If you've ever lived with a cat, or have to live with one right now, you know the trouble, problems, and constant annoyances these tiny, furry little demons from the underworld can inflict on your patience and your soul. If you've tried reading traditional how-to books that purport to teach you how to deal with a cat, you may get the impression that cats are reasonable and rational creatures, and the frustration and problems you’re having are ...
If you've ever lived with a cat, or have to live with one right now, you know the trouble, problems, and constant annoyances these tiny, furry little demons from the underworld can inflict on your patience and your soul. If you've tried reading traditional how-to books that purport to teach you how to deal with a cat, you may get the impression that cats are reasonable and rational creatures, and the frustration and problems you’re having are all your fault.
Now it’s finally time to read a refreshingly honest, humorous, satirical look at how you should really learn to live with a cat. Instead of treating cats as angelic little babies, this book will portray them as they really are as the devious, mischievous, maniacal, and coldly cunning animals that are bent on world domination for their convenience, starting by emotionally and mentally enslaving you as their first captive.
In this book, you'll learn the history of cats, how to care and feed them, what to expect, and why you, as a human being, will forever be an inferior life form in the eyes of an animal who treats you with total disdain and contempt as you break your back cleaning, feeding, and caring for it in return.
The definition of "insanity" used to be trying to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Now the new definition of insanity is taking care of a cat and expecting even a tiny sliver of gratitude in return.
This humorous guide book can teach you how to really take care of a cat (usually at your expense) and what you can expect in return (nothing). For the first time, you have an open, honest, and truthful explanation for what to expect when you care for a cat, which even the big publishers are afraid to publish for fear of possible retaliation from their cats.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 -- Meeting the Cat
Chapter 2 -- Naming Your Cat
Chapter 3 -- Making Your Home Safe
Chapter 5 -- Handling Your Cat
Chapter 6 -- Your Cat’s Bed
Chapter 7 -- Food and Water
Chapter 8 -- Litter Boxes
Chapter 9 -- Scratching Posts
Chapter 10 -- Cat Toys and Exercises
Chapter 11 -- Cats and Other Pets
Chapter 12 -- Special Care for Kittens
Chapter 13 -- Health Concerns
Chapter 14 -- Home Care For Your Cat
Chapter 15 -- Cat Anatomy
Chapter 16 -- Cat Behavior
Chapter 17 -- Training Your Cat
Chapter 18 -- Breeding (and Other Problems)
Chapter 19 -- Your New Life With Your Cat
Chapter 20 -- Traveling With a Cat
Chapter 21 -- The Final Exit
Chapter 22 -- Interesting Cat Trivia
In 1992, I got my first cat named Bo. Then over the next six years, at two-year intervals, another cat showed up at my door until I wound up with four of them (Bo, Scraps, Tasha, and Nuit). After reading the typical cat care books, I realized how patently silly and serious most of these cat care books were, treating cats as if they were rational animals. That's what inspired me to write my own, truthful, honest, and humorous cat care book that mocks all those serious cat care books.
Besides writing this book, I've also written "Microsoft Office 2010 For Dummies," "My New Mac," and "My New iPad" in addition to performing stand-up comedy since 1990. I have also published two additional e-books about screenwriting ("The 15-Minute Movie Method") and about stock trading ("The Secrets of the Wall Street Stock Traders").
After caring and feeding four cats after a 20-year period, I need money to replace all the funds I expended supporting all these animals that ignored me in return. Please help by buying this book or any of my other books. All profits from this e-book will go towards digging myself out of debt that the expenses of caring for my cats have led me into. Thank you.