Read an Excerpt
"I can now throw out the message 'If you're too experienced or know too much--you're a slut.'I now see that couldn't be further from the truth. There is such power in owning one's sexuality and self."
--FEMALE SEMINAR ATTENDEE, WRITER/PRODUCER, AGE 39
Gathered in a boardroom in an elegant midtown private club, ten to fifteen women, ranging in age from early twenties to mid-fifties, stare at the table center. The table itself is laid with silver flatware, linen napkins, and fresh flowers. It's evening and the lighting is dim, provoking an air of expectancy.
"Okay ladies, this will be the first of many choices you will have to make this evening." I stand at the head of a long, rectangular mahogany table.
Some of the women are dressed in couture suits; others are dressed more casually, in slacks; others are still more casual, decked in a downtown hip look. The women are staring rather mutely at the center of the table, in which are placed a selection of what I affectionately call "instructional products" (better known as dildos).
"Without being overly PC, please select the color of your choice--white, black, or mulatto--and the size you prefer-- 8-inch, 7-inch, 6-inch, or the ever-so-popular 5-inch executive model."
I hear a few peals of laughter and then I smile at the newcomers and say again, "Ladies, go ahead and choose an instructional product."
A tall, lanky woman in her mid-forties says, "Do I have to choose what I have at home?"
Gales of laughter follow. The women look around at each other and can't believe they are laughing so hard. I know now, after almost six years of conducting The Sexuality Seminars across the U.S. and in Canada, that this is the ice-breaking moment, when the women who have come to learn more about sex, and specifically, to learn how to become a better lover, begin to relax.
How to Be a Great Lover is a cumulative extension of these seminars and includes not only what I have learned from my research, but also what I have learned from the many women who have attended the seminars. Throughout the book, you will hear their voices, as well as the voices of their men, sharing their experiences--woman to woman. As one woman, a fifty-five-year-old housewife from Seattle, told me, "I found out learning about sex isn't just for my children's generation. After my husband's death, I am dating again and at my age, I HAVE to know about safe sex."
I want to be absolutely clear about the spirit with which this book was written. It was never my intent to sit down and create a book about how to please a man. While there is no point in arguing the fact that the man in your life will be a major beneficiary of the information found here, the real purpose is threefold: to empower you as a woman, heighten the intimacy of your romantic relationship, and enable you and your partner to enjoy yourselves in intense new ways.
While biology may have graced us with a basic understanding of how to have sex, we are not necessarily born great lovers. We learn to be great lovers. And I have always believed that anything worth doing is worth doing well. Wouldn't you agree that the better we are at something, the more we enjoy doing it? Sex is no different. It shouldn't be an experience just to get through, but rather an experience to be relished from beginning to end. For that to happen, you've got to know what you're doing.
I also believe that every woman has the right to be sexually proficient. You'll find that knowing what to do to your man's body can provide you with as much power as it does pleasure. And contrary to what we've been made to feel in the past, there never has, nor ever will be anything unladylike about being masterful in the bedroom. The truth is, being sexually savvy is no less a part of being a woman than motherhood, and learning how to be a great lover is about excelling in all areas of womanhood.
It's for these reasons, as well as the demand from the women in the seminars, that I decided to write a book that teaches women the art of sex, and I hope to give you extraordinary tools that will enable you to please your lover beyond his wildest expectations.