I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

( 72 )


Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions ...
See more details below
Paperback (Updated)
BN.com price
(Save 20%)$14.99 List Price

Pick Up In Store

Reserve and pick up in 60 minutes at your local store

Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (280) from $1.99   
  • New (16) from $6.30   
  • Used (264) from $1.99   
Sending request ...


Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.

Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?

Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better—a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781590521359
  • Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 4/1/2003
  • Edition description: Updated
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 75,687
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 8.25 (h) x 0.57 (d)

Meet the Author

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.
Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Smart Love

Beyond What Feels Good, Back
to What Is Good

It was finally here—Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.

    But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.

    Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.

    "I'm ... I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.

    "Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.

    "They're girls from my past," he answered sadly "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now ... but I've given part of my heart to each of them."

    "I thought your heart was mine," she said.

    "It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."

    A tear rolled down Anna's cheek.Then she woke up.


Anna told me about her dream in a letter. "When I awoke I felt so betrayed," she wrote. "But then I was struck with this sickening thought: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships? Will I have anything left to give my husband?"

    I often think of Anna's dream. The jarring image haunts me. There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line?

    "Hello, Joshua. Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today. I hope you're better at keeping promises now than you were when I knew you."

    "My, don't you look nice in that tuxedo. And what a beautiful bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?"

    There are relationships that I can only look back on with regret. I do my best to forget. I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays. I know God has forgiven me because I've asked Him to. I know the various girls have forgiven me because I've asked them to.

    But I still feel the ache of having given away my heart to too many girls in my past.

That's Just the Way It Is

Growing up, I considered dating an essential part of the complete teenage experience. If I wasn't dating a girl, I had a crush on one.

    This started in junior high when my peers and I treated dating as a game, a chance to play at love and experiment with relationships. Having a girlfriend meant little more than saying you were "going out." No big deal. My friends and I would go out with girls and break up with them at a frightening pace. The only worry was being dumped—you never wanted to get dumped, you wanted to do the dumping. One girl I knew had the fastest breakup routine ever: When she was ready to end a relationship, she'd say, "Skippy-bop, you just got dropped."

    But soon, just saying you were going out with someone wasn't enough. Instead, we began experimenting with the physical side of relationships. Going out with someone came to mean you made out with that person, too. I remember standing by as a girl I liked called her boyfriend and broke up with him over the phone. As soon as she hung up, she kissed me. That meant we were an "official couple." Looking back, I can only shake my head at how immature we were. The physical intimacy of those junior high relationships had nothing to do with love or real affection. We just mimicked what we saw older kids do and what we watched in the movies. It seemed grown up, but in reality it was lust.

    I'm thankful that junior high didn't last forever. In high school, I got serious about my walk with God and became actively involved in the church youth group. I put an I'm Worth Waiting For" sticker on my NIV Student Bible and promised to stay a virgin until I got married. Unfortunately, youth group did little to improve my immature notions about relationships. Even in church we played the dating game with passion—more passion, I regret to say, than we gave to worshiping or listening to sermons. During Sunday morning services we passed notes about who liked whom, who was going out with whom, and who had broken up with whom. Wednesday night youth group meetings served as our own opportunities to play "Love Connection," a game that resulted in broken hearts littering the foyer.

    In my sophomore year, my involvement in the dating game took a more serious turn. That summer, I met Kelly. She was beautiful, blonde, and two inches taller than I. I didn't mind. Kelly was popular, and all the guys liked her. Since I was the only one in the youth group who had the nerve to talk to her, she wound up liking me. I asked her to be my girlfriend on the youth group's water ski retreat.

    Kelly was my first serious girlfriend. Everyone in our youth group recognized us as a couple. We celebrated our "anniversary" every month. And Kelly knew me better than anyone else. After my folks were asleep, Kelly and I would spend hours on the phone, often late into the night, talking about everything and nothing in particular. We thought God had made us for each other. We talked about getting married someday. I promised her that I would love her forever.

    But, like many high school relationships, our romance was premature—too much, too soon. We began to struggle with the physical side of our relationship. We knew we couldn't be as close physically as we were emotionally. As a result, we experienced ongoing tension, and it wore on us. Eventually, things turned sour.

