If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles To Solve Real Problems And Restore Your Passion

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Susan Page, a Protestant minister, popular teacher, and bestselling writer on relationships, now turns her hand to a crucial question so many couples face: If we know we love each other, why do we spend so much of our time together arguing, negotiating, or making up? Why, quite simply, aren’t we happy?

Susan has explored this question while working with and observing countless couples struggling in their relationships. She discovered something...
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Susan Page, a Protestant minister, popular teacher, and bestselling writer on relationships, now turns her hand to a crucial question so many couples face: If we know we love each other, why do we spend so much of our time together arguing, negotiating, or making up? Why, quite simply, aren’t we happy?

Susan has explored this question while working with and observing countless couples struggling in their relationships. She discovered something revolutionary: even the most troubled couples could be enjoying each other if only they would adopt a few simple yet powerful and deeply spiritual principles. Another revelation: it only takes one member of the couple to make this work. Yet another: by adopting these principles and letting go of the popular myths and assumptions about relationships so many of us have been taught, you can not only vastly improve your relationship but develop your own inner sense of self. Your relationship can become your spiritual path.

Those who have followed Susan’s program report that their relationships have become loving again, and that their sense of self-esteem and spiritual development has been deepened. They no longer call what they have with their mate a marriage or relationship but rather a true spiritual partnership. The process outlined here is simple yet profound and is based on what Susan calls five sacred principles or acts that one member or both members of the couple follow, principles that emerge naturally out of the spiritual traditions of Christianity and Buddhism.
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Editorial Reviews

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Would you describe your relationship as fun, loving, and fulfilling? If that question alone makes you smirk or go hysterical with laughter (or tears), then it may be time to break some new ground. Shelve those books on psychotherapy, communication, and negotiation for the time being and get ready to settle in. In If We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy?, Protestant minister Susan Page offers a new paradigm on the essence of a true relationship and how you can get there. Instead of focusing on problems and continuously "hashing it out," you are called upon to view your relationship as a spiritual practice.

"Spiritual Partnership is a radically different approach to relationships. It is based on the simple idea that if you focus on behaving in a spiritual way yourself, rather than on fixing your relationship or your partner, then you, your partner, and your relationship will be happier and stronger." The goal here is not to be perfect or even a "better person," but rather to learn how to love more deeply and, therefore, have more fun and joy in your relationship.

Each chapter in the book is followed by several experiments that are based on what Page calls the Five Sacred Acts of Love. Over the course of eight weeks, you are invited to try one or two a week and to record your results. Here are a few examples:

  1. Memorize the phrase, "Our relationship is more important than ________." When you are about to say something negative, say this to yourself instead.
  2. Set a specific time, from five minutes to an evening, to act like a loving, adoring partner.
  3. Initiate affection with your partner.
  4. Make a wish list for yourself of your desires and goals.
  5. Is your partner doing something you can no longer tolerate? Follow the steps for taking a stand.
Although this book seems to be geared more toward married couples whose future together may be hanging in the balance, the advice is sound for anyone -- single or married -- who wants to be in a happy, passionate relationship. (Jennifer Forman)
Library Journal
Page, a Protestant minister and popular teacher who is also the best-selling author of such books as If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?, here takes a spiritual approach to relationship problems. Page explains that through five sacred actions, couples may work on their relationship singly or together and come to a more accepting place. These actions include practicing restraint, acting as if, acting on your own, practicing acceptance, and cultivating compassion. While traditional marriage therapy focuses on negotiation, communication, and finding the "right" answer, Page focuses on compassion, surrender, and lots of goodwill (which is better than being right). Each chapter contains personal case studies and ends with a set of exercises that Page calls experiments. This easy-to-read title compares favorably with other relationship books offering a spiritual slant, e.g., Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Remedy (S. & S., 2001) and Gary Smalley's The Language of Love (Pocket, 1995. rev. ed.). Purchase where necessary. Lisa Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghamton, NY Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780609606964
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 2/19/2002
  • Edition description: 1ST
  • Pages: 320
  • Product dimensions: 5.72 (w) x 8.62 (h) x 1.03 (d)

Meet the Author

SUSAN PAGE holds a Master of Divinity degree and was a campus minister at Washington University in St. Louis and at Columbia University in New York City. She founded and directed the first university-based human sexuality program at the University of California at Berkeley. Since 1980, she has devoted herself full time to writing about relationships and working with both couples and singles. She is the author of three previous books on relationships, including the national bestseller, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? She lives in Berkeley, California, with her husband of twenty years.
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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2003

    Every person desiring to be coupled, read this book!

    I found so much help reading this book and better understand how so many marriages end in divorce because we don't know how to honestly work a partnership in ways that fight and strive for connection instead of running the other way when we feel scared, misunderstood or hold onto being right, our point seeing our partner as 'the enemy'. A much needed book for every human being seeking to learn and grow and heal.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 27, 2003

    Powerful - Positive - A deeply, true gift

    Susan Page brilliantly offers the reader tools and encouragement to empower themselves. Working "on your relationship" does not require both partners to bring the loving and the caring back into their lives. Studying this book, working its self-loving guidelines is like lighting a floodlight upon the path of how to be true to one's self, how to "know", how to lift and how to re-connect when we become unplugged while learning about ourselves IN relationship. This book is deeply important for those seeking lasting, inner peace and strength within themselves and for their partners. It is also vital for those seeking how to create and maintain a healthy, loving and joyful relationship even if they are currently uncoupled. This book goes way way beyond its title. I've been married for over twenty years and have been working many of these concepts and can affirm that if you work them, you will gain so much more than what you thought was a "happy marriage".

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