How to Drive a Dragon Crazy

How to Drive a Dragon Crazy

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by G. A. Aiken
     
 

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Some things never go away, like vile enemies, bad ale, and annoying kin. But I thought I was finished with the one dragon I'd have done anything for: Éibhear the Blue, a big, gorgeous, blue-haired beast who thinks the world belongs to him. The world and, apparently, me.

So if Éibhear wants to play the caring hero and travel into the most forsaken of

Overview

Some things never go away, like vile enemies, bad ale, and annoying kin. But I thought I was finished with the one dragon I'd have done anything for: Éibhear the Blue, a big, gorgeous, blue-haired beast who thinks the world belongs to him. The world and, apparently, me.

So if Éibhear wants to play the caring hero and travel into the most forsaken of Gods forsaken lands to protect the one woman who doesn't need it--namely me--I'll let him. Because while I'm trying to fulfill a ridiculous quest for a pushy god, I'm going to draw this overconfident warlord much too close, rekindle his fires, and enjoy every minute of his delicious defeat. . .

Praise for The Dragon Who Loved Me

"A chest thumping, mead-hall rocking, enemy slaying brawl of a good book." --All Things Urban Fantasy

"Aiken aces another one." –RT Book Reviews, 4 Stars

"A hot, hot series." --Library Journal

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781420131000
Publisher:
Kensington
Publication date:
09/04/2012
Series:
G. A. Aiken's Dragon Kin Series
Sold by:
Penguin Random House Publisher Services
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
480
Sales rank:
49,988
File size:
503 KB

Read an Excerpt

How to Drive a Dragon Crazy


By G.A. AIKEN

KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.

Copyright © 2012 G. A. Aiken
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4201-3100-0


CHAPTER 1

The orders from their queen had been direct and to the point: Stop the Ice Land dragons from regrouping and attacking the Northland dragons on their coast.

The Northlanders had been holding their own for years, pushing the Ice Land dragons, called the Spikes, back to their territorial lines and holding them there. Yet the Mí-runach were the ones who stopped the Spikes from ever really gathering enough forces in one place, at one time, to push their way back into the Northlands and putting the dragon warlords' territories at risk.

It had not been easy, though. Not for them. For they were the Mí-runach and they were all Fire Breathers trapped in one of the harshest lands known to dragon or gods. The Ice Lands with their hard winters and their even harder people. But that's why the Mí-runach had been sent here. Because among their own, the Mí-runach were considered hard and harsh. They didn't belong. They were the outcasts, the troublemakers, the pit fighters. They were the ones you didn't want setting up camp near your cave, but if you'd run out of options ... then they were the ones you called.

They were the ones who killed. For their honor. For their queen. And because they were all really bloody good at it.

Mí-runach Legion Commander Angor landed on the mountaintop and watched his troops move in. As he'd trained them, they moved quick and quiet. Dragons they might be, one of the largest beings in the world, but that didn't mean they had to stomp everywhere. Not like the Spikes who let their snow-and-ice storms hide their presence. But the Mí-runach didn't let storms or being outsiders or anything else get in the way of their queen's orders.

Angor smiled a bit when he saw a flash of blade and then, as if from nowhere, a blue claw caught the Spike leader's head by the hair and yanked it back. A broadsword rammed through the neck, cutting off the Spike's chance to do anything but look stunned.

The Spikes, who had been rallying around their leader to begin their flight into enemy territory, froze, blood splattering their white and silver scales. Then the Mí-runach attacked, coming up from under the ground where some of them had been hiding for days.

He watched and waited while his troops decimated the Spikes. It didn't take long. They'd been trained not for battle but for massacres. That's what they did best. They struck with no warning, no negotiations, no prisoners. There were only sixty-six of them total, but they could do — and had done — the work of a full-size legion. They were the Dragon Queen's deadliest weapon and were hated and feared amongst the dragon world — and for very good reason.

Angor sat back on his haunches as his squad leaders landed in front of him.

"We're done," one of them reported. "And I sent out my team to strike down any stragglers."

"Good. We'll be heading back to the south in a few days."

"Really?" another asked, but he wasn't the only one thinking it. The queen had kept her Mí-runach in the Ice Lands off and on for years, but it wasn't for him or the rest of the Mí-runach to ask. Merely did as they'd been ordered by their queen.

"Really." He jerked his head to the side. "You lot. Get ready to move out for the night. Wait," he said to the one who'd killed the Spike leader. "Not you. Not yet."

