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Overview
Partisan warfare has never been so much fun.
How to Win a Fight With a Conservative is the ultimate survival guide to arguing politics, filled with all the cunning strategies, damning facts, and merciless ridicule liberals need to give their conservative "friends, neighbors and countrymen" the verbal smackdown of a lifetime.
With the presidential election approaching, this irreverent yet practical guide is essential reading for unpracticed neophytes and seasoned politicos alike—the perfect primer for anyone who's ever fantasized about smacking sense into a misguided right-wing adversary.
Includes:
- The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Partisans
- The Conservative Hall of Shame
- How to Detect Lies, Propaganda, and General BS
- Kick-Ass Arguments: A Step-by-Step Guide
...and much, much more!
This roadmap to success will help you size up, knock down, and win over your conservative rivals—without making yourself the target of the local militia.
PRAISE FOR DANIEL KURTZMAN
"You should pick up this book before your next dinner party."
Gayle King, editor-at-large of O, The Oprah Magazine and host of "The Gayle King Show" on Oprah and Friends
"Daniel Kurtzman doesn't have a political axe to grind. He has two axes to grind. And he does it with the sharpest wit seen in these bipartisan parts for quite some time. Crisscrossing the aisle with wicked glee; no matter which book you finish first, you'll immediately want to run out and get the other one to discover what he said about your side. Just remember to wear a disguise."
Will Durst, political satirist and author of The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing
"No one knows political satire like Daniel Kurtzman."
Andy Borowitz, creator of The Borowitz Report and author of The Republican Playbook
"When the folks over at JibJab are looking for a fair and balanced laugh, Daniel Kurtzman's our guy. His How to Win a Fight with a Liberal / Conservative will have you in stitches regardless of your political affiliation!"
Gregg Spiridellis, co-founder of JibJab.com
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781402236211 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Sourcebooks, Incorporated |
| Publication date: | 06/01/2007 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 144 |
| File size: | 867 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
No one can pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but sometime in the last quarter century, between Ronald Reagan's withering ridicule of all things liberal and George W. Bush's bullying crusade to stamp out political dissent, conservatives gave liberalism a giant wedgie.
Liberalism didn't see it coming. It was busy navel-gazing and admiring itself in the mirror when conservatives snuck up from behind, grabbed it by its tighty-whities, and hung it up on the flagpole, where it kicked and flailed as conservatives pointed and taunted and called it a pantywaist and a loser.
Democrats, even some Republicans, used to wear the liberal label with pride. Time was, liberalism was a word that conjured such core American principles as social justice, national compassion, and human freedom. But then conservatives had an idea. What if liberalism could be turned into an embarrassing perversion, like pedophilia, or a disease, like leprosy? And so they told anyone who would listen that liberals were sick, weak, deranged, traitorous perverts.
The problem is, liberals stood there and took the abuse. They let conservatives bullyrag them, beat them down, and get inside their heads until they ran away with their hands over their ears, screaming, "I'm not a liberal!" And thus a proud ideology was thrown under the bus.
Table of Contents
IntroductionChapter 1: What It Means to Be a Liberal
What Breed of Liberal Are You?
The Liberal Manifesto
Rate Your Partisan Intensity
Quotient (PIQ)
What's Your State of Embattlement?
Chapter 2: Know Your Enemy
The Conservative Manifesto
A Field Guide to the Conservative Genus
How to Rate a Conservative's Partisan-
Intensity Quotient (PIQ)
Frequently Asked Questions-
about Conservatives
A Glimpse into the Conservative Utopia
Chapter 3: Can't We All Just Get Along?
A Day in the Life of Conservatives vs. Liberals
Battle of the Bumper Stickers
What Liberals Say vs. What Conservatives Hear
What Conservatives Say vs. What Liberals Hear
Common Enemies We Can All Agree to Hate
Chapter 4: Basic Training -
The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Partisans -
How Woefully Ineffective Are You? -
How Not to Be an Asshole -
The Ten Commandments of Partisan Warfare -
How to Frame the Debate Using Simple Jedi Mind Tricks -
How to Avoid Unhinged Lunatics -
Chapter 5: How to Win Friends While Antagonizing People
How to Survive Family Sparring Matches -
What to Do If You're Sleeping With the Enemy -
How to Manage Workplace Squabbles -
How to Clash with Perfect Strangers -
How to Properly Engage in Internet Flame Wars -
Chapter 6: Advanced Battle Tactics -
How to Detect Bullshit -
How to Trip Up a Bullshitter -
How to Spot Logical Fallacies -
"Strategery" for the Advanced Combatant -
How to Argue Like a Conservative in Fourteen Easy Steps
How to Win When You Can't Win Them Over -
Chapter 7: Kick-Ass Arguments: A Step-By-Step Guide -
Global Warming: Why It's an Issue of Security and Morality -
Taxes and the Economy: Why Conservatives Are Fiscally Foolhardy -
Defending America: Why Conservatives Aren't Up To the Job
Iraq: Why It's a "Catastrofuck" -
Bush: Why He's the Worst President Ever -
Chapter 8: The Conservative Hallof Shame -
The Wing of Sex Fiends, Perverts, and Adulterers -
The Wing of Unhinged Lunatics and Sociopaths -
The Wing of Morons -
The Wing of Crooks and Corrupt Weasels-
The Wing of Chickenhawks
-
Chapter 9: You've Won the Battle, Now Help Win the War -
Six Unconventional Things You Can Do -
to Save the World from Conservatives -
After-words-
When All Else Fails: 27,000 Ways to Insult Conservatives -
Acknowledgments -
About the Author -
What People are Saying About This
"Sharply critical and consistently funny, How to Win a Fight with A Liberal and How to Win A Fight with a Conservative hold twin mirrors up to the illogical state of political debate in our divided country. Though they can be enjoyed for their wit alone, attentive readers will get Kurtzman's satirical point: in the exchange of pre-fabricated positions, the appeal to emotion, and the indulgence of self-approval, we have limited our ability to think clearly about urgent problems. Exposing such failures and mocking those responsible for them is the highest calling of the satirist."--(Paul Lewis, author of Cracking Up: American Humor in a Time of Conflict)
"When the folks over at JibJab are looking for a fair and balanced laugh, Daniel Kurtzman's our guy. His How to Win a Fight with a Liberal / Conservative will have you in stitches regardless of your political affiliation!"--(Gregg Spiridellis, co-founder of JibJab.com)
"Daniel Kurtzman doesn't have a political axe to grind. He has two axes to grind. And he does it with the sharpest wit seen in these bipartisan parts for quite some time. Crisscrossing the aisle with wicked glee; no matter which book you finish first, you'll immediately want to run out and get the other one to discover what he said about your side. Just remember to wear a disguise."--(Will Durst, political satirist, currently starring in "The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing")
"No one knows political satire like Daniel Kurtzman."--(Andy Borowitz, creator of The Borowitz Report and author of The Republican Playbook)