Overview

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are ...
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How to Raise a Jewish Dog

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Overview

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound?

The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies. Written (for real) by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, co-authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl.
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Editorial Reviews

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Let's face facts: "Men and dogs have lived in close symbiosis from literally the beginnings of civilization itself and still, after 200,000 years we can't keep the dog from jumping up on the dining room table and eating all the hamburger buns." The legendary and utterly nonexistent Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary don't claim that they can rectify that situation, but they can make it funny. This spoof dog training manual will keep you howling.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780316015295
  • Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
  • Publication date: 9/5/2007
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 395,550
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Co-authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, Ellis Weiner has been an editor of National Lampoon, a columnist for Spy, and a contributor to many magazines, including The New Yorker, the New York Times Magazine, and Barbara Davilman is a writer for television and movies. Both live in Los Angeles.
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Read an Excerpt

How to Raise A Jewish Dog


By Ellis Weiner Barbara Davilman

Little, Brown and Company

Copyright © 2007 Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-316-15466-6


Introduction

The simple son asks, "What is all this?"

- Excerpt from traditional Passover Seder text

We started the Boca Raton Theological Seminary (BRTS) in 1988 as an institution for the training of rabbis to serve the Reform- Progressive Trans- Diasporatic Neo-Revisionalist Jewish community. Our first facility, the northeast wing of the Forty Winkzzz Motel, had been closed for renovations for three years when we moved in. (We split the cost with the landlord to make the property usable and got a great deal.) Not only was our staff relatively small in number, consisting of two instructors and three assistants, it was also relatively young. Rabbi Paul, our founder and director, was at that time barely forty, and the other instructors were of course even younger.

In those days, no one lived on-site; everyone, both students and staff, went home at the end of the day. Even so, some of the faculty and staff, and a few students, revealed that they kept dogs as pets and fretted that the animals were unhappy in their masters' absence. Someone finally asked if it would be acceptable to bring dogs to the Seminary during classes.

Now, most theological seminaries discourage or forbid thebringing of pets onto the premises because their presence has a tendency to distract students from their work. But we were - and still are! - young, and progressive, and constantly questing to find new ways to pursue old, traditional goals. We're always on the lookout for creative ways to be a Jew, new ways to be a rabbi, and new ways to train rabbis. So (with little understanding of what we were letting ourselves in for) we said yes.

And, in fact, it worked out very nicely. People brought their dogs in the morning and took them home at night without any negative effect on classes or discussion groups. We even began to believe that the presence of the animals had a positive influence on teachers, staff, and students. And, as will happen when people share important experiences together, we dog owners began to influence one another, to create a common culture.

We traded notes on training and feeding; we learned about exercising and communicating. We combined our knowledge, wisdom, and experience, focusing on techniques that worked and discarding those that didn't.

After a while it began to dawn on us that we were getting pretty good at this.

Inspired by our success, we began to "foster" dogs from the local animal shelter. We took them in, trained them, and "adopted them out" to loving homes for a modest fee. Thus, both the dogs and the Seminary benefited.

Indeed, the dog training program thrived to such an extent that we were able to purchase "the Forty" and refurbish it in accordance with our religious and residential requirements, thus expanding both our dog training and our religious instruction operation. The faculty and staff took up full-time residence in the facility. And then our students began to board there, too.

Not only were we learning and working together; we were now living together. But while in the classroom we were teachers, administrators, and students, at the dog run, or around the pool, we were all just dog owners teaching one another how best to train and care for these marvelous animals.

Soon word spread among the local Boca community that those crazy Rabbis at the BRTS had some skill with animals, and our neighbors - Jewish and Gentile alike - brought their dogs in for a consultation. And so, both to reinforce our bond with the community and to raise much- needed expansion funds, we began to offer dog training classes to the public. You didn't have to be studying for the rabbinate to bring in Rover or Fifi for a day's or a week's worth of classes. You just needed to be open to the unique form of training principles we found ourselves developing.

Our clients referred to it as "the Rabbis' Jewish Dog Training Technique." We simply referred to it as "the Program."

And we noticed a funny thing.

All the techniques we used in our dog training program came from two sources: the things our parents had done in raising us as children and the life strategies we acquired in response to our upbringing.

As soon as we made this discovery, we realized it made perfect sense because all of us at the Seminary were from essentially the same background: middle- or upper- middle- class assimilated Jewish American families. Our childhood experiences were quite similar; our parents' assumptions, their child rearing skills (or, as some said, their "so- called skills"), and the manner in which they related to us as children were almost identical. And the ways each of us adapted and responded to his or her childhood (through the use of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, group therapy, antidepressants, and so on) were practically indistinguishable.

With so much in common - our personal histories, our outlook with regard to discipline and authority, our shared experiences concerning food, obedience, obligation, punishment, blame, betrayal, guilt, and all the other essential aspects of raising either a child or a dog - it was no wonder we were able to combine our insights into a single coherent, effective program.

This, then, became the Boca Raton Theological Seminary Program for Dog Training and Care. We offer it to our clients and, now, to the reading public because it works. Study its principles, follow its instructions, and the result will not only be a fairly obedient and reasonably well behaved dog, but also a very special bond between you and your pet.

We call it "the bond that lasts a lifetime - and beyond."

(Continues...)



Excerpted from How to Raise A Jewish Dog by Ellis Weiner Barbara Davilman Copyright © 2007 by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 8 )
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Sort by: Showing 1 – 10 of 9 Customer Reviews
  • Posted September 11, 2011

    Love it

    Funny book. Good light read

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 5, 2009

    I started reading this in the bookstore and laughed so hard I cried!

    I just had to buy it. I swear the authors have been following me and my dog around the house! It was a self-portrait, and I am not Jewish. But I apparently am a Jewish Mother!! It was delightful.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 9, 2009

    Great for Dog Lovers

    This is a great gift for dog lovers!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 13, 2012

    Lots of fun - even if you don't have a dog.

    I bought this book as a gift for a friend, but HAD to glance through it before giving it to her. It's hilarious! And until I skimmed the book, I had no idea I was raising a Jewish dog!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 23, 2012

    Funny for Dog Lovers

    Got this book as a Christmas present and had no idea what it was about. It turned out to be very funny and I enjoyed it. Lots of moments laughing at how silly we pet owners can be. :)

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 20, 2010

    What breed?

    What breed of dog is on the cover of this book? I need a for sure answer

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  • Posted November 19, 2008

    Laugh Out Loud Funny

    The title stopped me in my tracks and my quick scan of the back cover prompted me to buy it. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much as I read a book. If you were raised in a Jewish home, and are a dog lover, this book is absolutely for you. If either one of the two describe you, you'll still enjoy the book (though some of the humor might slip by.) Don't expect a serious training guide, despite the introduction. But, you'll probably figure that out for yourself soon enough.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 19, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted July 15, 2009

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 10, 2009

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