I Suck at Girls [NOOK Book]

( 112 )

Overview


"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."




Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The ...

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I Suck at Girls

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More About This Book

Overview


"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."




Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend.




"You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."




But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.




I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Starred Review.

In a bittersweet twist of fate, it was a breakup that sent Halpern on the path that would result in over 3 million Twitter followers, a #1 New York Times bestseller (Sh*t My Dad Says), a TV deal, and ultimately, something like happiness. Beginning with the end of the relationship that resulted in him returning home to live with his father-whose irreverent, profanity-laden quips and advice was the soul of Sh*t My Dad Says-Halpern recounts his romantic fumbles in this terrifically entertaining memoir that begs for a turn on the screen (the rights have already been sold). A gifted storyteller, Halpern sheepishly relates one embarrassing event after another: stealing porn from hobos, "each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky;" a white-knuckle ride in his quest for a driver's license so he can take the car to the homecoming dance; and even a stint working at Hooters in an effort to connect with the fairer sex. Fans of his previous work will slide right into this one, as Halpern Sr. is a frequent commenter on the proceedings, and his priceless and profane bon mots are too good to pass up in this light and charming rom-com of a memoir.
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Jimmy Kimmel
“Justin Halpern is brilliant, and his dad is brilliant-er.”
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780062113382
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 5/15/2012
  • Sold by: Harpercollins
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 192
  • Sales rank: 3,900
  • File size: 793 KB

Meet the Author

Justin Halpern

Justin Halpern is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says, inspired by his massively popular Twitter feed. SPOILER ALERT: He lives with his wife in Los Angeles.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 112 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(51)

4 Star

(37)

3 Star

(14)

2 Star

(3)

1 Star

(7)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 112 Customer Reviews

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 18, 2012

    I Also Recommend:

    In Stitches

    I wish I could say I'm great with girls, but, like the author he

    I wish I could say I'm great with girls, but, like the author here, I suck at them. This book, the follow-up to his huge seller "Sh** My Dad Says" made me crack up many times. His stories of not getting the girl are downright hilarious, peppered with awesome one-liners from his dad. There are some classic moments here, that many men (and women) should relate to. I think we all have felt we totally bombed with the opposite sex at one time or another.

    I mean, losing your virginity while watching "A Few Good Men?" Stealing porn from a homeless man and then trying to bury it in the backyard? Probably the best part was when Halpern actually walked in on his parents having sex. Made me laugh and cringe at the same time! Be forewarned, though, that the language should be rated R or NC-17. This book isn't for young readers.

    This book is a great, fast, fun read. It's perfect for reading on the beach or a plane, and reminds me so, so much of my latest favorite, Anthony Youn's "In Stitches." This book is about a nerd who grew up to become a doctor, but not without his overbearing father trying to force him into medicine and away from girls. Like Halpern's dad, Youn's father has some awesome one-liners like, "You wanna go into Pediatrics? Little People, Little Dollah! Spend all day giving suckers to little kids!" If you like Halpern's books, Youn's book is right up your alley and very highly recommended as a fun, laugh-out-loud read.

    The funny moments are interspersed with touching scenes, so you end up rooting for Halpern to finally get the girl. Will he actually do it? Read on, my friend! If you, like me, suck at girls.

    11 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 15, 2012

    Really loved this more than I loved Sh*t! Excellent job -- a rea

    Really loved this more than I loved Sh*t! Excellent job -- a really great writer (and Dad is just as hilarious!).

    7 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 20, 2012

    This book is amazing, I loved Sh*t My Dad Says but this one is

    This book is amazing, I loved Sh*t My Dad Says but this one is better, i would and will recommend it to anyone.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 14, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    After reading Mr. Halpern’s first book, Sh*t My Dad Says,

    After reading Mr. Halpern’s first book, Sh*t My Dad Says, I was excited for the chance to visit again with my (now) favorite neurotic. His first memoir, detailing some of the things his dad has said was one the most hilarious books I read in 2010 and is one of the funniest books I have ever read. His father, a retired Oncologist, has a unique, honest, unvarnished opinion about whatever the subject at hand and the author has done very well in reporting some of those opinions. In this edition, the author seeks his father’s in put regarding his plans to ask his girlfriend to marry him. His father’s suggestion, take a day to consider “what he had learned about (himself), and about women up to that point in (his) life” (p. 9) and then decide what he wants to do.
    What follows is part memoir, part love story and all humorous.
    The structure of the book is similar to the first. Mr. Halpern recalls his relationships to the female gender beginning in elementary school. His father’s influence, observations and commentary regarding this process is profane, profound, without rancor, straightforward and, as he is not intending to be humorous, makes his statements riotously funny.
    The book is actually a genuinely sincere account of the author’s search for the core of himself and his being ready for the commitment of marriage. There is much with which the average person to connect in this book. Mr. Halpern does not hide his eccentricities, foibles, neuroses nor does he seek to make any effort to make himself look like anything but the person he is. His father’s unconditional love for the author, shown in his father’s repeated confrontation of the author’s peculiarities while fully accepting that his son is okay as he is, gives “Justin” the safety to completely accept himself. The freedom of being so transparent can only be found in complete acceptance, even if the transparencies reveal a textbook case of Self-Doubt.
    This book is NOT for those of: youthful eyes, sensitivity to harsh language or anyone who cannot see humor in the absurdity of life. It is a book easily read but not one to rush through. Anyone reading this book will want to allow plenty of time for hearty laughter and to ponder at what, exactly, is being said while being so funny. The book is not meant to deliver “a message,” by the time I reached the end, however, I was left feeling I had learned something of importance.
    Now, the wait begins for his next book begins; I expect this one to be when his first child arrives. Now THAT will be a read of extraordinary significance.

