I Run, Therefore I Am STILL Nuts!


Whether you are just getting acquainted with the joys of running or you can recite the brand and model number of your last 12 pairs of running shoes, you’ll identify with this book as runners did with the popular first volume, I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts!

Best-selling running humorist Bob Schwartz—the Dave Barry of running—is back and will once again have you laughing as he captures the humor, craziness, and obsessions of runners—new and ...

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I Run, Therefore I Am STILL Nuts!

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Whether you are just getting acquainted with the joys of running or you can recite the brand and model number of your last 12 pairs of running shoes, you’ll identify with this book as runners did with the popular first volume, I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts!

Best-selling running humorist Bob Schwartz—the Dave Barry of running—is back and will once again have you laughing as he captures the humor, craziness, and obsessions of runners—new and old—with this new collection of 43 hilarious stories.

I Run, Therefore I Am— STILL Nuts! brings out the humor in situations that every runner can relate to:

• Suffering from RWIA, otherwise known as running watch information addiction

• The addictive nature of high-intensity interval training

• The depths of despair upon learning your favorite shoe will be discontinued

• Embracing the saving grace of age-graded race time calculators

• Attempting to run with a reluctant canine companion

• Trying out running in the oxymoron of barefoot shoes

If you know that the iliotibial band is not an alternative rock group, wear bruised toenails like badges of honor, and know the feeling of having an elephant resting on your shoulders as you’ve hit the wall—this book is for you!

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What People Are Saying

From the Publisher

In his quest to be a better runner, Bob Schwartz has captured the true mindset of the distance runner. In I Run, Therefore I Am—STILL Nuts! Schwartz articulates this with humor.”  

Jean Knaack-- Executive Director, Road Runners Club of America

"A great many runners take their running extremely seriously. Bob Schwartz does, too, but in a seriously funny way."

Rich Benyo-- Editor, Marathon & Beyond

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781450428569
  • Publisher: Human Kinetics Publishers
  • Publication date: 10/8/2012
  • Pages: 252
  • Sales rank: 961,458
  • Product dimensions: 6.08 (w) x 8.82 (h) x 0.64 (d)

Meet the Author

Bob Schwartz is the author of five books, including the highly successful and hilarious I Run, There I Am—NUTS!, and a freelance writer whose popular articles have been published in over 200 magazines. His humorous essays on running have appeared in more than 40 national and international running magazines and regional magazines, including Runner's World and Running Fitness.

Bob’s books have been finalists in the humor category of the USA Book News Awards, the ForeWord Book Awards, the Benjamin Franklin Book Awards, and the Independent Publisher Book Awards. Bob has also won the Gold Award from the Parenting Publications of America for his humorous essays on family life. Bob has presented humorous talks at races throughout the United States.

Bob lives in Huntington Woods, Michigan, with his wife, Robin, and three children. He graduated from the University of Colorado and received his law degree from the University of Oregon. In addition to his writing, he is the CEO of the Here to Help Foundation (www.heretohelpfoundation.org), which he operates with his wife.

Bob raised over $50,000 through an ultramarathon benefiting the Institute of Craniofacial Surgery and Reconstructive Surgery and received the Dove Award from The Arc for implementing a basketball program for people with physical and mental disabilities. Bob also received the Avadenka Award from the State Bar of Michigan for his community service. He founded the Cheetahs Running Club in the Berkley School District of Michigan, for which he was awarded a grant from the Saucony Run for Good Foundation.

In the universal language of runners, Bob has PRs of 2:42:13 for the marathon, 34:18 for the 10K, 1:16:08 for the half marathon, and 58 seconds for the third-grade potato sack race. You can reach Bob at bob@runninglaughs.com and enjoy his website and follow his blog at www.runninglaughsblog.com. Also, catch Bob on Facebook at www.facebook.com/runninglaughs and on Twitter at @RunningLaughs for daily humor and running news.

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Table of Contents

Part I It’s All in the Approach to Make Your Runs Beyond Reproach

If it works, then don’t nix it

Chapter Much Ado About Something

Style points can equal mile points

Chapter Watch, What You Say To Me!

Flattering words are now coming from the strangest of places

Chapter We Could All Use a Little More Common Dense

In the words of Fleetwood Mac, sometimes it’s best to go your own way

Chapter HIIT Me With My Best Shot

Better fitness through sheer masochism

Part II Who’s Running With Me?

There’s alone in a crowd and there’s company while going solo

Chapter Solitary Refinement

So long, solo long!

Chapter Look At Me Now

Is it conceit to tweet your feats?

