How to Say It to Your Kids: The Right Words to Solve Problems, Soothe Feelings, and Teach Values

Overview

  • "What does 'divorce' mean?"
  • "Why did you lie about Santa?"
  • "What if there's a shooting like that at my school?"
  • "I hate Daddy's new wife!"
  • "How come I have to apologize to my brother when YOU haven't talked to Uncle John in over a year!"
  • "The kids at school are mean to me. I don't have any friends."
  • "Why did God let Grandma die?"
  • "Why can't I go on the Internet when I'm home alone? All my friends can!"

No one ever said being a parent was easy. While talking to your kids isn't hard, talking smart takes some ...

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Overview

  • "What does 'divorce' mean?"
  • "Why did you lie about Santa?"
  • "What if there's a shooting like that at my school?"
  • "I hate Daddy's new wife!"
  • "How come I have to apologize to my brother when YOU haven't talked to Uncle John in over a year!"
  • "The kids at school are mean to me. I don't have any friends."
  • "Why did God let Grandma die?"
  • "Why can't I go on the Internet when I'm home alone? All my friends can!"

No one ever said being a parent was easy. While talking to your kids isn't hard, talking smart takes some forethought and a little practice. Experts agree that the goal is to talk so that your relationship with your kids is enhanced, discipline is effective, and your children will want to talk to you -- not avoid you -- if they have a problem.

Easier said than done, you say? The latest in the popular How to Say It series, How to Say It to Your Kids: The Right Words to Solve Problems, Soothe Feelings & Teach Values offers wise comments and effective comebacks to help today's busy and beleaguered parents answer questions, encourage dialogue, explore feelings, and teach values -- with ease and confidence.

Dr. Paul Coleman, a family therapist and father, reveals the six fundamental approaches to talking with children. Forming the mnemonic TENDER -- Teach, Empathize, Negotiate, Do's & Don'ts, Encourage, and Report -- these six basic strategies for communicating effectively cover every conceivable issue of concern.

Each chapter consists of practical, how-to advice based on 100 scenarios arranged alphabetically. Topics include:

  • Adoption
  • Bullies
  • Death of parent or sibling
  • Drugs and alcohol
  • Lying
  • Sex
  • Bed-wetting
  • Cheating
  • Defiance/Disrespect
  • God
  • Financial problems
  • Internet concerns
  • Bossy or domineering kid
  • Dawdling
  • Divorce
  • Latchkey kids
  • New baby
  • School Violence

How to Say It to Your Kids is the reference manual parents will want to turn to again and again as their children age and new problems and tougher questions emerge. Loaded with ready-to-use information, a puzzled or frustrated parent can come away with a new idea or strategy that can be instantly applied.

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Editorial Reviews

Booknews.com
Parents receive a manual packed with the basics on how to begin a discussion with a child about divorce, drugs, sex, and other subjects. The focus is on discussions which enhance family values: from questions about God to allowances and parental or family problems such as addiction, How To Say It(r To Your Kids covers a wide range of situations which are hard to talk about.
Family200Onwards.com
Reading this book will help you to say not only the right things, but to say them in a better way and at the correct time.
HealthyKids.com
Parenting is hard work, but How to Say It(r to your Kids is an excellent resource that every parent should have and read to help them raise happy and healthy kids and to teach their children to master the challenges they will face every day.
KidsLikeOurs.com
Bottom Line: If you're like me and talk often with your children then great— you will enjoy and learn from the dialogs in this book. If on the other hand you find it hard communicating (connecting with your children then get this book ASAP. It will give you just the words you need to start showing how much you care.
Nashville Parent
In How to Say It To Your Kids, a goldmine of support is made available and easily accessible in a format of topics from A to Z. It's so helpful to find the right words to solve the problems you run into while raising children.
TheInformedParent.com
Whenever a parent feels unconfident about conversing with his child on any subject, this book can ease the adult toward choosing the correct avenues of communication.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780130308849
  • Publisher: Prentice Hall
  • Publication date: 10/28/2000
  • Series: How to Say It Series
  • Pages: 374
  • Product dimensions: 7.30 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.30 (d)

