| Introduction | xvii |
| Part I | The Spiritual Path to Love | |
| 1. | Buddhism for Lovers and Partners | 3 |
| 2. | Say Hello to Your Beloved: Sufism | 15 |
| 3. | Learn to Trust Yourself: The Society of Friends | 17 |
| 4. | Explore the Source of an Enduring Bond | 19 |
| 5. | Discover the Freedom of Beginner's Mind | 29 |
| 6. | Tune In to Yourself, Tune In to Your Lover | 34 |
| Part II | I, You, and Us: A Dance in Three Parts | |
| 7. | Experience the "Us" Place of Relationship: Becoming More Than We Could Be Alone | 39 |
| 8. | Experience Living in an "Us" Place | 42 |
| 9. | Create More "Us" Consciousness | 44 |
| 10. | Feel the Healing Power of Connection | 50 |
| Part III | Look in Your Own Mirror | |
| 11. | Recognize the Masks You Wear | 55 |
| 12. | Ask Yourself, "Am I Talking About Myself?" | 58 |
| 13. | Remember to Ask, "Who Owns the Problem?" | 60 |
| 14. | Live in the Center of Your Own Life | 61 |
| 15. | Notice the Stories You Tell Yourself | 63 |
| Part IV | The Daily Practice of Living and Loving | |
| 16. | Treasure Trust: Keep Agreements with Great Care | 67 |
| 17. | Tune In to Your Deeper Motivation | 70 |
| 18. | "That's Not What I Said": Notice Your Interpretations | 72 |
| 19. | Learn to Trust Your Intuition | 76 |
| 20. | Of Love and Litter: Dealing with Compulsions in Relationships | 79 |
| 21. | Explore Meditation and Psychotherapy | 84 |
| Part V | When I Was a Child, I Spoke as a Child: Am I Still Doing It Now? | |
| 22. | Ask Yourself, "What Age Am I at This Moment?" | 91 |
| 23. | Find Out Who Married Whom | 97 |
| 24. | Recognize the Value of "Leaving Home" | 99 |
| 25. | Explore Levels of Relationships | 102 |
| 26. | Level One: Afraid to Be Close, Afraid to Be Separate | 104 |
| 27. | Level Two: Sometimes I See You, Sometimes I Don't | 106 |
| 28. | Level Three: Knowing Yourself So You Can Know Your Beloved | 113 |
| 29. | Level Four: Feeling at Peace with Closeness and Separateness | 118 |
| 30. | Level Five: I and Thou--We Are One, We Are Two | 120 |
| Part VI | Communion Is the Purpose of Communication | |
| 31. | Tune In to the Dance of Sending and Receiving Messages | 127 |
| 32. | Remember the Basics of Good Communication | 128 |
| 33. | Give No Advice--Well, Most of the Time | 133 |
| 34. | Ask for No Advice--Except Sometimes | 136 |
| 35. | You Can Defend Yourself Without Being Defensive | 138 |
| 36. | Learn the Art of Apology | 140 |
| 37. | Rebuild the Bridge: Forgiveness and Letting Go | 143 |
| Part VII | Make Friends with Conflict | |
| 38. | The Art of Handling Conflict | 149 |
| 39. | Meeting Our Differences: Fight the Good Fight | 150 |
| 40. | Practice Conflict Prevention | 154 |
| 41. | Recognize Counterfeit Conflicts | 157 |
| 42. | Remember, We Are Animals with a Neocortex: Recognize Fight, Flight, and Freeze Reactions | 160 |
| 43. | Recognize the Many Faces of Anger | 164 |
| 44. | What to Do When You Reach an Impasse | 175 |
| 45. | Learn Fair-Fight Rules | 179 |
| 46. | Learn to Self-Soothe | 182 |
| 47. | More Clarity, More Love: Help a Good Relationship Get Better | 188 |
| Part VIII | Making Love with the Beloved | |
| 48. | Making Love: The Union of Body and Spirit | 193 |
| 49. | Sexual High or Sexual Connection: What's the Difference? | 199 |
| 50. | Finding Out Why the Fire Has Faded | 204 |
| 51. | Deepen Your Sexual Bond | 207 |
| 52. | Support Each Other Being Completely Honest | 210 |
| 53. | Stay Lovers During the Parenting Years | 213 |
| 54. | Understand the True Meaning of Monogamy | 215 |
| 55. | What to Do with Attraction to Others | 217 |
| 56. | Make Love with a Beginner's Mind | 221 |
| Part IX | I and Thou: Even Good Relationships Can Get Better | |
| 57. | Keep Your Relationship Dancing | 227 |
| 58. | Be Creative Together | 230 |
| 59. | Remember, Our Task Is to Expand Our Love--Not to Change Others | 232 |
| 60. | Accept Life's Daily Losses | 235 |
| 61. | Relationships Need Tending, and Tending Takes Time | 239 |
| 62. | Your Loving Relationship Blesses the World | 241 |
| Recommended Reading | 245 |
| Resources | 249 |