Angor waited until the others had gone back down the mountain before turning to the dragon he'd trained himself.

To be honest, he'd had no hope for this one when he'd been forced on Angor nearly a decade ago. He'd been uselessly angry and astoundingly bitter. He'd refused to do even the simplest of tasks and put himself and his brethren at risk more than once during important assignments. But Angor had been able to see past all that rage and he'd kept the young dragon close to him and trained him hard from day one. Beat him when necessary, praised him when deserved. And now ...?

And now he was the most heartless, vile, and murdering bastard many of them had ever had the displeasure of knowing, and the most loathed dragon in all the Ice Lands.

For he was Éibhear the Contemptible, a Southland prince, and one of the dreaded Mí-runach Squad Leaders. He was also blindingly loyal, incredibly smart, and as close to a son as Angor ever had since he and his mate had never wanted offspring of their own.

The only problem with the royal? He read a lot, which Angor thought added to a lot of his problems. Who needed all those bloody books anyway?

"What do you need?" the blue dragon asked.

"We've stopped these Spikes from moving into Northland territories and meeting up with that young leader from the Ice Land tribe. But I want you and yours to go in, strike that leader down, so that them Spikes will understand this ox shit is over."

"Right."

"Just your squad. The others will come with me."

"Got it."

"You'll find them near that territorial line by them Mountains of Depression or whatever."

The Blue chuckled. "I think you mean the Mountains of Pain and Suffering."

"Yeah. Whatever. You go. You kill the leader, end this. That way we can head home without worrying about it."

"Consider it done."

"Then you can go back to your kin, Éibhear the Contemptible. You go back and see your mum."

The dragon stopped, blinked. "What?"

"Go home. See your mum."

"Um ... why? Is something wrong?"

"Other than you being an ungrateful son? No."

"Ungrateful? I've destroyed dragon after dragon in her name."

"You enjoyed it."

He shrugged. "That's true."

"It's been ten years. Your mum should see you."

"I see you're still drawn to my mother."

"I am loyal to my queen. Do you know why?"

"Please not this story again," the Blue begged.

"Because when that bastard father of yours wanted to have me executed for insubordination —"

"That was probably because you'd come after him with an axe when he gave you an order."

"— your mum said no. She saw me worth. For that I'm loyal to her until I breathe me last. So take your ungrateful blue ass and go home."

The Blue studied Angor. "So you're kicking me out then?"

"Once Mí-runach, always Mí-runach, boy. You should know that by now. But you can't avoid your kin forever."

"I haven't been avoiding anything." He gave a small smile, showing one side of his fangs. "Not anymore."

"There's truth to that. So go home. See your mum. Make her happy. For me." Angor turned from the younger dragon, moving toward some Ice Land oxen he'd seen earlier. Watching his warriors kill always made him hungry.

"And my squad when we're done in the Northlands?" the boy called out. "Should I send them on ahead to meet you?"

"Don't you dare. Take those mean bastards with you. No other squad will have them anyway." He flicked his claw in the air. "Go home, Éibhear the Contemptible. See your mum. See your kin. Spend some time with those who raised you. Think of it like a holiday. Then remember why you left in the first place, and return to the Mí-runach. We'll be camped near the Western Mountains. Waiting to do what we do best."

"Kill?" the blue dragon asked Angor.

"Some would say," Angor muttered on a chuckle. "Some would say."

CHAPTER 2

Éibhear the Contemptible — once called Éibhear the Blue — walked up to his squad. The Mì-runach were broken up into four-to-six-member squads. Angor was commander of them all, but it wasn't a job any of them envied.

For one to become Mì-runach he not only had to be a mighty fighter, he also had to be a vicious, heartless bastard who couldn't take basic orders. Although they'd been around for centuries in different forms, usually brought together during a specific war or battle, the Mì-runach really had come into their own when Éibhear's grandfather, Ailean — the shining example of a dragon who couldn't take orders but made himself worth the trouble during a battle — joined. Of course, they didn't have a name then; instead, they were just known as those "unreliable, heartless bastards" who were too good as warriors to dismiss completely but too much of a bother to force some poor commander to have to tolerate while trying to manage scores of other soldier dragons during a heated battle.

In the Dragon Queen's army, not taking orders made a Dragonwarrior a dangerous liability. But among the Mì-runach, where one's strengths were used to benefit, it made that soldier a useful servant of the queen. For the Mì-runach handled that which many would not. It took some time for Éibhear to figure out exactly what that made them, but he finally did. ... They were a death squad.

