How to Talk with Your Kids about Sex: Help Your Children Develop a Positive, Healthy Attitude Toward Sex and Relationships

( 39 )

Overview

Equips parents to teach their children how to make sexuality a safe, healthy, and sacred part of their lives.

How parents address sex—their openness, the context, and their attitudes—will impact how their children view their own sexuality and self-worth. Dr. Chirban helps parents know when, how, and how much, and stresses the vital importance of their role in sex education. He uses humor, compassion, and real-life examples to prepare parents for healthy and ongoing conversations...

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How to Talk with Your Kids about Sex: Help Your Children Develop a Positive, Healthy Attitude Toward Sex and Relationships

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Overview

Equips parents to teach their children how to make sexuality a safe, healthy, and sacred part of their lives.

How parents address sex—their openness, the context, and their attitudes—will impact how their children view their own sexuality and self-worth. Dr. Chirban helps parents know when, how, and how much, and stresses the vital importance of their role in sex education. He uses humor, compassion, and real-life examples to prepare parents for healthy and ongoing conversations that equips their kids to own their own sexuality and provide an understanding of the larger issues of relationships, love, commitment, and intimacy. In addition, parents discover how helping their children grasp these veiled yet critical keys to a fulfilling life deepens their own connection with their children.

With specific helps for children from birth through young adult, Dr. Chirban provides context for what needs to be communicated at each stage of their development as well as tips for the inevitable surprise questions.In addition, he tackles complicated issues such as pornography, relationships and the Internet, sexting, and homosexuality. Most important is the emphasis on strong family values and spirituality as it relates to sexuality.

Previously released in 2007 asWhat's Love Got to Do With It?, this revised book adds new insights from today's culture that make it even more relevant to parents and families.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780849964459
  • Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
  • Publication date: 6/5/2012
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 131,990
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.30 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D. is a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School at The Cambridge Hospital. He is also professor of psychology and chairman of the program in Human Development at Hellenic College and was named Senior Fellow at the Center for the Study of World Religions at Harvard University. Dr. Chirban has written numerous books and articles and directs Cambridge Counseling Associates, a full service psychotherapy practice. Dr. Chirban has three teenagers.

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Read an Excerpt

HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX


By John T. Chirban

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2012 John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D.
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-8499-6445-9


Chapter One

Learning to Really Talk with Your Kids: Warming Up for Good Communications

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. —Henry S. Haskins

Let's consider two sets of parents who each think they have clearly addressed sexual values with their children following very different approaches to see what can be learned from their stories.

John and Mary: Monitoring Her Moves

John and Mary decided the subject of sex would lead to too many questions or sexual behaviors. Therefore, they monitored and censored their daughter Kathy's social activity from infancy through adolescence, keeping her out of contact with anything having to do with sex. From age 3 she was in carefully structured gymnastics and dance programs and was not allowed to watch TV without a parent, but she kept busy with school, family events, and sports.

When I met Kathy in therapy at age 16, she was very self-conscious and had a number of physical symptoms that doctors diagnosed as emotional rather than physical in origin. Kathy said her parents were "terrified" of her developing sexuality and of the fact that she was "growing up." She had had limited contact with boys, as she had attended an all-girls religious school and hadn't interacted with boys her own age since elementary school. She felt especially sad that she hadn't been asked to the junior prom. Kathy's disappointment over not being asked to the prom was compounded by the fact that she had never experienced an actual crush on a "real guy" but had only fantasized about boys.

Kathy had been essentially quarantined from sex because her parents were afraid of the pain that Kathy (or perhaps they themselves?) might feel in confronting sexual issues. They intentionally tried to shut off her sexual energy and, in the end, shut down what Freud properly called her "life force."

Paula and Martin: Sex Is Natural

In contrast, Paula and Martin anticipated "normal" sexual issues with their daughters, so they attempted to head off the subject with a very different approach.