    "We have to break up," I said to her one night after a movie. We both knew this was coming.

    "Is there any chance we can have something in the future?" she asked.

    "No," I said, trying to add resolve to my voice. "No, it's over."

    We broke up two years after we'd met. Not quite "forever," as I had promised.

Something Better

I was seventeen years old when my relationship with Kelly ended. My dreams of romance had ended in compromise, bitterness, and regret. I walked away asking, "Is this how it has to be?" I felt discouraged, confused, and desperate for an alternative to the cycle of short-term relationships in which I found myself. "God," I cried, "I want your best for my life! Give me something better than this!"

    God answered that plea, but not in the way I had expected. I thought He'd bring me the ideal girlfriend or totally remove my desire for romance. Instead, He revealed through His Word what it meant to submit my love life to His Will—something I'd never truly done. I wanted God's best but hadn't been willing to play by His rules.

    Over the past four years, I've come to understand that God's lordship doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance—it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently—to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and attitude.

    The basis of this new attitude is what I call "smart love." Paul describes this kind of love in Philippians 1:9-10:

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

    Smart love constantly grows and deepens in its practical knowledge and insight; it opens our eyes to see God's best for our lives, enabling us to be pure and blameless in His sight.

Sentimental Gush

The Message paraphrases Philippians 1:9-10 this way: "Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush."

    Have you ever been guilty of "sentimental gush," allowing your emotions to dictate the course of a dating relationship? Many people do this. Instead of acting on what they know is right, couples let their feelings carry them away.

    I've engaged in my share of sentimental gush. While dating, I made many decisions based on superficiality and ignorance. I could so easily say "I love you" to a girl, feigning selfless devotion, but in truth, selfishness and insincerity motivated me. I was primarily interested in what I could get, such as the popularity a girlfriend could give me or the comfort and pleasure I could gain physically or emotionally from a relationship. I didn't practice smart love. I lived "dumb love"—choosing what felt good for me instead of what was good for others and what pleased God.

    To truly love someone with smart love, we need to use our heads as well as our hearts. As Paul describes it, love abounds in knowledge and insight. To "know" something is to understand or grasp it clearly and with certainty. "Insight" is an instance of understanding the true nature of something, the ability to see the motivation behind thoughts and actions.

    With this definition in mind, let me ask you a few questions. Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it will scar her emotionally and damage her relationship with God? Does sincerity motivate the girl who leads a guy along then breaks up with him when she finds someone better? No! Both people exemplify selfish motivation. They need to "get smart" and realize how their actions affect others.

    In recent years, I've tried to let sincere and intelligent love guide me, and as I've done this, I've come to some pretty intense conclusions for my life. I've come to realize that I have no business asking for a girl's heart and affections if I'm not ready to back up my request with a lifelong commitment. Until I can do that, I'd only be using that woman to meet my short-term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term. Would I enjoy having a girlfriend right now? You bet! But with what I've learned as I've sought God's will for my life, I know that a relationship right now wouldn't be best for me or for the one I'd date. Instead, by avoiding romance before God tells me I'm ready for it, I can better serve girls as a friend, and I can remain free to keep my focus on the Lord.

Knowing What Is Best

Waiting until I'm ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of smart love in action. When our love grows in knowledge we can more readily "discern what is best" for our lives. Don't we all desperately need that discernment?

    After all, when we engage in guy-girl relationships, we face some pretty hazy issues. Don't get me wrong—I believe in absolutes. But in dating, we don't only have to make wise choices between absolute wrong and absolute right. We also have to evaluate all parts of our dating relationships to make sure we don't go too far, allowing ourselves to get pulled into something we should avoid.

    Here's an example. Let's say that someone at school asks you out. How do you seek guidance about what kind of person you can go out with? Try looking up "dating" in your Bible's concordance. You won't get far. Or maybe you've gone out on a few dates with someone, and you just kissed for the first time. It was exciting. You feel as if you're in love. But is it right?

    How do we find answers to these questions? This is where "smart love" comes in. God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God.

    "What about me?" you might be asking. "What about my needs?" This is the awesome part: When we make God's glory and other people's needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive God's best in our lives as well. Let me explain.

