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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

3.9 1177
by Tucker Max

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The Book That Inspired The Movie

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do


The Book That Inspired The Movie

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. —from the Introduction

Actual reader feedback:

"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."

"I'll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You're an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."

Now with 16 Pages of Photos and a New Introduction

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I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

By Tucker Max


ISBN: 0-8065-2728-5

Chapter One

The Foxfeld Weekend

Occurred-April 200 Written-April 2005

I have never attended the University of Virginia, but I still feel like I have a bond with the school. I applied and got in for college, and to my mild regret chose to attend the University of Chicago instead. I got in again for law school, and choose Duke because UVa didn't give me an academic scholarship (Duke did). I have four cousins that attended UVa and I've probably visited that school more than any other. But it was one incredible event in April of 2000 that really cemented my unofficial tie to that school: Foxfeld.

Foxfeld is the name for the spring horse races they have on some farm near UVa. Everyone loads up their car or truck or RV with food and booze, parks in this massive field and tailgates all day. Allegedly there are actual horses and they race each other around the track, but no one I know has ever seen them.

I was a 2L at Duke Law School that year. GoldenBoy and his girlfriend (who would later become his wife) both went to UVa for undergrad, and she was still at UVa when we were at law school. The Friday night before Foxfeld, GoldenBoy, Hate and I were out drinking in Durham. This is the rest of the story:

11:00pm: We are eating Mexican food and drinking beer. GoldenBoy regales us with wistful tales of Foxfeld. He describes a weekend of virtually unlimited alcohol, raucous drinking,food spreads to rival great medieval halls, and girls in sun dresses with negotiable morals.

11:15: Hate and I ask him why we aren't going. He doesn't have a satisfactory answer. We demand to leave immediately. He balks. We call him out. Doubt his manhood. Inquire as to his sexual preference and conjecture that he is of bastard French origin.

11:16: GoldenBoy is on the phone with his girlfriend (GoldenWife), telling her that we are coming, and requesting that she go out and buy beer. GoldenBoy is easily manipulated.

12:00am: We are on the road to Charlottesville. I have a personal 12 pack to make the three hours go by faster.

1:12: My beer is spilling on GoldenBoy's car. I don't notice because I am passed out.

3:00: We arrive at GoldenWife's apartment. We ask her where the parties are. She doesn't know. This pleases GoldenBoy. He sees it as a sign she is true to him. Couples like that make me sick

8:00: Hate and I wake up from a comfortable night sleeping on the hardwood floor. We bang on the bedroom door until GoldenBoy wakes up. "TIME TO DRINK!" He looks at us like we are rabid wild animals trying to eat his children. He slams the door and goes back to sleep.

8:03: Hate and I crack our first beer.

8:05: Hate and I crack our second beer.

8:08: Hate and I crack our third beer. I tell Hate that I can out drink him. He laughs, "So it begins, Max."

8:30: After we shotgun our 3rd beer in a row, I can feel the beer sloshing around in my stomach. Drinking in the morning = bad decisions.

9:17: I am on my 8th beer of the morning, and am already starting to look for places I can vomit. Hate is not slowing down. I decide that Hate can indeed out drink me.

10:00: Hate doesn't care that I have stopped trying, and keeps furiously pouring alcohol down his throat. He is stomping around the apartment, calling everyone out. "COME ON MAX-WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU AT? YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH.... GoldenBoy, get your ass out here. Bloody Mary's, one-for-one, YOU AND ME. Max already tapped out. You can even get GoldenWife to help you. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH. MAX YOU PUSSY!"

11:00: We get in the car and pick up GoldenBoy's undergrad friends who are in town for Foxfeld. Hate has moved from Aggressive Drinking to Combative Drinking. He is attacking the beer. Hate sticks his entire upper body out the back window of the car screaming at every female he sees, "WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.... SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!"

