I Am What I Ate...and I'm Frightened!!!: And Other Digressions from the Doctor of Comedyby Bill Cosby, George Booth (Illustrator)
The legendary Bill Cosby, Doctor of Comedy, is stepping up to the plate-literally-in this hilarious new book about his own lifelong cravings and snack attacks. What happens to a sixty-five-year-old comic legend when he spends six decades indulging his every urge to splurge at the banquet of life? Read this book and find out!
- HarperCollins Publishers
- Publication date:
- Edition description:
- First Edition
- Product dimensions:
- 5.28(w) x 7.46(h) x 0.84(d)
Read an Excerpt
I Am What I Ate...and I'm frightened!!!
And Other Digressions from the Doctor of Comedy
I Am What I Ate
All those years. The youthful heart. The carefree, reckless taste buds. You see, to saturate or unsaturate depends on one's taste. And my taste buds have gotten me into more trouble. And you don't want to think about what all those things are doing to your body. How many pieces of scrapple? How many hot dogs? How many pieces of bacon? All those hoagies. All those steak sandwiches. Ice cream. Man! I'm terrified. I'm in trouble. Because I suddenly realize that I am what I ate, and I'm frightened.
All that butter. And some of it was just casual. Casual. Just sitting there. The butter was there. And the bread was there. So why not? Bread. With butter. It was casual. No harm. But there is no such thing as casual because it's on the side of my neck now.
Those mornings in the south of France at the Hôtel du Cap. After walking six miles. And I would buzz the room service waiter and he would come to the room and say:
"Round up the usual suspects, sir?"
Meaning four croissants. (Made in France, I'm telling you, which is like having a biscuit in Atlanta.) And a large cup of espresso with steamed milk. Along with the usual suspects comes butter. We all know that in each croissant there's at least a quarter pound of butter. Nonetheless, I would take a patty and spread it on the croissant and then empty out two little things of blueberry jam and one thing of marmalade and mix them together and put it on top of the croissant. I would bite into it, sip on that coffee, and that mixture was fantastic.
But now the doctor is telling me I could have blockage in my carotid artery. The plaque. And it keeps on plaquing. And I thought to myself: Time is going by and this stuff is just plaquing up.
So the doctor sent me to a place where they put these things on my chest and I got on the treadmill and I started walking. And the treadmill increased every three minutes and after I reached 150 rpm of my heart per second, they yanked me off and they walked with me and I felt like somebody who'd been thrown out of a bar or something. Then they put me horizontal and they started to put instruments on the side of my neck, checking my carotid artery. And I heard these squishing sounds. When all the testing was over, I went back to the doctor and he looked at me and he said:
"You have a thirty percent blockage in your carotid artery."
That was not good news. And I was mad at myself. And so I said to myself: You started out with a clean carotid. Fantastic! Now look what you've done!
Believe it or not, even though my body was shaking and my brain was reeling, my mouth was watering. Which proves how stupid my taste buds really are. So I told my mouth: You will never have these things you like again. Water all you want, but you've had your day.
Blockage! Thirty percent blockage and more to come. Scrapple. One of the great tastes of all time. But if you want to squeeze it after you cook it, or just put it on a piece of paper, you'll be able to see your own carotid artery. I've seen a simple slice of scrapple cooked to a dark brown -- then placed on a piece of paper towel -- and the scrapple killed the paper towel. The grease clotted the paper towel. Turned it into a sheet of saturated carotid artery blocking glop.
I am what I ate, and it frightens me.
It's not a matter of one's left arm going numb, it's a matter of knowing deep down inside while we're running a machine on bad fuel that things eventually are going to happen to that machine. It's going to break down.
Thirty percent blockage! I can't afford to go with my taste buds anymore. I know it sounds pitiful. But when does one realize that the last dance was in fact the last dance and you don't have to dance anymore. That you have to tell the taste buds that was it. That the taste buds have to know, along with the memory, that if you want to live longer, just stop it. It's not as easy as one thinks. Because along with it comes the smell. So you begin to smell things, see them, your mouth waters. But you have to move on.
By the way, leave the people alone who are eating. There's no need for you to go from table to table and say: You know, you're blocking your carotid artery. There's no sense in getting angry when you see somebody older than you still eating it and they're okay. Their body is not the same as yours. And who knows? Maybe that person eating all those things might have the same percent blockage or worse. And they just said: "I don't care."
