How to Duck a Suckah: A Guide to Living a Drama-Free Lifeby Big Boom
The Bodyguard for Women's Hearts returns with brand-new tough-love advice for satisfying relationships and spiritual fulfillment.
Some women have become so accustomed to the games and manipulations of men that they are virtually sitting ducks for all the suckahs out there. Every woman has to be able to recognize Mr. Wrong before she lets him into/b>/b>… See more details below
The Bodyguard for Women's Hearts returns with brand-new tough-love advice for satisfying relationships and spiritual fulfillment.
Some women have become so accustomed to the games and manipulations of men that they are virtually sitting ducks for all the suckahs out there. Every woman has to be able to recognize Mr. Wrong before she lets him into her heart. True love is definitely out there you just have to know where to look.
In How to Duck a Suckah, Big Boom a former pimp, player, and hustler draws on his own sordid past to help women avoid traps, demand respect, and live a drama-free life. His overall message of self-empowerment proves that you can't be happy with anyone else unless you are happy with yourself.
Author of the Essence best seller If You Want Closure in a Relationship, Start with Your Legs, Big Boom, a 6'6", 360-pound celebrity bodyguard and self-proclaimed former (now married) "player," draws on past experiences to help women recognize the games devious men play to seduce women. While he dedicates most of the book to increasing women's self-esteem and empowering them to demand satisfying relationships, he also includes practical pointers on helping them avoid frequently made mistakes, e.g., having sex too early in the relationship or falling for material things. This is not a polished self-help guide; Big Boom writes from the heart, calling on God at certain turns and clear thinking at others. And that is the book's strength and its weakness. Boom's popularity with African American audiences recommends his latest book to libraries where his previous book was popular.
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Read an Excerpt
One Who Is Boom?
I'm the Bodyguard for Women's Hearts, Not a Sell-out.
I call myself the Bodyguard for Women's Hearts because everything I am going to share with you I have learned from my years of experience running the streets. My marriage, my family, my struggles, what made me change my life, my lifestyle, the reason I made the change to live a happy and healthier life. I once heard a great saying: "You will no longer need my shoulder to cry on, but you can still use it to stand on to view your new world" after reading this book.
When guys look at me and say, "Man, you are nothing but a sellout," I agree with them to a certain degree. I usually say, "Hey, man, I appreciate that, because that is a confirmation. A confirmation of the promise God has made me. Yes, my man, you are right on point. He promised I would sell out of my books." So when they call me a "sellout," I certainly don't look at it in a negative way.
You won't know the magnitude of the changes I have made until you know something about the "Old Boom." The Old Boom was a boy who grew up with a womanizer as a father. When I was a small boy, he raised me to be like him, and I took on some of the same traits. That is why I was one of the best fools you would have ever met. I found out later in the game that my father learned these traits from his father. My bloodline had so much dirt in it and so much foolishness, I felt like I needed a blood transfusion. But everyone tried to convince me that it was "all in my head." I knew they were wrong because I felt it down in my soul. The thing that I remembered best about my father was his dropping by in my younger years to whip me for being so bad. As I grew a little older, he used me as his running partner to play with his girlfriend's kids while they were having sex in another room. Afterward, we would go back home to eat dinner with my momma.
As I matured into my adulthood, if that is what you want to call it, he taught me, "Never have one woman." He said that you have to "look at women as if they are a pair of shoes because if you have one on, you are going to feel as if you are crippled." And if one gets out of line, you have to whip her like she is a child. My father was an ignorant man, and half of my life I was ignorant because I lived by his laws. I asked him a question one day, "Why do cavemen drag their women by the hair?" He answered, "Because if you drag them by the feet, they will fill up with dirt." This fool raised me with this kind of thinking. That's why I ask you not to crucify me for what I've done, because I only learned what I was taught. As I branched out into my own world, I started following other players and womanizers, and learning each and every one of their traits, until I developed my own style of playing. That is what made me so dangerous, because I was made up of many different components of the game, with nothing standing in my way. They say, "Let your conscience be your guide." But I had no conscience, and the only thing that was guiding me was my desires.
I dated older women at a young age and younger women at an old age. I kept anywhere from six to ten women at a time. So when one would tell me that she was tired of me and was going to leave, it was always a pleasure and a relief. I would never do anything wrong to a woman who wanted to leave, but I would give her hell if she decided to stay. So many women wasted their valuable time thinking I would come around, not knowing at the time that was as far as I could go. No woman was safe around me, not my girlfriend's mother or her best friend. Once she entered my world, I was the wolf and she was the little lamb.
