This memoir takes its title from the first song that country music recording star Jeremy Camp wrote after the cancer death of his 21-year-old wife in 2001. I Still Believe tells that tragic, faith-shaking story, but achieves even more, marking the trajectory of an award-winning lyricist and minister's son whose struggles and realizations are rendered with striking candor. A religious memoir that stands on it.
I Still Believeby Jeremy Camp
Christian recording artist Jeremy Camp has written songs that have touched millions of lives. His lyrics reveal a heart that’s been broken and a faith that has been tested and restored.
In I Still Believe, Jeremy shares, with unflinching candor and emotion, the extraordinary story behind his award-winning lyrics–from his impoverished childhood,/i>
Christian recording artist Jeremy Camp has written songs that have touched millions of lives. His lyrics reveal a heart that’s been broken and a faith that has been tested and restored.
In I Still Believe, Jeremy shares, with unflinching candor and emotion, the extraordinary story behind his award-winning lyrics–from his impoverished childhood, rebellious teenage years, and spiritual awakening at Bible College, to the tragic loss of his first wife, Melissa, to cancer and the heart-wrenching spiritual journey that followed–a journey that reignited Jeremy’s faith, inspired some of his most beloved songs, and paved the way for a second chance at love with his second wife, Adrienne.
This memoir is a must-read for Jeremy Camp fans everywhere, and an inspiring, encouraging read for anyone who has ever experienced loss.
- Tyndale House Publishers
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Read an Excerpt
I Still Believea memoir
By Jeremy Camp David Thomas
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.Copyright © 2013 Jeremy Camp
All right reserved.
Chapter OneIT STARTS AT HOME
Faith and family. Looking back, it is fitting that my healing in the aftermath of Melissa's passing began to take place back in my parents' home in Lafayette, Indiana.
I had left home for California to attend Bible college. It was in California that I found my path in ministry. It was there that my music career began to develop. It was there that I met God's partner for me in ministry. But after Melissa's memorial service, when the path I thought had been laid out for me suddenly disappeared, when my faith had been shaken in a way I had never imagined possible, all I knew to do was to go home.
Faith and family are seamlessly knit together in my life's story.
My parents provided me with what they did not have growing up: a Christian home. That in itself was a miracle.
Imagine a drunk man, with his equally loaded friend, staggering into a church on a Sunday evening and then answering an altar call to accept Jesus as his Savior, and you have my dad's remarkable conversion story.
My dad, Tom—or "Bear," as his friends called him—dropped out of school at age sixteen because he had gotten heavily into alcohol and drugs. (He later earned his GED and attended college.) My dad has a life-of-the-party, let's-have-some-fun-here personality, and when he was growing up, he didn't have any trouble finding the parties or convincing others to join in his type of fun.
My mom, Teri, was the classic good girl in school. She grew up in a stable home environment. A good student, she had plans and goals. She had been accepted to Purdue University when she met and began dating my dad during her senior year of high school.
Their relationship was the talk of the hallways—but not in the head-cheerleader-dates-the-quarterback kind of way. The comments were more like "What is she doing going out with him?"
She had fallen for my dad's likable personality and found him easy to talk to. But because of his heavy drinking and marijuana use, my dad had trouble landing steady work. So my mom scrapped her plans to study interior design in college and started working instead. My parents became popular party hosts. My dad was selling pot by then, so you can imagine their types of parties and the partygoers they entertained.
After learning my mom was pregnant, my parents moved in together, and my sister, April, was born out of wedlock in 1975. Having a newborn cut back on the parties in the home, but my dad's lifestyle continued further down the wrong path. His drinking increased, and he began to use and sell cocaine. The more he drank, the more violent he became.
About a year and a half after April was born, my dad was battling depression and realized his life was spiraling out of control.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," he told my mom. "I feel so empty inside. It's not you. It's not April. The drugs aren't making me happy. I don't know what's wrong."
"Do you need to see a psychiatrist?" my mom asked him.