Please don't try to push them and hope they fall out of the chair so you can say: "That's the carotid."
Blockage! Oh, my goodness. Popcorn. With butter. Oh my goodness. Pancakes. With butter. And then the same meal would slide gracefully to eggs over easy between the pancakes. Bacon. And sausage. Forget the turkey bacon. Just get some good old-fashioned pork sausage. Espresso with steamed milk. Blueberry jam on the side to cover up the holes left by the syrup, places that the syrup missed. Never been big on milk shakes, but I have had my share. Pies and cakes. Lard ...I Am What I Ate...and I'm frightened!!!
And Other Digressions from the Doctor of Comedy. Copyright © by Bill Cosby. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Meet the Author
At 66 Years Old, Bill Cosby is Hotter than Ever
With his new book I Am What I Ate…and I’m Frightened, an animated series based on his best-selling book Fatherhood to launch in January on Nick at Nite, a movie based on his character Fat Albert about to go into production, his Little Bill animated series airing daily on Nickelodeon and Saturday mornings on CBS, and “The Cosby Show” in syndication, Bill Cosby continues to be as prolific and relevant as ever, reaching every generation and every audience since he began his career in stand-up four decades ago.
He is one of the most influential performers of the second half of the 20th century. He has had an unparalleled career in television; has sold more record albums than any other comedian; his blockbuster books have sold millions of copies; and his generous support of numerous charities, particularly in the field of education, have endowed many Americans with the gift of hope and learning.
Through his groundbreaking appearances on television, particularly in two landmark series each of which defined an American decade, Bill Cosby has touched the lives of millions of Americans. In the 1960s, "I Spy" broke the racial barrier in television by featuring Cosby as the first-ever black lead of a weekly dramatic series. In the 1980s, Cosby returned to television with a show that Coretta Scott King described as "the most positive portrayal of black family life that has ever been broadcast." "The Cosby Show" enjoyed years of number-one ratings and nearly unanimous critical praise.
Cosby's success on television has been matched in other areas. In 1986 he broke Radio City Music Hall’s 53-year-old attendance record for his concert appearance. Cosby's also a giant in the publishing world. Fatherhood (1986) became one of the fastest-selling hardcover book of all time, remaining for more than half of its fifty-four weeks on The New York Times Best Seller List as Number 1. It has sold 2.6 million hardcover copies and 1.5 million paperbacks. Time Flies had the largest single first printing in publishing history1.75 million. Now, I Am What I Ate…and I’m Frightened is poised for the bestseller list.
A crusader throughout his career for a better world, his great success in the world of entertainment is complemented by his involvement with a host of charity organizations, making substantial gifts in support of education, most notably to predominantly black colleges and to various social service and civil rights organizations.
On the evolution of his own style of comedy, Bill Cosby states that he was drawn at an early age to the masters of jazz, learning to emulate in comedy their ability to take an idea and continually find new and innovative ways of expressing the same theme. The legacy of Bill Cosby's comedic genius is as sweet, meaningful and universal as any piece of music ever played.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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A Brilliant Masterpiece on overeating by Bill Cosby! If you're a Cosby Show fan,you'll love Bill Cosby's brilliant and humorous observations and explanations of eating and high cholesterol only the way Heathcliff Huxtable can put it! A must read for any Bill Cosby nut!
I bought this book at a tag sale shortly after being told I needed a colonoscopy (which I did not want). I read it in the car while I waited for the 'car-poolers'(my kids and their friends). At first I had trouble following along, but then I 'heard his voice in my head' and did just fine. I could even imagine his expressions as I read. My kids would ask me if I was 'taking drugs' or something because I would be laughing all by myself in the car.
Lots of funny and fun to read observations about the practical aspects of dealing with aging bodies and what we must try do to be well and what we do do to be human instead.
First and foremost, this is not a self help book nor does it claim to be. It is just a funny, funny book. How wonderful to have someone like Bill Cosby to get older with...
I thought it was very good, I loved it, I think kids should read this book because Bill Cosby is very funny.
Bil Cosby Rocks! May he live forever
A warm and funny book by the ultimate father of parenting humor. His observations are poignant, entertaining and humorous. It's Bill Cosby at his best.
I thought it was going to be about eating healthy, but it went from eating to drinking to smoking. It started off good but it went downhill all he way to the end of the book.