How to Be a Grown-Up: 247 Lab-Tested Strategies for Conquering the World

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Sure, being a grown-up is fun, but it's also hard-that's the part no one tells you. So, the author of twentysomething, along with her husband, a longtime youth minister, have put together a manual for life on your own. Whether you're leaving the nest for the first time or moving back into your old room they give you tips on how to manage pesky roommates (moms and dads included). Wondering how to manage that bank account or deal with a bear of a boss? They've got the 411. Trying to impress a date with your ...

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Overview

Sure, being a grown-up is fun, but it's also hard-that's the part no one tells you. So, the author of twentysomething, along with her husband, a longtime youth minister, have put together a manual for life on your own. Whether you're leaving the nest for the first time or moving back into your old room they give you tips on how to manage pesky roommates (moms and dads included). Wondering how to manage that bank account or deal with a bear of a boss? They've got the 411. Trying to impress a date with your cooking? Or just trying to find someone to date? They've got help for you too! For recent and seasoned grads alike, this book is a perfect jump-start to a well balanced, FUN adulthood.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781567317510
  • Publisher: MJF Books
  • Publication date: 11/28/2005
  • Pages: 221
  • Product dimensions: 5.80 (w) x 7.54 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

A popular speaker at churches and leading conferences such as Fusion, Catalyst, and LeadNow, Margaret Feinberg (www.margaretfeinberg.com) invites people to discover the relevance of God and His Word in a modern world. She currently lives in Morrison, CO.

Leif Oines has been involved in youth ministry since he can remember. He's served as a youth minister for churches in Phoenix, Texas and Alaska and worked a variety of Christian summer camps. He currently lives in Sitka, Alaska, with his new wife, Margaret Feinberg, whom he constantly gives a hard time for being "over the hill" since she's two years older.

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HOW TO BE A GROWNUP

247 Lab-tested Strategies for Conquering the World
By Margaret Feinberg Leif Oines

W Publishing Group

Copyright © 2007 Margaret Feinberg
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-8499-0417-2


Chapter One

ANSWERS TO ANNOYING RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS

Part I: Still Single?

Do you ever get tired of annoying questions about your single status? If so, you're not alone. You'd think people in relationships would be a little more sensitive to those without one, but often they just don't think before they ask. So the next time someone asks you why you're still single, here are five responses that might come in handy:

QUESTION: WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?

ANSWERS:

* I can't give away that secret. You'll just have to tune in to next Friday night's Unsolved Mysteries and watch the exposé like everyone else.

* I think it might have something to do with my parents' obsession with teaching me not to talk to strangers.

* Well, this is just a guess, but rumor has it that my standards are too high. I just refuse to settle. Know what I mean? Wait ... oops, of course you don't. [You can say this because a hastily conducted unscientific poll shows that 98 percent of people who ask this question are already married.]

* Honestly, I ask myself that every single night as I lie down with hot tears streaming down my lonely face in a cold bed all by myself, contemplating the despair of having no one to share pillow talk or anything else I've seen on TV with and realizing there's just no hope for ever finding that life companion, soul mate, and best friend. I know the person must exist out there somewhere. [This is best delivered with dramatic facial expressions of intense pain and the whiniest voice you can generate.]

* I just haven't found anyone who deserves me yet. [Beware: This answer can be interpreted as both incredibly egotistical and unbelievably self-deprecating.]

ANSWERS TO ANNOYING RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS

Part II: How's Married Life?

If you happen to be one of those rare people who decided to get married right out of the womb, or at least while still under the average marrying age, then you'll probably get hit with the possible all-time favorite or least favorite question [depending on how things are going with your spouse that day]:

QUESTION: SO, HOW IS MARRIED LIFE?

ANSWERS:

* You tell me. You've been married longer than I have. [This is particularly effective if the inquiring person is married.]

* I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. [This is most effective if the inquiring person is single.]

* Didn't you hear? We got divorced right after the honeymoon. But thanks for bringing it up! [Granted, this is not true, but it will be really fun to watch the uncomfortable look of regret sweep over the person's face. You could be saving countless other newlyweds from having to endure this question in the future-'cause that person will think twice before asking it again!]

* Well, I'll tell ya, buddy ... there is no premarital counseling, how-to book, parent-child talk, or Crest commercial in the world that prepared me for morning breath.

* So far, so good. I'm giving it another few months before I take the checkbook and credit card and head off to Tahiti.

* Married life is great, and the sex is even better! [Yes, this is a little off-color. But really ... what do they want you to say when they ask this question? Why not give 'em the good stuff you know their prying little mind is longing for!]

Single Serving, Anyone?

