I Am America (And So Can You!)
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I Am America (And So Can You!)

4.3 207
by Stephen Colbert
     
 

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I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!) is Stephen Colbert's attempt to wedge his brain between hardback covers. In plain conversational language, not to mention the occasional grunt and/or whistle, Stephen explains his take on the most pressing concerns of our culture: Faith, Family, Politics...Hygiene.

Overview

I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!) is Stephen Colbert's attempt to wedge his brain between hardback covers. In plain conversational language, not to mention the occasional grunt and/or whistle, Stephen explains his take on the most pressing concerns of our culture: Faith, Family, Politics...Hygiene.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

As this audiobook opens with patriotic drums rolling, Colbert launches into his introduction, his delivery reminiscent of a sergeant firing up the troops before battle. America is under siege, he declares. And the enemy? The liberal media, Hollywood, heirloom tomatoes and, yes, even baby carrots, which he says "are trying to turn me gay." That's the Truth as Colbert sees it, and this audio, as well-produced as an episode of The Colbert Report, is the perfect vehicle for his off-the-cuff (and off-the-wall) humor. A mariachi band plays as Colbert advocates building a 2,000-mile-long wall between the U.S. and Mexico, and spooky music underscores his future opinions ("Just because something is unknowable doesn't mean I don't have some strong opinions about it"). Periodically, other readers chime in for the "Stephen Speaks for Me" segments, expertly embodying such characters as God, an old spinster and an overzealous football fan. Those who can't get enough of the Reportwill savor this savvy satire, including the packaging-which bears a hilarious illustration of Colbert as the Hulk. Simultaneous release with the Grand Central hardcover (Reviews, Aug. 20). (Oct.)

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Kirkus Reviews
The fabulously fatuous father of "truthiness" and other neocon mantras expands his media icon with the obligatory book-and, read in the proper spirit, it's a lot of fun. So do we take Colbert, of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, seriously? Is he a persona or the real thing? Is he only in it for the money? No, that would be Ann Coulter, or maybe Friedrich Nietzsche, whose autobiography contained chapter titles such as "Why I Am Such a Genius" and "Why I Am Immortal." Colbert has a few more self-doubts than Nietzsche, if only for the sake of modesty. Would fellow blowhard Bill O'Reilly, for instance, ever confess to being frightened by baby carrots? Probably not, though, to judge by his books, O'Reilly would surely endorse Colbert's contention that such seemingly innocent but too-cute things are a gateway drug to gayness. Stranger theories have been proposed (where is Anita Bryant when you need her?), but no satisfactory argument has been mounted against it, and in all events the critics of Colbert are only those who do not "accept Jesus as my personal editor," namely "cable channels, the internet blogs, and the Hollywood celebritocracy, out there spewing ‘facts' like so many locusts descending on America's crop of ripe, tender values." Like John Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise, Colbert's litmus test of a book seems meant to be taken seriously only by those who get the joke, in which case the thing is very funny indeed. If, however, it is taken seriously to the point that the reader really starts believing that baby carrots are homoerotogenic, or that Koreans are evil, or that George Bush knows what he's doing, then it's time to take the book gently from that reader and commit saidperson to a nice quiet spell in the home for the bewildered. The answer, therefore, is yes, take Colbert seriously. Like a heart attack. Or like Lenny Bruce.
Audio File
I Am America (And So Can You!) is available both as a book and as a recording read by the author -- each serving as yin to the other's yang. Why try to imagine Colbert speaking the words on the page when, for a few dollars more, you can actually experience it?
Print This
Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You), narrated by Colbert with Paul Dinello, Kevin Dorff, Greg Hollimon, Evie McGee, David Pasquesi, Allison Silverman, Brian Stack and Jon Stewart and published by Hachette Audio.
From the Publisher
Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You), narrated by Colbert with Paul Dinello, Kevin Dorff, Greg Hollimon, Evie McGee, David Pasquesi, Allison Silverman, Brian Stack and Jon Stewart and published by Hachette Audio.—Print This

I Am America (And So Can You!) is available both as a book and as a recording read by the author — each serving as yin to the other's yang. Why try to imagine Colbert speaking the words on the page when, for a few dollars more, you can actually experience it?—Audio File

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780446582186
Publisher:
Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:
10/20/2009
Edition description:
Reprint
Pages:
223
Sales rank:
155,624
Product dimensions:
7.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

I Am America (And So Can You!)


