How to Keep Your Kids on Your Team

( 4 )

Overview

Your kids need you!

You need look no further than the latest headlines to realize that parenting has become more difficult―and kids of every age still need engaged, involved parents. Now, more than ever, your children need you!

In this best-selling book, Dr. Charles Stanley reminds parents that their stewardship role in raising their children requires a hands-on presence. Are you interested―and participating―in their activities, or are you too ...

See more details below
Paperback (Includes Discussion Guide)
$3.99
BN.com price
(Save 69%)$12.99 List Price
Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (27) from $1.99   
  • New (5) from $7.21   
  • Used (22) from $1.99   
How to Keep Your Kids on Your Team

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$7.99
BN.com price

Overview

Your kids need you!

You need look no further than the latest headlines to realize that parenting has become more difficult―and kids of every age still need engaged, involved parents. Now, more than ever, your children need you!

In this best-selling book, Dr. Charles Stanley reminds parents that their stewardship role in raising their children requires a hands-on presence. Are you interested―and participating―in their activities, or are you too busy? Do you treat their childhood crises with the importance they deserve, or are these events trivialized? Are you communicating to them your unconditional love? To keep your children on your team, Dr. Stanley asserts, you must let them know that you are on theirs.

Dr. Stanley guides you as you learn to create and maintain loving, loyal parent-child relationships, using these four main themes:

  • Children are a gift from God.
  • You should treat them with love and respect.
  • You should hand down to them your faith, instilling in them moral values.
  • You should demonstrate your own accountability to God.

By focusing on these things, you can raise confident, happy, self-controlled kids who will hold fast to the values you've taught them.

" . . . and when he is grown, he will not depart from it."

Enriched by personal anecdotes from this internationally known author, How to Keep Your Kids on Your Team is a must-have for today's Christian parents and includes a study and discussion guide at the end.

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780785261223
  • Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
  • Publication date: 2/1/2004
  • Edition description: Includes Discussion Guide
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 691,847
  • Product dimensions: 5.42 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.63 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Charles Stanley is senior pastor of First Baptist Church in Atlanta.He isthe founder and president of In Touch® Ministries. His bestselling books include The Source of My Strength and How to Listen to God.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

HOW TO KEEP Your Kids On Your Team


By Charles Stanley

THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS

Copyright © 2007 Charles Stanley
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-7852-6122-3


Chapter One

Viewing Your Children As Gifts from God

* * *

The suicide note read, "Mom, I'm sorry that I was ever born. It seems to me that I have ruined your happiness. I have chosen this way out so that you can be happy again." The young lady had been left with babysitters from the time she was born until she was old enough to take care of herself. At that time she was provided with a ride to and from school, an adequate allowance, and the freedom to do just about anything she pleased.

This young lady did not come out of a single-parent home where there was no option but leaving her alone. Her parents were simply too busy to be bothered. To spend time with her would have been an intrusion on the social commitments. Obviously, they had not considered her a gift from God. On the contrary, they viewed her as a hindrance to their lives and an interruption of their plans. And the parents conveyed this message to their daughter as she was growing up. They gave her all the material possessions she could ever want, but they never provided the warm, loving atmosphere for her that a child needs.

As Christians, we receive many blessings from the Lord, but of all the blessings, the most precious ones are those called "a heritage from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3). Other than receiving the gift of eternal life, the entrance of a child into the home is the most blessed event a young couple can experience. The children in your home are God's gifts to you, and He asks you to view them as such.

Our Special Gifts

Like many parents, Anna and I eagerly awaited the arrival of our first child. We both wanted children but decided to wait until we were out of seminary and into a church. After three years our desires were fulfilled; Andy was born.

When Andy was brought into the hospital room for the first time on the day he was born, Anna and I prayed over him. I remember as if it was yesterday thanking God for His grace in giving us a child. We thanked Him for the privilege of allowing us to have Andy in our home to teach and to guide in the ways of the Lord. At the close of our prayer we gave him back to God. We acknowledged and understood from the very beginning that although our children were gifts from God, they were not ours to keep. We know God had a plan for both Andy and Becky, our daughter.

We purposed in our hearts from the first day we brought each of our children home to raise them to know that God had a special assignment for them. It did not really matter to us where or what that would be; we only knew that they would be prepared by God with our assistance. Then we watched as God began to do His work.