Ellen was their third daughter. Both parents were academics and boasted that they were solidly realistic about sex. They regularly stated that "sex is nothing to be afraid of " and talked about it a lot at home, so Ellen got the message early on that sex was okay. However, though she understood that "healthy" sex was a "fact of life," Ellen never actually talked with her parents about what healthy sex really meant and how it related to her daily life. Sex was so casually accepted, in fact, that when Ellen was 16 years old, her mom brought her to her doctor, ordered the Pill, and didn't say anything else about it. Following this cue, Ellen had sex with several boys during high school. She even remembers accompanying her older sister to an abortion. At the time, her mom commented, "These things happen." Ellen was led to believe that "going for the abortion was no different than going to the dentist." While she appeared sexually uninhibited, Ellen admitted what she had was "fake sophistication." She was confused and unhappy about her sexual freedom and felt she was missing dignity, honor, and self-respect in her sexual relationships.

* * *

In both stories, we see how powerfully parents' attitudes affect the sexual development of their children, even when they don't address it directly. Messages were sent, received, and absorbed based on the parents' conscious and unconscious beliefs and fears. The parents were shaping their kids without taking time to check in directly with the kids on their actual needs and experiences. Though these sets of parents had parental styles on opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, the results were similar: both girls grew up disconnected from their own feelings and were left confused and uncertain about their sexuality. What we can see from these stories is that sex involves a genuine connection of parents with their children. An obvious point, maybe, but one commonly missed. Even when the messages are loud and clear that doesn't mean we're getting through.

While both these couples dealt with sexuality for their kids, we don't get a sense that either of them really communicated with their kids. So how do we talk with our kids about sex? What do we actually say?

Do you think these parents were attuned to the experiences, feelings, and needs of their daughters? Did they listen and convey that they cared about what their kids were feeling? In these cases we don't get a sense of how the kids' thoughts and emotions figured into their own sexuality. And when a discussion is one-way, it can't really be called a discussion. Neither set of parents were attuned to their kids and neither involved their kids in the discussion; both attunement and involvement are necessary to ensure that the vital issue of sexuality is thoroughly addressed.

ATTUNEMENT: DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

"Attuning" means gaining understanding with your child—not just of him or her. Attuning is "tuning in," empathizing, resonating, caring, and "getting" how your child puts together the world around him. Attuning means being there to help.

While most parents acknowledge sex as a reality of life, their approaches to talking about it run the gamut. Many parents provide too little information, leaving out whole spheres of concern—they may get through the physical details but neglect to ask how their children feel about what is being said or lead them to say what the parents want to hear, by asking questions such as "You feel okay with this, right?" Sharing facts is certainly important, but attuning to your children's experience of what's being shared and what's going on in their minds during your conversations is the critical part of talking about sex. Often, our children will have questions that are different from the ones we think we are answering. Thus when talking with our kids, we can't just recite facts; we must make sure we're talking about the same thing. Asking open-ended questions instead of leading questions is the key. For example, you might follow a conversation on puberty with "How do you think puberty will affect you?" or "How do you make sense of what we just talked about?" That kind of open-ended questioning also helps you assess how much they're taking away from the conversation.

The information we impart is important. But even more important is the relationship we establish with our children in such exchanges—a two-way, open relationship based on attuning to and listening to our kids. What we hear should establish the agenda for the conversation. After all, this conversation is really about them and their needs—not ours.

Listening in a manner that shows you understand what your child feels will draw the two of you closer together. Ask how your child feels and respond to the reply. Try to put your child's thoughts accurately into words; then ask your child, "Is this what you mean?" This approach will assure him or her that you get it.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

When it comes to talking with kids about sex, the majority of parents fall somewhere between the extremes of the two families we just discussed—with most erring toward the side of Kathy's reticent parents, John and Mary. In most cases, parents and kids both know information about sex, but neither is necessarily clear about the meaning and significance of that information for the other. Kids often think that their parents "don't have a clue" and are way out of touch, whereas parents begin with the assumption, "I've seen everything—and even if I haven't done it all, I know all about it." This, they presume, prepares them for all possible exchanges because their kids must surely recognize what a wealth of information their parents possess and will come seeking answers. Such assumptions coupled with the anxiety of talking about sexuality often lead to what I call "telegraphic exchanges." Telegraphic exchanges are what happen when bits of unclear information are passed between parents and their kids and no real heartfelt attempts are made to create open communication.

