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DINEY Why do you have to show off all the time?
KARCHY I ain't got that much to show.
Telling Lies in America
My great-grandfather grew up a poor kid in a tiny village in Hungary. He was about to be drafted into the Austro-Hungarian army and he fled to America.He worked as a miner in Pennsylvania for a while but didn't like the work. He went out to the American West and became a stagecoach robber.He became wealthy.He rode with Black Bart and Jesse James.
I grew up a poor kid in the refugee camps of Austria and on the West Side of Cleveland, Ohio. I worked as a furniture mover, a disc jockey, and a newspaper reporter, but I didn't like the work. I went out to the American West and became a screenwriter.
I rode with a whole lot of famous hombres.
I sold screenplays in Hollywood for record amounts of money.
My agent, Guy McElwaine, referred to these sales as "bank heists."
My wife, Naomi, wore a leather strap of silver bullets around one of her cowboy boots when I met her.
And when she knew she had fallen in love with me, she gave me the strap of silver bullets and tied them around one of my cowboy boots.
The day I married her, I wore her silver bullets.
. . .
My great-grandfather took his fortune and went back to the village in Hungary where he had grown up.Old crones wearing black babushkas said they saw him through the cellar windows of his castle playing cards by candlelight with the devil.
He had sold his soul to the devil in the American West and was trying to win it back now.
When I was a screenwriter in Hollywood, the Los Angeles Free Press wrote that I had sold my soul to the devil.
A columnist in South Dakota wrote that I was "in the devil's employ."
A Canadian magazine wrote that I was "a devil living in Malibu."
My hometown newspaper, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, wrote about me with a headline that said, "Eszterhas -- Ordinary Joe or Satan's Agent?"
A cartoon in Entertainment Weekly showed the devil's hand on my shoulder and these words: "December 31, 1999 -- The Devil Takes Formal Possession of Joe Eszterhas' Soul."
A secretary at Paramount who liked to wear Blessed Virgin Mary T-shirts had a vision of me.
I was ascending from the putrid steam of a black-water pond.
And shortly after her vision, during the making of the movie Sliver, the actor Billy Baldwin and I were walking down Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles heading into a bar owned by the actor Tony Danza's brother.
A bag lady approached us, took one look at me, made the sign of the cross, and turned around and ran in the other direction.
"Wow!" Billy Baldwin said, "maybe you are the devil."
That secretary who liked to wear Blessed Virgin Mary T-shirts and said I was the devil worked for the producer Robert Evans.
My friend Robert Evans, as everyone in Hollywood knows, really is the devil.
Posted April 14, 2004
I eagerly cracked the cover of this big book while on a beach vacation, but am sad to say I ended up finding it tiresome. Eszterhas's account of his childhood in Cleveland was interesting, but his Hollywood chapters wore on me because he seems to be so relentlessly self-congratulatory. In every situation he bests everyone, - is the smartest, most moral, toughest, the hippest, best writer, etc. None of his screenplays yielded what I consider to be quality, memorable films. His unbridled egotism seems unjustified and annoying. I got just plain sick of the guy.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 23, 2004
Very very good reading. Never a boring moment. You feel like you are right next to Joe through his many trials and tribulations. The screenwriter shows you his serious as well as his sensitive side.He is an excellent writer. Over 700 pages of excitingly fun reading.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 10, 2004
Something great came out of buying this truly mediocre book. I found another book, one that succeeds in every way this one fails. Where 'Hollywood Animal' made me yawn, Grant Jarrett's 'More Towels,' an irreverant memoir about Jarrett's twenty years in the music business, drew me in and made me laugh out loud. Both books are about unlikeable characters, but Jarrett is able to make you care about him. You root for him in spite of his failings as a human being and as a musician. You feel a part of his strange world and you laugh hard as he loses control of his life. And Jarrett can write. If you want to hear more of the same about Hollywood written in a style that will lull you to sleep, read 'Hollywood Animal.' If you want to read a memorable memoir written by a talented writer, try 'More Towels.'Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 21, 2004
Didn't read any of books or screenplays....seen most of movies...This is by far most interesting work....His memoirs provided non-stop entertainment and reading pleasure....'FACT IS STRANGER THAN FICTION' HOLD TRUE HERE!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.