Against the Tide

In a society such as ours where children are oftentimes viewed as unwanted expenses and allowed to live only if they will not interfere with career goals and other such "important" matters, this principle sounds somewhat archaic. With the average number of abortions holding steady at under 1.5 million per year, it is clear that children are viewed by many parents as burdens rather than blessings. There is an undeniable correlation between the atheistic and humanistic trend in recent years and the shift in thinking concerning children. With personhood now defined in terms of quality of life, babies are not considered human until they demonstrate humanness.

This new definition of personhood and the ability doctors have to assess the physical and mental condition of the unborn have put man in the driver's seat concerning who will and will not be allowed to live. Once again man moved to usurp the authority of God. In doing so, another blow is levied against the foundational principles for successful family living.

Many children who have already been born have been called the unwanted generation. For various reasons the mother's pursuing a career seems more important than her staying at home with the youngsters, so the children are placed in day-care centers for others to raise. Linda Burnett, coauthor of the book The Unwanted Generation, says,

I am certain that my children would not develop the confidence and security, on which they will depend throughout their lives, to the same extent at a day-care center that they would at home. There seldom is an adequate substitute for the real parent.... Raising a child in our day is both the most difficult and rewarding task God calls a woman to do.... The infant stages of our children's lives are brief and yet the most important both psychologically and sociologically. After they are little, we will never again have a comparable opportunity to shape the lives of our children for good.

This is certainly true since 85 percent of their personality traits are formed in the first five years of their lives.

Since How to Keep Your Kids on Your Team provides principles for how to keep a family together, we would do well to turn our attention away from the liberated left; their track record speaks for itself. In their inability to keep the family unit functioning successfully, they have deemed it an unnecessary part of society. In other words, they are abandoning the ship that brought them into and through this life, and they are leaving it to break up on the reef of their own creating.

Your decision to read this book is evidence that you are not ready to abandon ship. If you as a parent truly desire to keep your children on your team, you must begin by embracing the fact that children are gifts from God.

Boo-Boos Or Blessings

Some parents refer to the child of an unexpected pregnancy as a surprise or an accident. Such talk, however, reveals the parents' limited perspective and often leads to a subconscious grudge against the child. Worse than that, such talk, if overheard by the child, will make him or her feel like a mistake or an unwanted burden and can only contribute to the child's low sense of self-worth. So, please, if one of your children "surprised" you, let it be the best-kept secret in town. There are no surprises from God's point of view. Fortunately for us, God does not have accidents. What may appear to be a surprise to man is always within the sovereign plan of God.

As Christians, we must not use the same standards non-Christians use in determining the value and desirability of a child. The couple who has ruled out the idea of a sovereign Source is left to judge the value of a child according to the circumstances into which that child is born. However, present circumstances must not be used to determine the value of a child. Children are gifts from God, and it is in this light that their value should be measured. Anyone having doubts about this needs only to spend time with a couple who cannot have children. The psalmist could not have been any clearer on this point when he said,

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate. -Psalm 127:3-5

The First Family

Eve's response after having Cain serves as a good illustration of this point. After she conceived and gave birth, Eve said, "I have gotten a man from the Lord" (Genesis 4:1). The Hebrew word translated "I have gotten" means "to acquire." This term combined with the name used here for God-YHWH (or One who can be relied upon)-indicates that Eve viewed Cain as fulfillment of God's earlier promise to her:

I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children. -Genesis 3:16

She gratefully recognized God as the source of her first child.

Eve's response is especially interesting in that she knew the pain of childbearing was a direct result of her sin. Yet she did not associate the negative circumstances surrounding childbirth with the child himself. She saw beyond all that and recognized that Cain was a gift from the Lord.

But Do the Children Know?

The question now arises, What kind of message are you sending to your children? If in fact they are gifts from God, do they know that? How do your children perceive themselves in the context of your life? Do they see themselves as burdens or blessings? How they answer this last question will pretty much determine whether or not you can keep them on your team.

I can remember as a child being the last one chosen when the guys were choosing sides to play basketball. I knew I was a burden to the team and had been chosen simply because I was the only one left. I knew that if I did not show up the next afternoon to play, no one would miss me.

You can imagine how low my enthusiasm level was as I took my place on the court. You can imagine how unmotivated I was to play. I was not an important part of the team; I did not feel like a part of the team at all.