Chapter Forecast: Partly Cloudy, Good Chance of Pain

If you can follow Sparky Anderson’s words of wisdom, you’re on the way to nirvana

Chapter Every Dog Has Its Way

You can lead a dog to the trail, but you can’t always make him a canine convert

Part III Lacing ’Em Up and Laying ’Em Down

There are wins and losses in racing, and a heck of a lot in between

Chapter What Are the Odds That Older and Slower Equals Better?

Using your shortcomings to your success in the long run

Chapter Count Me in on Counting Me Out

Other challenges to pencil in after 100-mile races are erased from your to-do list

Chapter Refraining From Explaining

A poor race performance may not seem just, but it needs no justification

Chapter Log Me In

Do elite runners put on their shorts one leg at a time?

Part IV The Road to Injury Is Paved With Foolish Intentions

Injuries come and injuries go, but stubbornness often remains

Chapter Runner, Heal Thyself!

The path of self-diagnosis begins with a not very bright guinea pig for a patient

Chapter The Impact Of Nonimpact

Can true love be found with a sweat-inducing, cardiac-demanding, quadriceps-exhausting piece of machinery?

Chapter Behind Every Comeback Is a Foolhardy Failure

Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, runner rehabilitation is in order

Chapter Malady Malfeasance

There are more than two certainties in life

Part V From the Back of the Pack to the Fleet-Footed Elite, Runners Are Not Run of the Mill

What some call quirks we choose to call talents

Chapter If the Shoe Fits, Snare It!

Locate another pair of your favorite shoe model that’s been discontinued and it’s sweet souls almighty

Chapter Running Is Elementary, My Dear

Simplicity is the father of ascension

Chapter Do What They Say and Watch the Day Zip Away

Operating by the book makes for a long read

Chapter Gesticulate in Kind

To acknowledge or not to acknowledge, that is the question

Part VI The Nonthinking Person’s Guide to the Path of Least Resistance

In the words of the esteemed Yoda, do or do not; there is no try.

Chapter Do What You Want to Do

Whatever starts your engine and puts a bounce in your step

Chapter Giving Yourself the Benefit of No Doubt

Sometimes it’s best to just stop thinking

Chapter More Than a Feeling

Take to the sky on a natural high

Chapter The Time Is Now

The times may be changing, but our infatuation with time is constant

Part VII The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Nonrunning Runner

Weak in the knees while knee deep in anatomy

Chapter Woe Is Knee!

Lacking the ability to run a step is the first step to admitting you have a wee bit of a problem

Chapter The Arms Have It

How to survive when those horrific words are spoken to you: “You’ll have to be non-weight bearing on your leg for a while.”

Chapter Scope Me Out

It’s better to sometimes recognize your limitations than end up prone on the ground

Part VIII Jack of No Trades, Master of Run

Learning while on the run is all part of the fun

Chapter Lessons Learned, Lessons Spurned

The sundry and wacky words of wisdom absorbed from years on the run

Chapter Who Can Leap Standing Water in a Single Bound?

The many peculiar talents of Resourceful Running Man and Running Woman

Chapter Phoning It In

Taking the talk test to a whole new level of communication

Chapter Fashionable Fartleks

Wick me away!

Part IX Enjoying the View on the Competitive Drive

Keeping perspective is a good thing, though an elusive thing

Chapter To Thine Own Self Be You

There is more than one path to the top of the mountain; the key is uncovering your itinerary

Chapter Climb Every Mountain, or at Least a Small Mound Now and Then

Sometimes you got to go with the flow and redefine your definition of slow

Chapter Just Lose, Baby!

There is joy in Mudville

Chapter Faster-Finishing Counterparts

Setting the pace for the race within a race

Part X The Legs Have It! Don’t Be De-Feeted

Figuring out what will keep you on the streets

Chapter May the Stick Be With You!

The magic wand will woo you in the land of self-massage

Chapter Not Fully Baring My Sole

Less is more in more ways than one

Chapter The Rhythm of the Run

As Martha and the Vandellas sang, there will be dancing in the street

Chapter Getting the Bends for Bending

Can a runner with the flexibility of concrete and a limited attention span survive in the world of yoga?

Part XI Behind Every Nuts Runner Are Often Very Accepting Nonrunners

The family of a runner knows the difference between RICE and DOMS

Chapter For Better or for Worse

A union of soles and souls

Chapter Over Hill, Over Dale, and I’m Pale

I wonder if there’s an extra entry fee for the mud bath

Chapter Have Shoes, Will Travel

Can a runner and a nonrunner find and maintain marital bliss on the open road of race-destination vacations?

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