AVOIDING TELEGRAPHIC EXCHANGES

Because we're sometimes uncomfortable with what we think and feel, we often communicate as if by telegraph, using short words and symbols or avoiding sexual terms—essentially leaving children to fill in the blanks. For example, we may have "conversations" without using words like sex, penis, or intercourse, and we may smile or literally use the word blank as we leave out the sexual term or example, thus conveying anxiety. The single most common characteristic among the patients I see for sexual dysfunction—men and women alike—is a lack of good, clear communication about sex during their childhood and adolescence. This communication gap often becomes a trend that continues through adulthood. Because they never received clear guidance as children about how to attune to their own feelings and develop the confidence needed for asking real questions about their sexuality, they are unsure about themselves and don't address their sexual concerns and are not able to mature sexually. The ambiguity that resulted from murky communication in childhood can lead to anxiety, which sets the stage for a whole host of problems later on.

You have probably experienced telegraphic exchanges. For instance, there you are at a baseball game with your daughter or son, and staring you in the face from behind left field is a huge billboard with the letters V-I-A-G-R-A next to a picture of a man smiling. Your child asks, "What's Va-gra? Vi-a-gra? What does that mean?" to which you probably can't come up with a better response than, "Let's just watch the game!"—ignoring the fact that it is between innings. Though it may seem minor at the time, this communication essentially sends a telegram to your child that reads something like this:

DEAR CHILD—I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH TALKING ABOUT SEX (STOP) PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED (STOP) DON'T ASK IN THE FUTURE (STOP) SUPPRESS CURIOSITY (STOP) XO—PARENT

What beneficial information might your child possibly take away from this verbal exchange? He or she gets the sense that whatever Viagra is, it must be either very stressful or very bad, neither of which is the message you ultimately want to communicate. You can imagine how hard it must be for our kids to understand such exchanges, especially since they're looking for clear, simple answers, but these interactions don't produce any. They're effectively being told to be quiet, but they don't have the tools to figure out why. The real message of the telegram is, "Don't ask!" and that's just what your child learns to do!

You're probably wondering what I might say to my daughter or son about that Viagra sign at the baseball stadium. It would depend on his or her age, but I might have said to my daughter, when she was 7, "It's for a medical problem that some men have when they get older." If it seemed like the child wanted to pursue this discussion and was near puberty, I would say that we would talk more about it when we got home. And then, of course, we would.

One of the primary challenges of childhood, and particularly adolescence, is clarifying identity. Our children question all sorts of things about themselves—their likes and dislikes, their desires, their wishes and hopes for the future, their budding sexual selves. To understand who they are, they begin to construct and internalize an identity based on how others see them, all the while trying to understand the actual messages both internally (such as their feelings) and externally (such as what people say about their attractiveness or competence). Their confidence develops based on the information they receive and how successfully that information is communicated to them. Thus, as parents, we must do everything we can to provide them access to good, clear information. If my younger daughter had further questions about Viagra, I might say, "Viagra is a medicine for a man's privates."

As parents, we are the translators for our children: we are in an excellent position to decode messages sent by outsiders. And we have to be careful not to further complicate matters by sending telegrams ourselves. When our kids come to us, they are looking for honest information that will help them better understand themselves and the world. If they receive secretive, inauthentic, or confusing telegrams from us, they will learn that we are not the ones they should be asking and will be confused. They will also try to find their answers by themselves or from other, often less-reliable, sources—which is precisely what we've indirectly suggested that they do when we don't come through for them.

Talking indirectly about sex or avoiding it altogether during our kids' childhood often evolves into more fully developed and unhealthy telegraphic exchanges between our kids and us as they get older. In addition to conveying that we don't talk about sex, such advanced telegraphic exchanges create doubts, anxiety, and confusion about sex. Here's an example of an "advanced" telegraphic conversation:

(Connie comes down the stairs, looking beautiful in a floral summer dress, hair and makeup in place, to go out on a date.)

MOM: Just be careful.

DAD (chiming in from the living room): You know how we raised you. Don't make any mistakes!

