I'm the Vampire, That's Why (Broken Heart Vampires Series #1)

( 63 )

Overview

Broken Heart is the city with the highest rate of divorce and highest percentage of single parents in Oklahoma. And I, Jessica Matthews, have been a member of that club ever since my husband dumped me for his twentysomething secretary and then had the gall to die in a car accident.

Now I’m not just a single mother trying to make ends meet in this crazy world....I’m also a vampire. One minute I was taking out the garbage; the next I awoke sucking on the thigh of superhot vampire ...

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I'm the Vampire, That's Why

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Overview

Broken Heart is the city with the highest rate of divorce and highest percentage of single parents in Oklahoma. And I, Jessica Matthews, have been a member of that club ever since my husband dumped me for his twentysomething secretary and then had the gall to die in a car accident.

Now I’m not just a single mother trying to make ends meet in this crazy world....I’m also a vampire. One minute I was taking out the garbage; the next I awoke sucking on the thigh of superhot vampire Patrick O’Halloran, who’d generously offered his femoral artery to save me.

But though my stretch marks have disappeared and my vision has improved, I can’t rest until the thing that did this to me is caught. My kids’ future is at stake…figuratively and literally. As is my sex life. Although I wouldn’t mind finding myself attached to Patrick’s juicy thigh again, I learned that once a vampire does the dirty deed, it hitches her to the object of her affection for at least one hundred years. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment....

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
The Barnes & Noble Review
The hardships of single moms achieve new, comic heights in Michele Bardsley's paranormal romance. This is the story of Jessica Matthews, a soccer mom inadvertently turned vampire when she goes to take out the garbage. Turns out her hometown, Broken Heart, Oklahoma, has the highest rate of single parents -- and the highest population of vampires. Next thing you know, Jessica's sucking on the femoral artery of a red-hot Irish vampire, Patrick O'Halloran. She has officially joined the undead.

How Jessica manages to adjust to her new nonhuman nature, take care of her children by night and manage them remotely by day, come to terms with her late husband's infidelity, and find an eternal love is just part of the plot. Bardsley punctuates the story with Celtic Irish terms (there's even a glossary) and amusing references to The Princess Bride and the novels of Anne Rice. Ginger Curwen
Publishers Weekly
When Jessica Matthews, a suburban divorcee and mother of two, gets savagely attacked one night by a werewolf, she awakens to find herself sucking blood from the thigh of 4,000-year-old vampire Patrick O'Halloran. He explains that the only way to have kept her from dying was to turn her into a vampire like himself. Now Jessica finds herself recruited to hunt the rampaging Lycan, who may be Patrick's brother, alongside Patrick and the mysterious paranormal organization called the Consortium. Bardsley has done considerable research into Celtic legends in order to create her vampire society, but her research doesn't make for a successful book. Rather than giving us, as the title would suggest, a satirical look at a soccer mom turned "sucker mom" attempting to balance normal daily life with a most abnormal nightlife, Bardsley focuses on Jessica's explicit sexual longing for Patrick and the mundane conflict between the Consortium and their evil counterparts, the Wraith. Though amusing at times, the meat of this vampire tale is oddly bloodless. (Sept.) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780451219374
  • Publisher: Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated
  • Publication date: 9/5/2006
  • Series: Broken Heart Vampires Series , #1
  • Format: Mass Market Paperback
  • Pages: 352
  • Sales rank: 292,196
  • Product dimensions: 4.44 (w) x 6.86 (h) x 0.97 (d)

Meet the Author

Michele Bardsley lives with her husband, their two children, and Her Highnesses Isis and Cleopatra, two of the most spoiled Bengal cats on the planet.

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Read an Excerpt

Vampires suck.