By Stephen Colbert

Grand Central Publishing

Copyright © 2007 Spartina Productions, Inc.
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-446-58050-2


Introduction

I AM NO FAN OF BOOKS. AND CHANCES ARE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU AND I SHARE A HEALTHY SKEPTICISM ABOUT THE PRINTED WORD. WELL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK I'VE EVER WRITTEN, AND I HOPE IT'S THE FIRST BOOK YOU'VE EVER READ. DON'T MAKE A HABIT OF IT.

How many American Flags can you find in this paragraph?

Now, you might ask yourself, if by yourself you mean me, "Stephen, if you don't like books, why did you write one?" You just asked yourself a trick question. I didn't write it. I dictated it. I shouted it into a tape recorder over the Columbus Day weekend, then handed it to my agent and said, "Sell this." He's the one who turned it into a book. It's his funeral.

But I get your "drift." Why even dictate?

Well, like a lot of other dictators, there is one man's opinion I value above all others. Mine. And folks, I have a lot of opinions. I'm like Lucy trying to keep up with the candy at the chocolate factory. I can barely put them in my mouth fast enough.

In fact, I have so many opinions, I have overwhelmed my ability to document myself. I thought my nightly broadcast, The Colbert Report (check your local listings), would pick up some of the slack. But here's the dirty little secret. When the cameras go off, I'm still talking. And right now all that opinion is going to waste, like seed on barren ground. Well no more. It's time to impregnate this country with my mind.

Sorry margin-huggers, but I've got some opinions over here, too. Deal with it.

See, at one time America was pure. Men were men, women were women, and gays were "confirmed bachelors." But somewhere around the late 60's, it became "groovy" to "let it all hang out" while you "kept on truckin'" stopping only to "give a hoot." And today, Lady Liberty is under attack from the cable channels, the internet blogs, and the Hollywood celebritocracy, out there spewing "facts" like so many locusts descending on America's crop of ripe, tender values. And as any farmer or biblical scholar will tell you, locusts are damn hard to get rid of.

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I said on the very first episode of The Colbert Report that, together, I was going to change the world, and I've kept up my end of the bargain. But it's not changing fast enough. Last time I checked my supermarket still sold yogurt. From France! See a pattern? Turns out, it takes more than thirty minutes a night to fix everything that's destroying America, and that's where this book comes in. It's not just some collection of reasoned arguments supported by facts. That's the coward's way out.

Half an hour not enough

This book is Truth. My Truth.

I deliver my Truth hot and hard. Fast and Furious. So either accept it without hesitation or get out of the way, because somebody might get hurt, and it's not going to be me.

It's going to be you

Think you can handle it?

I'm scared of Koreans.

Bam! That's me off the cuff. Blunt and in your face. No editing. I think it. I say it. You read it. Sometimes I don't even think it, I just say it.

Baby carrots are trying to turn me gay.

Don't put this book down

See? I'm not pulling any punches. I'm telling it like it is. Get used to it or put this book down. Because this book is for America's Heroes. And who are the Heroes? The people who bought this book. That bears repeating. People who borrow this book are not Heroes. They are no better then welfare queens mooching off the system like card-carrying library card-carriers. For the record, we're not offering this book to libraries. No free rides.

Rides cost money

Okay, now it's my turn to ask a question: What do I want from you? Good question.

Thank you

Just because I haven't put a lot of thought into this book doesn't mean you shouldn't. I want you to read this book carefully. Savor my ideas. Memorize pertinent passages. Eat with it, sleep with it, let nature take its course.

Because what I have dictated is nothing less than a Constitution for the Colbert Nation. And, like our Founding Fathers, I hold my Truths to be self-evident, which is why I did absolutely no research.

I didn't need to. The only research I needed was a long hard look in the mirror. For this book is My Story and, as such, it is the American Story.

