How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

( 13 )

Overview

How to make a great first impression, it's a constant problem and Nicholas Boothman has solved it simply enough for everyone to use in business and personal interactions. Horray! Horray!!! (Martin Edelston, Publisher, Bottom Line/Personal)

Boothman's clear, easy-to-follow instructions will help anyone ace a job or any other type of interview. (Rick Haskins, author of BRAND YOURSELF: HOW TO CREATE A UNIQUE IDENTITY FOR A BRILLIANT CAREER)

...

See more details below
Paperback (Reprint)
$7.96
BN.com price
(Save 33%)$11.95 List Price

Pick Up In Store

Reserve and pick up in 60 minutes at your local store

Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (37) from $1.99   
  • New (17) from $2.67   
  • Used (20) from $1.99   
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$10.49
BN.com price
(Save 12%)$11.95 List Price

Overview

How to make a great first impression, it's a constant problem and Nicholas Boothman has solved it simply enough for everyone to use in business and personal interactions. Horray! Horray!!! (Martin Edelston, Publisher, Bottom Line/Personal)

Boothman's clear, easy-to-follow instructions will help anyone ace a job or any other type of interview. (Rick Haskins, author of BRAND YOURSELF: HOW TO CREATE A UNIQUE IDENTITY FOR A BRILLIANT CAREER)

Whether selling, managing, job hunting, negotiating, pitching an idea, applying for law school, joining a new group or on your knees with a marriage proposal, the secret of success is based on connecting with other people. And the most powerful new idea for making connections is revealed, step by step, in Nicholas Boothman's breakthrough program of rapport by design. Easily learned, it will help you make the best of any relationship's most important moment: those first 90 seconds.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Nicholas Boothman is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming master who claims that he can teach you to win over strangers within a minute and a half. To effect this miracle, he contends, one must learn how to synchronize attitude, body language, and voice tone and attune them to the other person. Is it simple? No, but, with Boothman's memorable examples, it is possible; and in face-to-face communication, that makes all the difference in the world.
The New York Times
“Dale Carnegie for a rushed era.” –John Tierney, The New York Times
The Economist
“Nick Boothman is truly inspirational.” –Matthew Bishop, The Economist
Bottom Line/Personal
“Nick Boothman’s brilliant stroke is to guarantee that within the first 90 seconds of meeting someone you’ll be communicating like old, trusted friends.” –Marty Edelston, Publisher, Bottom Line/Personal
Bottom Line Publications Editors
“Nick Boothman’s brilliant stroke is to guarantee that within the first 90 seconds of meeting someone you’ll be communicating like old, trusted friends.” –Marty Edelston, Publisher, Bottom Line/Personal
Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Blessed with an irresistible premise and title, this well-packaged self-help book draws its advice from neuro-linguistic programming and a study of interpersonal communication conducted by two UCLA doctors. While its clearly presented techniques may help readers clear communications hurdles in social and professional interactions, this upbeat volume will probably appeal most to readers interested in dating and nurturing romantic attachments. A former fashion photographer who gives "Positive Connection" seminars, Boothman breaks down the process of connecting with people into discrete steps--meeting, establishing rapport and opening up communication--and provides simple examples, self-assessments, exercises and sample dialogue. He contends that a key to establishing rapport lies in synchronizing behavior or mimicking the other person's pose, facial expression, gestures, body language and tone of voice. According to the principles of neuro-linguistic programming, Boothman recommends categorizing people according to how they take in information (e.g., visually, aurally or by feel) and responding in kind. Though the book reads like an adapted seminar or puffed-up magazine article, Workman's ambitious promotional campaign and usual canny marketing may well make this little book one of the season's most popular impulse purchases. 20-city author tour. (Oct.) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780761149460
  • Publisher: Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
  • Publication date: 7/28/2008
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 203
  • Sales rank: 306,531
  • Product dimensions: 5.14 (w) x 7.00 (h) x 0.61 (d)

Meet the Author

Nicholas Boothman, author of How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, learned how to establish instant rapport with strangers while working as a fashion and advertising photographer. A licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, he is a consultant to individuals, groups, and corporations who want to learn the communication skills needed to connect with others. He lives outside of Toronto.
Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 2: First Impressions

For the purposes of this book, there are three parts to connecting with other people: meeting, rapport and communicating. These three parts happen quickly and tend to overlap and blend into each other. Our goal is to make them as natural, fluid and easy as possible, and above all to make them enjoyable and rewarding.