CONNIE (running toward the door): Yup, Dad. Of course.

MOM (teary-eyed, whispering to her daughter in the corridor as she exits): You know that we love you, honey.

CONNIE: Okay. I love you too.

This is an awkward moment for everyone. While Connie's parents are worried that she will do something that's sexually inappropriate, Connie's night out is tainted by her parents' anxieties, and she wants to get out of the house as quickly as possible!

Beneath the surface of this half-hearted exchange, Connie's parents are genuinely concerned for their daughter's welfare; they just don't know how to express their concerns clearly and openly. As a result, Connie receives many rapidly sent telegrams containing numerous mixed messages: "You know what you're supposed to do," "Don't make any mistakes," "You'll possibly do something other than what we're suggesting," and "We love you." But how can Connie's parents clear the air and share what's on their mind? Connie's date was probably an important, exciting occasion for her. And if her parents had fears and anticipations regarding sex,

Connie would have genuinely benefited from a loving conversation with her parents—rather than this lightning attack ten seconds before she ran out the door! Supportive encouragement before her date is replaced by a pseudo-connection wrought with fear, guilt, and anxiety. By now the family is in advanced telegram mode—it seems too late to have the frank discussion about relationships that's needed.

Although many parents would tell you that their kids can talk with them about anything, the degree to which this actually happens greatly depends on the way the parents have handled previous exchanges. In general, parental approaches to conversations with their kids about sex fall into three categories.

1. Limited exchange. Questions about sexuality get raised and quickly dismissed. In such a scenario, telegraphic messages are sent and communications remain unclear, as in the case of Connie. (Parents in this category may say it's best to let sleeping dogs lie when it comes to sex and blindly trust that their kids will be proactive and somehow obtain answers to their questions from somewhere.)

2. Basic talk. Discussion occurs, but it is limited to specific issues. The exchange feels unnatural and constrained for everyone involved. While facts get out there, it's clear to the children that from then on they should fend for themselves. (This category includes parents who prepare for the One Big Talk on the Birds and the Bees.)

3. Ongoing conversation. Rather than approaching sexuality as if it can be covered in a single conversation, the ongoing conversation invites a living and loving dynamic in which your child is free to communicate spontaneously her questions and concerns. In such an environment, parents realize that they don't necessarily have all of the answers, but they are still willing to help their children find the answers they're seeking and to openly initiate conversations in the course of life.

By now you realize that you're aiming for category three!

(Continues...)



Excerpted from HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX by John T. Chirban Copyright © 2012 by John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D.. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Foreword Dr. Phil McGraw xi

Preface: Before We Begin: A Personal Note to Parents xv

Acknowledgments xix

Introduction: In the Age of Sexual Un-Innocence xxi

Part I Building the Foundation: Communicating Effectively with Your Children About Sex

1 Learning to Really Talk with Your Kids: Warming Up for Good Communications 3

2 Defining Sex: Integrating What You Believe and Value 27

3 We're in This Together: The Role of Family in Your Child's Sexual Development 53

4 Listen Up: Responding to Your Kids' Questions in a Balanced Way 73

Part II Time to Talk: Communicating with Children at All Ages and Stages

5 Infants through Primary School Kids-Being Natural (Birth-Age 8) 99

6 Preadolescence-Having the So-Called "Talk" (Ages 9-11) 131

7 Adolescence-Dealing with Sex in the Air (Grades 7-College / Ages 12-21) 161

Part III Getting Down to the Nitty Gritty: Issues, Crises, and Other Complicated Stuff

8 Helping Your Child Build a Healthy Life-Body, Mind, and Soul 183

Peer Groups and Peer Pressure 186 Parents and the Family: Getting Comfortable with Your "Body Self" 187