Minus the Fruited Plains. (See Chapter 7-Homosexuals)

I am reminded of the words of Walt Whitman, the nineteenth-century poet, naturalist, and all around man's man, who, through his epic lyricism, defined the character of this new nation. He said,

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume, you shall assume."

That "I" he was talking about? It's me.

Bottom line: Read this book. Be me.

I Am America (And So Can You!)

by Stephen Colbert

(Continues...)



Excerpted from I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert Copyright © 2007 by Spartina Productions, Inc.. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Stephen Colbert was The Daily Show's longest-running and most diverse correspondent. His personality, insight and overall rightness could only lead to The Colbert Report, a half-hour nightly platform for him to give his take on the issues of the day, and, more importantly, to tell you why everyone else's take is just plain wrong. The show has been hugely successful.

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I Am America (And So Can You!) 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 204 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Ok so I don't get it is he a liberal who pokes fun at conservatives or is he a conservative who knows how to laugh at himself? I'm not sure what he is but the book is hilarious. The entire book is pure genious. I laughed and cried and oddly enough lost fifteen pounds because i didnt eat or drink anything until I finished the book. A must read for anyone who enjoys political humour.
Lincoln37 More than 1 year ago
For the last, I am gonna say 400 years; every good American man has lived by 2 bibles; the constitution and the Bible Bible. Now every good American man has a third bible to live by I Am America and So Can You. This book of literature is without a doubt the single most significant piece of writing done since whenever the constitution was written. This book is simply the best piece of modern satire that has ever been published. It is written with very much the same structure as The Colbert Report; which is to say a satire. In the book Colbert acts as a conservative in every negative aspect of a conservative. I realize this is a hard concept to understand but he provides his own perfect explanation right at the beginning of the book. "I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word" (Colbert VII) This sort of ironic anti intelligence satire is the corner stone of this entire book and it holds together very well. My complaints of this are extremely limited and in fact limited to only one complaint. To me the humor that Colbert is best at is political humor and that was certainly not the focus of this book. Instead of such a sweeping satire of every aspect of pop culture I would have preferred him to stay centered around politics. Instead he covered The Family, Old people, Animals, Religion, Sports, Sex, Homosexuality, Higher Education, The Media, Class war, Race, Immigration, And at last science. If I was his editor I would have cut higher education and animals out entirely and used the extra room to expand science and add a separate political section. While my review has been obviously quite positive it is clear not everyone will immediately think they will enjoy this book, well I am sorry to say it but everyone is wrong. Regardless of any political feelings you may have the sections old people, science, and 'the family' are nothing short of comedic gold. In attempt to prove the periodic table of elements is evil he takes all the element names and forms a message with them. "Satan here: Congratulations! You broke the code. Here are instructions. Scientists: Assault faith, drain values. Gays: keep up sex. Yours, Satan." (Colbert 203). That simple joke should be enough to convince any reader with a sense of humor that this book is for them. If you enjoyed this Book I would also suggest America by John Stewart. I am proud to say this fantastic piece of literature has earned my first ever 11 flags out of 10.
McSnibblez More than 1 year ago
The one flaw with this book may come from the fact that not everyone is familiar with The Colbert Report and the fact that it is satire.

That aside, I thought this book was clever, funny and an all-around good read. Great for anyone who sees comedy in conservatism.
Broseph More than 1 year ago
For faithful of the Colbert Nation this book may pack few surprises, but then again if you're truly of the Nation you need little incentive to buy merchandise bearing Stephen Colbert's visage. For the rest of us it's a delightful trip into the alarmingly absurd.