 “Who else shared your blood?” I asked.
 The question surprised him. He settled into his chair, assuming his previous devil-may-care attitude. And he remained silent…;
 “What’s the matter, love? Are you jealous? Patrick’s voice was inside my head. Inside my freaking head! Well, if he could be in my mind, that meant I could be in his. No, I am not jealous! I sent out a scorching wave of fury right into his brain. I grinned in satisfaction when his head jerked as if he’d been slapped.
 His brows rose in either surprise or acquiescence. Only one other, he admitted, but I do not claim her. Before I could ask just what the hell that meant, the rear door to the gym squealed open and we all heard the slapping of flip-flops on the waxed floor. The hair on my nape rose and I felt a snarl catch in my throat.
 “Sorry, I’m late,” said the soft voice of a young woman. “My son—”
 Her voice choked off as I stood up and whirled around. The fury I’d just directed at Patrick was nothing compared to the rage burning inside me now.
 One more new vampire had joined our ranks. And it was the only person in town I’d want to see dead…;

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 63 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(38)

4 Star

(18)

3 Star

(4)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(3)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 63 Customer Reviews
  • Posted December 18, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Great series

    I loved this series. I highly recommend Michele Bardsley's books. Each book is a story about a different character's life. This kept me very interested. I didn't get burned out on on particular character. These are a must read. I'm not really into the whole sappy romantic love stories. This series has just enough romance, excitement and sexiness for me. So if that is what you are looking for these are for you .

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 13, 2007

    If I could give this book Negative Stars....Hoohh boy

    Wow. Just W.O.W. I didn't even need to read 10 pages into this book before I started gagging. I picked it up in the bookstore thinking that the cover was cute, and the summary sounded promising, but I've never been so wrong in my life about a book. This author....I felt I could write better than this, and believe me that's no compliment. I tried to keep reading, hoping that the book might get better, but I offically lost all hope at about page 130, and HAD to put the book down. The author's lame attempt a humor every other three words, and the shallow personalities of the characters was just too overwhelming. I mean the main character who was soposed to be a mother...of two to be exact (including a teenager) was acting like a seven year old! Please do me a favor, and Do. Not. waste your money on this book!!!

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 5, 2009

    Nice light read

    I am a Sherrilyn Kenyon, JR Ward, and Christine Feehan fan, and was hoping this could be yet another series I would enjoy. Unfortunately it just wasn't up to those standards. It was a nice fun read and I even read the 2nd in the series but only because I had purchased it at the same time. This book isn't bad by any means but the premise it is based on needs some work. This is the kind of book you can get into and put down at random. I enjoyed it but it didn't draw me into the series enough to buy the rest of them.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2012

    Love love love this book!!

    Warning, start this book and you might put your life on hold until you finish them all

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 13, 2012

    I loved this book! I do enjoy the paranormal books.... but, this

    I loved this book! I do enjoy the paranormal books.... but, this one had a whole different storyline.

    I was wondering how a mom getting turned would be. But, it was such a great read! As, soon as I read a couple chapters I couldn't put it down. Just WOW! Funny, romantic (for a vamp novel), a little suspense, even heartwarming. The back story was wonderful as well! (hers & the vamps). I loved hearing the old folklore. I am now buying the rest of the nook books in this series! I purchased this on in paperback because there was a sale & I had been interested in reading it. So why not. Now, I'll be buying them for my nook.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2011

    great

    this was a really great book. a very quick read. u will love it

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2011

    Loved It

    This was a great read and well worth the purchase. It wasn't available on Ebook, so I bought the good old fashioned paperback and read it cover to cover in just a few days. In fact, I gave it to my assistant at work and told her she HAD to read this book. Funny, Romantic, w/a little bit of Mystery & Suspense added in - just a great way to while away the time. On to the next in the series!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2011

    Awesome Book

    The book was great. In fact, after reading it, I had to read the entire series. Very well written and completely engaging. Would recommend to all readers of vampire/paranormal books. Has you coming back for more.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 30, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Fun, Entertaining, and Romantic

    Broken Heart Oklahoma is full of single parents, divorced lonely people and in general the broken hearted. One night while taking out the trash Jessica gets attacked by a beast and is turned into a vampire (which was the only way to save her life). In the end you find out that the beast is Jessica's new found long lost soul mate's brother who has "the taint" and that the vampires have decided Broken Heart is the perfect place to move a whole preternatural civilization. When the bad vampires show up to stomp on the good vampires party the newly turned vamps get caught in the middle. I enjoyed the fact that characters actually died in this story and true love can last an eternity. Fun, enjoyable romance vampire novel.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 11, 2010

    Hilarious, Rich, and Hot!