Attraction: How Important Is Looking Good? 189

Aggression, Bullying, and Victimization 207

Crushes and Your Child 209

9 Sorting Out the Issues 215

Masturbation 216

Am I Gay? 222

Sexual Abstinence 229

Relationships via the Internet 231

Sexting 233

Pornography 235

Sexual Abuse 240

The Many Roads to Sexual Knowledge 248

10 What's Love Got to Do with It? The Relationship Between Sex, Intimacy, and Love 251

Defining Intimacy 252

Defining Love 253

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places 253

Values and Loving 258

Support Systems 261

Dating: Sorting Out Love 263

Spirituality and Sexuality 266

How Do I Love Thee? 270

Attraction and Balance 272

Relationships: Sex, Intimacy, and Love 275

Appendix: A Basic Checklist for Supporting Your Teen's Healthy Sexual Growth 277

Notes 281

Index 285

About the Author 289

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Customer Reviews

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( 39 )
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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 39 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 6, 2012

    Excellent advice for understanding how we parents need to come t

    Excellent advice for understanding how we parents need to come through for our children at each stage of growth. I loved the focus on relationships, in general, and the understanding of sex as a moral, physical, and emotional issue for each of us. I learned so much!

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 5, 2012

    I was somewhat uncomfortable with talking about sex with my chil

    I was somewhat uncomfortable with talking about sex with my children but Talking with Your Kids about Sex by John Chirban shows how inconsistent parents can be as we can be when we aren't open with our kids and preserve the most wonderful gift we have with our kids--OUR RELATIONSHIP--when we help them sort out sexuality. I am convinced how important parents and the home is in helping my kids talk about sex. Though I was intimidated by the task this is an excellent guide that is pleasant to read because of its practical stories and practical advice. Thank you for this book!

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 5, 2012

    Don't miss this book! It's an eye-opener. I thought that I was

    Don't miss this book! It's an eye-opener. I thought that I was buying a book about talking to my daughter about sex--and learned how my conversations about sex with her are avenues to strengthen our connection like no other. A special volume.

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 5, 2012

    It's been very hard for my husband and I to find a book that we

    It's been very hard for my husband and I to find a book that we could really find useful with our kids who are affected by questions and issues of teenagers today. We have a lot of material that tells us about spiritual and pastoral guidance about sex but that does not relate the issues the ways in which our kids talk. Dr. Chirban explains and especially supports parents to be honest with what they know and can learn with their kids as they figure out realistic and spiritually smart management of sexuality. While this is not east, this book is well worth the read.


    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 4, 2012

    Humorous, Honest, and Practical I am very glad that I confronte

    Humorous, Honest, and Practical

    I am very glad that I confronted my discomfort to pick up HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX. After all, it meant possibly admitting that I was not as prepared as I had hoped to address sexuality with my kids. The author does a great job in helping the parents realize that they are like everyone else--and then beautifully guides you to realize that you're just like most parents and simply need the right tools. Thank you, Dr. Chirban, for making it clear that it's our relationship and values that are key to making the best connections with our kids. I highly recommned this book as an excellent resource and guide and for making the priorities clear .

    Samantha Fenner
    Long Island, New York

    6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 3, 2012

    Every parent struggles with the "when's, how's and why me's

    Every parent struggles with the "when's, how's and why me's" about when it is appropriate to talk to our kids about the birds and the bees. This is my 'GO TO' book. it has helped me tremendously understand why my kids do what they do, and help me explain in the most straight simple ways about their bodies, their changes, their feelings, and yes, even SEX! Reading about Dr. Chirban's own experiences and how he approached his own children's needs, are the examples I need to develope my own "talks" and let my children know its OK to trust and confide in me when they have questions. In today's world, sex is all around us, and it pokes at our children well before they are at an age to understand it, and that is scary. Having this book under my belt has allowed me to relax more about these subjects with my kids, and not DREAD the TALK! I stongly recommend this book for new mothers and fathers, grandparents, and even the seasoned well-versed parents of teenagers!

    6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 27, 2012

    Very Helpful Book--Even Though I Wanted to Think I Didn't Need t

    Very Helpful Book--Even Though I Wanted to Think I Didn't Need the Help!
    This was a refreshing book- and makes this complicated subject much more manageable. Starting off with asking about the quality of a parent's relationship with his or her kid, Dr. Chirban identifies the apprehensions I have, and others that I couldn't admit, that helped me get comfortable with myself and the many issues of sexuality before trying to make real contact with my son and daughter on sex--much less the subjects of intimacy or love. I learned so much about myself from reading this book. By offering practical insights and clearly explaining the needs of kids at different stages on these topics, this book explains the importance of my role throughout their life as well as the huge issues that kids face. I found the discussions on controversial topics enlightening like pornography and body image. as I help my kids to find their voice, it's great to be discovering my own. Well worth it!!

