How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls

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Overview

Donna Dale Carnegie, daughter of the late motivational author and teacher Dale Carnegie, brings her father?s time-tested, invaluable lessons to the newest generation of young women on their way to becoming savvy, self-assured friends and leaders.

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls offers concrete advice on teen topics such as peer pressure, gossip, and popularity. Teen girls will learn the most powerful ways to influence others, defuse arguments, admit ...

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Overview

Donna Dale Carnegie, daughter of the late motivational author and teacher Dale Carnegie, brings her father’s time-tested, invaluable lessons to the newest generation of young women on their way to becoming savvy, self-assured friends and leaders.

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls offers concrete advice on teen topics such as peer pressure, gossip, and popularity. Teen girls will learn the most powerful ways to influence others, defuse arguments, admit mistakes, and make self-defining choices. The Carnegie techniques promote clear and constructive communication, praise rather than criticism, emotional sensitivity, tolerance, and a positive attitude—important skills for every girl to develop at an early age. Of course, no book for teen girls would be complete without taking a look at how to maintain friendships with boys and deal with commitment issues and break-ups with boyfriends. Carnegie also provides solid advice for older teens beginning to explore their influence in the adult world, such as driving and handling college interviews.

Full of fun quizzes, “reality check” sections, and true-life examples, How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls offers every teenage girl candid, insightful, and timely advice on how to influence friends in a positive manner.

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Editorial Reviews

School Library Journal
Gr 7 Up-Retro may sell, but the flatly dated '50s look to the superfluous illustrations here and the regurgitated words of the late motivational speaker will fail to sell teens on the advice offered by Carnegie's daughter (and Chairman of the Board of Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.). Although purporting to show girls "the most powerful ways to influence others, defuse arguments, admit mistakes, and make self-defining choices," the real advice here is about getting other people to do what you want them to. Readers are encouraged to step back from problematic relationships, write out analytical lists of facets of the problem from both sides, and then outline the most persuasive arguments to persuade the other party that your solution will be mutually beneficial. The reasoning is often muddy and couched in careful terms-"negotiation," never "manipulation." While the pointers on being a good listener, keeping a positive outlook, and admitting one's mistakes are useful, the sobering dilemmas of many teens' lives are never addressed, such as social drinking, drug use, pressure to have sex, date rape, eating disorders, and physical or emotional abuse. Carnegie's imagined audience appears to be the fictitious '50s girls of the illustrations, dreaming of winning Miss Congeniality, rather than today's young women facing serious, even life-threatening, issues and choices. In stark contrast, Mindy Morgenstern's The Real Rules for Girls (Girl Pr, 2000) pairs up-to-date, nonjudgmental, readable advice with a stunning layout of black-and-white photos from the '50s and '60s, effectively using visual appeal to sell her message of respect for self and others.-Joyce Adams Burner, Hillcrest Library, Prairie Village, KS Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780743272773
  • Publisher: Touchstone
  • Publication date: 5/3/2005
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 208
  • Sales rank: 72,379
  • Product dimensions: 6.12 (w) x 9.25 (h) x 0.50 (d)

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.

Dale Carnegie

Imagine waking up one morning only to discover that every move you made — from the clothes you picked out to the way you greeted your parents and friends to the questions you answered in class — was recorded on a giant scoreboard for everyone to see. Although you realize that your score is changing how people see you (just like theirs is changing how you see them), you can't quite figure out which choices are increasing your tally and which aren't. In fact, you're beginning to wonder if your place in the world is decided totally at random. It sounds like some kind of nightmare, right? Unfortunately, it's not. Every day, girls find themselves navigating just such a world: school. There are few times in life that we find ourselves more aware of divisions like being in or out, us or them, cool or hopelessly uncool — and so constantly reminded of where we fall on the continuum.

A recent study looked at students in grades six through ten. Among researchers' findings was that nearly 30 percent of students surveyed had experienced bullying, either as a victim, a perpetrator, or both. As alarmed as I was to hear this statistic, none of the girls we interviewed for this book even appeared surprised — except to say they would have thought the number was higher. Many of them shared their own experiences, including Julie, age 14:

There was a girl in my class named Marie that everyone makes fun of. She's a total perfectionist and always uses the full hour to take a test that the rest of the class finishes in tenminutes. She's obsessed with ballet and all she ever wanted to talk about was her dance classes. Also, it was kind of the way she looked. I tried to be nice to her, but I also participated in teasing her. She laughed at herself and didn't let people know that she was hurt by what they said about her, but her mom told my mom that she cried every day after school. When my mom confronted me about it, I felt terrible. I told her that I tried sticking up for her, but it was hard. You want people to like you and I didn't want to become a target by sticking up for her. I know how horrible that is. I've been teased before, too....