    5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 21, 2012

    Love love loved it!

    One of the funniest books i've ever read! When does the movie come out?

    5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 31, 2012

    great job

    book is a light, fun read and cracks you up.
    I enjoyed this book as much as I did some of David Sedaris' work.

    I really sympathize w/ Justin's dealings with girls. Made me think about my life and how I suck at boys. hahaha.

    And the bits with the dad...omg. awesome.

    my only wish is that the book had more content. I was sad when I got to the end and realized there was no more.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 19, 2012

    How can you not love these books?!?

    Justin, tell your father I love him, even though he said most people don't like him, I beg to differ!!

    4 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 15, 2012



    4 out of 33 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 7, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his b

    A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his best-selling book, Sh*t My Dad Says, based on his Twitter feed where he just wrote hilarious stuff his cranky dad told him. The tweets turned into a book which turned into a TV show that did not do the book justice.

    In my review of the book, I said that you could tell who in my family was reading the book by the burst of laughter coming from various rooms in the apartment. My adult sons and I loved the profane, funny and yes, touching book.

    Halpern is back with another gem of a book, I Suck at Girls, about his (mis)adventures with the fairer sex. Once again there is plenty of wit and wisdom from his father, but also lots of heart. As the only women in a family of men, I found that this book gave me a window into the world of what boys and men really think and feel about women.

    Halpern is a shy guy, and to his utter dismay, still a virgin at the age of twenty. His recounting of his prom night is a sad one, but I bet it's probably closer to many people's experiences than we are willing to admit. High school wasn't a happy time for him, so he was thrilled to be attending San Diego State University ("Harvard, without the smart people", as his dad called it), where he hoped to get a fresh start.

    About a fifth of his high school graduating class was going to SDSU, so his hope that no one would know him was dashed when he was referred to as "the guy who wears sweatpants to school sometimes." Halpern writes "Ideally, I'd like to be known as something other than that."

    He and his friend Ryan work hard all summer and saved their money to go to Europe, where they had heard that the girls all want to have sex. They decide to go to Ibiza because Ryan read in a guide book that the parties there are crazy. Along the way they meet a great character, Vietnam Joe, who doesn't speak much English, but manages to get a pretty Mexican girl.

    Halpern and his buddy get jobs washing dishes at Hooters, and he finally gets a girlfriend. He gets dumped and gets a job at another restaurant and dates another waitress, who is a bit crazy. Finally he meets a woman whom he think she could have a long term relationship with, but she lives in San Francisco.

    I Suck at Girls is the kind of book that appeals to men and women. Men will read it and relate to Halpern's life. Women should read it to learn about the interior life of men; if you think they are all dogs, you would be well served to read it to learn about just how insecure men are and how much courage it takes to approach a woman.

    And I love his dad even more after reading this book.

    I have to give this book a rating of 5 of 5 because any book that makes me laugh that hard and then want to give the poor guy a hug deserves it.

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 30, 2012

    Very Funny

    This is the first book I have read written by Justin Halpern and I found it to be very funny and enjoyable. It also contains some important life lessons courtesy of both he and his Dad.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 25, 2012

    If you liked his first, you'll really enjoy this one

    While there's a lot of language in the first and some here as well, if you can get past that, you'll really enjoy this book. It's heartfelt and really shows you some past about the author. It's very funny at times and sometimes kind of sad. It's a quick read as well. I finished it in a weekend.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2013

    Great read!

    Enjoyed every bit of this story. Great read!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 5, 2012

    Very funny!

    I can olny hope that Justin Halpern writes more!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 26, 2012

    Hilarious, must read

    I don't think I've ever laughed so hard when I have read a book. Except for maybe his first book Sh*t my Dad Says. Don't read this in a library, its too funny to giggle quietly

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 10, 2012

    Great Book!

    This book made me reflect on my personal voyage through the wonderful world of dating prior to my marriage. After reading it, I can honestly say that I feel better about my own experiences! This book is an extremely hilarious! A must read for any guy....

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 8, 2012

    Awesome

    Please read! Its well worth you money!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 27, 2012

    Great read

    Awesome book easy read actual laugh out loud

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 9, 2013

    Loved it

    Hilarious i kept waking my husband up laughing. Has bad language etc bt nothing terrible

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 18, 2012

    Just as great as his first book

    Just as great as Sh*t my Dad Says, I really enjoyed this book, very quick read.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 15, 2013

    Britany

    Lolz..my first time..scary moment cuz i got up in dah middle of dah night n didnt knw where i was 4 a few minutes there..lol

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 112 Customer Reviews
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