Who is the "New Boom"? He is a married family man who has learned how to talk to God and get results. They say, "Be careful what you ask God for." I asked Him for a God-like wife and family, and He gave me my soul mate and a lovely daughter. I asked Him for a little, and He gave me a lot. I asked Him for a "simple little thought," and it seems as if He gave me a brain transplant because I no longer think the same. I asked Him to help me care for others, and He replaced my heart. I asked Him to make me walk the right way, and He put pep in my step. I asked Him to help me speak to women in a positive way, and you are reading my words. So now you have it. That is why I call myself the Bodyguard for Women's Hearts. And I will live up to that title. That title is mine until the day I die! Out of all that I have done, right or wrong, there is one good thing that came out of all of this. I learned that keeping your word is one of the most important things you can learn. My word is my bond and God is my witness. Here I have given my word to you.
I was watching a TV program about boot camps for troubled teenagers. I am talking about the ones who raise all the hell in troubled neighborhoods. I am talking about little Ray Ray, and little Nuc Nuc, and the gang. They think that no one can change his life, and they are going to be gangbangers until the day they die. As soon as they got caught and had to go to a different environment, I saw them marching and saying, "Yes, sir," and making up the bed. Life does have a change for you; you just haven't witnessed it yet. Maybe it's because of those two words you never said: "can't" and " ain't." I know of one word that you can use and you'll never have to worry about a thing, and that is "Jesus." Jesus doesn't force you to do anything. He'll let you volunteer, and if you don't see Him when it is your time to go, you just bought a ticket to Hell.
It's Hard to Find a Man Who Will Tell the Truth.
Some men stop me and say, "You are a traitor. You are giving up all of our secrets." I just say that the reason God put me on this assignment and not you is that women hear from fools every day, and every now and then they will find a man who will tell the truth. Finding a man who tells the truth is like looking for a dinosaur. When was the last time someone found a dinosaur? I want to tell the ladies that if you are going to play the game, remove your heart and let God hold it, and when you return, you'll be able to find them both in the same place. That is when you can begin your new life.
True Players Don't Mind This Book.
One thing I have noticed is that the cool men are not mad at all for me writing this book. It bothers only the weak men, who had no game to begin with. True players don't have any problems with this, because there's plenty of game out there. A man can always think of another way to do it. On top of that, most women are not going to follow and listen to these instructions. Today you will, but right after this, it will be just like you left church. You can hear the pastor preach and shout all morning, and then you'll still go and have you an afternoon delight.
Don't Hate the Player; Hate the Game.
I am sitting here working out in the gym, and it just crossed my mind that I am tired of working on this treadmill. I see the same walls and equipment every day. But if I went outside and walked, the scenery would change. I would have fresh air and could walk as far as I wanted to. If a person comes out of his or her comfort zone and quits seeing the same thing every day, and travels and meets new people, it opens up a brand-new world. You'll discover that life won't be so boring. You will automatically change some things about yourself; the way you dress, the way you wear your hair. It could change the way you talk because you will have bigger and better things to talk about. That is just another one of my crazy thoughts!
Has your thunderstorm ever turned into a bright sunshiny day? Have you ever had something bad happen to you, and after it was over it seemed like it was a message getting you ready for the good things that were about to happen to you? All of a sudden the sun is shining on your life. The next time something bad happens to you, don't focus on the bad. Think about the blessings that are coming your way. It is like the song lyrics, "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone."
I am not trying to confuse anyone, but you will hear me say "suckah" and "player." They are similar, but there are differences. Suckahs have serious relationships and cheat on their women, while players don't want serious relationships because they just want to have as many women as possible. They are both trying to play the game. What makes the game different is what you bring to the table. Just look at it like you are at your job and it is potluck day. Everyone has to bring a dish of food. Just because you have a big bowl of potato salad, that doesn't make it a meal. Once everyone else brings their food, that is when it becomes a meal. It is the same thing with a suckah and a player: they are nothing without you.
My Darkest Secret.
One of the ways I can make you believe I am telling the truth is to share one of my darkest secrets with you. See, I know if I tell you this, then you should trust me the rest of this journey because I am not trying to hide behind anything. I want you to know that I never read a book in my life because I was dyslexic. I want to try to get you to trust yourself and open up to the number one person, and that person is you, and be true to yourself. So with that being said I have to open up. I'm opening myself up to millions of people. The only way to open up to yourself is to change the way you think. I let the wrong people put negative thoughts in my head at a young age, and I just never tried after that. I just kept going through life trying to hide it. When you hide something at a young age, you keep doing it all your life and you end up an old person hiding the same thing that you could have fixed in your young life. So I'm asking you today to quit hiding stuff. Let's get together and try to work on something you can fix and quit being a slave to it.
Back When I Was Crazy.