From Julie's story, we see that she falls into the "both" category, experiencing teasing both as a participant and a victim. It seems unbelievable that someone who knows how horrible it feels to be singled out and ridiculed could ever take part in doing it to someone else. But if we look closely at Julie's words, we can see that she isn't really putting herself in Marie's shoes, regardless of her past experience. If Julie were truly empathizing with Marie, she wouldn't be able not to stick up for her. Rather, Julie is responding to her mom's criticism. Dale Carnegie once said, "Criticism is futile. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself." Or, in this case, herself.

Actually, he felt so strongly about criticism that he always taught the following principle first: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. It may seem obvious why we shouldn't follow this path when we look at Julie's example. She is indulging in all three big Cs: criticizing Marie, condemning her for her looks and personality, and complaining that she herself can't do anything to help. As tempting as it may be to think that we would never act in such a way, this kind of thinking is, in itself, a form of criticism. We're not here to judge Julie. Dale Carnegie believed the following: "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." We can, however, learn from her. We all know how rotten it feels to be on the receiving end of an unkind word, but Julie's example also shows us how ugly it can be to know you've hurt someone else. No one wants to see themselves as a cruel bully — or someone too cowardly to go against the crowd. You don't have to make the same mistake yourself; by finding ways to be less critical of others as well as learning how to use negative energy to your advantage, anyone can learn how to deal with tough situations.

Giving Up Judgment
In high school it's an everyday occurrence to be present when someone is being made fun of or gossiped about and there's probably not a single person who isn't guilty of it themselves.

— Lily, R.I.

It's one thing to know we should be empathetic, but it's another to actually be empathetic. We're not talking about anything revolutionary here: people have been telling you all your life to "do unto others as you would have done to you," right? So why is it so hard for us to stop and put ourselves in another person's shoes? Maybe it's because the stereotypes we carry around in our heads are a sort of security blanket when we get right down to it. It's a lot easier to make sweeping assumptions about how jocks are dumb, cheerleaders are shallow, and members of the chess club are dorks than to consider each person as an individual — an individual who would no more want to be regarded (or disregarded) as a two-dimensional stereotype than we would. The truth is that the bullying we see everywhere at school and even in the workplace would end tomorrow if everyone from age eight to 108 tried always and honestly to see things from another person's perspective.

This is not to say that you should give up all the opinions, ideas, and perspectives that make you wonderfully, uniquely you. There's a big difference between judgments or stereotypes and constructive criticism that comes from a place of genuine goodwill toward another person. Sound confusing? Look at it this way: even if some truth exists in your complaints about people, snapping at them over their faults — or worse, humiliating them — won't get you very far when it comes to changing their behavior. Dale Carnegie took the example of the world-famous psychologist B. F. Skinner: "He proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior....Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment." Sound crazy? Before you answer, take this quick quiz to see if you know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.

Your best friend shows up at school with a nightmare haircut. You:

a) Head to the bathroom with her to see if parting her new 'do differently would make it a little more flattering.

b) Remind her it will grow out...eventually.

c) Wait until you're in the crowded cafeteria to tell her she should speed to the mall after school. You hear there's a big hat sale going on.

You love daisies, but your boyfriend shows up with a bouquet of roses on your anniversary. You:

a) Gush over the flowers and tell him they're beautiful — you can remind him how much you like daisies some other time.

b) Thank him and tell him that next to daisies, roses are your favorite.

c) Tell him that if he ever listened to a word you said, he'd know you adore daisies and think roses are totally cliché.

Your tone-deaf sister plans to audition for the high school musical. You:

a) Invite your musically gifted friend over to give her some quick voice coaching.

b) Suggest she wait and audition for next semester's (nonmusical) play.

c) Ask her when Les Misérables became a comedy.