11:15: GoldenBoy tells me that although there are lots of hot girls at Foxfeld, on one actually hooks up there. It's more of a social drinking event, he says. I ask him if he knows who he is talking to. He rolls his eyes and condescendingly wishes me luck, "OK, Tucker ... no one hooks up at Foxfeld, they hook-up afterwards." GoldenBoy has thrown down this gauntlet. I pick it up and bitch slap him with it, "Motherfucker! How dare you besmirch my whore-attraction abilities. I'm going to hook up with a girl right in front of you, and then make you smell my finger."

12:00pm: We arrive. The field stretches beyond sight, an endless expanse of bushy-haired frat boy fuckwits in striped shirts and red pants, their cold beer and underage women ripe for the plundering. This is almost unfair.

12:01: I see my first hot girl in a sun dress and nearly break my neck staring at her. This scene will replay itself approximately 1,200 times this day.

12:13: We arrive at GoldenBoy's friends tent. He starts to introduce us, but Hate pushes everyone out of the way and dives into the friend chicken. He looks up momentarily to greet them with a barely decipherable mumble about "less talking, more eating," before turning his full attention to the potato salad, pushing it into his mouth by the handful.

12:14: GoldenBoy tells me that he is a little surprised. He had been sure I would be the one who ruined the afternoon. I remind him that it's still early in the race.

12:38: One girl, trying to be nice to Hate, points to the cooler and offers him a drink. He examines the selections, "I will not drink light beer or diet soda as both have been found to cause cancer in lab rats and have not really helped fat Americans that much anyway. Do I see Hooch in that cooler? OHHHH LORD! MAX, COME LOOK AT THIS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" I decide that it's time for Hate to walk around Foxfeld with me.


Excerpted from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Meet the Author

Tucker Max received his B.A. from the University of Chicago, where he graduated in 1998. He attended Duke Law School on an academic scholarship, where he graduated with a J.D. in 2001 (despite the fact that he neglected to buy any of his textbooks for his final two years and spent part of one semester-while still enrolled in classes-living in Cancun). Tucker is purportedly the reason Duke dropped from 7 to 11 in the USN&WR rankings during his tenure. He currently lives in Los Angeles, and when he isn't drinking or fornicating.