Obviously, you begin the connecting process by meeting people. Sometimes you meet someone by chance-the woman on the train who turns out to share your passion for Bogart movies. And sometimes it's by choice-the man your cousin introduced you to because he loves Shakespeare, fine wines and bungee jumping, just like you.

If meeting is the physical coming together of two or more people, then communicating is what we do from the moment we are fully aware of another's presence. And between these two events-meeting and communicating-lies the 90-second land of rapport that links them together.

The Meeting

If you make the right impression during the the first three or four seconds of a new meeting, you create an awareness that you are sincere, safe and trustworthy and the opportunity to go further and create rapport will present itself.

The Greeting

We call the first few seconds of contact the "greeting." Greetings are broken into five parts: Open-Eye-Beam-Hi-Lean. These five actions comprise a welcoming program to carry out when meeting anyone for the first time.

Open. The first part of the greeting is to open your attitude and your body. For this to work successfully, you must have already decided on a positive attitude that's right for you. This is the time to really feel and be aware of it.

Check to see that your body language is open. If you have the right attitude, this open body language will take care of itself. Keep your heart aimed directly at the person you're meeting. Don't cover your heart with your hands or arms and, when possible, unbutton your jacket or coat.

Eye. The second part of the greeting involves your eyes. Be first with eye contact. Look this new person directly in the eye. Let your eyes reflect your positive attitude. To state the obvious: eye contact is real contact!

Beam. This part is closely related to eye contact. Beam! Be the first to smile. Let your smile reflect your attitude.

Now you've gained another person's attention, through your open body language, your eye contact and your beaming smile. What that person is picking up subconsciously is not some grinning, gawking fool (though you may briefly fear you look like one!) but someone who is completely sincere.

Hi! Whether it's "Hi!" or "Hello!" or even "Yo!" say it with pleasing tonality and add your own name ("Hi! I'm Naomi."). As with the smile and the eye contact, be the first to say your name. It is at this point, and in only a few moments, that you can gather tons of free information about the person you're meeting-information you can use later in conversation.

Take the lead. Put your hand out and if it's convenient find a way to say his or her name two or three times to help fix it in memory. Not "Glenda, Glenda, Glenda, nice to meet you" but "Glenda. Great to meet you, Glenda!" As you'll see later, this is followed by your "occasion/location statement."

Lean. The final part of introducing yourself is the "lean." Your action can be an almost imperceptible forward tilt to very subtly indicate your interest and openness as you begin to "synchronize" the person you've just met.

The Handshake.

Handshakes run the gamut from the strong, sturdy bone crusher to the wet noodle. Both are memorable-once shaken, twice shy, in some cases.

Certain expectations accompany a handshake. It should be firm and respectful, as it you were ringing a hand bell for room service. Deviate from these expectations and the other person will scramble to make sense of what's happening. Something is wrong-like hot water coming out of the cold tap. The brain hates confusion, and when faced with it the first instinct is to withdraw.

The "Hands-free" handshake, is a handshake without the hand, and it is powerful. Just do everything you would do during a normal handshake but without using your hand. Point your heart at the other person and say hello. Light up your eyes and smile, and give off that same special energy that usually accompanies the full-blown shake. Incidentally, this works wonders in presentations when you want rapport with a group or audience.

Establishing Rapport

Rapport is the establishment of common ground, of a comfort zone where two or more people can mentally join together. When you have rapport, each of you brings something to the interaction-attentiveness, warmth, a sense of humor, for example-and each brings something back: empathy, sympathy, maybe a couple of great jokes. Rapport is the lubricant that allows social exchanges to flow smoothly.

