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I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

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Overview


The New York Times bestse;;er from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times).

Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prizewinning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier-and a lot funnier-with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood-and even vampires!

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I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

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Overview


The New York Times bestse;;er from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times).

Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prizewinning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier-and a lot funnier-with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood-and even vampires!

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist and author; the author of 30 books, many of them bestsellers; and the lead guitarist in the writer band, Rock Bottom Remainders; but in many ways, his most signature honor was being named Class Clown of the Pleasantville High School Class of 1965. His new I'll Mature When I'm Dead can be read as a sort of Magna Carta of the comic spirit. Or you can regard it as just plain uproariously funny.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780594546627
  • Publisher: Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated
  • Publication date: 5/4/2010
  • Pages: 254
  • Product dimensions: 5.60 (w) x 8.30 (h) x 1.10 (d)

Meet the Author


Dave Barry is a humor columnist. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.

Dave has also written a total of 25 books, although virtually none of them contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.

Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.

In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.

Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.

Biography

In the introduction to Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down, the author addresses the desirability of his job as a humor writer and syndicated columnist. "It looks so easy!" he wrote. "...Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession. After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade."

Yes, Barry is juvenile at times -- but he has achieved the kind of success that can only come from combining a juvenile mind with intelligence, timing, and a keen eye for the absurd. Favorite Barry targets include government inanity, dogs, guys, the Internet, and other oddities of life. He also specializes in weird news and urban myths involving UFO hunters, Pop-Tart science, and toilets. Many of these essays feature the line that has become his catchphrase, "I am not making this up." (Unless, of course, he is introducing something serious and daunting such as a book about the federal government, in which case he reassures that he has made everything up.)

Usually, though, he's not making it up. What he's doing is making it very funny. Whether the target is Congress or commercials, Barry refuses to take anything seriously, least of all himself – but he manages to convey some pretty indicting truths in the process. He's a master of irony and visual punchlines, sometimes interrupting himself with lists, snippets of dialogue, or other on-topic digressions. On the subject of turning 50 and dealing with waning eyesight (a "good thing" about aging, because "you can't read anything"), Barry describes finding restaurant menus suddenly printed "in letters the height of bacteria." He continues: "For some reason, everybody else seemed to be able to read the menus. Not wishing to draw attention to myself, I started ordering my food by simply pointing to a likely looking blur.

ME (pointing to a blur): I'll have this.
WAITER: You'll have "We Do Not Accept Personal Checks"?
ME: Make that medium rare."

Barry has had the most successful and prolific publishing career of any working newspaper columnist, and his humor never seems to go out of style. In 1999, he decided to try his hand at fiction. The result was Big Trouble, a comic thriller à la Carl Hiassen (though filled more with gags than guns) that Entertainment Weekly proclaimed "... not only very funny, [but] sure-footed, even-handed, levelheaded, and other leading book review adjectives." In 2004, he and Ridley Pearson collaborated on Peter and the Starcatchers, a clever prequel to Peter Pan that spawned two additional novels and a series of spin-off children's chapter books.

Along with several other published authors, Barry is a member of the musical group Rock Bottom Remainders. In assessing the band's talents, he has been quoted as saying: "They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud."

Good To Know

The Rock Bottom Remainders was originally organized by a publicist to perform at the 1992 American Booksellers Association convention. The members -- which include (or have included) Barry, Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson, Barbara Kingsolver, Mitch Albom, and Matt Groening -- even took their show on the road at one point, turning it into the now out-of-print Mid-Life Confidential: The Rock Bottom Remainders Tour America with Three Chords and an Attitude.

Some things never change: Barry was elected class clown by his Pleasantville High School class in 1965.

Barry got his start in journalism at the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, then worked as a business writing consultant before joining the Miami Herald in 1983.

Attempts to convert Barry's humor to the screen have been less than memorable. The early '90s CBS sitcom based on two of his books and starring Harry Anderson, Dave's World, was short-lived; the spring 2002 release Big Trouble, starring Tim Allen, didn't fare well at the box office. Barry did, however, get a cameo in the latter.

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    1. Hometown:
      Miami, Florida
    1. Date of Birth:
      July 3, 1947
    2. Place of Birth:
      Armonk, New York
    1. Education:
      B.A. in English, Haverford College, 1969
    2. Website:

Table of Contents

Introduction xi

The Elephant and the Dandelion: (A Defense of Men) 1

If You Will Just Shut Up, I Can Explain: A Man Answers Questions from Women 15

The Heart of Dadness: A Letter to a First-Time-Father-to-Be 31

Dance Recital 45

Technology 53

Solving the Celebrity Problem 65

Tips for Visiting Miami: No. 1: Are You Insane? 79

Dog Ownership for Beginners 93

My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster 105

24: The Ultimate Script 127

The Full Coward Package 157

The Health-Care Crisis: Wash Your Hands After Reading This 167

Colonoscopy 187

A Practical, Workable Plan for Saving the Newspaper Business: I Sure Don't Have One 199

Judaism for Christians 215

Fangs of Endearment: A Vampire Novel 225

A Festival of Grimness 253

Father of the Groom 265

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 50 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(19)

4 Star

(13)

3 Star

(9)

2 Star

(5)

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(4)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 50 Customer Reviews
  • Posted May 14, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Dave Barry does it Again!

    Dave Barry hits hard on the topics of today, and reminds you why you bothered to learn to read in the first place. A side-splitting romp that you won't be able to put down, even though, there is a chapter on teenage - American vampires, sure to sell at least 1 gajillion copies.

    I'll Mature When I'm Dead is pure Dave Barry hilarity, and my only complaint was that it was over too soon.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 23, 2010

    His Best Yet!

    Now that he doesn't have to limit himself to the newspaper column format, Dave Barry is able to expand on some of his perennial topics (men-women disconnect, dog ownership, kids) to an enlightening and hilarious degree. His script for "24" and his take on the Vampire novel are priceless. I really needed a good, prolonged laughing fit, and this book gave it to me in spades. Thank You, Dave!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 8, 2013

    So funny!

    Really smart, savvy humor. Hardly any foul language. Humor is "its funny because its true" style. I loved this book, find Dave Barry hilarious, and highly recommend.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 17, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    One of Dave Barry's Funniest!!!

    This is one of Dave Barry's funniest essay books. IT seems that he gets funnier as he gets older. So, I hope there is more funny stuff to come. I especially enjoyed his critique of the "Twilight" books, and his review of his colonoscopy :) good stuff.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 25, 2010

    Laugh outloud enjoyment

    One of the funnies books I've read....a great one for the baby boomers! A really laugh outloud book.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 27, 2010

    Not worth it

    The only chapter worth reading was his colonoscopy ... other than that the rest was essentially boring. And what was that about the teenage vampire/werewolf ... I'm glad I only paid an ebook price and used a gift card for it ... no money out of pocket from me. I would NOT recommend this to anyone.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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