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"Atkins's strength is in suggesting ways to rewire your relationship . . . If your parents drive you up the wall, there's plenty here to help you. And the cost of the book is definitely cheaper than therapy." —The Boston Globe
In a recent study, half of all Americans rated their relationship with at least one parent as either "poor" or "terrible," and more than a third felt this way about both parents. As life expectancy continues to rise and the parent-child relationship extends further and further into adulthood, this problem has reached epidemic proportion.
I'm Ok, You're My Parents offers practical, specific advice on how to
- exorcise the demons of anger and resentment
- untangle financial arrangements that cause stress and feelings of powerlessness
- set limits on parental demands for time and attention
- turn a spouse or friends into a powerful resource
- overcome your own resistance to change
- discover the redemptive power of humor
This will prove invaluable to anyone eager to get off the "treadmill," gain control, and build a life that they and their parents can live with—forever.
| Introduction: Sit Down Before You Read This | 1 | |
| Part I | Past, Tense | |
| 1 | Making Sure Your Past Doesn't Last | 13 |
| 2 | Leaving It All Behind: A Word about Becoming an Adult | 27 |
| 3 | What Have You Done for Me Lately?: A Word about Guilt | 32 |
| 4 | The "Gift" That Keeps On Taking--and Taking: A Word about Anger | 39 |
| Part II | Present Imperfect | |
| 5 | What You Need to Know about Your Parents | 53 |
| 6 | Your Fantasy Parent Doesn't Live Here Anymore | 63 |
| 7 | The Relief of Having Reasonable Expectations | 71 |
| 8 | The Urge to Merge--and the Need to Diverge | 75 |
| 9 | You Say You Want a Revolution. But Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? | 78 |
| 10 | Seeking a Second Opinion | 81 |
| 11 | Button Up Your Panic Buttons | 88 |
| 12 | Keeping Your Eye on the Prize | 97 |
| 13 | Building Fences 101: The Art of Creating Boundaries | 102 |
| 14 | Getting Your Spouse in Your House | 111 |
| 15 | Role-Playing with the Punches | 140 |
| 16 | Laughing through the Apocalypse | 148 |
| 17 | Making Your Body Say What You Mean | 152 |
| 18 | Toning Down Your Tone of Voice | 157 |
| 19 | Reaching for the Words That Reach Them | 162 |
| 20 | Diversion: Learn to Love the Bait and Switch | 169 |
| 21 | Let Them Be Your Savior--or at Least Think They Are | 172 |
| 22 | Disarm Them with Honesty | 177 |
| 23 | Flatten Them with Flattery | 180 |
| Part III | Future Shock: Troubleshooting the Hotspots | 185 |
| 24 | They Manipulate Me with Health Crises (Real and Imagined) | 187 |
| 25 | They Make Themselves a Little Too Much at Home | 201 |
| 26 | They Don't Like My Spouse ... or That I Don't Have One | 211 |
| 27 | They Are Not There in the Way I Need Them to Be | 224 |
| 28 | They Want Too Much of My Time | 232 |
| 29 | They Are Offended When I Don't Share Personal Details of My Life | 238 |
| 30 | They Put Me in the Middle of Their Marriage (or Divorce) Problems | 245 |
| 31 | They Manage to Slip an Insult into Every Conversation | 255 |
| 32 | They Expect Constant Admiration and Attention | 263 |
| 33 | They Embarrass Me | 270 |
| 34 | They Use Money to Manipulate Me | 278 |
| 35 | They Think I Am a Bad Parent | 293 |
| Conclusion: A Word about When to Give Up | 306 | |
| Bibliography | 308 | |
| Acknowledgments | 310 | |
| Index | 311 |
Anonymous
Posted March 17, 2004
This self help guide is to assist adults dealing with estranged or non-relationships with their parents or for that matter any other adult as the suggestions apply. Dr. Dale Atkins makes a case that the individual can only control his or her behavior and not that of the other person involved in a dysfunctional relationship. The author furbishes steps to enable the participant to let go of their anger and replace it with positive honest actions and reactions....................................... This manual is easy to follow though results are never guaranteed because there are at least two parties in the relationship, but at least the reconciliatory member will be able to look at his or herself in the mirror and know they tried. This work is well written and simple to use because the concentration is on changing you not the other party. If you want to wear the shoes of the other person, try a different self help book, but if you want to try to draw a straight line from you to other adults rather than a broken meandering curve then I'M OK, YOU'RE MY PARENTS, is the right stuff. Just don¿t expect instant miracles as the dysfunction took time to create....................... Harriet Klausner
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Overview
"Atkins's strength is in suggesting ways to rewire your relationship . . . If your parents drive you up the wall, there's plenty here to help you. And the cost of the book is definitely cheaper than therapy." —The Boston Globe
In a recent study, half of all Americans rated their relationship with at least one parent as either "poor" or "terrible," and more than a third felt this way about both parents. As life expectancy continues to rise and the parent-child relationship ...