Folks would always say, "You are such a bad boy." The neighbors would run when they saw me coming because I was so big for my age. I would throw rocks at their dogs, and when they came outside to tell me to stop, then I would turn and start throwing rocks at them. When they ran in the house to get away from the rocks, then my stupid behind would take it one step too far...and end up breaking a window! When I broke a window I would run home to tell my momma that the neighbors were teasing me, just in case they called the police. I knew that she would believe me, like most mothers. Let that be a lesson to grown-ups to check out the problem before you take sides. I guess you could say this is one of the ways that I was labeled a bad kid. Missing a father I barely knew, crying out for a man in the house.
When there is no man in the house, you have no one to pattern yourself after; this could lead to a momma's boy or a street boy. I haven't done the statistics on this, but I am pretty sure that someone has already done research; we don't need the numbers, just look around. Let's face it; it is hard for women to raise a boy alone. I started lashing out by marking and making fun of everything that someone would say. I thought life was a joke, until I tried it on my grandmother. Everything was funny, until she beat all of my senses back into me. She almost killed me. As strange as this may sound, that beating changed my life that day. I turned into a scary little boy. I questioned myself as to which road to take. They say you reap what you sow, and that is a true statement. It seemed like everyone wanted to fight me. I was a big kid but had never been in a fight in my life. I found myself running home from school every day because of the same threats that most kids hear in their young age. These threats were, "At three o'clock, we are whipping your behind." The good part was I stayed right across the street from the school. The bad part was it was a busy intersection. I can't tell you how many times I ran across the street before the crossing guard could raise his stop sign.
If you stayed close and heard a lot of screeching and horns blowing, they were blowing at me. The threats and the chase went on for quite a while. Until one day I tried to run a different way home, and I turned the wrong corner, and there was nowhere else to go. I was faced with a brick wall and a guy chasing me with half of the school running to see who was going to win the fight. The only way out was up! So I climbed and fell off the wall and onto the guy; I knocked him out cold. By the time I stood up, the crowd had made it around the corner. The crowd had started cheering for me because they thought I'd hit him and knocked him out. It didn't take long for that news to spread all over the school. After that day, no one pushed me around. But then I started to push other people around.
I then took on the role of Bully. As you are raising your kids, please understand they need more influence than whipping. Sometimes beatings add more anger when a child is trying to find his way. They even add animosity and resentfulness. That anger has to go somewhere, and mine started with girls and ended up toward women. I noticed at an early age that most girls and women have the same traits. They listened to my voice instead of their inner voice. This usually leaves a woman powerless. Once you add a little abuse to it, she ends up helpless. I also realized that once a woman makes a mistake, and knows that she has been a fool, nine chances out of ten she becomes ashamed and tries to make sure that no one else finds out. Which taught me how to manipulate a woman's mind? Which created a monster inside of me?
Pimping Ain't Easy.
Someone has to do it, and believe it or not, most girls want the pimp to do it. It makes them feel whole because living in what you'd call a normal world they felt like they were in a hole with no way out and nowhere to go. With a pimp, they feel like their new world is a step up. Then you have the ones who are just curious and, as they say, curiosity kills the cat. Most of these girls have low self-esteem, come from one-parent homes, or just want to live on the wild side. One of the easiest ways to break women into selling their bodies is to start them working in a strip club, even if they start out as a waitress. They will see that the girls who are dancing are making so much money that they will trade professions.
The key is to find a dancer who is happy with the money she is making but not with her job. To convince her to come into the pimping world, you would ask her, "Why would you let everyone in the room see your naked body for a few dollars and a table dance, when you can be in private and make a few hundred dollars for every man you take on?" If you get them to fall for that and convince them that you have their back, the pimping is on.
This craft has been around a long time. Only God knows exactly how long. You will have a lot of guys claiming they invented this craft, but all of them lie so much you don't know whom to believe. You'll find one twenty years old swearing that he started it all. But how could he? He's still so young his breath smells like baby food. This is an unbelievably foolish craft that people in the game take very seriously. To be respectful, let's call the girls ladies of the night. You have to be in their world to truly understand it. And if you don't abide by the rules, you can easily come up hurt.
Here are some of the rules of the game you won't believe. When I was in the game, if a lady of the night ran away from her pimp and wanted to come into my world, she would have to pay me to get in, and out of respect, I would call her pimp to let him know that she was no longer with him. In pimp language, that would be called "serving him the news." But now, the new pimps are using dope to control the ladies and will kill you if you try to serve them the news. Let me share a few rules with you. One of the rules is, when a pimp comes into the room to talk to another pimp, the lady of the night has to turn her head and look the other way at all times. Because if she is caught looking, it will seem like she wants to trade pimps, and that rule is called "loose eyes." Men who buy sex are called johns. This lowers the chances of married men being caught. All johns know where to find these types of women. A lot of them can be found in storefront massage parlors.