    In the past I made the starting point of my relationships what I wanted instead of what God wanted. I looked out for my needs and fit others into my agenda. Did I find fulfillment? No, I only found compromise and heartache. I not only hurt others, I hurt myself, and, most seriously, I sinned against God.

    But when I reversed my attitude and made my main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, I found true peace and joy. Smart love unlocks God's best for our lives. When I stopped viewing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship. When I stopped worrying about who I was going to marry and began to trust God's timing, I uncovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single. And when I stopped flirting with temptation in one-on-one dating relationships and started pursuing righteousness, I uncovered the peace and power that come from purity. I kissed dating goodbye because I found out that God has something better in store!

Pure and Blameless

The final benefit of seeking smart love is purity and blamelessness before God. This purity goes beyond sexual purity. While physical purity is very important, God also wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, our minds, and our emotions.

    Does this mean we'll never mess up? Of course not! We can only stand before God because of His grace and the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. And yet this grace doesn't give us license to be lax in our pursuit of righteousness. Instead, it should urge us to desire purity and blamelessness even more.

    Ben started dating Alyssa during his senior year in college. For quite some time, he had planned to marry the summer after he graduated. Since he and Alyssa were both deeply attracted to each other, he thought she was "the one."

    In a letter, Ben told me how he had grown up with very high standards in his dating relationships. Alyssa was another story. While Ben had never so much as kissed a girl, kissing was practically a sport for her. Unfortunately, Alyssa's values won out. "When she looked at me with those big brown eyes like I was depriving her of something, I caved in," Ben wrote. Their relationship soon became almost entirely physical. They maintained their virginity but only in the technical sense of the word.

    A few months later, Alyssa began to be tutored in chemistry by another Christian guy whom Ben had never met. "That was a mistake," Ben wrote angrily. "They were studying chemistry all right—body chemistry!" Alyssa broke up with Ben and the next day was hanging on the arm of her new boyfriend.

    "I was crushed," Ben told me. "I had violated my own standards, and more important, God's standards, and it turned out that this wasn't the woman I was to marry." For several months Ben wrestled with guilt but finally laid it at the foot of the cross and moved on, determined not to make the same mistake twice. But what about Alyssa? Yes, God can forgive her, too. But I wonder if she ever realized she needs that forgiveness. When she passes Ben in the hall at school or sees him in the cafeteria, what goes through her mind? Does she realize she played a part in tearing down his purity? Does she feel pangs of guilt for breaking his heart? Does she even care?

    I've shared with you how God has changed my perspective on dating. I've described how I've chosen to live my life and to interact with women until God shows me I'm ready for marriage. But why write a book about this perspective? What would make me think that anyone would want to hear what I have to say? Because I think God would like to challenge you, too.

    I believe the time has come for Christians, male and female, to own up to the mess we've left behind in our selfish pursuit of short-term romance. Dating may seem an innocent game, but as I see it, we are sinning against each other. What excuse will we have when God asks us to account for our actions and attitudes in relationships? If God sees a sparrow fall (Matthew 10:29), do you think He could possibly overlook the broken hearts and scarred emotions we cause in relationships based on selfishness?

    Everyone around us may be playing the dating game. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We'll answer to God. No one in my youth group knew how I compromised in my relationships. I was a leader and considered a good kid. But Christ says, "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known" (Luke 12:2).

    Our actions in relationships haven't escaped God's notice. But here's the good news: The God who sees all our sin is also ready to forgive all our sins if we repent and turn from them. He calls us to a new way of life. I know God has forgiven me for the sins I've committed against him and against the girlfriends I've had. I also know He wants me to spend the rest of my life living a lifestyle of smart love. The grace he has shown motivates me to make purity and blamelessness my passion.