Picture yourself married. Think of all the time, energy, and commitment it requires. Until that day comes, why not make the most of the time you've been given right now and invest in other people and your own spiritual growth? NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FREEDOM YOU HAVE IN HOW YOU USE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY. Consider these fulfilling, difference-making, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, fun ways to serve while you're able to do whatever you want:

Volunteer in your church nursery or a local day care.

Let's face it. When you get married and have children of your own, the last thing you're going to want to do in your spare time is take care of other people's children on top of your full-time child-rearing responsibilities. This will give you great practice and will also be a huge blessing to the parents of those little bundles of joy with limitless energy.

Participate in overseas evangelism opportunities.

Countless missions agencies have short-term programs for singles. Consider serving overseas while you can still go without uprooting a whole family. Many closed-access countries will not permit overt missionary activity but will allow single Christian students or professionals to come in and teach English without any special degrees or requirements. Spend time making friends with the nationals, and you'll make a difference in their lives. It will amaze you when they begin to ask why you have peace in your heart, or a smile on your face, or a desire to help others instead of yourself.

Host dinner parties.

There are so many people who need to get a life. Don't just sit around and think about how pathetic they are [or you are!]. Invite them over and help them hop on the clue train toward good social graces. Use small gatherings to help timid people feel more comfortable. On another night, invite all the loud, obnoxious people you know and watch them fight it out for all the attention on center stage. You'll be entertained and be fostering community at the same time!

He Said, She Heard

Ever feel like you're not getting through? Like you're saying one thing, and the gal is hearing something completely different? Here's a short guide for those kinds of moments:

HE SAID "Wanna grab dinner?" "Nothing's wrong ... why?" "I'm going out with the guys." "You look great in that dress!" "Let's just be friends."

SHE HEARD "What should we name our first child?" "I don't feel comfortable enough to share my intimate thoughts with you." "You aren't fun enough or cool enough to meet my needs." "Every other dress you've ever worn makes you look fat." "I hate you!"

She Said, He Heard

Not communicating well goes both ways. You say one thing, and the guy hears something completely different. Here's a short guide for those kinds of moments:

SHE SAID "I love you like a brother." "Nothing's wrong!" "Does my butt look big in these?" "Fine! Go out with your friends!" "So where do you see this going?"

HE HEARD "I hereby reject your manhood with six words." "Nothing is wrong. Everything's great. Let's watch football!" Danger! Danger! You can't win! Don't answer this! Run away! "It's okay, honey. Have a great time. I'll be right here whenever you're ready. Maybe I'll bake a pie." "Just exactly when are you going to commit, buy a ring, talk to my dad, walk down the aisle, and give up your freedom?"

GENDER BENDERS

Here's a little insight into the sometimes strange behavior of the opposite sex. See if you can answer the following questions. [And since we know you'll be confused, we'll give you the answers, too.]

Q: Why do girls go to the bathroom en masse?

[a] To talk about someone else at the table.

[b] To analyze how the evening is going and decode any hidden messages in looks exchanged or tones perceived.

[c] Girl A needs to borrow something of the feminine nature from Girl B, C, or D.

[d] All of the above.

A: [d] Any or all of the above at any given time.

Q: Why don't guys ask girls out more often?

[a] Fear that she'll say no.

[b] Fear that she'll say yes.

[c] Commitment phobia.

[d] All of the above.

A: [d] Any or all of the above at any given time.

Brain Drain

* If "e-lation" is the state of being incredibly happy, what is "re-lation"? Being happy again?

* Ever noticed that it's usually the guy who asks a girl to go out, but it's the girl who asks the guy to come in? Hmm. Interesting. Kind of interesting, anyway. Okay ... maybe just a little interesting.

* Where did the concept of "hooking up" come from? You hook up a trailer to a pickup truck, a garden hose to a spigot, speakers to a sound system, and computers to a network. Think about it.

* Miss Piggy only kissed one frog and found her prince. Kermit only gave one pig a chance and found his princess. Lesson: Is there a green, slimy man in your life who deserves a second look? How 'bout a big ugly hog who has a really great personality?

