Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding / Edition 1

Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding / Edition 1

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by Henry Cloud
     
 

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ISBN-10: 0310221528

ISBN-13: 2900310221523

Pub. Date: 09/28/2003

Publisher: Zondervan

A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.

Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us

Overview

A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.

Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don't know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We're afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.

In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.

* Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life
* Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships
* Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation
* Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation
* Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack
* Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more

From the Book

Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula.

Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue.

Here's an example.

Joe: 'I can't believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That's pretty hypocritical.'

You: 'I understand it's hard for you to see, and I'm glad you meant it as a joke and weren't trying to be hurtful. What I'm telling you, though, and what I don't want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don't want to be talked to like that.'

Product Details

ISBN-13:
2900310221523
Publisher:
Zondervan
Publication date:
09/28/2003
Edition description:
OP
Pages:
272

Table of Contents

Why Another Boundaries Book?..........................................................9PART I Why You Need to Have That Difficult Conversation Chapter 1 The Talk Can Change Your Life...............................................15 Chapter 2 The Benefits of a Good Conversation.........................................20 PART II The Essentials of a Good Conversation Chapter 3 Be Emotionally Present......................................................33 Chapter 4 Be Clear about "You" and "I"................................................36 Chapter 5 Clarify the Problem.........................................................39 Chapter 6 Balance Grace and Truth.....................................................42 Chapter 7 Stay on Task................................................................45 Chapter 8 Use the Formula, When You Do "A," I Feel "B"................................49 Chapter 9 Affirm and Validate.........................................................52 Chapter 10 Apologize for Your Part in the Problem.....................................57 Chapter 11 Avoid "Shoulds"............................................................60 Chapter 12 Be an Agent for Change.....................................................64 Chapter 13 Be Specific................................................................67 Chapter 14 Differentiate between Forgiving and Trusting...............................71 PART III Seeing How It's Done Chapter 15 Telling People What You Want...............................................77 Chapter 16 Making Someone Aware of a Problem..........................................97 Chapter 17 Stopping a Behavior........................................................118 Chapter 18 Dealing with Blame, Counterattack, and Other Problems......................146 PART IV Getting Yourself Ready to Have the Conversation Chapter 19 Why You Need to Be Ready...................................................169 Chapter 20 How to Get Ready...........................................................174 PART V Having the Difficult Conversation with People in Your Life Chapter 21 With Your Spouse...........................................................191 Chapter 22 With Someone You're Dating.................................................202 Chapter 23 With Your Child............................................................214 Chapter 24 With Your Parent...........................................................224 Chapter 25 With Adult Children........................................................235 Chapter 26 At Work....................................................................243 Chapter 27 With People in Authority...................................................254 Speaking the Truth in Love............................................................265

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How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding 4.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
madamjustice More than 1 year ago
Are you an inadvertant enabler? Do others take advantage of you before you even realize it? Are you simply burned out from helping everyone else with their problems such that you have no peace left in your own life? Then this is the book for you. It gives you a hands-on approach (from a Biblical perspective) to dealing with others truthfully and gracefully so that you can handle life's tough situations, but still have peace in your own life. Stand up for yourself. Take time for yourself. Accept the things you cannot change, and move on. I would suggest that you also read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend along with this book. "Boundaries" gives you the principles to live by, and this book helps you to effectively put those principles into practice. This recommendation comes from a person who knows: I am an attorney who was stressed out and nearly burned out, and this book literally changed my life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has transformed the lives of many women that have sat under my teaching and counseling. Upon learning the valuable lessons in this book and incorporating them into every day life, EMPOWERMENT has been the result! I highly recommend this great read. Your life can be transformed IF you use these invaluable tools.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago