I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (movie tie-in): with 16 page photo insert

( 126 )

Overview

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.
--from the Introduction

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"I am ...

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I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

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Overview

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.
--from the Introduction

Actual reader feedback:

"I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you--for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say 'screw the system' and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, 'What Would Tucker Do?'--and I do it, and I am a better man for it."

"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."

"I'll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You're an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."

"You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780806532257
  • Publisher: Kensington
  • Publication date: 8/25/2009
  • Pages: 368
  • Sales rank: 39,926
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 1.10 (d)

Meet the Author

Tucker Max received his B.A. from the University of Chicago, where he graduated in 1998. He attended Duke Law School on an academic scholarship, where he graduated with a J.D. in 2001 (despite the fact that he neglected to buy any of his textbooks for his final two years and spent part of one semester-while still enrolled in classes-living in Cancun). Tucker is purportedly the reason Duke dropped from 7 to 11 in the USN&WR rankings during his tenure. He currently lives in Los Angeles, and when he isn't drinking or fornicating.
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Read an Excerpt

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell


By Tucker Max

Citadel

ISBN: 0-8065-2728-5


Chapter One

The Foxfeld Weekend

Occurred-April 200 Written-April 2005

I have never attended the University of Virginia, but I still feel like I have a bond with the school. I applied and got in for college, and to my mild regret chose to attend the University of Chicago instead. I got in again for law school, and choose Duke because UVa didn't give me an academic scholarship (Duke did). I have four cousins that attended UVa and I've probably visited that school more than any other. But it was one incredible event in April of 2000 that really cemented my unofficial tie to that school: Foxfeld.

Foxfeld is the name for the spring horse races they have on some farm near UVa. Everyone loads up their car or truck or RV with food and booze, parks in this massive field and tailgates all day. Allegedly there are actual horses and they race each other around the track, but no one I know has ever seen them.

I was a 2L at Duke Law School that year. GoldenBoy and his girlfriend (who would later become his wife) both went to UVa for undergrad, and she was still at UVa when we were at law school. The Friday night before Foxfeld, GoldenBoy, Hate and I were out drinking in Durham. This is the rest of the story:

11:00pm: We are eating Mexican food and drinking beer. GoldenBoy regales us with wistful tales of Foxfeld. He describes a weekend of virtually unlimited alcohol, raucous drinking,food spreads to rival great medieval halls, and girls in sun dresses with negotiable morals.

11:15: Hate and I ask him why we aren't going. He doesn't have a satisfactory answer. We demand to leave immediately. He balks. We call him out. Doubt his manhood. Inquire as to his sexual preference and conjecture that he is of bastard French origin.

11:16: GoldenBoy is on the phone with his girlfriend (GoldenWife), telling her that we are coming, and requesting that she go out and buy beer. GoldenBoy is easily manipulated.

12:00am: We are on the road to Charlottesville. I have a personal 12 pack to make the three hours go by faster.

1:12: My beer is spilling on GoldenBoy's car. I don't notice because I am passed out.

3:00: We arrive at GoldenWife's apartment. We ask her where the parties are. She doesn't know. This pleases GoldenBoy. He sees it as a sign she is true to him. Couples like that make me sick

8:00: Hate and I wake up from a comfortable night sleeping on the hardwood floor. We bang on the bedroom door until GoldenBoy wakes up. "TIME TO DRINK!" He looks at us like we are rabid wild animals trying to eat his children. He slams the door and goes back to sleep.

8:03: Hate and I crack our first beer.

8:05: Hate and I crack our second beer.

8:08: Hate and I crack our third beer. I tell Hate that I can out drink him. He laughs, "So it begins, Max."

8:30: After we shotgun our 3rd beer in a row, I can feel the beer sloshing around in my stomach. Drinking in the morning = bad decisions.

9:17: I am on my 8th beer of the morning, and am already starting to look for places I can vomit. Hate is not slowing down. I decide that Hate can indeed out drink me.

10:00: Hate doesn't care that I have stopped trying, and keeps furiously pouring alcohol down his throat. He is stomping around the apartment, calling everyone out. "COME ON MAX-WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU AT? YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH.... GoldenBoy, get your ass out here. Bloody Mary's, one-for-one, YOU AND ME. Max already tapped out. You can even get GoldenWife to help you. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH. MAX YOU PUSSY!"

11:00: We get in the car and pick up GoldenBoy's undergrad friends who are in town for Foxfeld. Hate has moved from Aggressive Drinking to Combative Drinking. He is attacking the beer. Hate sticks his entire upper body out the back window of the car screaming at every female he sees, "WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.... SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!"

11:15: GoldenBoy tells me that although there are lots of hot girls at Foxfeld, on one actually hooks up there. It's more of a social drinking event, he says. I ask him if he knows who he is talking to. He rolls his eyes and condescendingly wishes me luck, "OK, Tucker ... no one hooks up at Foxfeld, they hook-up afterwards." GoldenBoy has thrown down this gauntlet. I pick it up and bitch slap him with it, "Motherfucker! How dare you besmirch my whore-attraction abilities. I'm going to hook up with a girl right in front of you, and then make you smell my finger."

12:00pm: We arrive. The field stretches beyond sight, an endless expanse of bushy-haired frat boy fuckwits in striped shirts and red pants, their cold beer and underage women ripe for the plundering. This is almost unfair.

12:01: I see my first hot girl in a sun dress and nearly break my neck staring at her. This scene will replay itself approximately 1,200 times this day.

12:13: We arrive at GoldenBoy's friends tent. He starts to introduce us, but Hate pushes everyone out of the way and dives into the friend chicken. He looks up momentarily to greet them with a barely decipherable mumble about "less talking, more eating," before turning his full attention to the potato salad, pushing it into his mouth by the handful.

12:14: GoldenBoy tells me that he is a little surprised. He had been sure I would be the one who ruined the afternoon. I remind him that it's still early in the race.

12:38: One girl, trying to be nice to Hate, points to the cooler and offers him a drink. He examines the selections, "I will not drink light beer or diet soda as both have been found to cause cancer in lab rats and have not really helped fat Americans that much anyway. Do I see Hooch in that cooler? OHHHH LORD! MAX, COME LOOK AT THIS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" I decide that it's time for Hate to walk around Foxfeld with me.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.


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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 126 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(51)

4 Star

(32)

3 Star

(13)

2 Star

(15)

1 Star

(15)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 126 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 17, 2013

    The book of all books... Funny author, can get old fairly quickl

    The book of all books... Funny author, can get old fairly quickly. But still good stuff!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 11, 2010

    Not for me.

    I did not like this book at all. I had high expectations being that it was recommended by readers who liked Chelsea Handler and other great authors, but I was more than disappointed. Being a jerk is only funny for so long, like maybe for the first chapter - but after that, it gets repetitive and boring. Some of the stories I am not sure are completely true, being that they are really outrageous. Not a fan of this book - don't waste your money. Very disappointing, only a few laughs. Although I will say that it is pretty incredible that he is as successful as he is if these stories are true. A blessed kid with intelligence and no motivation.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 9, 2010

    Diary of a manwhore

    When I started reading this book didn't really know what I was getting myself into. I am the kind of person who likes a book with some kind of lesson I can learn from it and a story line with a climax. This book is a whole bunch of drunken stories from some random guys life that I really could have lived without reading. Yes, this book is somewhat funny in some parts and the things that happened to this guy are ridiculous, but sometimes I didn't believe everything in the book. In the book it states the month and year the story occurred and also when it was written. He sometimes has exact times that things happened when he wrote a story 5 years after it occurred. I also think that he makes up better things to say in situations to make himself look better. Reading this book from a girl's perspective was really interesting because I got to see what boys who just go from girl to girl really think. At the same time, I would of rather not read what is going through a mans mind while he is having sexual relations with some skanky girl. This man is a pig and all he cares about is women and getting drunk. I would not recommend another girl read this book, do not buy it because most likely both you and your husband will not want to read it after a while. The only people who I can see enjoying this book are either high school boys or guys in their 20's. I understand why this guy wrote this book because most of the stuff that has happened to him has been pretty funny, but in the end it's just like watching The Hangover because right after your done your like alright that was kinda funny,but gross. alright move on with your day. You learned nothing from that movie except for don't let some crazy guy come on your bachelor party and rufee all you. That is exactly like this book... I learned absolutely nothing and you can't even tell a story out of the book that is even remotely appropriate. What I got from the book was never trust a man whore.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 3, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Funny But Stupid

    This rather grotesque recounting of the author's debauchery and chauvinist lifestyle is funny at times but, in the end, it's a one-trick pony. How many times can the same poop/penis/beer/vomit joke be funny?

    This would probably make a good gift for the appropriate audience... namely people who like very low brow humor (and I think we all do... from time to time).

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 19, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Chauvenist pig for your entertainment

    Tucker's stories are really funny and entertaining, especially if you like drunken idiocy. He's the typical college guy stereotype. He gets really, really drunk (I didn't know humans could drink that much beer) and then somehow has sex with lots of girls and this is a collection of the stories that you can imagine come from this.

    As a girl, I thought this book was educational b/c it gives you an honest insight into the mind of a chauvenist pig. The most memorable messages for girls to take away are: guys will treat girls how girls will let guys treat them and the hottest girls always have body image issues. Also, the most important thing is Tucker shows you exactly what kind of guy to avoid by being the perfect example of it!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 5, 2009

    Hated it

    He is a total slime bag -- and not good looking enough to have done most of what he writes about.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 30, 2009

    I COULD NOT STOP READING!

    I would like to start by saying that I do not like reading at all. After reading this book, which was recommended by a friend, I decided to at least give it a shot. I was quickly captivated by the ridiculous and hilarious things that this man has done. I literally could not put it down, reading it every moment that I possibly could. It is definitely good for anyone who likes to laugh, great for light reading, and there is a lot for those studying psychology to learn from Tucker Max and his friends. This book could very well be repulsive to some, but I found it to be daring for him to put himself out into the world like this. At the cost of his ruthlessness and embarrassment, I found myself laughing to the point of crying. I definitely think anyone with a sense of humor should read this. This book converted me to a reader.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2014

    Funny

    Only if you're into a vile story

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 20, 2014

    I laughed so hard while reading this book on a plane I was convu

    I laughed so hard while reading this book on a plane I was convulsing with tears running down my face. People were actually asking if I was okay.. If you do not consider yourself a deviant, or have a extremely foul sense of humor don't waste your time with this book. If you do it will be some of the best reads EVER!! One of my all time favorites

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 23, 2014

    Hella hilarious

    Awesome book, laughed my ass off!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 19, 2014

    Yes

    You need this book

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 3, 2013

    Please don't waste your time. This book is awful. Only the compl

    Please don't waste your time. This book is awful. Only the completely ignorant would find this garbage humorous. A guy who boasts to live and breath by  the contents of this book gave it to my fiance. The guy is a drunk labeled "rapey" "creepy" and constantly calls females "Dudes." We recycled this book.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2013

    This book is nothing special when comparing to college kid's lif

    This book is nothing special when comparing to college kid's life from New York. I find it grotesque knowing he thinks its comical to treat women this poorly. I have to say the worst part was listening to his description of a friend trying to beat and kill his dog. There is or thing to degrade women but another thing to abuse and find it comical to eat animals. I still do not understand what they hype was all about. tucker max is the worst version possible of Chelsea Handler.   At least her stories are funny and gross; his are just the type of story I cannot wait to finish. 

    Bottom line do not buy this book. 

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  • Posted July 17, 2013

    The stories are funny, but it gets old. Come up with something n

    The stories are funny, but it gets old. Come up with something new!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 16, 2013

    Good book, but it can become a bit redundant. Nonetheless it has

    Good book, but it can become a bit redundant. Nonetheless it has become the bible to the fratire genre!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 8, 2013

    Tucker Max is the champion of bawdy.

    No reservation, Tucker Max knows how to party. Many who read his books will see an element of themselves, but few will rival Tucker. Fast, rebelliously & abrasive come to mind, Tucker took the phrase “Boogie till ya’ puke” to an excessive level. Defiantly not for the faint of heart or don’t have a coarse sense of humor. I can only imagine what the years of 1975 – 1980 would have been like should Tucker Max had been on the cast of Saturday Night Live.

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  • Posted June 14, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Not worth the $$. Don't get me wrong. This subject matter is u

    Not worth the $$. Don't get me wrong. This subject matter is up my alley. I dont mind shock value in stories or movies. And this book starts off good. Then it become cliche, the scenarios, the writing, all of it. This book reads like a 7th graders English class journal assignment. The pro is that it is a real easy read. The con is, that it is boring.

    The author spends most of his time trying to convince you that the stories are real. I highly doubt it. When you write things like "I can't make this up" and "My life is unreal" you are trying way to hard.

    Some of the stories are very similar to each other. He also rewrites parts of his the other shorts word for word. Overall this is a weak book. Weak writing, weak plots, weak trying to be non fiction.

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  • Posted May 15, 2012

    Poorly written. He is definitely no writer, but the stories are

    Poorly written. He is definitely no writer, but the stories are a guilty pleasure. They're funny, and they shouldn't be because he is mean mean mean, but sometimes you'll feel yourself simultaneously laugh and throw-up on the inside. Wondering what kind of trouble he is going to get into and cause is the only thing that would keep any reader readily available to turn the page. Hoping they serve beer in hell is a legitimate concern for this cretin.

    There is a lot to be said about endings. A good ending can save a bad book. A crappy ending can sour a fabulous book. In this case, a crappy ending obliterated a mediocre at best book. It was like one of those bad 5 paragraph essays that end in "In conclusion..." All in all, ok to read if there's nothing else. I found it entertaining because I love to hate jerks--and he is definitely a jerk.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2012

    I'm ashamed to be of the same species!

    Tucker Max is an awful human being. He brags shamelessly about bullying and degrading others that are any different from himself. Grow up.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 13, 2012

    kind of funny, not very well written

    Honestly I couldn't agree more with "Monique-S" The first couple of stories had me in tears, but after that it was really predictable. I found myself thinking phrases like "I'm sure" and "of course you did" it felt as if Tucker was that guy at the office trying to tell a story just so he sounds cool. He tries to put together a range of funny stories but fumbles all the peices and comes up short. Almost felt like he was trying to be so vile just to make up for bad writing/story telling. Don't get me wrong I love crude stories with shock value that have you rolling on the floor but it just started to feel fake and made up. Did like the first part, but was bored with the rest of the book

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