Like they'd just done with the Spikes, the Mì-runach would sneak in during the cover of night and slaughter soldiers in their caves. Or they'd burrow underground and strike in the middle of a battle, killing the leaders and then decimating the rest of the army, if necessary. Many dragon soldiers in Her Majesty's Army considered this type of fighting dishonorable. But to the Mì-runach, who needed honor when there was ale? And pubs? And females to entertain? Who needed rank and orders and rules and a bunch of daily tasks when they could sleep all day and drink all night until called to do what they did best?

It wasn't rank and power that kept the Mì-runach returning to battle day after day, night after night. The gods knew, it would never be rank. It was the love of blood and battle and destruction. It was knowing that they were the ones their Queen's enemies feared because they had reason to fear.

"Well?" asked Aidan the Divine, a Gold whose royal family hailed from the Western Mountains.

"We're heading out for one final task in the Northlands."

"Oh?"

"Aye. Kill Spike leader Jorgesson's son, since the boy seems to think he can take his father's place."

"Which he probably thought he had to do because we killed Jorgesson."

"True. Once we're done with the boy, we're heading to Dark Plains. Angor wants me to go home for a bit."

Aidan blinked, dropping the dragon whose neck he'd just crushed. "Home? You?"

"Why do you say it like that? You've been away from your kin longer than I have."

"I loathe my kin as they loathe me." Aidan slammed his fist into the Spike on the ground although it seemed unnecessary. "You seem to like yours, but I'm not sure you returning home will make that better or worse."

"I do like them." Éibhear thought on that a moment. "Well, the females. I like the females ... mostly."

Uther the Despicable, a cranky Brown from mountains near the port cities, grunted and snarled — as he snarled at most things — "And what are we doing while you're playing happy families?" He gritted his fangs and pulled on the legs of the Ice Land dragon he held in his arms. The screaming during this was a tad unpleasant. "Joining another squad?"

"After what you lot did last time?" Éibhear asked.

"That was not my fault!" Caswyn the Butcher argued, yet again. "He shouldn't have tried to push me around. I may not be some fancy royal, like you and pretty boy over there —"

Aidan grinned. "I am so very pretty."

"— but that don't mean some Red bastard can just walk all over me."

"By 'walk all over me,'" Éibhear cut in, "do you mean ask you to do your job?"

"Didn't like his tone, did I?"

"So you tore his arms off."

Caswyn's head lowered a bit, his black wings bristling. "Don't much like your tone either."

"Yeah, but you already tried to tear Éibhear's arms off," Uther reminded him. "You were in a coma for weeks."

"It was more a deep rest."

Éibhear rolled his eyes and said, "You all will come with me."

Uther's head snapped up. "Will your sisters be there?"

Imitating his eager tone, Éibhear quickly replied, "They will! And so will my father!"

Uther's face fell. "Oh."

Reflective, Aidan stroked his chin while pounding his back claw into the head of the Spike lying in front of him. Again ... still seemed unnecessary as that Spike was already quite dead. "How did your father not become Mì-runach? He seems ruthless enough."

"Oh, he is," Éibhear agreed. "But he can take orders."

"Aaaaah," the others said.

"So if we go with you," Caswyn asked. "What do we do?"

Éibhear shrugged. "It's Garbhán Isle. There'll be drink and pussy. What more do you need?" Garbhán Isle was the seat of power for the human queen of the Southlands, Annwyl the Bloody. Insane monarch and mate to Éibhear's eldest brother Fearghus, Annwyl was adored and loathed in equal parts, but to Éibhear she'd simply become one of his sisters.

"Nothing," Uther said. "But that makes me sad."

"But first we take care of the Spikes leader in the Northlands."

His squad groaned.

"What?"

"I'm tired of snow and ice," Caswyn complained. "I'm tired of shades of purple and white. I want to see grass again. And trees. Birds that aren't crows."

"We won't be in the Northlands long. Just long enough to do a little killing. You lot like killing. Remember?"

"I do remember. But you seem to have forgotten that the Northlanders hate you," Aidan reminded him.

"Not more than the Ice Landers do."

"Only because you haven't been there for the last decade. Trust me, if you had, they'd only hate you more."

"I want to see my sister Keita. As far as I know she's still with Ragnar in the Northlands."

"A little elegance among the barbarians." Aidan sighed. "I guess that's worth something."

