How to Listen so Parents Will Talk and Talk so Parents Will Listen / Edition 1

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Few resources exist that teach mental health practitioners the building block skills of working effectively with parents. Based in research, theory, and years of experience in working successfully with all types of parents, John and Rita Sommers-Flanagan provide mental health professionals with the tools to build rapport and trust with parents. Filled with strategies for working with parents, this book covers the practical techniques of parenting such as problem-solving interventions, discipline, authority issues, and much more.

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What People Are Saying

From the Publisher
"In keeping with person-centered theory and therapy, John and Rita Sommers-Flanagan have produced a book that will be immensely helpful for professionals who work with parents. Throughout the pages, there are many examples of practitioners honoring and respecting parents and listening deeply to how best be of help. I am delighted that this book continues to echo and expand on my father's work."
Natalie Rogers, PhD, Distinguished Consulting Faculty, Saybrook University, author, The Creative Connection: Expressive Arts as Healing

"Because parenting can be such a dizzying task, professionals working with parents need to have intelligible, compassionate, and ethical principles to guide their work. John and Rita Sommers-Flanagan have mastered this complex terrain, and we are fortunate, in this articulate and accessible book, to gain from their exceptional experience and wisdom."
Andrew Peterson, EdD, author, The Next Ten Minutes: 51 Absurdly Simple Ways to Seize the Moment

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781118012963
  • Publisher: Wiley
  • Publication date: 6/28/2011
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 1,043,735
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

John Sommers-Flanagan, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Counselor Education at The University of Montana. He serves as a psychological consultant with Trapper Creek Job Corps, a vocational and educational facility. His research interests include clinical interviewing, parent consultations, and adolescent psychotherapy.

Rita Sommers-Flanagan, PhD, is a Professor in the Department of Counselor Education at The University of Montana. She provides mental health consultation at the Missoula Vet Center and Trapper Creek Job Corps. She has taught and written in the area of applied, practical ethics for the past fifteen years.

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Table of Contents

Case Examples ix

Preface xi


CHAPTER ONE A Way of Being With Parents 3

CHAPTER TWO Preparing Yourself to Work Effectively With Parents 17

CHAPTER THREE What Parents Want: A Model for Understanding Adult Influence 33


CHAPTER FOUR From Initial Contact to Assessment: Building and Maintaining a Working Relationship With Parents 57

CHAPTER FIVE Collaborative Problem Formulation 75

CHAPTER SIX Creating and Providing Guidance, Advice, and Solutions 93


CHAPTER SEVEN Teaching Relationship-Based Interventions to Parents 113

CHAPTER EIGHT Sharing Power to Gain Influence: Indirect and Problem-Solving Interventions 133

CHAPTER NINE A New-and-Improved Behaviorism: Child-Friendly but Direct Approaches to Discipline 153

CHAPTER TEN Ongoing Contact, Complications, and Referrals 177

CHAPTER ELEVEN Dealing With Special Situations and Issues 195

Appendix A: An Annotated Bibliography of Parenting Books 209

Appendix B: Tip Sheets for Parents 217

Appendix C: Parent Satisfaction and Counselor Reflection Inventory 229

Appendix D: Master List of Attitudes, Strategies, and Interventions 233

Appendix E: Chapter Checklists 235

Appendix F: Parent Homework Assignments 241

References 261

Author Index 271

Subject Index 275

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Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 3, 2012

    Fanfiction in a Review?

    Okay... checked the book preview because of the admittedly odd reviews. This is sort of a parenting book, seemingly written to help therapists work through familial issues. It can also be used by parents to specifically tune into a problem they may be experiencing with their children, and offers ways to approach and rectify the situation.

    I have no idea what the nonsense about Gilan is... the only thing I can figure is a fan decided to post a plot suggestion in a totally innappropriate place... a review board of a book that has absolutely nothing to do with the Ranger's Apprentice series.

    I would recommend getting the preview if you are experiencing difficulty with your kids, and deciding according to the table of contents, which are very detailed in what problems the book addresses, if any problems there are relevant to your situation.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 11, 2012


    *Amee starts to sob loudly as she stares at Gilan's glassy eyes and throws herself on him, refusing to let go* "NO!" She screams as Alessandra tries to pull her away. "NO! NOOO!" "Amee," Alessandra says softly but firmly, "Amee, come on..." "No," she moans, burying her face in Gilan's shirt. She cries openly, with her chest heaving as she gasps for air. "I...c-ca-can't...." "Yes, you can," Alessandra tells her. She reaches for the girl again and gently pries her from her brother's body. Amee's face is encased in tears, eyes puffy and red. She feels the older girl's arms wrapping around her thin waist and leans into the embrace, hiding her face from view. "Shhhhh," Alessandra croons, and rubs soothing circles on Amee's back. "It's going to be okay. You're all right, it's fine. Everything's going to go back to normal, you'll see. You're all right..." She waits for the girl to calm down, then whispers, "You and I, we'll be like sisters now. All we've got is each other. We'll work it out. Okay?" Amee nods mindlessly, only taking comfort in Alessandra's voice. Alessandra holds her out at arm's length. "You need to rest," she says. She takes the girl's hand and leads her into a bedroom, lifting Amee into the bed and tucking the covers right underneath her chin. She strokes Amee's hair for a minute or two and then begins to sing, softly at first, then louder until it fills the cabin. Her voice is beautiful in the lonely quiet, and Amee slowly finds herself falling asleep. Alessandra smiles at how peaceful she looks. She rises and walks out of the room, kneeling once more where her comrade's body lies on the cold wooden floorboards. Alessandra fingers his oakleaf in her hands, turning it over and over. "I promise you," she whispers, "that I will train her myself and she will become a Ranger, no matter what it takes." And there, in the dead silence, Alessandra feels the weight of Gilan's death lifted off her shoulders. Her hand drifts upwards and pushes a lock of his hair out of his face. "I miss you," she tells him. He doesn't reply. He's dead. Dead. It hits her hard. An overwhelming sadness strikes her. There is a burning sensation in her chest, a feeling of complete, utter loss of what to do next. Her tears fall, slow glittering drops, down her face and onto his stomach. She does not wipe them away. No one is there to see her cry. No one is there to help her. Alessandra is on her own, with a bleak, uncertain future to behold.

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 9, 2012

    SOMEONE HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 5, 2012


    Because I want to kitty boy

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 2, 2012

    Nick to Gilan

    Youre really good at swordfighting, but not hat good!!!!(unless of course you shot a lot of them with your bow nad killed some with your knives and then finished the remaining ones off in a swordfight). But why would temujai come here?

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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