From the Publisher
"No need for miraculous pills or phony infomercials. Mabel Iam teaches us with originality, elegance and spice how to make love a daily ritual of understanding, enjoyment and pleasure." Walter Larrosa, Ocean Drive en Espanol
"It might be true that to learn the art of love there are no schools, but the pages of this book are as good as a classroom. Iam teaches us that there should be no boundaries to how we express what we feel toward someone else and to how we enjoy a relationship in the fullest way possible." Johanna Torres, Editor-in-Chief, Siempre Mujer
"Mabel Iam has found the real pill against heartbreak in the form of a book that doesn't bother telling us what we already know about sex and relationships, revealing instead the secrets we can't afford to be without to be truly happy in love." Anjanette Delgado, author of The Heartbreak Pill
"Mabel continues to show us the practical applications of loving and being loved without breaking the magical enchantment of love." Lissette Valdés-Valle, journalist
"It's without a doubt the best guide I have ever read for real, intimate and long-lasting relationships. Whether you're married, single, with or without love interest, this book is a must." Julia Dangond, senior TV and entertainment executive
"Mabel Iam offers a practical guide for keeping love alive and finding, once and for all, a perfect and harmonious relationship." Julio César Paredes, El Diario/La Prensa
"I've been really moved. This book is full of tenderness worth enjoying." José Antonio Ponseti, programming director, Caracol Radio
Iam (Sex and the Perfect Lover: Tao, Tantra, and the Kama Sutra) is a sex therapist and award-winning author of Spanish-language New Age books on sex and romance. A native of Argentina, she resides and practices in Miami, where she relocated after a long-term romance by email led to marriage. She was inspired to write this self-help manual on developing and keeping long-lasting love by the story of her grandparents, who remained faithful during seven wartime years of separation. In easy-to-read chapters beginning with "I Love You," she discusses issues that nurture or hinder relationships, e.g., self-image, trust, jealousy, fear, living together, tenderness, and communication. She then deals with sexuality, covering techniques, fantasies, autoeroticism, erotic games, and sexual energy, though in less detail than she has in previous works. Poems, testimonials from clients, meditations, and visualization exercises appear throughout. The concluding chapter, "I Love You and I Want To Love You for the Rest of My Life," summarizes Iam's practical advice for couples and is worth the price of the book. Recommended for public libraries.
Lucille M. Boone
Read an Excerpt
I Love You and I Love Myself
Do I have any idea what kind of relationship I need?
Am I prepared for true love?
Have I dreamed of the possibility of finding a perfectly harmonious relationship?
Do I dare to live out this dream?
Do I know my personality, what I can and cannot give, and that which I need to receive in order for the relationship to work?
While asking myself these questions, I can learn the answers that flow straight from my heart.
The Mystery of Love
No other human activity is initiated with such powerful hopes and expectations as an amorous relationship. This is true even for those who have failed or encountered obstacles with other relationships. At the start of a new relationship, the enthusiasm of gambling on love is always renewed. And, unlike most of life's activities, falling in love is not something we can plan ahead of time. It just happens.
It also happens sometimes without our realizing it. We may find ourselves involved in a relationship and asking ourselves, "How did I get here?" Then we realize that the words I love you have escaped our hearts and our lips. Then we ask, "What now?"
Every human being goes through this, in some way at some point. It's that marvelous aspect of love and relationships that cannot be controlled as other activities can. And this is why so many questions arise after we hear ourselves affirm our love.
Love is the path that guides us to a life of abundance and perfection. This is the first thing we need to understand about love, which leads us to the fact that a relationship is always in a state of renewal, even when we are relating to ourselves. It is important that we reflect daily that when we are in a relationship we must always remain open to newness.
A romantic relationship is a continuous exchange of emotions, ideas, opinions, wills, beliefs, actions, reactions, vibrations, thoughts and objectives between two people. The foundation for happiness is set when this exchange is positive and balanced. Through it, love can be rediscovered and shared by way of trust, understanding, gentleness, union and acceptance.
Should There Be a School for Love?
I have always said that nobody has educated us on how to love. Religions across the ages, without a doubt, have had some say in the matter, yet conflicts, divorces and problems seem to increase more and more each day.
Questions about love are endless: Can one learn to love? Are we capable of loving more than one person? How many relationships should we have before deciding which will be "the one"? Can we really love someone all of our lives? Are there universal ideas regarding love or does everything depend upon the culture in which we were raised? Do we generally only place value on learning things that can bring us money or prestige? How many times have we mistaken passion for love? I could go on and on asking questions. This book could become a dictionary of questions. Let us each begin to think about creating a school for love that will unify all human beings from anywhere on the planet.
Among the many answers I have found, I believe that love is the most beautiful and simple art in life. Love, as any art, is learned. In fact, the desire to efficiently and consciously solidify a relationship is an act of maturity. This process, when carried out by both members of the relationship, is splendid and very gratifying for the couple on the material, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. If we wish to learn how to love, we must proceed in the same way we would to master anything else.
Love benefits every level of our existence. It nurtures and sustains every act and situation that we go through in our lives. Thanks to this, it is life's central theme and the primary area on which we have to focus our energies. Yes, whether we want to admit it or not, all of us will fall in love at some point in our lives. We may feel lost while navigating this wondrous art because for this, the most interesting of all human activities, there is no school.
Every relationship that we undertake in life helps us grow, be it through painful or pleasant experiences. Not all relationships work out, but all pass through our lives for some special purpose. Every time we need to learn something, we attract people who will help us find the answers. Only that one specific experience or that one particular relationship holds the key to teaching us the true answer.
