If The Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple's Guide to Healing

Overview

The scars left on the hearts and souls of childhood abuse survivors run deep; they require time, patience, and support to heal. As your man faces his past, he will have no better support than you, his loving and devoted partner. But where are you to turn for hope and guidance in this difficult time?

If the Man You Love Was Abused is your lifeline. Written with both of your needs in mind and informed by case studies from real patients in the author's practice, this reassuring ...

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Overview

The scars left on the hearts and souls of childhood abuse survivors run deep; they require time, patience, and support to heal. As your man faces his past, he will have no better support than you, his loving and devoted partner. But where are you to turn for hope and guidance in this difficult time?

If the Man You Love Was Abused is your lifeline. Written with both of your needs in mind and informed by case studies from real patients in the author's practice, this reassuring work combines practical applications with authoritative research to offer you a complete plan to help heal your partner's past-and move forward. You'll learn how to help him get the support he needs, and make sure not to neglect your needs in the process. You believe in your relationship, and you know your love will prevail over adversity. But for those times when it feels like love isn't enough, this supportive, sensitively written book is the place to turn.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781593376437
  • Publisher: F & W Media Inc
  • Publication date: 1/19/2007
  • Pages: 290
  • Sales rank: 708,268
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.61 (d)

Table of Contents


Introduction     x
Defining the Issue, Assessing the Damage     1
Events That Can Leave a Scar     2
Psychological Cruelty     3
Physical Maltreatment     10
Sexual Abuse     14
The Dynamics of Damage     14
Ways It's Worse for Boys     17
Myths of Male Abuse     19
Who Did It Makes a Difference     22
Why Want Sex with a Child?     22
When Parents Abuse     24
Other Offenders     29
Under the Eyes of God     31
Predators and Other Criminals     36
Watching for Symptoms     39
Your Man's Brain on Stress     40
Anxiety All Around Him     42
The Angry Young Man     43
Depressed and Despairing     43
Zoning Out     45
Problematic Social and Sexual Relations     46
Psyched Out by Abuse     53
The Consequences of Trauma     53
The DSM Made Easy     55
Clinical Disorders     56
Personality Disorders     63
The Good News     68
In Denial     69
Unconsciously Coping     70
The Effects of Stress     79
Defusing the Denial     81
How the Healing Happens     83
Releasing the Pain     83
Seeking Help     84
Mourning Lost Innocence     87
The Pros of Seeing a Pro     87
Psych 101     88
Trusting a Therapist     93
Finding Meaning in the Meantime     96
Knowing He's Not Alone     97
Celebrities Who Suffered     97
Generations of Church Victims Revealed     100
Seeking Redress from the Abuser     102
Support Just for Him     105
Understanding Group Therapy     105
A Partner in His Healing     107
Looking in the Mirror     108
What Attracted You to Him     108
Your Own Red Flags     111
The Love Imprint     112
Were You Abused?     113
Repressed Abuse Memories Versus "False Memory Syndrome"     115
Codependent "Savior" or Empathetic "Survivor"?     118
The Intersection of Codependency and Abuse     121
Your Relationship-His History     125
Making Peace with His Past     125
Why It's So Hard for Him      128
Learning to Listen and the Art of Intimacy     131
Adapting to His Needs     139
Sustaining a Union in Recovery     141
Sexual Healing     141
Addressing Unacceptable Behavior     148
Setting Your Limits and Boundaries     155
"T"-Therapy-for Two     156
Committing Yourself to a Shared Future     158
Taking Care of You     160
Identify Your Life Desires     161
Finding Meaning in Your Life     163
Taking Your "Purpose in Life" Pulse     165
Life Regard Test     168
Reaffirming Your Needs with Compassion     170
Support for You     170
Coping Skills and Common Obstacles     172
General Coping Strategies     172
Coping with Special Challenges     174
Your Stress Reduction     176
In the Shadows of His Healing     179
Your Man's Occasional Regression     181
When Is It Too Much?     182
The Legacy of Abuse     185
Fatherhood and Children     186
What Not to Fear     187
A Personal Choice     190
Possible Parenting Styles     192
Positive Coparenting     195
Fostering Secure Attachments     196
Feedback from Your Child     197
All in the Family-or Not     199
It's Not Your Story     200
His Decision to Disclose     202
Whether and What to Tell Your Kids     204
Confronting a Family Abuser     206
Relating to Your Man's Family     208
If He Should Fall     213
Defining Abuse Yet Again     214
If He Abuses You     215
If He Abuses Your Children     219
If He Abuses Outside the Family     222
Mandatory Reporting     222
Legal Issues     223
Property Protection, Proactive Conduct     226
Long-Term Prospects for Couples     228
What We Know Works     229
Overcoming the Trauma     231
Having Confidence     235
Making Your Bond Stronger     238
Glossary     240
References     249
Resources     264
Index     272
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