* Ever noticed how many love songs there are on the radio? Where are the hate songs? There are some, to be sure, but not nearly as many. Why? Because love makes you feel like singing. And not-love makes you want to cut someone's throat out. That's why.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from HOW TO BE A GROWNUP by Margaret Feinberg Leif Oines Copyright © 2007 by Margaret Feinberg. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction....................13
RELATIONSHIPS Answers to Annoying Relationship Questions Part I: Still Single?....................17
Answers to Annoying Relationship Questions Part II: How's Married Life?....................19
Single Serving, Anyone?....................21
He Said, She Heard....................22
She Said, He Heard....................23
Gender Benders....................24
Brain Drain....................25
The Last Game....................26
So You Like Her? Make Your Intentions Known....................27
So You Like Him? Make Your Intentions Known....................30
Surefire Signs You're in Love....................31
Soul Mate-Fact or Fiction?....................33
How Far Is Too Far? [AKA: What Can I Get Away With?]....................36
The Fast and the Furious....................37
Relationally Challenged....................38
Alternate Versions of the DTR....................40
The Perfect Storm....................41
You've Lost That Loving Feeling....................42
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do ... Or Is It?....................43
The All-time Best Advice for Breaking Up....................45
Dating Blind....................46
Loneliness Busters....................48
Pick-up Lines for Every Occasion....................49
Popular Conversation Starters....................50
Advice You Didn't Ask For But We'll Give You Anyway on Speeddating....................51
Oh, What a Tangled World Wide Web We Weave ....................52
WORK Pounding the Pavement....................56
Résumés Part I....................57
RésumésPart II....................58
Recommendation Letters....................62
Once You Land the Interview....................63
The Straight Jacket....................64
Finding a Job You Actually Like....................65
Your Life as a Gofer....................66
Reality Check [On the 1st and 15th of Every Month]....................70
Cube Life....................72
Trading Spaces....................76
How to Avoid Going Postal....................80
Brown-nosing Your Boss Without the Stench....................81
Are You the Cream of the Crop or Just the Scum on the Top?....................82
Dealing with Dips, Dorks, and Dudes....................84
Know Thyself....................86
Pressin' the Flesh and Kissing Babies....................88
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS A Brief Introduction....................92
Roommates 101....................93
9 Ways to Get Rid of a Really Bad Roommate....................94
The Multiplication of Roommates....................98
Common Bathroom and No Locks....................100
Your Stuff vs. My Stuff....................103
Branded or Open-range Milk Containers....................104
The Budget Gourmet [5 Great Ways to Spice Up Top Ramen]....................106
Biology Experiments You Can Do at Home....................109
Can You Say "Windex"?....................111
Adventures in Bill Paying....................114
Life at the Laundromat and You're All Out of Quarters....................115
Reds and Whites Don't Mix....................116
Crashing at Home [Hi, I'm Back with a Degree]....................118
Reclaiming Your Room....................120
You Changed My Diapers. Can We Really Be Friends?....................121
FRIENDSHIPS The Friend Hunt....................124
Forming a Tribe....................125
The Influencer....................126
Realities of Community....................130
Signs of True Friendship....................132
Keeping in Touch....................134
Friend Movies....................137
Good Friendships Gone Wrong....................138
Bad Friendships Made Good....................139
Stuck-in-a-Rut Friendships Revived....................140
How to Be Friends with God....................141
10 Ways to Tick God Off....................142
THE BLING-BLING 9 Easy Steps to Establishing a Budget....................146
Stuff Your Paycheck Can't Cover....................148
Good Debt vs. Bad Debt....................150
Student Loans: Love 'Em or Hate 'Em,You Still Gotta Pay 'Em....................152
Picking a Credit Card....................154
Climbing Out of the Black Hole of Debt....................156
Short on Cash?....................158
8 Things to Buy When You Can Afford Them....................159
The Stash of Cash....................160
10 Things Worth Breaking Your Piggy Bank For....................163
That's So Taxing....................164
The Tipping Point....................166
HEALTH 6 Ways to Exercise That Don't Require a Gym....................170
Isn't Pizza a Food Group?....................172
Fad Diets: Can Cabbage Cause Cancer?....................176
10 Signs You're on a Fad Diet....................177
It's All in the Rogaine....................178
How to Lose a Quick Five Pounds....................180
LIFE SURVIVAL SKILLS 101 Keeping a Plant Alive for at Least 12 Months....................184
Making Sure Your Goldfish Doesn't Float....................188
How to Change a Flat Tire....................190
The Heimlich Maneuver....................194
Your Signature Meal....................199
Wrapping Gifts So They Look Like They're Worth Something....................202
4 Ways to Make Animals Just Love You....................206
Thrift Store Galore....................207
Avoiding Plumber's Crack: Fashion Tips for the Big Lots Shopper....................208
Winning the White Elephant....................209
The Ultimate in Thank-you Notes....................212
Keeping New Year's Resolutions Next Year....................214
Creative Theme Parties....................216
Cheap Airline Tickets....................218
About the Authors....................222
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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 29, 2006

    Great People watching Book

    Its a great book with a lot of great little pieces of information in it. Very comical yet truthful in so many ways. Its the kind of book that you can just open up on any page and just start reading. It kept myself and my friends busy while doing some people watching on the boardwalk. I give it two thumbs up!

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