"So finish killing this lot," Éibhear said, gesturing to the Spikes trying to crawl away. He really had to work on that with his team. They disabled, sometimes tortured, then killed, but the disabling and torture were just time consuming. They needed to kill faster so they could move to the drinking and females quicker. Honestly, one would think they'd know that already. "Then we head out."

Éibhear turned, saw a Spike fighting with one of the other squads. He pulled his sword and headed over to assist. Aidan caught up to him.

"Oy," his friend said.

"What?"

"You know what might be waiting for you back at Garbhán Isle, don't you?"

"The loving warmth of my mother, the admiration of my father, and the caring of my dear brothers?"

"Are you going to be serious about this?"

Éibhear chuckled, then rammed his sword into the side of the Spike. It was an easier way to attack an Ice Land dragon since they had those bloody spikes going from the top of their heads, down their spines, to the tips of their tails. He twisted the blade while using his free claw to push the Ice Lander down by the side of his neck.

When the dragon took his last breath, Éibhear pulled out his sword, nodded at his fellow squad leader, then faced his friend. "Yeah. I know what might be waiting for me."

"And?"

"And nothing. That was a long time ago ... for a human. Besides, I apologized."

Aidan frowned. "When? You haven't seen her in nearly ten bloody years."

"Remember? I sent her a letter."

"Oh. The letter. Right." Aidan looked off. "Yeah. I remember. The letter."

"Although she never did answer me. Rude cow."

"Yeah. Rude."

"But I'm sure she's over it. There was a healthy amount of groveling in that letter. She likes groveling."

"I'm sure she does."

"So there's nothing to worry about." Éibhear patted his suddenly quiet friend's shoulder. "We'll go. We'll spend some time with my kin. Then hit every pub between Garbhán Isle and the Western Mountains as we go to meet up with Angor and the other squads. It'll be a lovely holiday that we richly deserve."

Aidan finally looked at him. "But first the Northlands?"

"First the Northlands. Deal with the new Spikes leader for those poor Lightning bastards."

"Can we call the Northlanders that when we see them? I'm sure they'll just love it."

"Then I'll check in with Keita before we head south."

"Check in with Keita while still in the Northlands? Sure that's wise?"

"Come now," Éibhear dismissed his friend's worry. "It's been ages. I'm sure Ragnar's forgiven me by now."

"Right." Aidan snorted. "I'm sure he has."


"We challenge you," the Spikes' leader had called out, bright white wings extending from his back, white spikes going from his head, down his spine, to the tip of his tail, white and silver hair braided up like a horse's mane touching the ground. "Let's decide this now and end it."


(Continues...)

Excerpted from How to Drive a Dragon Crazy by G.A. AIKEN. Copyright © 2012 G. A. Aiken. Excerpted by permission of KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Originally from Long Island, New York Times bestselling author G.A. Aiken has resigned herself to West Coast living, which involves healthy food, mostly sunny days, and lots of guys not wearing shirts when they really should be. Writing as Shelly Laurenston, she is also the creator of the wickedly funny Pride. For more info about G.A. Aiken’s dangerously and arrogantly sexy dragons, go to gaaiken.com.