    Troy Donovan
    Garden City, NJc

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 26, 2012

    This book was sooo goood! My wife and I needed some help in this

    This book was sooo goood! My wife and I needed some help in this area with our kids and it told us exactly how to manage and talk to our kids. As a kid my dad and mom has no idea how to talk with my about the sexuals so I really didn't know what to talk about or even start a convo, i talked had my first talk with my son last night, and now I know that it's not just one or two sex talks but an ongoing talk that is creating a good strong bond- Strongly suggest!

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 25, 2012

    Just finished this book this morning... I bought it yesterday af

    Just finished this book this morning... I bought it yesterday afternoon. I am a mother of 2 children (11 and 14). I really had no idea where to start with the topic of sex, both of my children have been hinting at information and certainly bringing up stories from school that I didn't know how to handle at the least. Dr. Chirban really makes things clear, and sets a very solid structure for me to fill in with my own core values... not to mention the stunning facts and information along with it! Hospitals should really give you this book along with your newborn at birth, as this is just as important to me and them as their medicine!

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 9, 2012

    Dr Chiban’s book How to Talk To Your Children About Sex i


    Dr Chiban’s book How to Talk To Your Children About Sex is a “must read” for parents wanting to successfully and comfortably navigate the many aspects of giving children the sexual information and guidance they need in today’s world. This book helps parents to effectively communicate values and information that their children need for positive healthy sexual growth. It addresses issues and problems in ways that predict successful outcomes for both parents and children.

    Dr Chirban’s credentials as psychologist and father of three children of his own, together with his ability to effectively communicate in writing the necessary ingredients for talking to children in a real way about what they want and need to know about sex and sexual issues make this book a valuable resource for parents, grandparents and indeed all friends and family of our nation’s children.



    Middle School Educator, Emeritus

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 8, 2012

    The difficulty of parent-child discussion on sex was something p

    The difficulty of parent-child discussion on sex was something past generations and our generation as well have always struggled with. Dr. Chirban's book has taken a seemingly impenetrable subject that most parents simply could never discuss with their children and removed embarrassment, shame and guilt which were always so much a part of sexuality. This book offers the much sought-after help a parent has needed to handle what has been, for the most part, taboo. It teaches how to communicate openly about sex with one's children in a wholesome, healthy way. One example that immediately elevates the reader's mind: Dr. Chirban explains it in this way, "Do your kids know that they have access to you and that they are the priority--not only when a rule or limit is broken, but because they are the light of your life?" This one question, this idea and/or suggestion triggers within us the insight, the realization to immediately recognize a need we can and must attend to and deal with so our children can approach us unafraid. Chidren come to know and trust that we want to help and answer any and all questions they have. This one thought alone gives a parent a new outlook so he/she can deal with any question a child may have. Chirban gives us a sudden freedom which permits us to see that we can deal with not only sexuality, but all other important aspects of raising children.

    Emmanuel Karavousanos

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 10, 2012

    I found Dr. Chirban's "What's Love Got to Do with It?"

    I found Dr. Chirban's "What's Love Got to Do with It?" to be quite informative and insightful. Dr. Chirban discusses the topic of sex by utilizing humor, compassion and real-life practical examples. I currently use excerpts for my Introduction to Sociology Course at a local Greek Orthodox College in Brookline, MA. Many of my students report that they wished their parents would have discussed the "birds and the bees" to them in a similar manner that is illustrated in Dr. Chirban's text. Overall, I highly recommend all parents, and mental health professionals, especially working with parents and adolescents, to have this book on hand. It is very educational on multiple levels and I feel I will continue utilizing excerpts from this text for my Sociology course for many years to come!