To keep your children on your team, you must let them know that you wanted them to be a part of the team to begin with. The degree to which this is communicated will greatly affect their self-image and thus their ability and desire to function as a part of the family unit.

Jack Taylor says,

I find joy in receiving my children in prayer as gifts from God. As I do it almost daily I find that it enhances my appreciation of them and my fellowship with them. Matters of temporal importance become trivial before the eternal investment afforded of time with my children. As I take God's view of my children, I see them being formed into his image and receive it as a finished matter. I have seen the end from the middle and the matter is settled. (One Home Under God [Nashville: Broadman, 1973], 109)

Jack also suggests a prayer that parents might use in receiving their children as gifts from God:

Father, in Jesus' name, we receive our children. They are gifts from heaven to us. Forgive us for impatience with their immaturity. We receive them to give them back to you to be used to complete and perfect us that we in turn might be used to perfect them. They are what we need as parents. We receive them not as our eyes behold them, but as you intend to make them ... perfect. We are delighted with your gifts to us and ask forgiveness for being less than completely pleased with them. They are to us a delight and a pleasure. We could not have made them more perfect than you have made them. We are happy to receive them here and now! In Jesus' name, Amen! (One Home Under God, 109)

Your children could be struggling with feelings of rejection because of some comments made in passing about the trouble their arrival caused you and your spouse in the early years of your marriage. Regardless of whether or not you really mean anything by these comments, you are communicating that the children are (or have been) burdens. Remember, it is not what you think that influences your children; it is what you communicate. What are you communicating to your children in regard to the role they play in your life? Do they view themselves as blessings or burdens?

As we conclude our discussion of this first principle, there are really two questions you need to keep in mind: (1) Do I view my children as gifts from God? (2) If so, do they know it? Incorporating this important principle into your thinking is the first step you can take in keeping your children on your team.

Applying Principle One

1. Describe to each child the positive events surrounding his or her birth.

2. Remind your children that they were answers to prayer.

3. Relate the lessons God has taught you and your spouse as a result of the birth of your children.

4. If it was a problem pregnancy, make your child aware of the alternatives that were available but dismissed because of your desire for him or her.

5. If your child is adopted, tell your child about the prayers and the joy that accompanied his or her arrival into your home.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from HOW TO KEEP Your Kids On Your Team by Charles Stanley Copyright © 2007 by Charles Stanley. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Contents

PART ONE To keep your children on your team, you must THINK correctly 1. Viewing Your Children As Gifts from God....................3
2. Viewing Your Children As a Stewardship from God....................13
PART TWO To keep your children on your team, you must TREAT them correctly 3. Demonstrating an Interest in Their Childhood Experiences....................27
4. Loving and Accepting Your Children Unconditionally....................40
5. Setting Loving Limitations....................60
PART THREE To keep your children on your team, you must TEACH them correctly 6. Handing Down Your Faith....................85
7. Providing for Your Children....................105
8. Teaching Your Children the Importance of Prayer....................119
9. Teaching Your Children to Whom They Are Ultimately Responsible....................130
10. Distinguishing Between Moral and Wisdom Issues....................146
PART FOUR To keep your children on your team you must KEEP YOUR TESTIMONY intact 11. Modeling Unconditional Faithfulness to God....................165
12. Admitting When You Are Wrong....................177
13. Modeling Your Proper Role....................193
Afterword....................213
Study and Discussion Guide....................215
Acknowledgments....................229
About the Author....................231
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3
( 4 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(1)

4 Star

(1)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(2)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 30, 2014

    Fantastic parenting book. Probably my favorite. I am a social wo

    Fantastic parenting book. Probably my favorite. I am a social worker and a mother of two grown son who are out touching the world in many good ways. This book helped our preteen and teens year go so much smoother. I was so thankful for the very relatable and practical advice of this book. One line stays with me even today " It's not what you think that influences your children it's what you communicate." you may think how much you love your children but if you are so stressed or a perfectionist, you might be communicating a lot of negatives that really influence your child, while all along you are thinking how much you love them. But they aren't feeling that . There is no way this book should get a 1 star rating with NO comment. Why do they even include something like that on a review. If you are not a Christian then you might not see all the things that Charles Stanley is suggesting but it really is great advice for anyone. Well, worth it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 21, 2013

    A good reminder to slow down and love your kids

    A good reminder to slow down and love your kids

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 23, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 12, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)