Table of Contents

Contents
Introduction:
Smart Talk: The Six Ways We Speak to Our Kids 1
1. Adoption 17
2. Angry Child 20
3. Apologies 24
4. Arguments Between Two Adults 27
5. Bed-wetting 30
6. Bossy or Domineering Child 32
7. Bullies 35
8. Cheating 38
9. Chores 40
10. Conversation, Initiating 43
11. Dawdling 47
12. Death of an Adult Family Member 50
13. Death of a Sibling 55
14. Death of a Pet 59
15. Dying Child, Comforting the 62
16. Defiance and Disrespect 65
17. Divorce: Telling the Children 70
18. Divorce: Introducing Your Child to Your New Partner 74
19. Divorce: Saying Good-bye After a Visit 78
20. Divorce: When One Parent Abandons the Children 81
21. Divorce and Feelings About the New Stepparent 85
22. Drugs and Alcohol 89
23. Eat Your Vegetables! Clean Your Room! 94
24. Embarrasses You in Public 97
25. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence, Fostering 100
26. Estrangement from Extended Family 103
27. Family Meetings 106
28. Family Obligations, Explaining 109
29. Fears at Nighttime 112
30. Fears of Animals and Insects 115
31. Fears of Harm or Injury 118
32. Forgiveness, Teaching 121
33. God: Common Questions 125
34. God: Prayer 129
35. God: "I Don't Want to Go to Church" 132
36. Gratitude 135
37. Hitting 137
38. HIV/AIDS 141
39. Home Alone/Latchkey Kids 144
40. Homesickness 147
41. Internet Concerns 150
42. Jealousy 153
43. Little White Lies: "Why Did You Lie About Santa Claus?" 156
44. Lying 160
45. Manipulative Behavior ("But Mom Said I Could!") 163
46. Medical: Shots, Blood Tests, and Dental Procedures166
47. Medical: Hospitalization 169
48. Medical: When a Child Has a Chronic Illness 172
49. Medical: Talking to Siblings of Children with Chronic Illness 176
50. Medical: When a Parent Has a Serious Physical Illness 179
51. Money and Allowance 183
52. Money: Finances Are Tight/Explaining Loss of Job 186
53. Moving 189
54. Nagging 192
55. New Baby 195
56. New Stepsibling 199
57. Optimism, Increasing 201
58. Parental Emotional Problems: Depression, Fears, Compulsions 205
59. Parental Emotional Problems: Addictions and Bad Temper 208
60. Peer Pressure 212
61. Perfectionism 215
62. Perseverance 218
63. Pets 222
64. Physical Appearance, Concerns About 224
65. Puppy Love 227
66. Quarreling with Siblings 230
67. Refusing Lessons 234
68. Refusing to Talk 237
69. Running Away from Home 241
70. Saying "I Love You" 244
71. School: Attending a New School 246
72. School: "My Teacher Is Mean!" 249
73. School: Homework Hassles 253
74. School: "I'm Afraid to Ask Questions in Class!" 257
75. School: Poor Report Card 260
76. School: Rejected by Classmates 264
77. School Safety Concerns 268
78. Self-confidence, Improving 271
79. Self-critical Child 276
80. Sexuality and Reproduction 279
81. Sex Play with Other Children 282
82. Sex: Child Reading Adult Magazines 284
83. Sex: Child Walks In on You and Your Mate 287
84. Sexual Abstinence, Promoting 289
85. Sexual Abuse: Alerting Your Child 293
86. Sexual Abuse: After It Happens 297
87. Sharing 301
88. Shyness 304
89. Sportsmanship 307
90. Stealing 310
91. Strangers 313
92. Swearing 317
93. Tattling 319
94. Teased, Being 321
95. Trading Cards and Mild Gambling 325
96. Trauma from an Accident or Natural Disaster 328
97. Violence and Sexual Material in Television and Movies 332
98. Whiny and Demanding Child 336
99. Working Parent (When You Used to Stay at Home) 339
100. Worried Child 342
When You Say It Right (but Things Still Go Wrong):
Ten Winning Tips for Troubleshooters 345
Appendix 352
Sources 355
Index 364
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