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 10, 2012

    My kids can scare me when they come home from middle school sing

    My kids can scare me when they come home from middle school singing lyrics about sex and love from pop songs. I bought this book because I thought that I was alone in my discomfort and now realize that I really have a duty to come through from this and explain my values, concerns, and the direction about what I believe is correct concerning sex. This book does not tell you what to do; it explains what your kids are going through and how they need you because no one else is there for them like you to put sexuality in perspective. I loved so many things about this book--easy to read, openness, facts, stories, from life that I can relate, and clear guidance. Outstanding book on a very hard subject--that I highly recommend.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 6, 2012

    I have been concerned by how sex in the media affects my kids--a

    I have been concerned by how sex in the media affects my kids--and everyday hear about incidence from my two children in middle school--who seem to know more details than I knew about sex when I was in college. I feel that Dr. Chirban's How to Talk with Your Kids about Sex has helped me and my kids stop avoiding the serious and important conversations about their individual choices. I am less uncomfortable, have been able to understand what my kids needs instead of thinking about my concerns, and have learned a great deal. Great job!
    Susan Addams
    SLC, Utah

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 27, 2012

    It’s hard to find a book that gets to the point, gives the

    It’s hard to find a book that gets to the point, gives the pertinent information clearly and in balanced story-form, and has humorous interactions with the reader and newsworthiness that converts a rather challenging task, by inspiration and motivation. Dr. Chirban’s new book HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX does just this—such that I was browsing the self-help section in the bookstore, cautiously bought it because it drew me while I was standing—and, most significantly, used it with my sons. The anticipated uncomfortable talk became a meaningful conversation just by tuning in to the kid’s needs (as outlined). The kids felt good and opened up, and I felt like we are making a terrific difference on this tough area. I highly endorse the bookbecause it works!


    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 18, 2012

    This book absolutely takes all the guesswork out of talking with

    This book absolutely takes all the guesswork out of talking with your children about sexuality. It is the greatest tool I have ever read in providing all the information any parent would ever need to help their children in one of the most important areas of their life. It provides the best insight to help your child understand the connections between love, sex and intimacy. The exercises are fabulous. You could not ask for a better book in mentoring your children on this subject.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 18, 2012

    This is a refreshing and positive book with many excellent sugge

    This is a refreshing and positive book with many excellent suggestions. I did not expect talking with my kids about sex would open up so many doors for our relationships. This book is a real eye-opener! I highly recommend it.

    Nashua, NH

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 16, 2012

    I planned to talk to my daughter about sexual issues after she w

    I planned to talk to my daughter about sexual issues after she was seven--and thought that I was ahead of the game. This book helped me realize the importance of opening these discussions even earlier in and age-appropriate way. And I am glad I did. While this book gives you very helpful words to put the issues of sexuality in perspective from early on, it helped me realize that the other issues, as well, such as peer pressure, eating concerns, body self, and bullying affect what Dr. Chirban calls the "sexual self"--and the importance of my close relationship with my daughter to discuss these matters. So many important topics are covered. I shared the book with my friends and we each found areas that spoke to us in similar and different ways that we valued. This book is a blessing. I strongly recommend "How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex" because it helps you realize that the time is NOW to deal with sex and love with your kids.

    Belmont, CA

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 12, 2012

    When our twins entered middles school, my husband and I stopped

    When our twins entered middles school, my husband and I stopped putting off "the talk," we searched for a book that could help us get the right words without making an uncomfortable issue more uncomfortable. Quite honestly, I didn't think that my husband would get past the first chapter. "How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex" is an exceptional read. MY husband even admitted how much he didn't know and we learned a great deal from the book. Dr. Chirban gets high marks for inspiring parents to be more honest and loving and to create a real atmosphere to address this complicated topic.

    Gainesville, Florida

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 13, 2012

    Dr. Chirban's book was one of the very best and most helpful boo

    Dr. Chirban's book was one of the very best and most helpful books I have come upon in a very long time. His book was both clear (giving parents exact steps to follow and work on when having "The Talk") but at the same time gave leverage in taking importance of each families personal values. Dr. Chirban thank you for all of your help, I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have this book! I recommend this book to any parent who wants a healthy realationship with their children while jumping this hurdle.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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