    I'm committed to practicing smart love, and I invite you along. Let's make purity and blamelessness our priority before our all-seeing, all-knowing God.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Foreword by Rebecca St. James 9
Introduction 11
Part One: I Kissed Dating Goodbye
1. Smart Love 17
Beyond What Feels Good, Back to What Is Good
2. The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating 29
Recognizing Dating's Negative Tendencies
3. A New Attitude 45
Five Attitude Changes to Help You Avoid Defective Dating
Part Two: The Heart of the Matter
4. Looking Up "Love" in God's Dictionary 55
Learning the True Definition of Love
5. The Right Thing at the Wrong Time Is the Wrong Thing 73
How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of
the Gift of Singleness
6. The Direction of Purity 87
How to Get on the Road to Righteousness
7. A Cleansed Past: The Room 103
How Jesus Can Redeem Your Past
Part Three: Building A New Lifestyle
8. Starting with a Clean Slate 111
Four Important Steps for Getting on Track with God'sPlan
9. Just Friends in a Just-Do-It World 121
Keys for Keeping Your Relationships with the
Opposite Sex out of the "Romantic Zone"
10. Guard Your Heart 133
How to Fight the Pollutants of Lust,
Infatuation, and Self-Pity
11. "You Don't Date? What Are You,Nuts?" 149
What to Do When People Ask Why You
Don't Play the Dating Game
Part Four: Now What?
12. Redeeming the Time 163
Making the Most of Your Singleness
13. Ready for the Sack but Not for the Sacrifice 177
How to Have a Biblical and Realistic Vision of Marriage
14. What Matters at Fifty? 189
Character Qualities and Attitudes that
Matter Most in a Life Partner
15. Principled Romance 203
Principles that Can Guide You from Friendship to Matrimony
16. Someday I'll Have a Story to Tell 223
Writing a Love Story You'll Feel Proud to Tell
Notes 229
Acknowledgments 233
About the Author 235
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 72 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star


4 Star


3 Star


2 Star


1 Star


Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation


  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews
  • Posted August 7, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    I Kissed Dating Goodbye

    With a title as controversial as this, I knew I was in for a doozy of a read. Jumping into the book, I soon realized that Harris' focus wasn't on never getting into relationships. Rather, he was trying to tell readers not to date for the sake of dating. To him, relationships must be pure and done out of love and service to the other person. To have no interest in marriage or commitment is just wasting the other person's time and emotions. Fascinatingly, at the end of the book, he alluded to his sequel where he accounts for how he met and courted--yes, I just used that word--his wife. Bible is quoted, and the pages fly by in this captivating book. What striked me the most was how Harris said we can grow in God's love in our singleness (something I've even seen in other relationships people have). The point of being selfless and not selfish will really hit home with readers. To truly stare at Christ is not to be worked up over members of the opposite sex, sizing them up and fantasizing about potential mates. No. Harris tells us to love our neighbors, pursue holy righteousness, be selfless, and trust God to work out his plan. Splendid.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 26, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Modern Day Pharasee

    This book is damaging to the Christian community. It has very good Biblical principals in it, but Josh Harris' conclusions are not at all Biblical. If you find this book at all appealing, you should read Boundaries in Dating by Christian authors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend who shed a proper light on Harris' unhealthy and unbiblical conclusions. Christians like rules which is why this book is popular. But a critical review of it proves that Harris' plan is that of a modern day pharasee. The internet is full of horror stories of people's lives that have been damaged as a result of trying to live by Harris' plan. This book would be most beneficial to people with addictive personality disorders who need a strict set of extreme rules to guide their lives. But for those who possess balanced psyches and who successfully govern their lives through common sense and reliance on the Holy Spirit and Scripture, Harris' plan is psychologically unhealthy. Many marriage and family counselors who have counseled married couples who followed the Harris plan find that such couples have disproportationate problems with intimacy in their marriage. Here is Harris' conclusion in a nutshell: since some people date recklessly, no one should date. That is like saying: since some people drive recklessly, no one should drive. Harris is well intended but his conclusions are wacky and extremist, which is not surprising since he was barely out of his teen years when he wrote this book.

    3 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 15, 2009

    more from this reviewer


    The title grabbed my attention, so I began to read it. I could not believe what I was reading. Josh Harris showed me a different perspective about dating and relationships. His book is inspiring. I enjoyed reading it.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 16, 2011

    PLEASE, PLEASE create a Nook version!

    I was so disappointed to see that the study guide (and not the actual book) was offered in Nook format. Please, consider creating a Nook version, I so very much need to have this with me at all times!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 29, 2011

    A Must-Read

    I Kissed Dating Goodbye doesn't just tell you that dating is bad, or tell you courtship is the only way to go. It doesn't tell you to avoid the opposite sex entirely. Joshua Harris instead encourages "a new attitude toward romance and relationships".

