How to Unspoil Your Child Fast: A Speedy, Complete Guide to Contented Children and Happy Parents [NOOK Book]

Overview

You don't have to say yes to prove that you love them.

"Describes helpful, pertinent, and loving ways to correct spoiled behavior before it becomes a serious problem."

-ParentWorld

Nearly 95% of parents feel like they are overindulging their children, but feel powerless to stopping themselves.

How to Unspoil Your Child Fast offers a straightforward and practical solution to ...

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How to Unspoil Your Child Fast: A Speedy, Complete Guide to Contented Children and Happy Parents

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Overview

You don't have to say yes to prove that you love them.

"Describes helpful, pertinent, and loving ways to correct spoiled behavior before it becomes a serious problem."

-ParentWorld

Nearly 95% of parents feel like they are overindulging their children, but feel powerless to stopping themselves.

How to Unspoil Your Child Fast offers a straightforward and practical solution to fixing and preventing the problems of spoiling your children and offers concrete tips, simple strategies, and easy action steps for reversing the effects almost immediately. Feel more confident, competent, and parent more consistently while instilling character and self-reliance in your children today.

What parents are saying:

"Wonderful, trenchant, and desperately needed."

"Short, sweet and to the point for those of us who don't have time to waste."

"Truly sensible and useful."

"Although my daughters like being doted on, they think I parent better...when I utilize many of Dr. Bromfield's suggestions. I highly recommend this book."

"A snappy read, so you can't claim you don't have time. And the method's simple, so you can't pretend you aren't qualified to use it."

-Newsday

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
""It's a lively, engaging, helpful book that offers a look at our generation of parents and why we're tempted to indulge our children."" - Cookie Magazine

""Offers practical advice with great empathy and wit, and shows parents how they can drastically improve their family life."" -

""This concise read offers quick and easy info for parents struggling with their self-focused (aka spoiled) child, and describes helpful, pertinent and loving ways to correct spoiled behavior before it becomes a serious problem. A must-read for today's overindulgent p" - ParentWorld.com

""The book is terrific: logical, concrete, and easy to read."" - Boston Globe

""Promises to get you on your way if you follow the book's guidelines for seven consecutive days."
" - Newsday

Boston Globe
"The book is terrific: logical, concrete, and easy to read."
— Barbara Meltz
Newsday
"Promises to get you on your way if you follow the book's guidelines for seven consecutive days."
Cookie Magazine
"It's a lively, engaging, helpful book that offers a look at our generation of parents and why we're tempted to indulge our children."
Rochelle Sharpe
"Offers practical advice with great empathy and wit, and shows parents how they can drastically improve their family life."
ParentWorld.com
"This concise read offers quick and easy info for parents struggling with their self-focused (aka spoiled) child, and describes helpful, pertinent and loving ways to correct spoiled behavior before it becomes a serious problem. A must-read for today's overindulgent p
Library Journal
Are you being held hostage by a brat the size of a yardstick? Psychologist Bromfield writes that for 30 years he has "heard and seen the stress, misery, annoyance, and inconvenience of spoiled children." Written for parents of children aged two to 12, this work aims to reestablish the power structure and boundaries of the parent-child relationship. With a quick and digestible format, including case studies, checklists, and quotes, the author advocates for the powerful teacher of natural consequences and the importance for children of work and responsibility. There has been a wealth of good titles on discipline in the last year (Beyond Time Out; First the Broccoli, Then the Ice Cream), and this joins the ranks. The accessible style makes it highly recommended.—Julianne J. Smith, "Parenting Short Takes," BookSmack! 8/19/10
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781402257018
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 9/1/2010
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 406,213
  • File size: 787 KB

Meet the Author

Richard Bromfield, PhD, is a graduate of Bowdoin College and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. A faculty member of Harvard Medical School, he writes about children, psychotherapy, and family life in both professional and popular periodicals. He is in private practice in Boston, Massachusetts.
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Read an Excerpt

From the Introduction

Are our children indulged and spoiled?

