. True love allows the loved one to experience the consequences of his or her decisions. As my (Chris’s) pastor, Dr. A. R. Bernard, often says, “Suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”