    Throughout the book, the author reminds readers that "the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment". He points out problems with today's dating habits and ways to avoid this.
    Rather than following this up with a list of rules, he instead talks about what the true definition of love is and how we should enjoy the time we have as a single and use it for God's glory.

    He talks about viewing marriage properly, and not basing our affections on mere appearances but instead on character. He mentioned some "little acts" of a person's character to look for, which I found extremely helpful. Not only are they things to look for in a person, but also things we should work on in our own lives.

    I Kissed Dating Goodbye is not necessarily about dating vs. courtship as much as it is not pursuing romantic relationships until the proper time. Whatever your views on dating/courting, and whether you are currently dating or not, there are many helpful tips to be found in this book. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is definitely a book I would recommend.

    I received this book free from the publisher and am not required to write a positive review.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2010

    The book is life changing

    Great book, full of useful information, easy read, changes how one see's things

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 8, 2007

    Good Point, Poor Reasoning

    Eloquently written book that will surely fool any simple minded reader that Jesus Christ wants a legion of sexually repressed people to serve him till they stumble into a poorly executed marriage, which if you follow Joshua's guidelines is sure to end unhappily. Though dating at a young age when not look for a serious commitment is something to consider not partaking in, I fear for those young adults who swear they'll never have to look for the right person until God sends them to you with a stamp across their foreheads signaling his approval. No wonder divorce rates are so high....

    2 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 8, 2012

    A good book tackling the issue that plagues many a youth gr

    A good book tackling the issue that plagues many a youth group in churches today. With a revolving door of teens dating for the sake of dating, Harris does a good job pointing out the pitfalls that plague this line of dating. Instead of finding fulfillment through others, he points to finding fulfillment first through God. Then, you will be in a position to fulfill the needs of others and also date with purpose. The purpose of finding your future spouse.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted June 10, 2011

    This is a MUST read!

    In Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," he discusses a subject many people like to avoid. That subject is dating... I'm sure many think this guy is crazy, I mean who ever heard of "today's" people not wanting to date. Joshua advises us how to just be friends in a just do it world, while still having fun with the opposite sex. He gives 7 habits of highly defective dating...
    1) Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.
    2) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
    3) Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
    4) Dating can distract young people from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
    5) Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness. 
    6) Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.
    7) Dating often becomes an end in itself. 
    Joshua doesn't leave us hanging though, he gives us 5 ways to avoid defective dating as well...
    1) Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love. 
    2) My unmarried years are a gift from God.
    3)  I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I am ready for marriage. 
    4) I cannot "own" someone outside of marriage.
    5) I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or
    There are many different views of dating. There are people who date... date... and date. They aren't ever content unless they have that boy or girlfriend. Some think dating is fine as long as everything stays within their bounds. Many have good intentions and it may very well be that the one you are dating is going to be your future spouse. But the question is this, why even date when you aren't ready for marriage? The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Joshua discusses these issues and many more including purity, romance, and the gift of singleness. This book was quite an eyeopener and is definitely something you should consider reading. But in the end the choice will be up to you, will you "kiss" dating  goodbye?

    I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah's Blogging for Books and have given my honest opinion of this book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 13, 2008

    Ive always been bitter about dating

    Ive always have been bitter towards God for not bringing the right guy into my life. Im a teenager and almost everyone i know is in a relationship. I felt left out and im really picky so i was wondering why i didnt have a bf. Then i read this book and it totally changed my views i reliazed that i need to focus on God and not my latest crush. I also need to focus on what God is calling me to do in my friends lifes and in mine. I thought about it and decided that i had been wasting my time when i was single instead of enjoying the time. So now i am not bitter anymore. Thankyou!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 29, 2004

    A New Perspective

    This was an eyeopening book, that has an unusual, but much needed perspective on dating. I didn't whole-heartedly agree with every single thing, but most of the things and the book overall were amazing! It helped my perspective on dating, men, and my own relationships with those around me as well as with God.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted December 30, 2012

    so ridiculous

    so ridiculous

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 22, 2012

    A Wonderful, Challenging Book

    A book that challenges our culture. A book that equips young adults to fight for purity. A book with practical, sound advice. A book founded on the Lord's commands. And a book that you will read over and over again.