"No," my dad replied. "I need to talk to a minister."
On Christmas Day 1976, my dad was noticeably depressed. My mom thought he might harm himself, but when she tried to console him, my dad said, "I have to go to church, and I have to go now."
They drove from church to church that evening, looking for one that was open. Finally, they found one where a couple of people were inside practicing music. My parents walked in and quietly sat in a pew, but the musicians never spoke to them, probably because they looked more like hippies than regular churchgoers. They remained in the pew for a while until my mom asked my dad if he felt better.
"Yes," he said, and they left.
Four days later, on a Wednesday evening, my parents again decided to look for a church.
When my dad was young, a sweet neighbor lady named Meb had taken him to church with her from time to time. One of those times, when my dad was eleven, he had gone forward to accept Christ. Without a family to keep him spiritually connected, though, he eventually got away from church. He had brought up spiritual topics with my mom early in their relationship, but Christianity stayed something he thought about and questioned in his heart, and it never became more than that. But at least he had that church background when he analyzed his own life and reached the conclusion that he needed to make a serious change. He had tried just about everything else, but deep in his heart he knew what the truth was and that the Holy Spirit was drawing him.
My mom had attended church in spurts when she was growing up, with her mom taking her and her dad staying home except on Easter and a few other special occasions. Her mother had bought a book of Bible stories that my mom had enjoyed reading as a child. But while she knew about Jesus, there was never a time when my mom had developed a relationship with Him. With my dad showing a trend toward dangerous behavior, she was open to a church providing the change he needed.
A few days after Christmas, my dad said again, "I have to talk to a minister. I know where we can go—Meb will be at church."
My dad knew where his former neighbor would be on a Wednesday night. When they arrived at the church, the service had just ended and people were on their way out. As expected, Meb was there. A big smile crossed her face when she saw my dad. When my dad said he needed to talk to a minister, she introduced my parents to her pastor. The four of them sat down, and my dad explained his problems and described how he felt a void in his life.
The pastor identified the problem as unconfessed sin and explained that the void in his life was one only Christ could fill. My dad agreed. The pastor then led my parents through a prayer asking for forgiveness, although my mom prayed more out of embarrassment and the potential awkwardness of not praying in that small of a group.
After the prayer, the pastor gave my parents a short and direct list of changes they needed to make: "You need to get married, change the way you dress, cut your hair, and get new friends."
My parents understood the need to give up the drugs and alcohol. But they were confused about how they could come up with a completely new set of friends overnight. And as for the way they dressed, they could barely afford the clothes they had. How were they supposed to afford an all-new wardrobe?
My dad initially had a problem with marriage. He had been briefly married when he was sixteen. His girlfriend got pregnant, so they married. But when she had a miscarriage, they decided they didn't want to be together and divorced after less than six months together. There had been a few times in the past when my dad had asked my mom if she would marry him if he asked. She kept saying she would, but my dad never asked. He told my mom he had no interest in marrying because he had never seen a good marriage—not when he was growing up and not for the few months he was married. But as he considered what the pastor had said about needing to marry, he agreed.
The pastor gave my parents a Bible, but he didn't give them any practical help for how to make the changes he told them they must make.
As a result, they left the church asking themselves, How can we do all that?
CHANGED FOR GOOD
The Bible the pastor had given my parents was a King James Version. Reading was difficult for my dad, and the King James was even more of a challenge, so my mom read to him from the Bible. They continued to talk about church, and my mom mentioned that coworkers had been talking to her about Jesus and had said my parents would be welcome at their church regardless of how they looked or dressed. My dad agreed to try it.
They planned to attend the Assemblies of God church on the first Sunday evening of the new year—January 2, 1977. My dad helped a friend move that morning, then went out with his friend that afternoon.
As my mom was getting ready for church, he called.
"Where are you?" she asked him.
"I'm at a Mexican restaurant."
She knew he was at the only local restaurant that served beer on Sundays. "Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, just a little."
When my dad came home to pick her up for church, he and his friend were laughing about how they had been busting out lights at the restaurant. They had been drinking more than "just a little."
My mom started crying. From the night they had prayed at Meb's church, neither of them had used drugs or alcohol—not even on New Year's Eve. "There's no way I'm going to church with you guys," she told him.
My mom's mother was watching April that evening, so when my mom saw how drunk my dad and his friend were, she immediately left for church alone.
Because it was a Sunday evening, the crowd of about three hundred wasn't as large as for a morning service. About eight rows of folding chairs at the back of the sanctuary had been roped off so the people would sit closer to the front. My mom took a seat by herself in the middle of the last available row. Shortly after the service began, she heard a commotion behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see my dad and his friend stumbling through the doors in the back.
My mom's first reaction was to hide. She turned back toward the front, slumped in her seat, and tried to blend in with the others in front of her. It didn't work. My dad and his friend spotted her and made their way toward her. But not by walking down the aisle and quietly slipping into the row where my mom was sitting. My dad started off on the most direct route from point A to point B—by stepping over the roped-off rows of chairs!
My mom continued to look forward while everyone else turned their attention to the two drunken chair-jumpers. My dad and his friend plopped down right next to my embarrassed mom, and the friend chattered away.
An usher seeking to calm the ruckus came over and asked my dad's friend if he would like to sit next to him, and my dad's drinking buddy obliged.
Up front, the pastor talked about being delivered from the bondage of drugs and alcohol. A couple of times during the message, my dad's friend left his seat, ran over to my dad, said, "Man, Bear, this guy knows what he's talking about!" and then ran back to his seat next to the usher.
As the pastor preached, my mom noticed tears rolling down my dad's cheeks. The pastor's words really struck home with my dad, who cried throughout the message.
When the pastor concluded and asked if there were those present who would like to come to the altar to ask Jesus into their hearts, my dad's friend ran forward while my parents hesitated, both thinking, Haven't we done this already? When a youth pastor approached and offered to take them to the front if they wanted to answer the pastor's call, they stood and made their way down the aisle too. The congregation gathered around the three of them at the altar and prayed for them. With all of them crying, my mom was just relieved that the guys were going to change. My dad was immediately delivered from drugs and alcohol and walked out of that church sober.
My parents later learned that alcoholics and hippies were the pastor's least favorite types of people, but he had still welcomed my dad and his friend into the church that night. The church members had been praying for a revival to break out in their church, and one began that night when, of all people, two drunk hippies answered the altar call. God does work in mysterious ways!
The pastor wound up having many opportunities to share what he called the "whosoever ministry," exhorting the body of Christ to minister to whomever God brought into their paths.
Instead of focusing on outward things, the members of that church encouraged my parents to get into the Word and into fellowship with other believers. They gave my parents a copy of The Living Bible to take home and suggested they begin reading the Gospel of John. John's manner of expressing the love Jesus had demonstrated for all mankind through His death and resurrection deeply impacted my mom. She had a revelation that, like my dad had been, she also was a sinner in need of salvation. One night, in her favorite living room chair, she said, "Lord, I am sorry." That became her life-changing moment. She asked Jesus to come into her heart and prayed, "I will go anywhere, do anything. Whatever you ask, I'm yours."
That was quite fitting, considering their contrasting personalities: my dad came to Christ in a public, very emotional setting; my mom did so in a private, quiet moment. Yet the immediate impact of their decisions was the same: their lives were completely changed.
On January 22, 1977, in that same Assemblies of God church, they were married. From that day forward, they modeled the type of relationship that God prescribed in Scripture and poured the foundation of faith on which I would be raised.
I was born almost a year later, on January 12, 1978. Eight years later, April and I were joined by our brother Jared. Two years after that, Joshua came along. Josh was born with Down syndrome, and he is a blessing who completed our family in more ways than one.
Our parents' decisions to become Christians certainly didn't lead to a life of smooth sailing for them and our family. It was just the opposite, in fact, because we encountered our share of struggles. And not all of us kids always walked the path our parents wanted us to follow.
But all along our journey together, we always knew where to turn for answers to life's questions: to God's Word and to each other. And that pattern has remained unchanged as we Camp kids have progressed into adulthood and started our own families. Our family has incredible stories of God's loving mercy.
LEARNING AT HOME
Before my dad dropped out of high school, he had a difficult time focusing while reading—probably from his abuse of drugs and alcohol. As I grew up, however, my dad was constantly reading the Bible. He said because of his struggles in school, he had hated to read books before becoming a Christian. But he certainly loved to spend time studying God's Word. In fact, for a short time we lived in Springfield, Missouri, so my dad could attend Central Bible College and prepare for entering full-time ministry.
My family was always heavily involved in church. We were one of those families who were in church practically every time the doors were unlocked. My parents attended and led Bible studies. We would have friends over to our house, and my dad would play his guitar and lead worship right there in our living room. My mom and dad shared their faith with anyone they met, telling them about the complete transformation God had made in their lives.
The impression I have of my parents from when I was younger is how real they were. They were the same at home as they were in church. They wouldn't go to church and worship with raised hands, talk like a Christian should, and then return home and act or speak differently. They didn't compartmentalize their lives. They were who they were because that was who they were; the changes God made in their hearts were complete and were reflected in every area of their lives. I credit my parents' consistency in living the Christian lifestyle as the reason I never became jaded toward Christianity growing up, not even during the years when I wandered from the straight and narrow path.
The phrase "he has a shepherd's heart" perfectly describes my dad. He is a great listener who truly cares about people. I remember people sitting in our living room pouring out their hearts, and he would not just listen, but intently listen. He is such a people person, and people obviously love being around him.
My dad is hilarious, too. After becoming a Christian, he remained the life of the party—just different types of parties. We would go camping—yes, the Camps went camping—and my dad would make up hilarious songs around the campfire. To get the whole family involved, he'd pester us to echo the silly lyrics he improvised.
One time we all went roller-skating, and he dressed in overalls with shorts over them just to be goofy and see if he could embarrass us.
My mom is more prim and proper. She isn't outwardly emotional (except when she sees the Lord at work), and she is meticulous. I used to think it took her forever to put her makeup on. It seemed like she wrote slowly too, but when she finished, her handwriting was flawless.
She kept the house clean and organized when I was growing up because, like my dad, she enjoyed having friends over and hosting Bible studies and prayer groups. And my mom was dedicated to praying. I remember many, many times walking into a room and seeing her facedown on the floor, praying and interceding.
My parents are opposites who attracted, but through Christ, their opposite ways complement each other. My dad has a go-for-it attitude. If he feels God wants him to do something, he's ready to go. My mom will say, "We need to make sure, so let's pray about it a little more." My personality is closer to my dad's, but from my mom I learned the importance of discipline and steadiness in the Christian lifestyle.
When we kids encountered problems, our parents encouraged us with words and wisdom from Scripture—not just with their own words and advice. Prayer time was prioritized because our home was one of prayer. We often prayed together as a family. When we had needs, whether as individuals or as a group, we prayed about them. And we definitely had needs.
Excerpted from I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp David Thomas Copyright © 2013 by Jeremy Camp. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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I bought this book and read it within a few days. It is a remarkable story about Jeremy and how his faithfullness and belief in God, the creator of all, allowed him to grieve the passing of his wife. It is truly remarkable for someone who has gone through what he has to still believe and to share his story about it. This is one of those books though that makes you think, and doesn't easily leave you once you are done reading it. I loved this book but I do caution that it is a tear jerker. I have found myself numerous times crying because of the circumstances Jeremy was in. It is a great testament to those who are down and out of the power of God.
This was so amazing!!..