The prize, when you achieve rapport, is the other person's positive acceptance. This response won't be in so many words, but it will signal to you something like this: "I know I just met you. I like you and you're doing okay, so I will trust you with my attention." Sometimes rapport just happens all by itself, as if by chance; sometimes you have to give it a hand. Get it right, and the communicating can begin. Get it wrong, and you'll have to bargain for attention.

As you meet and greet new people, your ability to establish rapport quickly and sincerely will depend on four things: your attitude, your ability to synchronize certain aspects of your behavior like body language and voice tone with the other person, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) each person relies on most. Once you become adept in these four areas, you will be able to quickly connect and establish rapport with anyone you choose and at any time. As you become very proactive toward people, they will like you in return and will want to get to know you better. You will be your natural self and easily give and receive cooperation.

As you read on, you'll discover that it's possible to speed up the process of feeling comfortable with a stranger by quantum-leaping the usual familiarization rituals and going straight into the routines that people who like each other do naturally. In virtually no time at all, you will be getting along as if you've known each other for ages. Many of my students report that when achieving rapport becomes second nature, they frequently find people asking, "Are you sure we haven't met before?" I know the feeling; it happens to me all the time. And it's not just other people asking me the question. I am convinced that half the people I meet, I have met before-that's just the way it goes when you move effortlessly into another person's map of the world. It's a wonderful feeling.

Communicating

In my experience, almost everyone has a slightly different sense of the word "communication," but their definitions usually go something like this: "It's an exchange of information between two or more people"..."It's getting your message across"..."It's being understood, or understanding each other."

In the early days of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a research project devoted to "the study of excellence and a model of how individuals structure their subjective sensory experience," Richard Bandler and John Grinder created an effective definition for the meaning of communication. They agreed: "The meaning of communication lies in the response it gets." This is simple, and brilliant, because it means that it's 100% up to you whether your own communication succeeds or fails; (although, as you'll see later, "there is no failure only feedback"). After all, you are the one with a message to deliver or a goal to achieve, and you are the one with the responsibility to make it happen. What's more, if it doesn't work, you are the one with the flexibility to change what you do until you finally get what you want. In order to give some form and function to our communication here, let's assume that we have some kind of response or outcome in mind. People who are low on communication skills usually have not thought out the response they want from the other person in the first place and therefore cannot aim for it. The techniques and skills you will learn from this book will serve you on all levels of communication from social dealings like developing new relationships, passing along information and being understood in your general daily conveniences all the way to life changing moves for yourself and those in your sphere of influence.

The formula for effective communication has three parts:

Know what you want: Formulate your intention in the affirmative and preferably in the present tense. For example, "I want a successful relationship, and I have filled my imagination with what it will look, sound, feel, smell and taste like with me in it, and I know when I will have it" is an affirmative statement, as opposed to "I don't want to be lonely."

Find out what you're getting. Get feedback: "I tried hanging out in smoky bars. It doesn't do it for me."

Change what you do until you get what you want. Design a plan and follow through with it: "I'll invite 10 people over for dinner every Saturday night." Do it and get more feedback. Redesign if necessary, and do it again with more feedback. Repeat the pattern redesign-do-get feedback-until you get what you want. You can apply this pattern to any area of your life that you want to improve-finance, romance, sports, career, you name it.

Know what you want.

Find out what you're getting.

Change what you do until you get what you want.

This is terrifically easy to remember because a certain Colonel had the good sense to open a chain of restaurants using the abbreviation KFC for a name. Every time we see one of his signs, we can ask ourselves how well the development of our communication skills is going.

An Exercise in Greeting: Firing Energy

This is on one of the most powerful exercises we do in our seminars, but even without supervision you can turn it into a force to be reckoned with!