Some pimps will go to these places to try to fool these ladies to make them think they are johns. In reality they are trying to talk them into working for them. As soon as the ladies of the night find out that they are pimps, they have to face the wall and not say a word. Because a smart mouth means they are disrespecting a pimp. If that happens, he's allowed to tell you to break yourself, which means "give me your money" because you just took up some of my time. This is not robbery; it's just pimp rules. In their world, it seems like the crazier they look, the more women they catch. I guess you are trying to figure out why he has all of that stuff on, but you end up laughing and talking and falling straight into his trap. They will talk their lady of the night into bringing new girls home to work for them. This will make the new girls wives-in-law, because the one who is already there is considered to be the wife. I know that it sounds crazy; just think how crazy it would be if you were in it.
When I was in the pimp world, and you talked a woman into working for you, you first had to break her in. My pimp partner and I had a system where I would give him $150 and drop the new girl over his house and play like he is a john wanting to buy sex. This would let me know what the girl would do under pressure. After sex, he would give her the money, and I would pick her up and she would give it all to me. She would be so excited that she passed the test for her man.
Then I taught her what undercover police do and what they look like. This prepares her for hitting the streets. I can go on and on, but I am getting embarrassed that I even played this game. Although some women of the night talked me into it, it's not something I am proud of! Plus, I had to quit because I had never seen a pimp with a good retirement plan. I have seen them play around with their lives so long they end up with an old Cadillac and looking for somewhere to stay. Every good thing must come to an end. I learned if you end it before it ends you, you'll still have strength to start a new beginning. Please don't look down on me for what you just read. I am just trying to show you as many angles as I can and how choosing the wrong man could destroy your life.
Be All You Can Be.
I was calling myself "Mr. Facts" or "Just the Facts." Some people didn't like that because they could not handle the truth, so I began to call myself "the Bodyguard for Women's Hearts." I want to protect women's hearts so much that I am willing to bring out many secrets to do so. I remember I used to get letters in the mail and, since I didn't have an education, struggled to read them. I couldn't understand my mail, and then I'd find out that I had a few speeding tickets and a subpoena for child support, and some girlfriend telling my wife I was messing around. I don't have to worry about that drama anymore because since I've married this wife, Lauren, I have been truly faithful. This is my third marriage. Some would call it my third strike. I am out of the dating game and happily married with help from God and the commitments I made. I am new and improved and have been healed! I want to help women restore their mental health. I want them to be all that they can be and do all that they can do.
A More Positive Side of Boom.
Over the years I have changed. People do change, you know. I no longer look at things the way I used to. I have always cared for people, but now I care even more. It seems like I have gone through hell and found my way out. I am positive, and I look forward to helping those who have gotten off track to get back on track. Things can happen in your life as a kid that you have no control over. But once you grow up, you can control those things that have gotten in your way. I don't know how it happens, but it does. God wants the latter part of your life to be better than the first part of your life. You are never too far gone for God. I guess this thing is divinely appointed. People will cross your path and they will help you get to the next level and will point you in the right direction. Somehow, things just work out. They can't help you along the way if you don't want to go. It seems like everyone wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die. I know people who want to be rich but don't want to leave the house. So I am asking you: What are you ready for?
Another good thing about me is that I am always trying to bring out the positive side in others. I try to help people to find their true passion, and I ask them, "What are your talents?" For example, if you like to draw, why not go to school and get a degree in this field? Or, if you are not going to do that, why not search for a job or position where you have to use your skills as an artist? What about taking some advanced art classes or graphic design courses so that you can advance your true passion? Read more magazines and articles about the arts. Learn everything you can about your gift. I see this as a gift that God has given you. You may have to work hard to perfect your gift. You may have to go out of your way and do a few things that you said you were not going to do. But make investment in yourself.
I understand that college is not for everyone, but how about trade school? Things may be a little uncomfortable for a minute, so that you can reach your fullest potential and become the person that God has created you to be. Never stop trying to perfect your talent. As long as we are here on this earth, we are going to be learning something. So you might as well excel on the things that you are good at or have a passion for.
What do you have in your hands? I don't think a lot of people really think about it. Sometimes there are so many things that we are good at. But what do you like the most? You may be a good writer and an excellent bookkeeper. Along with that you may have some modeling skills. You may even be good at building things. All of that is good because it shows your versatility and ambition. What you have to do is find the one talent that holds your interest more than the other talents. There has to be one that overpowers the others. This doesn't limit you. But what it will do is allow you to focus on your gift, and then the other talents become hobbies. And when you are not using your gift, you can enjoy working on your hobbies. That way, you'll never have a dull moment in life. Your life will be full of energy and joy.
Ladies, I need you all to work with me and be on my side, like I'm on yours. I'm putting myself in harm's way. I'm standing in front of the bullet for you all. So keep me living, so that I can keep giving. One might ask, "Are you nervous?" At this point in time I would have to say yes. It's hard not to be nervous when you tell the truth about something you have done, when you know it is wrong.
Copyright © 2008 by Big Boom Freeman
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