Check out the numbers. According to a 2007 survey conducted by AOL and the family magazine Cookie, 94 percent of parents say their children are spoiled, up from the 80 percent measured by a 1991 Time and CNN poll. This percentage may sound high, but to me the question is, Who are these other 6 percent, and who are they kidding? Though you might be years from thinking about your child's adolescence, consider these sobering statistics: A Schwab Foundation survey found that 31 percent of teens owe an average of $230, and 14 percent owe more than $1,000! Is it any wonder that about half of these teens expressed concern about whether they would ever be able to repay these debts? In another poll that sampled the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans, 57 percent of parents felt that their children had failed to learn the value of money and how to work for it. And in a Center for a New American Dream survey, a vast majority of parents (87 percent) reported that the consumerism of modern society makes instilling good values in their children a much harder job. That the amount of advertising dollars targeting youths is nearing $20 billion-$20 billion!-and is being aimed at younger children, even toddlers, underscores the fact that parents' fears are well founded.

The numbers don't lie, and there are too many of them to ignore or dismiss as random static or propaganda from any one interest group. The overindulgence that's epidemic in America and most other industrialized countries is an equal-opportunity illness. It plagues the rich, the middle class, and the poor, without regard for a family's race, religion, or politics.

But those are statistics about all children. Let's talk about specific children-children like six-year-old Gabe. In his short life, Gabe has already made substantial progress in his quest for every set in the Playmobil catalog. Last I heard, Gabe had saved $200 of his "own" money to put toward an expensive Playmobil collector's set that his parents agreed to purchase on his behalf the exact day that he has enough money, a goal he expects to reach quickly. Callie is a bright kindergartner whose demands and tantrums hold her parents hostage. Callie's intelligent parents struggle through day after day of perpetually surrendering and kowtowing to their petite daughter's every whim and wish.

Eleven-year-old Ashanti wears only first-run designer fashions while her hardworking mother buys her own professional wardrobe at outlet and discount stores. Ashanti thinks in terms of outfits, so her frequent shopping sprees include "necessities" such as matching footwear, jewelry, and even makeup.

Four-year-old Clark, though he is a strong, healthy, and athletic boy, likes to be carried by his mother-everywhere and all the time. When Clark's mother needs to do something or her arms get tired, Clark screams as if the ground were made of hot coals. In many ways, Clark's mother treats Clark as if he were still an infant. Last but not least, the third grader Devin insists on not only what he wants but also what everyone should want. Devin serves as uninvited consultant to all of his parents' decisions: the color laptop his mother bought, the car options his father chose, the restaurants the family eats at, the movies they see, and the driving routes his parents take.

For thirty years now, as a psychologist working with children and families, I have heard and seen the stress, misery, annoyance, and inconvenience of spoiled children. More so, I have been called in when the fallout of that indulgence has begun to surface or take hold, when children have become impossible to live with or have grown constantly unhappy and insatiable. Frequently, I've entered the scene after many years or even a decade of overindulgence, when parents bring in their malcontented teens who are unable to manage the trials and tasks of growing up toward adulthood. And often I've found that, whatever the child's and the family's issues, parents' straightening out their indulgent parenting has helped to improve everything.

I've written this book with one simple and clear mission: to help parents unspoil their spoiled children. Though the book can help parents to remedy overindulged adolescents, it is aimed squarely at parents of young children, ages two to twelve years old. My method is based on what parents have taught me, over thirty years of clinical experience, about raising children who are contented, happy, and fulfilled. There's little virtue in reinventing your own parenting wheel. Why shouldn't you and your child profit and learn from other parents' missteps, trials, and errors?

But, as we all know, there are plenty of good books out there already on child rearing, discipline, and raising children with moral character. Why another one, and why this one?

Traditional books on parenting are long, dense, and require parents to read through many substantive chapters of background and theory before getting to the punch line, a final chapter of advice. As a parent of grown children, I recall the exhaustion, confusion, and frustration. The parents of young children I know are overworked and overextended. A majority of the single parents I know are even more overworked and overextended. The parents who need this kind of book have the least time, energy, and attention to read books about parenting or anything else.

And so I have aspired to write a book that presents what's important in a format that goes down fast and easy. The strategies of this book are clear and doable-they are based on a solid and deep understanding of children and parents. While the method works quickly, it in no way represents fast-food-style parenting. In addition to improving home life, the methods herein can transform children's insides, promoting their capability and resilience in handling life today and tomorrow.