You'll need a partner to work with. Stand about eight feet apart, facing each other like two gunfighters in a cowboy movie. As you say "Hi!" clap your hands together and slide your right hand off and past the other in the direction of the other person. Gather up all the energy you can throughout your body and store it in your heart, then clap the energy on through your right hand (the one we use in a handshake) straight into the other person's heart. This is a long explanation for something that takes no more than two seconds, but with all six channels-body, heart, eyes, smile, clap and voice/breath fired at the person in a rapid flash-there is a vast transfer of energy.

Immediately after receiving the energy, your partner should fire it back at you in the same way. Taking turns, continue fast and focused. Be sure to make contact with all six channels at once. Practice on each other for two minutes.

Now the real fun begins. You're going to start firing different qualities of energy: logic/head energy, communication/throat energy, love/heart energy, power/solar plexus energy and sexual energy. You've already fired ' love/heart energy. Now do the same, head to head, instead of heart to heart. Keep firing head/logic energy at each other until you both agree you can feel and differentiate the two types of energy. After two or three minutes back and forth, try the other regions: throat to throat, solar plexus to solar plexus etc.

It gets even better. Figure out which kind of energy you want to send, but don't say what it is. Now greet your partner, shake hands, say "Hi" and fire! Your partner must identify the kind of energy he or she is getting. Take turns. Practice and practice until your body language becomes subtle and almost imperceptible.

Next, go out and try it on the people you meet. Fire energy when you say "Hi" to someone in a supermarket, to your waiter in the cafe, to your brother-in-law or the guy who fixes the photocopier in your office. They will notice something special about you-some might call it "star quality."

Excerpted from How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. Copyright c 2000 by Nicholas Boothman. All rights reserved.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents


Part One: First Contact
1. People Power
2. First Impressions

Part Two: The 90-Second Land of Rapport
3. “There’s Something About This Person I Really Like!”
4. Attitude Is Everything
5. Actions Do Speak Louder Than Words
6. People Like People Like Themselves

Part Three: The Secrets of Communication
7. It’s Not All Talk—It’s Listening, Too
8. Making Sense of Our Senses
9. Spotting Sensory Preferences
10. Putting It All Together

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 13 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(8)

4 Star

(2)

3 Star

(1)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(1)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 13 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 13, 2000

    Better Communications by Creating Rapid Connections!

    This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner. If you already know NLP, you can skip this book. If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have trouble making in-person connections. NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back. When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating. Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant). The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10 seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always respond in kind. There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have worked with Dr. Bandler in some time. Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other person (from breathing to posture to gestures). The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities, using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences of the other person. The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things. Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer will perceive that high level of excitement. I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage. He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you. After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them, that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show. If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2001

    An easy-to-read and helpful book

    I read it last night and went to the mall today to try it out---amazing! My 9 year old has always had difficulty looking at people when they speak to her and I realized she's definately an 'Auditory' individual--turning her ear to people when they speak. I'm going to simplify the exercises and put them in 9-year-old terminology to help her connect with people easier. Her assignment today was to find out what her teachers eye color is. Mr. Boothman should write a book for kids. I WISH I had known this stuff when I was young!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 7, 2008

    Helpful lesson in making connections

    When you meet someone, look ¿em in the eye and give ¿em a firm handshake because everyone knows that making a good first impression is important. Former fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman explains why ¿ and a whole lot more ¿ in this fascinating look at how people make connections. Like most people, you probably establish immediate rapport with certain individuals and don¿t seem to have anything in common with others. If you¿ve wondered why, the author explains the components of communication and offers specific techniques you can employ to create connections quickly. The fun part is that after you¿ve finished the book, you can try your newly acquired skills on just about anyone in any situation. Though some people are naturals, for most becoming a skilled conversationalist takes a lot of practice. getAbstract believes that almost everyone will find useful information and practical advice in Boothman¿s book. At the very least, he gives you plenty to discuss.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 13, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 20, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 20, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted August 10, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 22, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 11, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 15, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 25, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 13 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)