From the Publisher
"There simply are not enough wonderful things I can tell you about Sandra L. Brown’s book How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved. Statistically almost 100% of the ladies coming through our shelter were returning to their abuser or getting involved in another dangerous relationship a year ago. Our program was based on the “Power and Control Wheel” at that time.
Concern for our clients and their children lead our organization to look closely at what was lacking within our program. We quickly discovered that the majority of the clients we service knew and understood the “Power and Control Wheel” but lacked the knowledge of how to apply it to their lives. Jointly we began to restructure our program around the pattern changing ideals in Sandra L. Brown’s book How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved.
Participation in my group therapy has soared from one or two people I had to drag to group to nearly every resident in house at our eight room shelter. The majority of our clients will plan their activities around these groups as not to miss one. I often receive requests from our clients to begin my groups at an outside location so that they can continue to attend and learn. Our staff could not be more pleased by the results of the changes we have made to our program as not 85 to 90% of our clients are breaking the cycle and not going back to or getting involved in new abusive relationships. The clients that are returning to their abuser or getting into another dangerous relationship are the ones that do not attend our groups.
Our staff and clients that got to meet with and hear Sandra L. Brown speak could not have been more thankful and excited. Her work has done wonders in the lives of our clients and their children. We look forward to a day when we can say that 100% of our clients are making better life choices."
Renee L. Rose, Domestic Violence Advocate, Salvation Army Domestic Violence Program
Read an Excerpt
A WORD ABOUT DANGEROUS MEN
Dangerous Men come in all presentations, in all careers, from all types of backgrounds and families. It behooves us to understand that there isn’t one way for a Dangerous Man to appear---it keeps us unsafe to categorize dangerous men as someone "we would not be attracted to." The reality is that the majority of us have dated what this book would categorize as "Dangerous Men" at some time in our lives.
Dangerous Men are those men who have hurt us emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, or financially. They have wreaked havoc in our lives that caused us emotional pain. It took us significant time to heal from this experience. We may, or may not, have learned from that experience. We may not have gleaned enough information and lessons from that experience and went on to repeat the experience with yet another Dangerous Man. It is not uncommon for women to date up to four or five Dangerous Men until they figure out their own personal patterns and respond by choosing differently. But in the meantime, each painful experience with a Dangerous Man left its emotional mark in our lives. Each painful experience with these types of Dangerous Men, unfortunately, sets us up to date MORE Dangerous Men if we do not recognize our own personal patterns and stop the cycle of choosing.
This workbook is about inspecting your relationships so that you can learn every possible insight from the type of men you have chosen, why you have chosen, and help you develop your own Do Not Date list of characteristics from your own personal mistakes. It helps to personalize your own history with your own words and experiences, by doing this, your own Do Not Date list becomes a personal journey of your experiences, insights, and selections.
Don't Date Dangerously.
HOW TO USE THIS WORKBOOK
This workbook is designed to help you study your own patterns of selection, dating, and relationships. It is formatted to assist in revealing destructive choices that lead to dangerous situations in your life. How much you learn and how much you get out of the experiences in this workbook has a lot to do with the effort you put into the exercises.
People often think they know the answers to the questions by merely reading through them, but I encourage you to do each and every exercise and write them down. Research has indicated that people learn as they are writing. They think more deeply and answers come as they engage in the actual process of working the exercises and writing them down. Sometimes days, weeks, or months down the road you may remember something that when you reread these exercises, makes it all come together. The answer to a question or an insight may emerge as you have refreshed your memory by rereading the answers to your exercises.
Also, be open to what you find out about yourself. This is an insight-oriented process. It is not meant to shame you for making relationship mistakes or dangerous selections. It is for your own growth that the book and workbook was developed. The more open you are to learn about yourself, the more you will receive from the exercises that you can use to change your life.
Additionally, friends and family may also have insights as to the Dangerous Men that have been in your life. While it is often painful to hear what others think, if you are truly trying to change your selection patterns, it is worth hearing. Sometimes they remember things you have forgotten or see a situation in a different way that helps you to put things in perspective and understand how you selected who you did.