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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1172 reviews.
Monique-S More than 1 year ago
A big WOW for shameless debauchery from a raging egomaniac. It's like bungee-jumping into the mosh pit at a fraternity grain party. I'm a girl who liked parts of the Tucker book, so this is sort of a mixed review. The first story I read was the Tucker tries b*tt sex one. I nearly peed myself it was so funny. For shock value and out of control laughs, you could stop after that story and be satisfied. (It turns out I should have stopped). The next story I read was pretty funny. The next brought a few chuckles, and by the fourth I was bored. Vomit and poopy pants is only outrageous once; not every story. It seems pretty obvious that he decided early on to "never let the truth get in the way of a good story". At that point I switched gears and realized the true entertainment value; laughing at Tucker's misplaced ego, lame debacles and feeble attempts at writing. And since they're all embellished versions of similar stories, you get to guess the timing and outcome of the events and feel proud of your highly tuned prophetic skills. This gem of a discovery had me howling big-time. Honestly, some of these stories my 17 yr. old brother would consider too pathetic to repeat. Tucker et al flake out, embarrass themselves, explode body fluids, and the outcome is lame. By contrast, Tucker brags like these are conquests from a billionaire gladiator. I've never known someone so egotistical they don't even realize it when they were made to look like a fool. I've met some successful adrenaline junkies in my short life whose stories ARE mind-blowing; I've been involved in some of their debacles and am astonished at what they get away with. Tucker's stories for the most part would make an embarrassing footnote of losers seen fumbling around in the background. Don't get me wrong; if you're a freshman and led a sheltered life...if you like comedy and can overcome the short-bus, Darwin candidate frat-i-tude, some of these stories will have you rolling. If you've matured beyond Spring Break and prefer well written tales, there's better options for drunken philandering memoirs. Hunter Thompson paved the way with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Also make sure you get Brett Tate's hilarious photo-documentary about insane wealthy gangsters living the dream; High Heels and Dirty Deals - Globetrotting Tales of Debauchery from a Binge-drinking Nymphomaniac.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Every young woman should read this book. Hopefully, it may push some college age girls into developing some self respect, if only out of anger. On another note, there are some very funny stories. Also funny: Max is in the dark about what his 'buddies' no doubt say about him. We all knew this guy in high school/college, and his 'friends' were never as loyal as he thought. Wake up Tucker.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Was attracted to this book because of the catchy title. What a disappointment. Maybe found 3 pages worth of laughs. Book ended up with the outgoing trash. I'm a male with a weird sense of humor (or so I've been told) but this was completely tasteless. This reader feels the book was a total waste of paper both literally and monetarily.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Ever been stuck on, for example, an airplane with some guy who won't shut up about all the women he's nailed and how cool and clever he is, how much he can drink, etc? Well that's what this book is like. Astounding lack of literary talent aside -- Mr. Max seems to know few adjectives other than 'cool' 'awesome' and 'hot' and bombards the reader with 'dude's -- any one who'd like to hear these same stories told with at least a little humility would be better attending any meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous or a Sex Addiction Support Group.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
First off - I didn't buy this book. Someone loaned it to me (which is a good thing because if I would have actually paid money for it - I would be fuming mad for buying a book filled with such trivial BS trying to disguise itself as entertainment). Seriously, all of the "Excellent" reviews must be written by the author himself or his friends (if he has any left). The author is laughing all the way to the bank because people have been duped into believing that this book is funny / entertaining. I'm a man and I found this book revolting (I lasted for about 20 pages and scanned the rest). The author comes across as a spoiled brat who gets whatever he wants. Note to Author: Calling attention to your depravity and calling yourself an ***hole with a wink and a nod does not make you an avant-garde or cutting edge author - it simply means that you are a douche.
Guest More than 1 year ago
After reading Tucker Max¿s background as a former Univeristy of Chicago student who had moved onto Duke Law School, I thought I had a general idea about what this book would comprise of. After reading only two lines, that idea was shattered. Tucker Max is a 33-year-old lawyer who hates law and loves having sex and getting drunk. In fact, I¿m pretty sure he likes doing both at the same time. Max told stories of crashing sorority parties, sleeping with woman all around Vegas, trying new, awkward sexual experiences with rich girls from South Florida, all the way to running away from a clan of hillbillies who were about to kill him and his friends in North Carolina. Before picking up this book I saw books as a boring, imageless way to hear a story. Tucker Max turned that around for me. For being the vile, offensive person that he is, Tucker¿s grammar and sentence structure painted a picture in my mind that I am still not quite sure I wanted to see. I laughed out loud so hard and so many times while reading that I¿m pretty sure