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How to Drive a Dragon Crazy 4.5 out of 5 based on 1 ratings. 119 reviews.
In_My_Humble_OpinionDA More than 1 year ago
How to Drive a Dragon Crazy I adore this series. They put the fun in dysfunctional family and How to Drive a Dragon Crazy is no different in that regard. What is different is that this is NOT a stand-alone. This is Izzy and Eibhear’s story (finally) and it pulls strings from all the previous books. I’d imagine that someone picking this up without having read the previous books would get lost or really confused when reading this installment. When Izzy’s mom married Eibhear’s older brother Izzy became smitten with sweet, funny, big blue Eibhear. Problem was she was just a teen. Mistakes were made by both parties and they’ve not seen each other for 10 years. Izzy is now a hard as nails General in the Queens army and Eibhear is a squad leader for a black ops strike force of crazies. Now Eibhear has orders to escort Izzy home. They’ve grown older and wiser can they forgive each other and give their attraction a chance to grow into something more? They may get the chance if they can keep from getting killed or captured or killing each other. Because this book pulls so many strings from previous books it is both funnier and more serious than its predecessors. I am thrilled to find that this series has been picked up for three more books at least. I am curious as to the direction from here. I can hardly wait.
BooksAndBeer More than 1 year ago
Great series! I was nervous about this series because I have a borderline obsession with dragons. (Anne McCaffrey is one of my favorite authors). Although the first book in the series was well plotted, there were flow and editing issues. But the concept and characters snagged me. The whole family and all the outlying characters are at once hilarious and maddening. They're dysfunctional, snarky, and usually bloodthirsty. But in a sweet way. Throughout the series I'd been waiting for Eibhear and Izzy's story. And while it's not my favorite in the series, it's polished, clever, witty, and fun, though not as heartrending or "romantic". I love the dialogue during battle scenes, the clear distinction between characters, the multifaceted and detailed - but not confusing - plot that has flowed beautifully throughout the series. She's eased off on the love scenes in this one but they are well written and true to the warrior temperament of the characters. I'd definitely recommend the entire series. Though not written in chronological order, you can read them that way if you go to the author's site. She has the titles listed both in her favorite order and chronologically.
SuperBookish More than 1 year ago
Great Book with great story line. Kept me entertained
akbabe318 More than 1 year ago
I'm so excited. From the moment I picked up my first SL book to the moment I picked up my first Dragon kin read. Never disappointed in this author. Can't wait to read Izzy and Eibher's story.
bf1 More than 1 year ago
This dragon series is one of the most entertaining and funny series I have ever read and I highly recommend them if you are looking for a hilarious and wonderful story.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have read reviews that said ¿ibhear and Izzy's romance seemed rushed and the claiming anticlimatic. I have to say that I dont agree. Granted the claiming didnt go into great detail like it did with the others, I dont feel the least bit put off by it. I love this series' rampant snark and find myself clamoring for more. Aiken is one of my favorite authors. The only reason i didnt give the book five stars has nothing to do with her work, but with the formatting.
Sargon1 More than 1 year ago
This book had every thing I have come top expect from a GA Aiken book. It was long awaited and fun to to see Izzy and Eibhear get together. Her humor as always was great and had a lot of twists and turns . Loved it.
all_in More than 1 year ago
It took a while to get the next installment, but it was well worth the wait! I love and missed Akiens' wonderful characters. I enjoy the way she never leaves past characters behind. We know what is going on with everybody. That's important because readers tend to get attached. Now I am on pins and needles waiting for the next generation's story. The tease at the very end of How to Drive a Dragon Crazy was cruel. I would like to thank the author for keeping her books affordable. She is the best.
Merrymoon More than 1 year ago
While slow moving (half way through and the plot had barely begun), the dialog with all the characters almost makes up for that. As an installment in a series it works quite well. As a stand alone story it is slow and confusing. I started reading it not remembering much about the other books I had read in the series and was a bit lost. When I had refreshed myself with the previous books, this story made more sense.
abcreader101 More than 1 year ago
So far LOVE the first 5 chapters! Can't wait for all the drama fighting and the love story of blue and izzy!
Anonymous 10 months ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Fantastic
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book had lots of storiea going at the same time. Did enjoy
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Sailon More than 1 year ago
Shrieking here...its Izzy's and Eibhear's story! Ten years have pasted and much has changed in Eibhear's and Izzy's lives. Izzy is not a general in Annwyl's army and a total bad ass. Eibhear is a dragon warrior and considered a beserker. Eibhear departure was quite devastating to Izzy so he thought to write her an apology which is family rightfully burns and never delivers. When Eibhear returns he is told by his conniving sister, Keita, to retrieve Izzy. Quite honestly there is no reason for her return but to put the two of them together and watch it play out. Of course, Keita is all for that. Izzy is still very much holding a grudge against “uncle” Eibhear for his ass-wipe departure and she really makes him work for any ground. Aiken's writing is somewhat of an acquired taste. The characters constantly bicker, razz and break out into bloodthirsty fights. Of course, I love that. Although this is Izzy's and Eibhear's story, you have to realize Aiken also has a LOT of other things going on as well. Every character we know and have known in this series always come out to play. You also can't forget the outlandish humor. The humor in How to Drive a Dragon Crazy just might have taken it a step beyond all the books in this series becoming the most outlandish and funniest book by far. Hot dragon shifters, sword play, outrageously funny and wonderfully witty, I loved How to Drive a Dragon Crazy. This is a series I will be revisiting often. Definitely a re-read worthy book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
amandangnt More than 1 year ago
Loved this book!!! The characters in each of the Dragon Kin Series are incrediable!!!!
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I will love all of these books for the rest of my life! if you love romance, comedy, hot and steamy love scenes, and dragons these are the books for you!
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