Mr. Colbert's character might not approve of the online discount, but a strong purchase nonetheless
Guest More than 1 year ago
haha. Colbert is a genius. This is a great read whether or not you love his show. The guy never breaks character. Vote Colbert for President. He is the only guy who actually speaks his mind through the power of 'truthiness.'
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is amazing in every way! If one truly understands his sarcasm they will see just how brilliant and logical of a man The Great Stephan Colbert is.
Kyu915 More than 1 year ago
Even though he doesn't trust them, Stephen Colbert has written a book. It's written in fairly short chapters that are both hilarious and entertainingly satirical. If you are a fan of the show, the best way to describe the book is a 226 page version of "The Word" segment from his program in text format. This is by no means a bad thing. In fact, the style lends itself to the fun of actually reading the book. This book is a must for a fan, and highly recommended for anyone else. Make sure they are aware of Stephen Colbert and understand satire though or there might some misunderstandings to be had.
Michelle-Jasey More than 1 year ago
I laughed throughout this book! I usually can't stand anything too political so I don't buy these types of books. I do enjoy his show though so I thought I would give this book a try. I am so glad that I did! His sarcastic wit is seeping through the pages, so the book was never boring.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Stephen Colbert and his writers created a FANTASTIC book!
I couldn't put it down, OR stop laughing.
:)
EzraS More than 1 year ago
I Am America (And So Can You!) is a great piece of satire by Stephen Colbert.  It is written from the point of view of the fictional personality he plays on The Colbert Report: an ultra-conservative political commentator who wrote this book to tell us all what he thinks is wrong, and therefore America thinks is wrong.  When you read the book, you have to remember that Colbert is a liberal in real life, and he's poking fun at the far right. The book is very funny, especially Colbert's footnotes and thoughts in the margin.  A couple chapters are somewhat bland though. That said, the book is not all comedy.  Within the jokes is some actual commentary on American life, like how most Americans flip through the news.  Through satire, Colbert also comments on the ridiculousness of the far right. Overall, I Am America (And So Can You!) is a great, funny read that anyone can understand.
Andrew_of_Dunedin More than 1 year ago
Suffice to say, those who watch The Colbert Report have an idea of what to expect in this book – if you like the TV show, you'll like the book.  If you do not, you will not.  And if you're a neophyte … I'd take the gamble and try the book – it's an easy read. Fans may realize just how much the graphics that augment Colbert's television monologues help enhance his humor due to their absence in this boo.(which I listened to in Audio, narrated by the author with a little help from friends.   This certainly helped stay in the spirit of the TV show.)    Perhaps the one thing that was lacking – and had to be – was the timelieness of some of the “opinions” expressed.  Since the book can't be prepared and tweaked within 24 hours, the matters discussed had to be more long-term in nature. Rating: 4 stars.  Having seen some of his (in my opinion) best work on television, I know this was good but that he's got more in the tank.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I may be biased because I love Colbert but this was an amazing book. His humor is relentless and really nothing is safe from him.  Sometimes it can feel like a little much but he makes up for it in other sections. Then he adds these little games and little subsections in the are amazing. I would recommend this book to pretty much anybody.
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LaurieBeth More than 1 year ago
Stephen Colbert is so funny. If you like his type of humor, you will love this book.
GSchafer More than 1 year ago
Even though Colbert has a TV show, I like the fact that he is not afraid to take to writing. This book, in my opinion is just as funny as the content of his show. I also like the fact that he is not afraid to voice his own opinion anywhere, anytime, and on any subject he pleases.
HondaSolLuv More than 1 year ago
I like Stephen Colbert's tv show so I figured I might give his book a chance. I gave it three stars cause it was funny but I found myself going when is this chapter going to end? It is literally a collection of his scarcastic thoughts and opinions. While some are hilarious others were like really? They let you print that? It deals with sex, children, race and religion. Would I recommend it? Maybe. Will I read another one of his books? Probably not.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It's a funny book...for a while, but the shtick runs on too long. I actually got bored after a while. I'll watch him on TV but this is it for my reading pleasure.
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ltsherman More than 1 year ago
This book was AWESOME!!! I love how Colbert is more than funny! I bought this book in high school and I still like to read it over and over again in college. I hate books, but I love showing off this book to everyone since it makes me feel a little nerdy having a political man on the cover. Colbert teaches people (right or politically wrong) what is happening in the world in an entertaining way. I wonder how his parents raised him to be such an intellectual and funny man. Though I think some of his thinking is way too out there for me and wrong, I still have a lot of respect for what he's doing. He is speaking his mind trying to get his word around to the world. If you ever have free time, I would recommend everyone reading this book for pleasure. This man can keep you reading for years without you remembering to eat! =)