Our relationships act as a mirror of our inner selves. That is why we have to take the following motto into account: "That which I love in others is me. That which I reject in others is also me."
We have the power to accept, modify and grow from any virtue or defect we encounter in ourselves. We can also carry out this same process in relationships, to deepen our love and trust for both ourselves and our significant other.
That which bonds us to another person is based on thoughts, beliefs, judgments and emotions. If we have a negative experience with someone and don't forgive him or her, we relate negatively to that person and remain negatively bound to our own emotions and thoughts. Later we may find that we end up repeating the same experience with somebody else.
If we remember the example of the mirror, we can change our view of the world and our own relationships. We can apply the law of attraction to find that special person who will correspond perfectly with our own feelings and thoughts. We assume responsibility for our relationships and therefore we control the destiny of each one.
Once we have clarity on what we want for ourselves, we can relate to others in a unique, stable, harmonious and magnificent way. But everything depends on our inner reality, which consists of our emotions, desires and thoughts. Because thoughts are creative, they create everything around us, especially those things that they focus on and comprehend. Sometimes it happens consciously, but in most cases, it is an unconscious process. If we want to change our world and our relationships, we must simply begin by changing our thoughts.
The Inner Mirror
In order to properly carry out this visualization exercise, find a quiet spot, relax your body and quiet your thoughts. Imagine a large white screen with a giant mirror in your mind. In that mirror, reflect the image of your significant other or the person for whom you feel an attraction. Once you can clearly see this picture, project onto the image everything that you love about that other person, and everything that causes conflicts for you in the relationship.
When you see something in your partner's behavior that has upset you, stop for a moment to think about what exactly has upset you. Once your ideas are clear, explain them to your partner, as though the mirror were a scene from real life. Once you've clearly identified that annoying defect or behavior in your partner, you'll realize that it is also a defect or behavioral pattern that you reject in yourself.
The more you practice this exercise the more you will realize that love is just like this mirror. The universe that we create around ourselves depends upon the way we see things. And this is without a doubt the result of our vision of love.
The most important thing to consider before entering into any relationship is your first love: the love that you feel for yourself.
Liberating Ourselves from False Mirrors and Relationships
This next exercise helps us to understand how we cling to the images that others have of us, and how important it is to love ourselves unconditionally. This visualization will connect you with the false image that you have of yourself, and will lead you to appreciate yourself more.
Visualize a great gallery filled with corridors. Walk until you come to a room in which the walls are totally covered by mirrors of different sizes and shapes. Take your time observing how you feel. Stop in front of the mirror that you most identify with. Note which one you choose, because every aspect of yourself that you discover while you're being reflected in your inner mirror is part of you. These may be familiar to you, or they may not be; for example, you may observe that the person in the mirror is passive, emotionless and very still, yet you consider yourself active and emotionally open to your partner. It's possible that you don't accept these hidden aspects of your personality as a true part of yourself. It is possible, then, that you may be bothered by these qualities in others, or that you attract people into your life that seem like they don't offer enough. It's important for you to relate to these inner parts of yourself, understand them and try to identify what they need. Create an inner dialogue that will allow you to know these aspects more fully, until you no longer find yourself rejecting these characteristics in yourself. If you can accept every aspect of your inner self, your relationship with your partner will be more harmonious.
Focus your attention on the living brilliance of your eyes, and notice how beautiful they are. Realize that they are the reflection of your soul, always radiating inside you. Feel how your soul needs to love you. As you vibrate with that love and splendor, you will realize how important you are to yourself so much so that you may no longer need approval or validation from others.
When we feel affection, respect and conscious acceptance of ourselves, this will be reflected in our bodies and we will transmit this loving energy to the world around us. Learning to think positively about yourself is directly connected to knowing yourself, identifying your qualities and flaws, and accepting yourself so that you can positively transform your life.
People who love themselves are genuinely ready to begin a relationship. They manage their emotions and inner issues intelligently. For example, they
- Maintain a calm attitude in the face of stimuli.
- Lean on their partners and allow the other to rely on them, without creating dependence.
- Are dedicated to growing.
- Commit to what they say and do.
- Handle breakups and separations with maturity.
- Control their language.
- Learn to read subliminal messages from people that they want to influence on an emotional level.
- Discuss their feelings in the relationship without fear of losing their partner.
- Evaluate the emotions they provoke in others.
- Know the difference between what they feel and what their mind is seeking.
- Know their true feelings and can distinguish them from other people's expectations.
- Fall in love with someone who will reciprocate.
- Perform sex in a natural and loving manner.
- Attract people with similar aspirations, with the likelihood of having the fewest conflicts.
- Are capable of listening to criticism without taking it personally, because negative messages have little power over them.
These elements keep us centered, allowing us to observe and react to the changes that take place around us without becoming negatively affected by them.
Once we understand the law of attraction as a magnetized mirror that attracts all that we think and are, we must also learn to love ourselves and to understand that relationships are made up of stages, mannerisms, contracts and power exchanges. When these aspects are known and respected, the relationship produces maximum enjoyment and satisfaction, generating absolute happiness.
There are as many forms of love as there are relationships. Every human being is capable of loving dozens of people, each in a different way, and every one of those relationships may correctly be described by the word love. This book examines relationship models and their characteristics, and how to optimize our own relationships after saying "I love you."
Copyright © 2008 by Corpo Solar, Inc.