Your mom overcooks the roast again. You:

a) Eat it anyway. It won't kill you.

b) Push it around on your plate to make it look like you've eaten some and sneak a bowl of cereal later.

c) Ask her if she wants you to chip a tooth by continuing to try to eat this.

There are two truths about criticism: everyone's a critic (at least occasionally) and no one likes a critic (even occasionally). Sometimes what we offer as a helpful observation will come across as a judgment. And, if we don't choose our words carefully, what we intend as a constructive criticism can have the impact of a wrecking ball. But unless you've got a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease, such misfires should be genuine miscommunications and shouldn't happen very often. So, if people routinely flinch before you speak — and you answered "b" or "c" to any of the above — it may be time to muzzle your inner pit bull.

A good rule of thumb is before you say something harsh, consider how you would feel if someone said the same thing to you. Sure, we all get angry. People do and say insensitive things all the time. But look what happens when we dish out negativity.

One time a girl in my high school criticized me on what I was wearing. She said that I looked ugly in it. I reacted by telling her to shut up and go away. I felt horrible, ugly, hurt, and angry all at once. I tried to hold in all my emotions, and all the hurt turned to hate. I hated her.

— Beth, 17, Pa.

Ack! We definitely don't want to end up on either side of this scenario. That's not to say you can never suggest how others might do things better. It's just that when you do so, you should find a way to ensure your words are received in the generous spirit you intended for them. Before you open your mouth, make sure your intentions really are generous. Ask yourself:

  • Is the thing I'm about to criticize something that the person can or would want to change? (Hint: This pretty much rules out comments on the way a person looks, talks, walks, laughs, or dresses. Before you cross into that territory, check your motive. Why are you saying this? Your words will likely have zero
  • benefit to either you or your target, will be needlessly hurtful, and may cost you a friend or earn you a lasting enemy.)
  • Am I about to call attention to something that is
  • possible or easy to correct?
  • Could my words possibly deter this person from risky or negative behavior?
  • Do I have this person's best interests at heart?

If the answer to any of the above is no, then you can be sure the best course of action is to keep your comments to yourself — at least until you can offer them in a more productive way.

Use Negative Energy as Rocket Fuel

It may be hardest to resist the three Cs when you're faced with others' negativity. In your life, you will be criticized. People will unfairly condemn you for things you may or may not have thought, said, or done. They'll complain about you and to you. I guarantee it. As you go through life, you'll encounter people who seem bent on dragging you down. You can't control what others say and do, but you can decide how you will respond. You can decide whether you'll let others' hurtful words destroy your mood and torpedo your self-confidence, causing you to take your pain and anger out not just on your critic but on everyone around you. Or you can shake off unfair criticism, put your best foot forward, and prove your critics wrong.

Atoosa Rubenstein, now the editor in chief of Seventeen, was only twenty-six when she was appointed to her first editor in chief position at CosmoGirl. At the time, Atoosa faced a certain amount of jealousy, especially from older staff members. To help Atoosa deal with this response, the editor of Cosmopolitan suggested she'd gain some favor by reaching out. Rubenstein says: "I sent an e-mail to two people (one of whom is now the editor in chief of another magazine) saying, 'You have such great experience, I respect you so much. I would love to hear if you have any recommendations for who would be good to work on my team.' Well, one of the women meant to reply to the other, but instead she replied to me and wrote something like, 'Oh, look, the little fashion girl needs a grammarian.'

"Now, the truth is I really see the good in people, so I read it but it took me a minute to see what she meant. Once I did I was really hurt. A minute later she came barreling down the hall and said, 'I sent you an e-mail by accident. You don't have to read it. Just delete it.' She was too late, of course, but I didn't say a word about it then and I haven't said anything about it since — not out of fear, but because I genuinely believe in always putting out a good vibe. I took that negativity she threw in my direction and used it as rocket fuel."

That rocket fuel, says Rubenstein, helped her blast CosmoGIRL into orbit and make it one of the most popular teen magazines on the market. The more people criticized her or questioned her abilities, she explained, the more determined she was to prove her critics wrong by making her magazine even better.

You have the same options when you're faced with criticism, condemnation, or complaining — whether it's justified or not. You can counter it with an equally biting remark, which probably won't improve either your relationship with the person or the problem at hand, or you can pause before responding to consider how you can prove the person wrong through a positive action.