Though younger than most people who write a memoir, Jeremy Camp has been impacted much in his life, mostly by the death of his first wife and the relationship with God that grew thereafter. The book is a cohesive story of grief, faith, and obedience. I really enjoyed learning about Jeremy Camp (I had no prior knowledge of him) and the stories behind many of his songs. The myriad of emotions I experienced reading this memoir has given me a new perspective on loss…and redemption. A beautifully told story.
I've been a fan of Jeremy Camp for years! I have all his albums and I've been aware of his testimony. Being familiar with his story, I guess I just still had questions of "how" he has such faith in what would be such a painful place? I was curious about his upbringing, what influenced him to be the admiral man he is today,did he ever stray, how he and Adie met, did she ever struggle with insecurities and comparing? Jeremy has such an inspiring story and testimony! He writes in a very entertaining and interesting way that fully kept my attention engaged at all times! I cried for he and his family, a lot, but it was worth every tear:) this was a book that not only was incredibly interesting but impacted my faith on a deeper level. I am SO thankful that Jeremy has shared his life with so many through his experience, his touching music, and now this beautiful book.
This man has saved my life with his beautiful voice and music. This booook reveals more on his life rhan i knew as well as opened up my eyes to god it brang me closer and led me to real true prayer and i am closer to god thanks to him this wonderfull beautifull marvolus huge hearted man named Jeremy camp
I love Jeremy Camp’s music, but wasn’t aware that he had lost his wife before reading this book. This book has such a powerful message. I am thankful to Camp for sharing his story and the way that God has called to him throughout his life. I especially liked reading about the story behind the song, I Still Believe. I don’t think I will ever listen to that song quite the same way again. Sometimes it is difficult to remember when listening to our favorite artists on the radio that they are real people that experience heartache and disappointment, just like we do. This book shows Camp as a real person. This book is filled with emotion – searching for God’s plan, happiness, sadness, thankfulness, and how God’s grace and mercy is always present in our lives. I loved reading about how Camp also experienced God’s restorative work in his life; despite the fact that he lost his first wife to a terminal illness, God blessed him with another wife and children. In the midst of our sorrows, God has a plan! If you don’t know anything about Jeremy Camp or have never listened to his music, after reading his story, you might become a fan! This book is filled with faith and encouragement. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale Publishing in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.
I bought this book because I was going to his concert and wanted to read about his life. I was not expecting it to knock my socks off, but it did! My adult son died about a year ago and I have been struggling with the pain of that loss. Jeremy told us step by step what happened to him and how he grew closer to God through his wife's sickness and death. It's not just a matter of accepting God will it's knowing the Creator of the universe and abiding in His love throughout tragedies and through every moment of our lives. I have bought this book for friends who loved it also. It is truly INSPIRING!!!
Awesome is all I can say! I have always loved Jeremy's music...this book made me love him as a person as well. What an inspiration! Made me think "Am I truly living for God every day?" Thank you for the inspiration to trust in God and let him use me for his will .
Its funny when you look at Camp, he looks kinda scary. But he is a very godly man. WOW!!!!
This was a quick read and an interesting story. I was already a fan of Camp's music, but was not familiar with his story of losing his wife. I am thankful to Camp for sharing his story and the message behind it. Life isn't always sunshine and butterflies, but God is faithful and uses painful experiences to mold us and teach us. I liked reading about the story behind the song. This book is filled with emotion - searching for God's plan, happiness, sadness, thankfulness, and how God's grace and mercy is always present in our lives. If you are a fan of Jeremy Camp, or like to read autobiographies, you will enjoy this book. If you or someone you know is coping with a terminal illness, you will enjoy this book.
I love him
Jeremy Camp, award-winning singer and songwriter, wrote this book about his life, starting with his childhood and discussing the death of his first wife, his music, and his finding love again. Throughout the book, he tells how he still believes in God, even when trouble comes. Both my husband and I read this book, and both of us thought it was very good. What a good reminder this book is of always believing in God, no matter what the circumstances.