    (Originally posted on http://book-addicts.com/blog/2010/08/review-im-the-vampire-thats-why/)

    If you want to step away from the norm and enjoy not only a good romance but one with rich world building and lore coupled with smarminess and hilarity, this is your book.

    Who ever knew taking out the garbage could be so dangerous? Jessica Matthews finds out just how much when she is over-run by a beast of fur, teeth and claws. The next she knows, Jessica not only finds that she has been turned into a vampire as a last-ditch attempt to save her life, but she now has to deal with the new challenges that come with her fangs. And Patrick O'Halloran is one of them.

    A truly engaging book, I was enraptured all the way through. There were many times where I literally laughed out loud and others that had me in tears. The history behind the quaint town of Broken Heart was very intriguing as was the weaving of Irish lore.

    Blended perfectly was real-world issues of being a single mom with two growing children. If you think being a vampire is hard, try adding single parenting on top of it and you've got a world of issues. It's a good thing Jessica Matthews is up for the challenge with Patrick O'Halloran around to back her up. A man that steams up the pages with desire and lust.

    I highly recommend this book for anyone who loves romance, paranormal and a rich story with laughter to top it off.

    Four stars for I'm The Vampire, That's Why. Can't wait to read the rest!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 2, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    An Enjoyable Light-Read.

    If your looking for a little pick-me-up on a rainy day, then you might appreciate the many hectic nights and the uncertain future that Jessica has. It is an easier quick read that is not as intense or deep as other books in the vampire genre but it makes up for that with the humor, and a believable scenario for "what if, a mother."

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    THIS BOOK IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

    After reading this book I had to buy the rest.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 9, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Not your normal vampire story

    This was a fun quirky read. It went very quick. Not a lot of laugh out loud places, but enjoyable. Nice romance. I'll definitely check out the other books in this series.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 23, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    BEING A SINGLE PARENT & A VAMPIRE

    This was a very fun book to read! What would you do if you were attacked by a hairy beast and you wake up sucking the inner thigh of a naked & sexy vampire? Jessica just went with the flow and you will enjoy her story on how she handled everything. Book is rated NC-17!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 22, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Raunchy, Funny, Full of Humor

    This book is just a fun read. There is not anything serious, life affirming or full of deep meaning. But this book is full of smart humor and raunchiness. I loved it. And I can't wait to read the next books!!!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 21, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Sexy and Fun!

    This story is about a town called Broken Heart that has recently been bought out or taken over (depending on how you look at it) by vampires and other supernatural creatures. The heroine is a single mom who has the misfortune/fortune of getting attacked and turns into a vampire. The hero of the story is of course her soul mate. The two of them dance around their attraction while dealing with Jessica's & Patrick's previous relationship baggage as well as Jessica's children and Patrick's brother who is considered a dangerous renegade. The character interaction is fun and realistic, and you can't help rooting for the two of them.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 6, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    A little corny but. . .

    I found the book to be a corny and the writing style was second rate. But, if you're bored and want to read an offbeat book about vampires, go for it.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 2, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Couldn't put it down!!

    Absolutely fantastic book! Wasn't sure what I expected but this was better than I thought it might be. Love the quick witted responses from her charachters, the chemistry between Jessica and Patrick O'Halloran was perfect! You never do get to read about the final"deed" that makes everything "official" but you get the gist of it from what happens with them together earlier in the story. And the twist at the end whe Patricks Dad shows up in the storeroom, making you think one thing is going to happen then it doesn't! Oohh my gosh! I was in tears from saddness then hapy again. You take the risk of running the emotional guantlet when reading this book...from being just ok to happy, pissed off, happy again, all lovey dovey, sad, and happy all over again. It is such a great read. I recommend it to everyone! You won't want to put it down either!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 17, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Love Romantic Dramatic Vampires

    I loved this book so much i could never put it down but there were tomes where im like i know whats about to happen then im like oh wait then im so wrong but just because of that twist you never want to put it down also just read the series its wonderful for anybody it doesn't go to out of hand in the adult area but then it's not to boring like instead of saying sex they say binding so yea .........read this book

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 16, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Definitely not in the top 50% of the vampire genre.

    I found this book to be very annoying. The author tries hard to be funny, but I truly believe she appreciates her own humor far more than anyone else possibly could. The language was childish, the plot shallow. I will definitely not be buying any further books in this series.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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