Reality Check
  • In the past six months, has your boyfriend, one or more of your friends, family members, or teammates stopped speaking to you, even temporarily, due to something you said?
  • Have you ever embarrassed someone at school or in another social setting?
  • Would you describe most of your friends, family members, teammates, or your boyfriend as overly sensitive?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above, you may be pushing people away with the three Cs. On a piece of paper, jot down one or two specific comments you made recently that seemed to alienate, anger, or offend someone. What was your motivation? How did the situation make you feel? How would the situation have changed if you thought about the other person's perspective first?

Next, think of a time in the last six months when someone in your life has unfairly criticized, condemned, or complained about you. What did they say? How did you react? Did you snap back, or use their negative energy for rocket fuel? Write down your answers along with an alternative way you could have handled the situation.

In the Know

Dale Carnegie was passionate about making sure people try their best not to criticize, condemn, or complain. In fact, he claimed the most important thing you could take away from a book like this is "an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view and see things from their angle." If we are truly empathetic toward other people, we'll stop rushing to judgment about them and offering empty criticism. And by using the three Cs in life, we can become more likable, better friends, and more likely to get what we want from others.

Copyright © 2005 by Donna Dale Carnegie

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Table of Contents

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1: Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain

Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People

Chapter 3: Persuasion 101

Chapter 4: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Making Friends

Chapter 5: Listen Up

Chapter 6: You Can't Win an Argument

Chapter 7: Admit Your Mistakes

Chapter 8: Putting It All Together: How to Be a Leader and Get the Best from Yourself and Others

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First Chapter

Chapter One

If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.

-- Dale Carnegie

Imagine waking up one morning only to discover that every move you made -- from the clothes you picked out to the way you greeted your parents and friends to the questions you answered in class -- was recorded on a giant scoreboard for everyone to see. Although you realize that your score is changing how people see you (just like theirs is changing how you see them), you can't quite figure out which choices are increasing your tally and which aren't. In fact, you're beginning to wonder if your place in the world is decided totally at random. It sounds like some kind of nightmare, right? Unfortunately, it's not. Every day, girls find themselves navigating just such a world: school. There are few times in life that we find ourselves more aware of divisions like being in or out, us or them, cool or hopelessly uncool -- and so constantly reminded of where we fall on the continuum.

A recent study looked at students in grades six through ten. Among researchers' findings was that nearly 30 percent of students surveyed had experienced bullying, either as a victim, a perpetrator, or both. As alarmed as I was to hear this statistic, none of the girls we interviewed for this book even appeared surprised -- except to say they would have thought the number was higher. Many of them shared their own experiences, including Julie, age 14:

There was a girl in my class named Marie that everyone makes fun of. She's a total perfectionist and always uses the full hour to take a test that the rest of the class finishes in ten minutes.She's obsessed with ballet and all she ever wanted to talk about was her dance classes. Also, it was kind of the way she looked. I tried to be nice to her, but I also participated in teasing her. She laughed at herself and didn't let people know that she was hurt by what they said about her, but her mom told my mom that she cried every day after school. When my mom confronted me about it, I felt terrible. I told her that I tried sticking up for her, but it was hard. You want people to like you and I didn't want to become a target by sticking up for her. I know how horrible that is. I've been teased before, too....

From Julie's story, we see that she falls into the "both" category, experiencing teasing both as a participant and a victim. It seems unbelievable that someone who knows how horrible it feels to be singled out and ridiculed could ever take part in doing it to someone else. But if we look closely at Julie's words, we can see that she isn't really putting herself in Marie's shoes, regardless of her past experience. If Julie were truly empathizing with Marie, she wouldn't be able not to stick up for her. Rather, Julie is responding to her mom's criticism. Dale Carnegie once said, "Criticism is futile. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself." Or, in this case, herself.

Actually, he felt so strongly about criticism that he always taught the following principle first: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. It may seem obvious why we shouldn't follow this path when we look at Julie's example. She is indulging in all three big Cs: criticizing Marie, condemning her for her looks and personality, and complaining that she herself can't do anything to help. As tempting as it may be to think that we would never act in such a way, this kind of thinking is, in itself, a form of criticism. We're not here to judge Julie. Dale Carnegie believed the following: "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." We can, however, learn from her. We all know how rotten it feels to be on the receiving end of an unkind word, but Julie's example also shows us how ugly it can be to know you've hurt someone else. No one wants to see themselves as a cruel bully -- or someone too cowardly to go against the crowd. You don't have to make the same mistake yourself; by finding ways to be less critical of others as well as learning how to use negative energy to your advantage, anyone can learn how to deal with tough situations.