Singer-Songwriter Jeremy Camp's songs are fairly well-known in the Christian music industry (and even outside of it), and his autobiography shares the backstory behind the music and songs. Jeremy has lived a varied and interesting life to date, some would certainly say with more than his fair share of tragedy. His journey is a great example of God working through even some very difficult times and how they have been used to encourage others. Jeremy begins the book with the story of his parents' journey to faith. Although his parents were former drug users and truly had a miraculous experience to meet Jesus, he grew up in a Christian home. For a number of reasons they lived not only paycheck to paycheck and many times (almost) went without, yet God always provided - cars, food, clothing, etc. This certainly shaped Jeremy and contributed to his spiritual growth as well, as he saw some very specific miracles! I won't retell the entire book here, but you can easily see that God was strengthening his faith even then which prepared him for some of the difficult things to come. Much has been told about Jeremy's first wife, Melissa, dying of cancer shortly after their wedding, and it is a challenging and yet inspiring story. Jeremy gives a great deal of insight to this part of his journey as well as shares how some of his hit songs were written. He also details his meeting, courtship, and marriage to Adrienne and their family as it is today. On a personal note, I thought it was fun to see someone who I knew from church camp mentioned in the book (a rep from his record label). I read this very quickly - it was engaging and easy to read. You too will be inspired and touched by this story.
I Still Believe is a great recounting of Jeremy Camp’s struggles and victories. The heartwarming story had me laughing and crying all along the way. He speaks very openly and honestly about his feelings and emotions following the death of his first wife, Melissa. In his descriptions, the reader really comes to know Melissa and feel like they’re traveling the journey along with Jeremy. It was encouraging to see a family who lives a life serving God. I was also encouraged by Adrienne, Jeremy’s wife, and the way she handles coming into a family after Melissa’s death. Her devotion and support are amazing. A very good book which brings Jeremy’s already awesome songs to life.
WOW!!!! i only got the sample but that was even great! Jeremy has a real talent.
An incredible book of Jesus love and mercy. Jeremy shares his life of growing up in poverty, marrying very young and losing his wife to cancer. He was very candid and learning to walk by faith, like all Christians are. Comment
I had heard most of this story before, but only short clips of the it. Although he and his wife were not married very long, the heartbreak over losing her so quickly and so young had to have been devastating. And it was, you can hear his pain in the songs that he sings. And I think his pain is so well said that it almost doesn't matter what type of pain you are in, you gain something from it. I have a friend that doesn't really care for his music (which I LOVE), but I told her to just read the lyrics. This man is pouring out his heart to God. He is in anguish, just like David in the Psalms. And I know for me, I just hear the music and you can feel God responding to you through your pain, to know that there is hope. And that hope lies in God and Jesus alone. This is a very short book, but it is still very well written.
Christian recording artist, Jeremy Camp, honestly shares his life story of growing up in poverty, marrying young, and then losing his new wife to cancer. Jeremy's story - and Melissa's - is a story of faith. Jeremy shares how God used this tragedy to shape this life and music. Like the title says, Jeremy is learning to walk by faith - like all Christians are. This book is an emotional memoir, and I'm glad to have read it.
I've been a fan of Jeremy Camp's music for a while now. The first time I heard his testimony, I remember being blown away by the strength of his faith. And as I listened to his music, the lyrics were even more meaningful knowing the tragedy that had inspired them. I'm so glad that Jeremy has now written an account of his first wife's cancer and subsequent death and how the Lord used those experiences to grow him in his faith journey. I Still Believe is a moving story of faith, hope, tragedy, and God's faithfulness through it all.
IS AWESOMEZ!!!!!! I LOVE BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR/YOU ARE MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was very glad to hear how true Jeremy is to God. What an inspiring person.
I know Jeremy Camp is just sharing his life story like he feels he is meant to do, but it was very touching and very encouraging to keep making choices that follow our creator, God. Thank you for your faithfulness and telling the truth!