I have some kind of minor lung and diaphragm damage. Although Max is not the kind of guy I want my sister to date, he does teach two very important lessons. The first lesson is to always live life to the fullest because you only live once. When you see the opportunity to have a fun time, even if it might land you waking up in bed with a fat chick, take it. The second lesson is also pretty simple if you love having sex, being a drunkard, and hate wearing a tie, do not become a lawyer. Tucker Max, I raise my glass to you. Thank you for the laughs, the abdominal pain, the new outlook on my life, and the guidance that as I grow up and learn wrong from right, that I never become anything remotely close to you. If I ever met Tucker Max in real life, he would definitely be invited him to my bachelor party and my wedding. But after that, I would never want to see him again because he would probably sleep with my wife, wake up in the morning and not remember a damn thing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Tucker Max and his legion of followers are a blight on the rest of humanity. This sad man spends his time fabricating stories and passing them off as truth in the hopes that someone might like him. The lowest form of humor meets the lowest form of man.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I lmao for each page! Bless the person who referred me to this book! You must be bitter and cynical and yet have an "open mind" to read about Tucker and his obnoxious life. Slingblade coming home from a book signing - was the best exercise ever - from laughing so hard. I can only recommend this to people who may understand and not reject me later.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was disappointing on virtually all levels. There were a few points that made me laugh out loud, but for the most part, it lacks ingenuity or originality between the stories. This book is only suitable for those currently in college, wish they were still in college, or those who act like they are still in college. Insight and thoughtfulness, not to mention a talent for writing, are nonexistent. I suggest that Mr. Max milk his fifteen minutes of fame for all that he can, as I cannot imagine this book doing anything except being a hindrance to any sort of future professional career.
Stacy Hockaday More than 1 year ago
how could you not like this book? im a girl and it had me ROLLIN........
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read a lot of books, but this was one of the worst. 336 pages of sexual conquests. How this guy makes a buck off the public is amazing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was hoping for a male Sex and the City (even though it would be a different city) and instead got chapter after chapter of sophomoric humor as the author detailed how drunk he got, how many women he slept with and how meaningless it all was. The only saving grace is that the author admits up front to all of this. Our book club was interested in a change from chick lit. The best I can say is we got it.
WhaneSheeler More than 1 year ago
Number of women slept with? Somewhere in the hundreds (he lost count once it the number hit the three digits). Follow Tucker Max in his biography entitled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, published by Citadel Press in New York City, NY in January 2009, as he depicts himself in a remarkably narcissistic manner while describing how he indulges himself in too much alcohol and recounts his tales of sexual encounters, no matter how despairingly it gets. Since its publishing date, it has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for three consecutive years with a wide range of reviews, from people who believe that Max is somewhere near god-like status, and others who believe that he should, well, definitely not still be living. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is a book that lacks any real basis for even having been made into a book and the level of self-absorption that the author exhibits is almost hard to believe. I will give this book one redeeming quality: Tucker Max is an astonishingly well rounded author who can easily put his thoughts into word. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell essentially depicts a couple of years in the life of Tucker Max as he tries to have as many sexual encounters as possible while also being overly drunk at the same time. Most of his stories do try to present something new to you, so you will at least not be reading the same thing over and over, if you can stomach to read through the entire book. From crashing a girl's car into a bakery while she waits for him upstairs to refusing to sleep with a girl who was recently diagnosed with cancer, Max's stories have variety in both the types of events they depict as well as the level of inhumanity they contain. While most readers may find his depiction of the women he encounters and his general womanizing the things that are most wrong with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, the most glaringly disappointing aspect of the book is the wit. The book reeks of the pleasure that Tucker Max gets from sleeping and occasionally humiliating women. While Max is a very decent writer, the level of intelligence, wit, and humor he thinks he possesses is a major turn off to his writing. Many writers are arrogant, but they usually try not to let it show through their writing. Max thinks so highly of himself that he cannot help but glorify himself throughout the book. Over all, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell barely deserves mentioning. The book lacks any real basis for even being a book, other than for one man to glorify himself as the ideal man in American culture. The writing is the only thing that makes this book worth glancing at, although it is a shame that Max couldn't have put his talents to a book of higher quality. There is nothing remarkable in these stories, and barely anything remarkable in the self-absorbed and narcissistic man known as Tucker Max. This book barely deserves 2 stars out of 5.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Simply put, Tucker Max is an a$$hole. His chauvinistic thinking and quick, sarcastic attitude keeps him in the beds of women, and the minds of men everywhere. If you're not looking for a good laugh consisting of lots of alcohol, possible felonies, and one night stands, you are reading the wrong book. Although a well educated Chicago graduate, Tucker spends most of his time drinking his way to belligerence, and doing all in his power to become the center of attention. Even though a few of Tucker's stories become slightly repetitive and at points, some-what repulsive, the majority of his tales are as unique and entertaining as the experiences themselves.