Giving Up Judgment
In high school it's an everyday occurrence to be present when someone is being made fun of or gossiped about and there's probably not a single person who isn't guilty of it themselves.

-- Lily, R.I.

It's one thing to know we should be empathetic, but it's another to actually be empathetic. We're not talking about anything revolutionary here: people have been telling you all your life to "do unto others as you would have done to you," right? So why is it so hard for us to stop and put ourselves in another person's shoes? Maybe it's because the stereotypes we carry around in our heads are a sort of security blanket when we get right down to it. It's a lot easier to make sweeping assumptions about how jocks are dumb, cheerleaders are shallow, and members of the chess club are dorks than to consider each person as an individual -- an individual who would no more want to be regarded (or disregarded) as a two-dimensional stereotype than we would. The truth is that the bullying we see everywhere at school and even in the workplace would end tomorrow if everyone from age eight to 108 tried always and honestly to see things from another person's perspective.

This is not to say that you should give up all the opinions, ideas, and perspectives that make you wonderfully, uniquely you. There's a big difference between judgments or stereotypes and constructive criticism that comes from a place of genuine goodwill toward another person. Sound confusing? Look at it this way: even if some truth exists in your complaints about people, snapping at them over their faults -- or worse, humiliating them -- won't get you very far when it comes to changing their behavior. Dale Carnegie took the example of the world-famous psychologist B. F. Skinner: "He proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior....Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment." Sound crazy? Before you answer, take this quick quiz to see if you know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.

Your best friend shows up at school with a nightmare haircut. You:

a) Head to the bathroom with her to see if parting her new 'do differently would make it a little more flattering.

b) Remind her it will grow out...eventually.

c) Wait until you're in the crowded cafeteria to tell her she should speed to the mall after school. You hear there's a big hat sale going on.

You love daisies, but your boyfriend shows up with a bouquet of roses on your anniversary. You:

a) Gush over the flowers and tell him they're beautiful -- you can remind him how much you like daisies some other time.

b) Thank him and tell him that next to daisies, roses are your favorite.

c) Tell him that if he ever listened to a word you said, he'd know you adore daisies and think roses are totally cliché.

Your tone-deaf sister plans to audition for the high school musical. You:

a) Invite your musically gifted friend over to give her some quick voice coaching.

b) Suggest she wait and audition for next semester's (nonmusical) play.

c) Ask her when Les Misérables became a comedy.

Your mom overcooks the roast again. You:

a) Eat it anyway. It won't kill you.

b) Push it around on your plate to make it look like you've eaten some and sneak a bowl of cereal later.

c) Ask her if she wants you to chip a tooth by continuing to try to eat this.

There are two truths about criticism: everyone's a critic (at least occasionally) and no one likes a critic (even occasionally). Sometimes what we offer as a helpful observation will come across as a judgment. And, if we don't choose our words carefully, what we intend as a constructive criticism can have the impact of a wrecking ball. But unless you've got a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease, such misfires should be genuine miscommunications and shouldn't happen very often. So, if people routinely flinch before you speak -- and you answered "b" or "c" to any of the above -- it may be time to muzzle your inner pit bull.

A good rule of thumb is before you say something harsh, consider how you would feel if someone said the same thing to you. Sure, we all get angry. People do and say insensitive things all the time. But look what happens when we dish out negativity.

One time a girl in my high school criticized me on what I was wearing. She said that I looked ugly in it. I reacted by telling her to shut up and go away. I felt horrible, ugly, hurt, and angry all at once. I tried to hold in all my emotions, and all the hurt turned to hate. I hated her.

-- Beth, 17, Pa.

