Divorce -- ouch!
This is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences one has to deal with in life. Especially if you're not the party who initiated the proceedings. Especially if it comes with a few unpleasant surprises about new lovers, child custody, financial obligations and the like. Getting your life reorganized is challenging enough, but it is made far more difficult by the emotional rollercoaster one has to ride at the same time.
Thanks to my background in clinical psychology and my long involvement with spiritual, social, and personal growth movements, I, your esteemed author, was able to navigate the ending of my own relationship with a fair amount of insight and awareness. Within the first few weeks it became apparent that the various hurts, angers, and other emotional difficulties all centered around a dozen or so basic issues. By keeping aware of these issues and the psychological principles at work behind them, I found I was less likely to be ambushed by feelings like rage, depression, shame, and insecurity. Further, I was able to keep the normal sadness, hurt, and anger down to manageable proportions.
As a result, my "ex" and I had virtually a textbook model breakup (well OK, dividing the home sale proceeds was a little bumpy, but other than that...), and we now get along far better than when we were together.
Along the way, it helped me to write up my various struggles and breakthroughs, and now I hope these experiences and insights will help you. In addition, with psychotherapy now averaging about $100 per session, this information may save you several thousand dollars!
So if you are struggling through a divorce or other traumatic loss, I'm here to tell you that it can be survived, that you can avoid becoming stuck in counterproductive patterns of thought and feeling, and that the suffering you are experiencing can be kept to a manageable level. Divorce may not be fun, but it doesn't have to be agony!
Moreover, by going through this process with awareness, you will become a larger person, better prepared for your next life adventure. So take heart!
-Bill Miller