PiccoultFan More than 1 year ago
Despite the fact that I was so offended by EVERYTHING in this book, I could not stop laughing!!!!! I read it in two days on the beach and my friends were cracking up because I was laughing out loud. They were begging me to read them the stories. Each story centers around this guy's drunken escapades and sexual mishaps. You definately have to have a certain sense of humor to enjoy this...The man himself is correct when he refers to himself as a complete a**hole.. I wanted to slap him in the face on one page and the next I was howling in laughter and hating each of these dumb girls myself.....(who would sleep with this guy?????) but I loved the book! Can't wait to read the next one and see the movie that will be coming out soon!
Guest More than 1 year ago
this book was absolutely hilarious. from the beginning, i just wanted more and more and never wanted to put it down. this is one of the funniest books i have ever read. i'm pretty sure a book has never made me laugh so hard. if you don't already have it, go out and get a copy. asap.
lovebug101 More than 1 year ago
Highly recommend this book, this was my all time fav!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is with out a doubt the funniest book I have ever read! There were times I was rolling on the floor laughing and trying to catch my breath while tears ran down my face. My stomach muscles are still sore from laughing so much. Some females will very offended by this book, I was not. I found it very refreshing to see what guys really think. If you are one of those females easily offended, all I can say is get over yourself, get off your high horse, and just see the humor in the stories. Tucker Max, you are an evil genius!! And I intend to stay as far away from you as possible! Keep up the good work.
Likes-Decent-Lit More than 1 year ago
I selected this book (and wasted $10) because it was included on B&N's list of NYT best sellers as a good, humorous read. Terrible mistake, unless you're 17 years old (chronologically or intellectually), have no taste for intelligent comedy or literature, and are prepared for little more than the ramblings of a self-absorbed rich kid lawyer. Just like so much associated with his profession, I'm sure the author has achieved his metric of success with this trash...money. Sadly, he got some of mine too. Caveat emptor, as they say...my bad, save yourself the same mistake.
Invidious More than 1 year ago
This book is sexist, funny, and racey. It encompasses the average American Male. Whereas it does not represent an accurate depiction of what men are doing in this age bracket, it, without a doubt, represents what most men wish they could have done. It may not be a morally sound book, but in this day and age the sound of morals are akin to pots clanging.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is highly entertaining and filled with unforgettable anecdotes that center around the college days of Tucker Max and his posse. This book, written by Tucker Max himself, includes countless memories of Max's ranging from bar fights with Guidos to all of the women he has been with. Max is a character that is not fit for everyone's book collection however. His often vulgar recreations of his past may put some readers on edge, but for those who are entertained by the thoughtlessness of a stereotypical college boy this book will have you in tears of laughter. Max does not hold back in this book, which adds to the excitement of his stories. This book is recommended to readers who are not offended by immature, cruel humor that is often at the expense of other people and is not recommended to readers who are looking for a light and friendly read. Max has no limits in this book and does not refrain from explaining anything that may seem too harsh for many readers.
BioBecky More than 1 year ago
The first few stories I was laughing hysterically. After awhile however I started to get really bored. Who celebrates drunkenness so much and actually thinks he's special because of it? Tucker Max began to seem like a young Sarah Palin...figure out on your own what I'm talking about. The book itself is written well, he definitely knows how to tell a story and you get a very good idea of who Tucker Max is....and maybe that's what the problem is.
FreakofSociety More than 1 year ago
This book logs the sexual exploits and conquests of the author. Some stories are quite vulgar, while other not so much. Either way, you are sure to get a laugh if you enjoy dirty humor and.or are a bad person.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I picked this book up because it was on the NY Times Best Seller List. I am not easily shocked, but I have never read a book where someone was so full of themself for little reason. How any "sane" woman would want anything to do with him is beyond me. Bottomline; I think that Tucker should be castrated and not allowed organ donations when his fail.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I did laugh at a few things in this book - but basically it's ridiculous and trashy