Ack! We definitely don't want to end up on either side of this scenario. That's not to say you can never suggest how others might do things better. It's just that when you do so, you should find a way to ensure your words are received in the generous spirit you intended for them. Before you open your mouth, make sure your intentions really are generous. Ask yourself:

  • Is the thing I'm about to criticize something that the person can or would want to change? (Hint: This pretty much rules out comments on the way a person looks, talks, walks, laughs, or dresses. Before you cross into that territory, check your motive. Why are you saying this? Your words will likely have zero
  • benefit to either you or your target, will be needlessly hurtful, and may cost you a friend or earn you a lasting enemy.)
  • Am I about to call attention to something that is
  • possible or easy to correct?
  • Could my words possibly deter this person from risky or negative behavior?
  • Do I have this person's best interests at heart?

If the answer to any of the above is no, then you can be sure the best course of action is to keep your comments to yourself -- at least until you can offer them in a more productive way.

Use Negative Energy as Rocket Fuel

It may be hardest to resist the three Cs when you're faced with others' negativity. In your life, you will be criticized. People will unfairly condemn you for things you may or may not have thought, said, or done. They'll complain about you and to you. I guarantee it. As you go through life, you'll encounter people who seem bent on dragging you down. You can't control what others say and do, but you can decide how you will respond. You can decide whether you'll let others' hurtful words destroy your mood and torpedo your self-confidence, causing you to take your pain and anger out not just on your critic but on everyone around you. Or you can shake off unfair criticism, put your best foot forward, and prove your critics wrong.

Atoosa Rubenstein, now the editor in chief of Seventeen, was only twenty-six when she was appointed to her first editor in chief position at CosmoGirl. At the time, Atoosa faced a certain amount of jealousy, especially from older staff members. To help Atoosa deal with this response, the editor of Cosmopolitan suggested she'd gain some favor by reaching out. Rubenstein says: "I sent an e-mail to two people (one of whom is now the editor in chief of another magazine) saying, 'You have such great experience, I respect you so much. I would love to hear if you have any recommendations for who would be good to work on my team.' Well, one of the women meant to reply to the other, but instead she replied to me and wrote something like, 'Oh, look, the little fashion girl needs a grammarian.'

"Now, the truth is I really see the good in people, so I read it but it took me a minute to see what she meant. Once I did I was really hurt. A minute later she came barreling down the hall and said, 'I sent you an e-mail by accident. You don't have to read it. Just delete it.' She was too late, of course, but I didn't say a word about it then and I haven't said anything about it since -- not out of fear, but because I genuinely believe in always putting out a good vibe. I took that negativity she threw in my direction and used it as rocket fuel."

That rocket fuel, says Rubenstein, helped her blast CosmoGIRL into orbit and make it one of the most popular teen magazines on the market. The more people criticized her or questioned her abilities, she explained, the more determined she was to prove her critics wrong by making her magazine even better.

You have the same options when you're faced with criticism, condemnation, or complaining -- whether it's justified or not. You can counter it with an equally biting remark, which probably won't improve either your relationship with the person or the problem at hand, or you can pause before responding to consider how you can prove the person wrong through a positive action.

Reality Check
  • In the past six months, has your boyfriend, one or more of your friends, family members, or teammates stopped speaking to you, even temporarily, due to something you said?
  • Have you ever embarrassed someone at school or in another social setting?
  • Would you describe most of your friends, family members, teammates, or your boyfriend as overly sensitive?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above, you may be pushing people away with the three Cs. On a piece of paper, jot down one or two specific comments you made recently that seemed to alienate, anger, or offend someone. What was your motivation? How did the situation make you feel? How would the situation have changed if you thought about the other person's perspective first?

Next, think of a time in the last six months when someone in your life has unfairly criticized, condemned, or complained about you. What did they say? How did you react? Did you snap back, or use their negative energy for rocket fuel? Write down your answers along with an alternative way you could have handled the situation.c

In the Know

Dale Carnegie was passionate about making sure people try their best not to criticize, condemn, or complain. In fact, he claimed the most important thing you could take away from a book like this is "an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view and see things from their angle." If we are truly empathetic toward other people, we'll stop rushing to judgment about them and offering empty criticism. And by using the three Cs in life, we can become more likable, better friends, and more likely to get what we want from others.

Copyright © 2005 by Donna Dale Carnegie

Read More Show Less

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 35 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 6, 2007

    Must-have for all Teen Girls and people in general!!

    This is a wonderful, eye-opening book. It gives you helpful hints and smart, engaging points for friends and socializing. It includes good first-hand examples, and you can relate the points to your own personal life. Although pricey, it's a great guide to leading your life while being able to know empathy w/ people always!

