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How to Raise a SuperChild
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How to Raise a SuperChild

by Ray Strobel
 

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A Tongue-in-Cheek Gift Book to Help Any Anxious Parent Raise the Prodigy of Their Dreams

More helpful than Baby Mozart tapes, sign language bootcamps, or Mandarin lessons in the womb, this down-and-dirty field guide gives parents the exact steps they need to take in order to raise the next… Pope, highly paid TV

Overview

A Tongue-in-Cheek Gift Book to Help Any Anxious Parent Raise the Prodigy of Their Dreams

More helpful than Baby Mozart tapes, sign language bootcamps, or Mandarin lessons in the womb, this down-and-dirty field guide gives parents the exact steps they need to take in order to raise the next… Pope, highly paid TV anchorperson, Miss Universe, Governor of California, rocket scientist, bestselling author, mega-lawsuit lawyer, or more than twenty other occupations of their choosing.

From how to outfit the nursery to the best and worst names for that profession, from the early years to what to download on your future teen's iPod, it's all here in what will become the must-have gift book on the baby shower circuit. After all, as this book illustrates with on-spot wit, you've got to be prepared as a parent…and retain your sense of humor.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780757307676
Publisher:
Health Communications, Incorporated
Publication date:
10/01/2008
Pages:
168
Product dimensions:
6.20(w) x 6.20(h) x 0.60(d)

Read an Excerpt

Nowadays,multimillionaires are a dime a dozen. And the way the ranks of billionaires are growing (900+ at last count), by the time your child is twenty-one, he or she is going to need not one, but lots of billions. No problem!

How, you ask, can you guarantee that your child will grow up to be a billionaire when you haven't even figured out how to meet your mortgage or pay down your credit cards? The answer is that your parents (as loving and nurturing as they were) didn't start preparing you at birth. If you had been able to recite your IPOs when you were three, instead of just your ABCs, perhaps you would have bought Intel at twelve instead of that Internet flash-in-the-pan you bet your life savings on. So let's get started. The future dividends are worth it!

Proper Names
Common sense tells us that names like Benson or Brooks would be helpful, but studies have shown otherwise. As it turns out, just any old name will do. After all, your Billionaire-to-Be will have about $350,000,000.00 in his college fund by the time he's twelve. Nobody's going to tease him about his name; everyone will want to be his friend! You can name him Boffo, if you want. And her, Hermionie. So let's move on to more useful parenting tips that will ensure his or her success.

The Allowance Quandary
Again, common sense is misleading. One would think that a child should be given a small allowance when he reaches ten or twelve to teach him the value of a dollar.

Your Über Child should be given spending (and investing) money before he can crawl. Watch how quickly he develops an early love for the stuff. By the time most other children get their first quarter from the Tooth Fairy, yours will understand the value of a dollar (and yen and euro and dirahm and yuan). He will be giving you an allowance before he reaches first grade.

Understand that a desire for all kinds of currency and valuable goods should be instilled early in his life. Know that Rolexes are for millionaries. Instead, give him an F. P. Journe for his fifth birthday, if not before.

Childhood Friends
It is extremely important not to allow your present and future asset to hang out with the hoi polloi. This includes your current neighborhood children, too, so move it! Cash in that 401(k), take out some major loans, and move to a neighborhood you can't afford. Go into debt, max out your credit cards, and live beyond your means. Way beyond.

Even at the earliest age, as he gazes out his nursery window and views the stately mansions and the Bentleys and Aston Martins whizzing by, your little one should come to believe that everyone lives this way. There should be no 'less than rich' in his daily life. He should grow up believing that the Dollar Stores are a place where you buy money.

While the kids in your old neighborhood are learning T-ball and Pop Warner football, yours will be introduced to lacrosse, polo, tennis, and golf, the games that are ladylike or gentlemanly and only played by the 'right people' (except for golf).

He must learn to compete with and excel in the 'moneyed world.' Above all else, do not allow him to have extended conversations with minimum-wage workers, K-Mart shoppers, or 'trade' workers. The less he knows about the distasteful aspects of economic life the better.

The Guilt Factor
You're just about done, but there's still some work ahead. By this time, your little tyke has developed the right amount of greed, but it is your ongoing task to instill in him a complete lack of guilt. By the time he steps out into the world on his own, he should believe that if he has a billion or two and some people can't pay their rent—that's capitalism!

Guilt is a dangerous feeling. It can creep up when least expected, seeing as how there are so many really poor people on this planet. Even a small amount may cause your child to give unwarranted raises to his employees or needless money to charity, either of which could reduce his net assets and cause him to drop into the (gasp) centimillionaire level.

Therefore, this simple verbal exercise should be a part of your daily routine. Ask him to repeat out loud, 'I earned it. It's mine!' whenever guilt pangs arise.
When he encounters people making a measly six- or seven-figure income, he should yell, 'If you're poor, it's your own fault. Get a better job!'
Above all, he should be encouraged to smirk at lowly Mercedes or Lexus drivers, roll his eyes and sadly say, 'They're trying so hard. Too bad they can't afford a Veyron like the rest of us.'

Follow this routine religiously, and your child will be richly rewarded.

©2008. Ray Strobel. All rights reserved. Reprinted from How to Raise a SuperChild. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442

Meet the Author

Ray Strobel is the author of A Black Eye Isn't the End of the World and The Ultimate Cats' Catalog (Andrews McMeel). He lives in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.

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