I Am Not My Breast Cancer: Women Talk Openly About Love and Sex, Hair Loss and Weight Gain, Mothers and Daughters, and Being a Woman with Breast Cancer
400
I Am Not My Breast Cancer: Women Talk Openly About Love and Sex, Hair Loss and Weight Gain, Mothers and Daughters, and Being a Woman with Breast Cancer
400Hardcover
-
PICK UP IN STORECheck Availability at Nearby Stores
Available within 2 business hours
Related collections and offers
Overview
I Am Not My Breast Cancer gathers the warm, loving, frank, and informed voices of more than 800 women—from every state in the nation and from continents as far away as Australia and Africa—who reveal their fears, trade advice, share experiences, and express their deepest, most intimate concerns. Nothing before this groundbreaking book has captured the real experience of breast cancer. It is essential reading for any woman with this diagnosis.
I Am Not My Breast Cancer offers women the companionship of other women dealing with this disease. Ruth Peltason, who has twice undergone treatment for breast cancer, has woven their stories together while maintaining the authenticity of their voices. These are ordinary women dealing with this cancer and its many ramifications. They range in age from their early twenties to their late seventies. They are the collective face of breast cancer today. Their comments are moving, sometimes funny, always honest. They speak out on every topic, from lovemaking and intimacy to losing their hair, from juggling the day-to-day realities of being a patient, mother, wife, and coworker to the overwhelming worries about their own mortality. Remarkably, they emerge with grace and optimism and a determination not to be defined by disease.
Taking the reader chronologically through the stages of diagnosis, treatment, recovery, and self-discovery, I Am Not My Breast Cancer offers women a deeper understanding of themselves and living with cancer. As Peltason writes in her introduction, "My greatest wish for this book is that it offer comfort to any woman living with breast cancer and to those who care about her. If this book is kept on the bedside table, then I hope its need is brief and its impact lasting. I Am Not My Breast Cancer speaks of courage, heroism in deeds small and large, and incredible faith and fortitude."
"You can live without a breast. You cannot say the same for the human heart."
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780061174100 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | HarperCollins |
| Publication date: | 01/29/2008 |
| Pages: | 400 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.28(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
I Am Not My Breast Cancer
Women Talk Openly About Love and Sex, Hair Loss and Weight Gain, Mothers and Daughters, and Being a Woman with Breast Cancer
Chapter One
Sharing the News
"How do you tell your family news you can barely comprehend yourself?"
lovinglife
There was nothing laudable about how I learned that I had breast cancer: the surgeon who performed the biopsy literally said, "I'm so surprised. You have a malignancy," as I was walking into his office and before I'd even closed the door. Welcome to my world. I had just turned thirty-five. (Ironically, I had been humming an old Streisand tune "Happy Days Are Here Again" on my way to the doctor's office—indeed!) In the couple of seconds it took this doctor to speak, my life was forever changed. That was also the last time I ever heard an ill-spoken word from a doctor and marked the first time I took my care into my own hands—I changed surgeons and have been happy ever since. But back to that day: after the appointment I went to my office and called one of my best friends. Without skipping a beat, she came immediately—we cried, and then I left the office without saying a word and took off the rest of the afternoon. I remember we went out for lunch.
To this day, however, I still can't recall the specifics of calling my parents in St. Louis to tell them I had breast cancer. For one thing, I remembered that my mother's brother died at the age of fifty-four from bone cancer and that my grandparents felt a lifelong sadness because of that. Was I going to die before my parents, too? Weren't children supposed to outlivetheir parents? My father's response was simple and direct: "Come home" and be treated there; I was already very uncomfortable having the discussion, but I stood my ground, saying that I felt the best doctors were in New York. What else? I'm sure they asked questions; I'm sure I tried to answer those I could.
Jump ahead twelve years. I had a recurrence and this time the stakes were higher. And by this time my father had passed away. Again, I called that same best friend. Maybe she called my mother; maybe I called my brothers. Maybe some variation on this occurred. It was not a happy time, and I was weirdly calm, in that calm-before-the-storm sort of way. As for my friends and colleagues: I think the news trickled out, on a need-to-know basis. Memory, as I have learned, can be an unreliable witness.
Sharing this kind of news is an active process fraught with emotion. As a sign of modern technology, often the most efficient (and least stressful) way to communicate is by e-mail, typically with the so-called calmest family member designated as "sender." Understandably, the following accounts detail highly charged experiences. And while the conditions are similar—the women have just learned they have breast cancer—their stories are unique.
Family
I just wished my mom wasn't by herself when she was told. She lost her husband of 48 years to cancer and then me getting it was like a nightmare. I can only imagine what she is feeling, but I know how horrible it would feel if one of my children were diagnosed with any kind of cancer. My youngest daughter came to see me later that evening and as soon as I saw her I started to cry and told her I have never even flown a kite so I was going to fight this with all I could. She assumed the role of mother and was there during my emotional outbursts and helped me to gain my composure.
lilybelle2
My mother-in-law cried every time I talked to her. That was very upsetting for me. I felt I had to comfort her instead of the other way around.
ritavv
I had to tell my parents over the phone as they were on vacation and that was so hard. It makes you cry twice, because you have to all cry again when you see each other.
Michele
My husband was a seven-hour drive away on maneuvers with his Air National Guard unit. I got him on his cell phone and told him that I might have cancer and to stand pat. I might need to have the Red Cross bring him home. (My wonderful husband was by my side a day later.) My parents were local. They were out of the house and on the way to the doctor's office within 5 minutes and we all waited for me to go in to have the ultrasound.
I so didn't want to scare them, but I was scared and needed my mommy and daddy there. When the results of the ultrasound showed positive for cancer, we had a group hug and they held me as I cried. Then I held my mom as she cried—her mom had died of breast cancer and she always taught me to be vigilant in preventive measures. My eyes met my dad's and I became resolute that I would beat this. He'd been through too many tragedies in his life—he lost his whole family in the gas chambers of Treblinka. I would not have him lose a child. That was simply not an option.
CarynRose
Since my sister had died from breast cancer in 1986 at age 43, my husband had been secretly waiting for "the other shoe to drop." My husband, who is very protective of me and has been my soul mate for the last 33 years, assumed the job of the "teller." He broke the news to our sons, which was so difficult for him. My close girlfriends, who are like family to me, took the news so very hard. They were with me through my sister's horrific illness and they saw what it did to me. They were not sure I was strong enough mentally to make it through the same horrendous treatment again. But, I guess I found out that I'm stronger than anybody thought I was. Now, 5½ years later, my doctors tell me that I am well and healthy. I am truly a lucky girl.
Swanky Sue
Women Talk Openly About Love and Sex, Hair Loss and Weight Gain, Mothers and Daughters, and Being a Woman with Breast Cancer. Copyright © by Ruth Peltason. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Table of Contents
Foreword Peter I. Pressman, M.D., F.A.S.C. xiIntroduction Ruth Peltason xiii
Diagnosis
Sharing the News 3
Crowning Glory: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow 28
Feelings: A Kitchen Sink of Emotion 44
Fear 80
Work 90
Living with Breast Cancer
Being Womanly 109
Love Relationships and Sexual Intimacy 147
Basic Relationships, A to Z 197
Mothers and Daughters 222
Children 237
The Big Picture
Anniversaries and Milestones 271
Mortality 280
When You Look in the Mirror, What Do You See? 302
Faith, Religion, and Spirituality 340
Gathering Rosebuds 351
Afterword Marc N. Weiss 365
List of Breast Cancer Organizations 371
Acknowledgments 373