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 26, 2006

    Great!

    Since nobody has written a review yet, I suppose I should. This book was very good and insightful, and gave excellent advice on ways to deal with people. It allows the reader to understand how to get what she wants from friendships and also to deal with people that she really doesn't like. It shows the reader how to treat people to get respect back for yourself. I highly recommend this book to all teen girls! :)

    6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 4, 2006

    hmmm...i guess

    i thought that this book was an interesting way to help teen girls with their problems, however, i think that the author did a sucky job, with well, actually everything. i didnt really enjoy it but maybe, if you have just had a cuncusssion, you will.

    4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 29, 2007

    A reviewer

    this book does a really good job on influencing you to buy to book. When really who has time to apply the new attituedes to life or get a piece of paper out every 5 sec.! Don't buy this book it you really want to read it then go to your public library and rent it. It didn't work for me but maybe it can work for you

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 27, 2012

    Good

    Good book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 15, 2012

    To the people who dont like it

    Maybe this didnt work for you but this book really worked for me and if you didnt like it then maybe you really didnt give it a good enough chance. I honestly wont complain about having to take out a piece o paper every five seconds. I just carry anote bok adpencil around. Stop camplaining about small things an figure out an easy way to take this books advice. It COMPLETELY changed my life and so now i thank the author every body who had input on it and the people whom liked this book. If you didnt like it... i guess too bad for you. You missed out on something that couldve chsnged your life. If you havent read this book... then keep your eyes and heart open. Only take good advice and that was good advice. LOL. Buy this book. If youre soeone like me who has trouble finding the right friends or always gets caught around the wrong people at the wrong time... then you HAVE TO get this bok. Again... it is VERY life changing. I actually feel good about myself too now that i have tjis book. Ttyl. Trumpet babe is out.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 29, 2011

    faboooo

    Great

    1 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 27, 2013

    To gamergal111

    If you feel that he is the one then you should say yes. I hope that you guys have a happy life if you do get married. ~Liam's Girl

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 23, 2013

    To danyella

    Hey ill be your friend btw im a girl i totally understand your problem with family so write me back oh btw my name is abby

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 22, 2013

    Help please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I need serious help. My bf knows im 18,a legal adult and next year im 19,so on my b-day he is taking me out to dinner (sweet i know.) My bff (being a blabber mouth she is ) told me he going wo ask me to marry him!!! I know he is the one but should i say yes or no? Awnser to gamergal111 later!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 4, 2013

    Omg help

    I have a huugee problem with friends. Help please im begging you. I cant buy the book too expencive and well i dont have many friends at all. The real friends i do have i rarely talk to and they live hours from me. I also have a whole family who dont understand me. I wish i could have friends. From: Danyella.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 1, 2013

    Fabuless

    If there is a boy that I like and he found out today should I talk to him or should I let me and him keep flerting with each other.p.s the other messege typed I did not mean to

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 8, 2013

    Fav color

    Blue all the way!!!!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 22, 2013

    Fav color

    Blue

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 14, 2013

    To love

    Tell your friends the truth if they dont belive you then they are not your best friends

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 20, 2013

    Love

    The problem @ school is that Faith heard someone say that i called faith a big fat loser and faith wanted to see of that was true and told lexus to ask me if hat was true so i told lexus that was not true. Then someone said that i treat my sisrters like crap and i said that i would never ever treat my sisters like that and that evwn though i am mean to u guy that only means that iam mad @ you guys and you lnow i would never treat you and hailey like crap. Then when you went to tell Jess and then me faith and lexus talked about it. Turns out that was just a little gossip talk then turned into a big gossip that i said all that. And you know that i would never say anyhing about our friend faith and yu knowthat i would never ever treat you haoley and sophia like crap.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 12, 2013

    To memory you wana be friends

    My fav color us green to

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 21, 2013

    OhEmGee!

    People give me your Nook names. Idk mine so yeah.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 9, 2013

    To need advice aske me!

    I ave this book 3 stars cuz i havent read it. But i wuz going to ask u cuz i have a question wht is ur favorite color?

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 10, 2013

    To below

    Hey its memory. My favorite color is green. Whats yours?

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 35 Customer Reviews

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