    I Kissed Dating Goodbye was written by Joshua Harris at the age of 21. His book opened new ideas for dating and relationships. He wrote simply and he wrote from his heart. He challenged and impressed people.

    I recommend that every young adult read this. I, personally, have never dated (so I didn't have to kiss that goodbye), but it had wonderful, bublical advice for helping your dating friends. Joshua reminds us constantly that we are to seek the Lord and remain humble as we make different decisions from our friends. It is very convicting.

    I highly recommend this book. Please be aware that some adult topics are discussed. While they are handled with grace and maturity, parents will want to preview.

    Score ~ ¿¿¿¿¿
    Violence ~ None
    Indecency ~ 4 (with parental guidance)
    Language ~ None
    Age Appropriateness ~ 15 and above

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 24, 2011

    Every Single Christian Should Read This

    As a young Christian woman, I loved this book! Christian parents will also love this book. It makes a perfect present for your teenagers and anyone looking for love. This book is about waiting, of course. It is not offensive or too much for a teenager and shouldn't turn them off. It doesn't tell you like a bossy know-it-all adult, so it isn't offensive to the reader. In fact, it makes waiting for love beautiful. I recommend this book for all those singles out there. I am 27 and still waiting for my love. I am happy to wait and this book inspires me to continue waiting.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 9, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Pick Up This Book!

    Joshua Harris brings us an amazing book that, if you let it, will reshape your love life entirely. And I mean that in a good way!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 22, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Changing the World, One Relationship at a Time

    Thank you, God! I am so grateful that someone is getting the message out about a better standard for relationships. This book changed my life and my outlook; I would probably be in a different place spiritually and emotionally were it not for the Lord speaking to me through this book. It offers a timeless view on relationships applied to recent situations, and challenges the reader to reevaluate how we interact with the opposite sex. The book is not there to make you feel guilty or impose a one-way mindset on you; rather, it's purpose is to illuminate what the Lord had in mind and make you able to make an informed decision about relationships. The book is full of real-life stories, tips, Scripture, and more.Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris's second book, offers tips on how to Kiss Dating Goodbye, but Say Hello to Courtship. It is very encouraging to read that courtship and not dating does truly work, and it produces a beautiful, God-honoring relationship. I encourage everyone to read both of these books; they will change your life. I was reluctant at first to let go of my worldly perspective, but I have found so much more joy treating guys as brothers in Christ. Pray about it, give it a try!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 11, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Life Changing

    I read this book after a really difficult break-up not knowing the fullness of it. From the first paragraph I was hooked. This book changed my life and because I have read this I have learned what it is to have healthy relationships with men. Relationships that don't hinder the relationship I have with Christ.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 7, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Great Book

    Joshua Harris doesn't tell you what to do or make you feel bad for the way you dated, but explains his point of courtship in a way that helps you understand and come to the conclusion for yourself that courtship is the way to go. Though I personally won't "court" it does give me some pointers and tips of what kind of relationship I should be looking for. I highly reccomend this book to any christian pre-teen/teenager boy or girl to read this. This is a must book for them, when our culture is telling us what we need in a relationship,that dating is a casual thing; it's nice to hear the christian alternative.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 31, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Great Book!

    There is a common deception that Joshua Harris is against dating! this is not the case. Granted the title of the book implies it and turns some readers off, there is a fear of condemnation about their current relaationship. But actually it reinforces the conclusion I have come to about dating 'dont date unless you are ready for commitment'
    I would challenge everybody who is single and hopes to be married to read this book, it brought to light why some of my relaationships never worked out, and also the 'why' and 'how' I got so infatuated with members of the opposite sex!
    A challenging read and a great job on the follow up book

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    One of the best books I've ever read!

    I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris is one of those treasures not to be missed.

    It made me think about what really matters in a relationship and how to build healthy, strong relationships. I hope to read Boy Meets Girl shortly.

    In addition to reading Joshua Harri's ideas and convictions it is a great book to use when setting your own goals and rules in the area of dating and relationships.

    Another good book to read is Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. These boys are Joshua's younger brothers.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)