The book itself consists of twenty-seven chapters that, step by step, help parents build "unspoiling" attitudes and behaviors. Each chapter centers on a short anecdote, case study, or idea that aims to make its points vivid, tangible, and memorable. Chapters include tips and strategies that translate these points to real life and real unspoiling. Early chapters offer a process to quickly reestablish and extend parents' place in the family and at home. Later chapters focus on the best parenting practices to handle common issues that arise during unspoiling, like discipline, unspoiling in public, and unspoiling yourself. The sum of these chapters will, I hope and trust, remind mothers and fathers of their own powers, thereby transforming their parenting from spoiling to its opposite. Each and every chapter, from the get-go, is designed to move you closer to unspooling parenting and an unspoiled child.

As the adage goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A few lucky parents will read this before they have gone down a harder road. They will have little to retrace and amend. The book will be a guide to continuing their constructive ways.

The good news is that, for the rest of you, those who've already slipped into a spoiling routine, there is plenty of time to make it right. It's not too late. Start this book and its methods today, and before you know it, your child and family will be looking more like you'd once imagined them. And soon enough, when you peek in the mirror, you'll be looking a little more like the parent you want to be.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Acknowledgments xiii

Introduction xv

1 Admit It 1

2 Commit 9

3 Level the Playing Field 15

4 Stop the Nonsense 23

5 Grab Their Attention 35

6 Shock and Awe Them 41

7 Keep Shocking 49

8 Parent 'Em Where It Hurts 55

9 Establish End Stops 65

10 Exercise Discipline 75

11 Stop Explaining Yourself 83

12 Take Back the Power 91

13 Overcome Blind Spots 97

14 Hold Your Ground 107

15 Allow for Natural Consequences 115

16 Refuse to Deal 125

17 Buy Less 133

18 Develop Real Winners 145

19 Work Them 151

20 Unspoil in Public 161

21 Unspoil Yourself 169

22 Promote Self-Sufficiency 177

23 Make Room for Amends 187

24 Collaborate 197

25 Give (and Take) Thanks 205

26 Claim Your Rights 211

27 Take a Bow 217

An Afterword of Caution 221

Also by Richard Bromfield 223

About the Author 225

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 19 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(9)

4 Star

(3)

3 Star

(3)

2 Star

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Sort by: Showing all of 19 Customer Reviews
  • Posted April 16, 2011

    amazing!

    this book has taught me so much about how i was doing such an injustice to my children by giving into most of their whims and demands. my children are behaving so much better now, and i only recently began utilizing the techniques. you will be grateful to have this in your arsenal of child rearing necessities!

    11 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 22, 2012

    A must read for parents and grandparents, too!

    I got the book free for my nook because it looks interesting. Dr. Bromfield knows what he's talking about. My kids are grown, and my wife and I find ourselves in grandparent mode, but the information here is absolutely spot on. It's very easy to read and understand, but the real challenge comes in applying it. But nobody ever said that unspoiling a child is easy! I highly commend it to anyone who has children in their lives. I'm probably going to buy a hard copy to give to my daughter.

    7 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 26, 2012

    Fast & Easy to Understand

    Really enjoyed the book. Had lots of things one could do quickly with big impact.

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 24, 2012

    Excellent tips!

    I started following the tips in this book and have been amazed at the results. My daughter (6 years old) has a tendency to run our house but, with these tools for reasserting my control as a parent, I've seen a noticable difference in the last 2 weeks. I don't have to fight tooth and nail for everything. More importantly, I have been able to let go of my need to STRESS over what she thinks she won't do. Things are far less likely to deteriorate to the point of me yelling now. This was definitely helpful information!

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 21, 2012

    Lots to think about

    I would revommend thid book. Good read.

    2 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 23, 2013

    I love this book!!! It is well written and is super helpful. I

    I love this book!!! It is well written and is super helpful. I consider myself to be a really good parent already, but this book has enlightened me in so many ways that will help me become and even greater parent. I believe anyone that has children or is considering having children should read this book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 22, 2012

    Decent Read

    This was a good easy read. It was not stellar, did not tell me anything I did not already know.

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2013

    So so

    Book was ok, but nothing earth shattering
    Was a very scratch the surface type book-no real depth
    I also do not think a Christ centered home would get anything out of this book because much of what it suggests for parents in terms of not letting children think the world revolves around them and the impotance of remorse in both child and parent when they make a mistake is already a part of a Christian home

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 20, 2012

    Nice

    Nice

    0 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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